Finished Daughters of Madness

[Guest guest]

This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I just could not

identify with (a lot of the mom's were so obviously mentally ill that they had

to be hospitalized--so they kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of the

stories were resoundingly familiar.

One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family members

can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids really enjoy

their time with a parent, even just joking around. Many of us BPDs choose not to

have children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction cannot be

imagined any way other than the horrid example from our childhoods.

I would have never decided to have children on my own. My daughter was a

surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I found out I was PG, I was

frantic, scared and immediately wanted to abort. I was that sure there was

something wrong with me and I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother

did mine. My husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you have wrestled

with the same feelings.

[Guest guest]

" One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family

members can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids

really enjoy their time with a parent, even just joking around. "

I still can't get my head around that. I have a friend at work who, regardless

of what the conversation is about--tires, the weather, politics--she always

brings her FOO up. She ADORES them. I always try to find a chink in the armor

but I just can't. They just really like each other and have no agenda.

I cannot relate even a bit. There is no one, not ONE person in my family, that I

would like to spend time with, that I would feel comfortable enough with to put

my feet up and relax and just talk about anything with. Every time, every

single, last time I've thought I was safe, it came back later to bite me.

Someone else quoted what I said and took it out of context.

I really hope when my kids are adults, that we'll still like just hanging out

together.

>

> This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I just could not

identify with (a lot of the mom's were so obviously mentally ill that they had

to be hospitalized--so they kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of the

stories were resoundingly familiar.

>

> One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family

members can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids

really enjoy their time with a parent, even just joking around. Many of us BPDs

choose not to have children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our childhoods.

>

> I would have never decided to have children on my own. My daughter was a

surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I found out I was PG, I was

frantic, scared and immediately wanted to abort. I was that sure there was

something wrong with me and I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother

did mine. My husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

>

> I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you have wrestled

with the same feelings.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! You mean it's not just me! I'd felt this more and more over

the last 4 or 5 years. The only one I would chat too is my Dad.

Even with him, I wont discuss certain topics. He's the only one

I call about once a month; the others I call on birthdays etc.

I find holidays REALLY hard. Because it's sad to think my family

isn't " normal " and I hate that.

Steph

Re: Finished Daughters of Madness

" One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point

that family members can really care about one another without an

agenda. That some kids really enjoy their time with a parent,

even just joking around. "

I still can't get my head around that. I have a friend at work

who, regardless of what the conversation is about--tires, the

weather, politics--she always brings her FOO up. She ADORES

them. I always try to find a chink in the armor but I just

can't. They just really like each other and have no agenda.

I cannot relate even a bit. There is no one, not ONE person in

my family, that I would like to spend time with, that I would

feel comfortable enough with to put my feet up and relax and just

talk about anything with. Every time, every single, last time

I've thought I was safe, it came back later to bite me. Someone

else quoted what I said and took it out of context.

I really hope when my kids are adults, that we'll still like just

hanging out together.

This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I

just could not identify with (a lot of the mom's were so

obviously mentally ill that they had to be hospitalized--so they

kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of the stories

were resoundingly familiar.

One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point

that family members can really care about one another without an

agenda. That some kids really enjoy their time with a parent,

even just joking around. Many of us BPDs choose not to have

children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our

childhoods.

I would have never decided to have children on my own. My

daughter was a surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I

found out I was PG, I was frantic, scared and immediately wanted

to abort. I was that sure there was something wrong with me and

I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother did mine. My

husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you

have wrestled with the same feelings.

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder:

New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at

www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO

NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, "

and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)Yahoo!

Groups Links

[Guest guest]

I DO have this with my adult kids--when the four of us come together it is fun

and loud and jovial. This is an unexpected gift!

> >

> > This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I just could

not identify with (a lot of the mom's were so obviously mentally ill that they

had to be hospitalized--so they kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of

the stories were resoundingly familiar.

> >

> > One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family

members can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids

really enjoy their time with a parent, even just joking around. Many of us BPDs

choose not to have children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our childhoods.

> >

> > I would have never decided to have children on my own. My daughter was a

surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I found out I was PG, I was

frantic, scared and immediately wanted to abort. I was that sure there was

something wrong with me and I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother

did mine. My husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

> >

> > I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you have

wrestled with the same feelings.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Fiona,

Iknow what you mean, and it has taken so long for me to see this about my

family. Somehow I just thought there was something wrong with ME, but now I see

what you see about my FOO. I can't talk to any of them about anything personal

or it will come back on me in some way, get used against me. It is so painful

and annoying and frustrating.

Don't worry, you and your children will always laugh and hang out togehter,

because for you it is genuine with them. You are not your FOO.

> >

> > This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I just could

not identify with (a lot of the mom's were so obviously mentally ill that they

had to be hospitalized--so they kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of

the stories were resoundingly familiar.

> >

> > One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family

members can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids

really enjoy their time with a parent, even just joking around. Many of us BPDs

choose not to have children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our childhoods.

> >

> > I would have never decided to have children on my own. My daughter was a

surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I found out I was PG, I was

frantic, scared and immediately wanted to abort. I was that sure there was

something wrong with me and I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother

did mine. My husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

> >

> > I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you have

wrestled with the same feelings.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

HI Steph,

I feel the same way, but lost my dad this past January. I never talked to him

about nada or my siblings and the hard stuff, but I felt like I could be more

myself with him,he was safe. I realy miss him. When I would call my parents I

would hope he would answer and it was especially great if he answered and nada

wasn't home (rare). We would talk about whatever, and I really felt how much he

loved me. I know he knew things were hard for me, we just couldn't talk about

it. Now I realize things were even harder for him cause with him gone nada is

worse. He had to have gotten the brunt of her behaviors.

And I know what you mean about being sad that your FOO isn't normal. But you can

make your own family normal.

>

> This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I

> just could not identify with (a lot of the mom's were so

> obviously mentally ill that they had to be hospitalized--so they

> kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of the stories

> were resoundingly familiar.

>

> One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point

> that family members can really care about one another without an

> agenda. That some kids really enjoy their time with a parent,

> even just joking around. Many of us BPDs choose not to have

> children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

> cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our

> childhoods.

>

> I would have never decided to have children on my own. My

> daughter was a surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I

> found out I was PG, I was frantic, scared and immediately wanted

> to abort. I was that sure there was something wrong with me and

> I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother did mine. My

> husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

>

> I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you

> have wrestled with the same feelings.

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book

> The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder:

> New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at

> www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @... DO

> NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, "

> and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)Yahoo!

> Groups Links

>

[Guest guest]

Echobabe,

I am very happy for you. I also have this with my family, and my children are

young adults too. We choose to hang out together and call or text one another

regularly and it is so natural and open and real. I cherish it, and can tell you

do as well. We probably do moreso than the " average " person because of what we

have come from.

So Fiona - My thinking is you will have this too because you cherish it now with

your children and you will always cherish and foster it in your family.

> > >

> > > This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I just could

not identify with (a lot of the mom's were so obviously mentally ill that they

had to be hospitalized--so they kids got validated for living in hell). A lot of

the stories were resoundingly familiar.

> > >

> > > One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family

members can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids

really enjoy their time with a parent, even just joking around. Many of us BPDs

choose not to have children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our childhoods.

> > >

> > > I would have never decided to have children on my own. My daughter was a

surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I found out I was PG, I was

frantic, scared and immediately wanted to abort. I was that sure there was

something wrong with me and I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother

did mine. My husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

> > >

> > > I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you have

wrestled with the same feelings.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thanks, ! that's definitely what I desire.

> > > >

> > > > This book took a bit for me to slog through--there were parts I just

could not identify with (a lot of the mom's were so obviously mentally ill that

they had to be hospitalized--so they kids got validated for living in hell). A

lot of the stories were resoundingly familiar.

> > > >

> > > > One take away was how it comes as a shock to us at one point that family

members can really care about one another without an agenda. That some kids

really enjoy their time with a parent, even just joking around. Many of us BPDs

choose not to have children simply because the pattern parent-child interaction

cannot be imagined any way other than the horrid example from our childhoods.

> > > >

> > > > I would have never decided to have children on my own. My daughter was a

surprise (I was supposed to be sterile). When I found out I was PG, I was

frantic, scared and immediately wanted to abort. I was that sure there was

something wrong with me and I would ruin my child's life just the way my mother

did mine. My husband said it was going to be ok--thank God I listened to him!

> > > >

> > > > I know, it is shocking to talk like this--but I know many of you have

wrestled with the same feelings.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>