Barby - re: tx coordinator just called

[Guest guest]

Yes Barby, it happened to us… to me,

mostly, but in a different way. So I can definitely appreciate your emotions!!!

When stopped in for a very short

visit on his way home after his mega-full one-day (one day!!!) donor evaluation

up at USC in Los Angeles, we asked “when do we hear whether or not you’re

accepted as your dad’s donor?” and with his response, he added the

tx coordinator had snapped up side-by-side operating rooms (under the

assumption that would, in fact, be deemed an acceptable donor for Jim),

& because of that, we all actually did have a date for the transplant…

December 17th (2001).

Upon finally hearing a “date,”

well, I just lost it. Inwardly, I just collapsed… outwardly, cried

buckets. I suppose that, for Jim’s sake, I had been sucking it up &

keeping it together for seemingly so long, advocating harder & harder for

Jim, as he grew sicker & sicker. To finally have a date… it was a

relief… and yet frightening at the same time. I won’t even delve

into the whole psychological topic about how this, in turn, led me to a near “pre-grieving”

of the possibility of ’s death. It was just a very hard, dark time for

me… a hopeful time for … a grateful time for Jim.

Jim & I “traded off” being

weaker & stronger, & sometimes he would be the one who would cry.

Sometimes I’d happen upon , literally on his knees, crying over his

dad’s situation. But particular this time, with my emotions running full

bore & with just physically spent from the physically & mentally

rigorous demands of the day-long workup, it was Jim who stepped into the “emotionally

stable” shoes. By that point of the timeline, Jim had pretty much

attained his “Spirit of Perfect Peace,” anyway. I posted to this

group, back at the time, that Jim said his “peace” came through “acceptance.”

I guess that makes sense, at least, it does to me. Just as I’m certain

that cookies taste good with a glass of cold milk!

There’s no “right” or “wrong”

or even “normal” to this path you’re on, Barby, it can be similar

& yet uniquely different for us all. It’s a process. Your PSC “emotional

path” is “normal” for you. One thing’s for sure,

whether you like roller coasters or not, it’s an up ‘n’ down ride,

to be sure.

Jim & I are on an altogether different

(non-physical) roller coaster ride right now, which is why I’ve been in

such mega-deep lurking mode. My apologies to everyone for unanswered e-mails,

zero postings… but hey, at least our marriage is solid. There’s

comfort in that, but the rest is pretty scary. Nevertheless, I’ve

finally figured out, after 32 years of marriage, that the best way for a

marriage to weather a storm is right alongside your spouse, for better or

worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness & in health. If God touches your

heart to pray for us, we’d sure welcome your prayers.

Speaking of prayers, I want to assure you

that I will definitely be praying for you, Barby, & asking God’s

blessings for you during this shaky-weepy time of reality-check, that you can

attain that Spirit of Perfect Peace.

Maureen

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Barby

Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2007

2:51 PM; To: ; Subject: tx coordinator just

called

She is presenting me to the tx team tomorrow. Why is it

that I've had this disease so long, gone through the workup and now she says

this and I start shaking and weepy. Very strange. Maybe

it is just making it all real that this is finally happening. Just

wondering if this has happened to others.

Blessings,

Barby - KS

UC - 1965, ileostomy - 1972, BCIR

(continent pouch) 1994, PSC - 1995, arthritis 2007

married 27 years , 5 sons, 2 daughters in law, 1 granddaughter born

6/06 and 2 golden retrievers