Re: I am so PO'd at nada--my serenity is challenged

[Guest guest]

I agree that talking to your nada probably won't do much good.

If I were you, I'd focus on helping daughter understand her grandnada a bit.

It's useful for the relationship between the two of you, and who knows? may help

her avoid bpd's in the future.

>

> So my children (20 & 19) decided to go visit their grandparents this weekend.

My mother rattled her mouth, telling my daughter that when I became pregnant

with her, it caused me to " cut short schooling and change my plans for the

future. " WTF? She inferred that becoming pregnant wrecked my life! My daughter

came home and asked if it was true.

>

> Now, I wasn't thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but I had no 'big' plans, I

was 25 years old and had been married for 4 years.

>

> I am furious that my bitch mother is again attempting to hurt me through my

child. Her conversation was totally inappropriate. My daughter was hurt and

confused, since she had never heard any of this. Then more confused why her dumb

grandma would say this tripe. Don't mess with MY CUBS!

>

> My husband insists that she has always said inappropriate things like this--I

just had my blinders on where she was concerned.

>

> Part of me wants to call her and bitch her out, tell her to shut her pie hole.

Another part says to just ignore the dumb bitch--yelling at her will get me

nowhere and just give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

>

[Guest guest]

All I can say is that I can completely relate to your situation. (Which is why

my 19 and 22 year old won't visit my father without me)

Why do they do that? Bad enough we had to grow up with the craziness.

Thankfully, our kids are old enough to understand what is going on.

Not that it makes t easier.....:0)

>

> So my children (20 & 19) decided to go visit their grandparents this weekend.

My mother rattled her mouth, telling my daughter that when I became pregnant

with her, it caused me to " cut short schooling and change my plans for the

future. " WTF? She inferred that becoming pregnant wrecked my life! My daughter

came home and asked if it was true.

>

> Now, I wasn't thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but I had no 'big' plans, I

was 25 years old and had been married for 4 years.

>

> I am furious that my bitch mother is again attempting to hurt me through my

child. Her conversation was totally inappropriate. My daughter was hurt and

confused, since she had never heard any of this. Then more confused why her dumb

grandma would say this tripe. Don't mess with MY CUBS!

>

> My husband insists that she has always said inappropriate things like this--I

just had my blinders on where she was concerned.

>

> Part of me wants to call her and bitch her out, tell her to shut her pie hole.

Another part says to just ignore the dumb bitch--yelling at her will get me

nowhere and just give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. I'm feeling around in my purse for my can of whoop-ass! When it comes to

my kids, that is where I get absolutely infuriated.

Your mother probably loved that she told your daughter something she didn't know

(an exaggerated something).

I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't talk to my mother about it b/c I know

it would just blow up into a screaming match. NC would probably be my message

to her. Although in this situation, with your daughter left wondering what's

true, it might be good to visit your mother with your daughter to hash it all

out. Of course, that could go really well or make things worse. You know all

parties best and can judge if that would work.

I'm so sorry for what your daughter must be feeling. My kids are still at the

age where they like seeing my mother, although my older one will ask me " why

does grandma have to nag so much " . It's becoming more and more that when she

visits my mother, she regrets it. My other one is too little yet to sense how

conflicted and miserable my mother is.

My kids' school is having Grandparents Day tomorrow. I didn't even ask nada. I

asked her once years ago and she hermited her way out of it. I hear people at

school talking about how excited they are about the event. I just change the

subject.

good luck, whatever you decide to do!

Fiona

>

> So my children (20 & 19) decided to go visit their grandparents this weekend.

My mother rattled her mouth, telling my daughter that when I became pregnant

with her, it caused me to " cut short schooling and change my plans for the

future. " WTF? She inferred that becoming pregnant wrecked my life! My daughter

came home and asked if it was true.

>

> Now, I wasn't thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but I had no 'big' plans, I

was 25 years old and had been married for 4 years.

>

> I am furious that my bitch mother is again attempting to hurt me through my

child. Her conversation was totally inappropriate. My daughter was hurt and

confused, since she had never heard any of this. Then more confused why her dumb

grandma would say this tripe. Don't mess with MY CUBS!

>

> My husband insists that she has always said inappropriate things like this--I

just had my blinders on where she was concerned.

>

> Part of me wants to call her and bitch her out, tell her to shut her pie hole.

Another part says to just ignore the dumb bitch--yelling at her will get me

nowhere and just give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

>

[Guest guest]

Oooh geez, can you talk to your daughter about it? I used to go to my dad

with weird things like that. He would usually say something like " You know

how your mother is. . . . "

> **

>

>

> Wow. I'm feeling around in my purse for my can of whoop-ass! When it comes

> to my kids, that is where I get absolutely infuriated.

>

> Your mother probably loved that she told your daughter something she didn't

> know (an exaggerated something).

>

> I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't talk to my mother about it b/c I

> know it would just blow up into a screaming match. NC would probably be my

> message to her. Although in this situation, with your daughter left

> wondering what's true, it might be good to visit your mother with your

> daughter to hash it all out. Of course, that could go really well or make

> things worse. You know all parties best and can judge if that would work.

>

> I'm so sorry for what your daughter must be feeling. My kids are still at

> the age where they like seeing my mother, although my older one will ask me

> " why does grandma have to nag so much " . It's becoming more and more that

> when she visits my mother, she regrets it. My other one is too little yet to

> sense how conflicted and miserable my mother is.

>

> My kids' school is having Grandparents Day tomorrow. I didn't even ask

> nada. I asked her once years ago and she hermited her way out of it. I hear

> people at school talking about how excited they are about the event. I just

> change the subject.

>

> good luck, whatever you decide to do!

>

> Fiona

>

>

>

> >

> > So my children (20 & 19) decided to go visit their grandparents this

> weekend. My mother rattled her mouth, telling my daughter that when I became

> pregnant with her, it caused me to " cut short schooling and change my plans

> for the future. " WTF? She inferred that becoming pregnant wrecked my life!

> My daughter came home and asked if it was true.

> >

> > Now, I wasn't thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but I had no 'big'

> plans, I was 25 years old and had been married for 4 years.

> >

> > I am furious that my bitch mother is again attempting to hurt me through

> my child. Her conversation was totally inappropriate. My daughter was hurt

> and confused, since she had never heard any of this. Then more confused why

> her dumb grandma would say this tripe. Don't mess with MY CUBS!

> >

> > My husband insists that she has always said inappropriate things like

> this--I just had my blinders on where she was concerned.

> >

> > Part of me wants to call her and bitch her out, tell her to shut her pie

> hole. Another part says to just ignore the dumb bitch--yelling at her will

> get me nowhere and just give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've decided the response is my own to put into the column headed " Why I don't

have more than a LC relationship with my mother "

My daughter knows well just how messed up her grandmother is--she's a Psych

senior in college and I have never minced words about whether her grandmother is

a bitch/nuts.

But the fact she was even subjected to doubt & worry at all about how much I

love her and appreciate her in my life made me so damn furious! I was just

grateful she was home this weekend so I could do damage control and give her

lots of hugs!

>

> Wow. I'm feeling around in my purse for my can of whoop-ass! When it comes to

my kids, that is where I get absolutely infuriated.

>

> Your mother probably loved that she told your daughter something she didn't

know (an exaggerated something).

>

> I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't talk to my mother about it b/c I know

it would just blow up into a screaming match. NC would probably be my message

to her. Although in this situation, with your daughter left wondering what's

true, it might be good to visit your mother with your daughter to hash it all

out. Of course, that could go really well or make things worse. You know all

parties best and can judge if that would work.

>

> I'm so sorry for what your daughter must be feeling. My kids are still at

the age where they like seeing my mother, although my older one will ask me " why

does grandma have to nag so much " . It's becoming more and more that when she

visits my mother, she regrets it. My other one is too little yet to sense how

conflicted and miserable my mother is.

>

> My kids' school is having Grandparents Day tomorrow. I didn't even ask nada. I

asked her once years ago and she hermited her way out of it. I hear people at

school talking about how excited they are about the event. I just change the

subject.

>

> good luck, whatever you decide to do!

>

> Fiona

>

[Guest guest]

That was the main thing that made my Sister go No Contact with our nada is when

nada started attacking Sister's son, who was at the time a college student and

working part time; nada was criticizing her grandson for not spending enough

time with nada, the same way she'd criticize Sister. And understand: I'm not

talking about a sweet way of saying, " I love you so much and I enjoy being

around you; I wish there was some way I could see you more often " it was more in

the line of " You kids, all of you are so selfish and thoughtless, you never

think of me and you only come to see me or call me if you want something from

me... " Sister was more able to withstand hearing ugly things about herself, but

when nada said that about her grandson, something snapped. Sister reared up on

her hind legs and ROARED like the mama bear she is! I went No Contact also,

both for my own sake and to back up Sister.

Its hard to do that, to say " That's not OK, you have insulted me and I demand an

apology! " for our own sake, we've been trained from birth that we deserve our

bpd parent's low opinion of us, and deserve their criticism, their insulting,

denigrating remarks, etc., but its easier to stand up and be assertive when

someone else, someone entirely innocent and undeserving of abuse is attacked.

-Annie

> >

> > Wow. I'm feeling around in my purse for my can of whoop-ass! When it comes

to my kids, that is where I get absolutely infuriated.

> >

> > Your mother probably loved that she told your daughter something she didn't

know (an exaggerated something).

> >

> > I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't talk to my mother about it b/c I

know it would just blow up into a screaming match. NC would probably be my

message to her. Although in this situation, with your daughter left wondering

what's true, it might be good to visit your mother with your daughter to hash it

all out. Of course, that could go really well or make things worse. You know all

parties best and can judge if that would work.

> >

> > I'm so sorry for what your daughter must be feeling. My kids are still at

the age where they like seeing my mother, although my older one will ask me " why

does grandma have to nag so much " . It's becoming more and more that when she

visits my mother, she regrets it. My other one is too little yet to sense how

conflicted and miserable my mother is.

> >

> > My kids' school is having Grandparents Day tomorrow. I didn't even ask nada.

I asked her once years ago and she hermited her way out of it. I hear people at

school talking about how excited they are about the event. I just change the

subject.

> >

> > good luck, whatever you decide to do!

> >

> > Fiona

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I relate to your thread title...I have been seeing many symptoms of diabetes and

am trying to change my diet to get my blood sugar under control and my anger at

my mother is really challenging to me.

Two things she has done recently have really tipped the scales, both involved my

nephews who I love like my own children, one was I found out she had backstabbed

me and portrayed me as a loon to my bpd SIL...SIL is so insane and out of touch

with anything approaching reality that this was unimaginable to me...I do not

care what SIL's opinion is of me but I spent a year and a half documenting her

neglect of cleanliness for her kids, taking pictures, journaling the events that

happened, etc, which are now probably useless minus the actual photos because

Nada has given SIL the perfect ammo to invalidate anything that might come up in

the inevitable event of a divorce when my pit viper SIL gets bored of my poor,

idiot brother and kicks him to the curb. I only wanted my brother not to have to

go through what my other brother did while divorcing his own lunatic bpd spouse,

and I wanted him to have hope of custody or at least joint custody. Nada stepped

in and obliterated all of that with just a few words, and she did it by saying

that her 'worst fear' was that she woudl have to live on the property with me

when my narcissist father passes. it was like a knife in the heart because HE is

the abuser and I spent my whole childhood with her crying on my shoulder about

HIS abuse. He is abusive and her rational was that she was 'afraid I was going

to talk to her like I talk to him'...all of my siblings know what he is capable

of and all of us get frustrated and lash out at him because of his b.s. at

different times.

I probably need to stop going on about it, it was just a suffocating shock that

happened when I found out she had done this. Because the whole time she was

confiding in me and crying on my shoulder about SIL's lunacy...SIL's lack of

cleaning at this point has essentially destroyed about 3 or 4 rooms in their

house, all of them will have to be deep-cleaned and repainted and carpet will

have to be pulled up and thrown out, it's just a mess.

That didn't stop Nada from stabbing me in the back and as it was the same exact

behavior she used to pull with my Narcissist father by confiding in me then

telling me *I* was huring *him* sometimes minutes after crying on my should her

about his abuse...anyway it helped me finally realize she is pathological in

this way and she will ALWAYS betray me and ALWAYS be destructive toward me. This

time, though, she did something that could potentially hurt the kids in the

future, and that is going too far. She is a sick sick woman that most people

think is just as sweet as she can be and as good as gold. I like to think she's

so sweet she's just rotten inside. And I'm over it this time. It took alot of

pain to get to this point...and now, the anger is just resonating and waves and

I just keep telling the story over and over again until I get the anger out of

my body. Which I hope will eventually happen.

A couple other things happened where she said or did things that directly

involved the children.

She completely disgusts me now because I see straight through her, I am

disgusted with her faux-religious posturing, and I'm disgusted with the fact

that she again and again throws me under the bus in order to be thought of as a

'good mother'. I honestly believe at this point she hates me for having the gall

to talk about having been sexually abused thanks to her idiocy of packing off me

and my sister at separate times to spend a week with her serial pedophile father

with full knowledge we would be sleeping in his bed...WHO does this, on what

planet is that an acceptable sleeping arrangement. She has made heartless and

nasty comments to me about it many times, the fact that I refuse to sweep it

under the rug and will not 'forgive' her, which to her means no mention of any

acknowledgement ever again that it was damaging to my life. Her making some sort

of weird alliance with SIL after my having spent the last almost 2 years

fighting her battle over this was something that floored me to the very core.

I don't feel like she's earned the right to have a relationship with me. She is

very passive but with your mother that is downright predatory and as far as her

role in your daughters life she is an emotional predator, period. There is no

love there.

>

> So my children (20 & 19) decided to go visit their grandparents this weekend.

My mother rattled her mouth, telling my daughter that when I became pregnant

with her, it caused me to " cut short schooling and change my plans for the

future. " WTF? She inferred that becoming pregnant wrecked my life! My daughter

came home and asked if it was true.

>

> Now, I wasn't thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but I had no 'big' plans, I

was 25 years old and had been married for 4 years.

>

> I am furious that my bitch mother is again attempting to hurt me through my

child. Her conversation was totally inappropriate. My daughter was hurt and

confused, since she had never heard any of this. Then more confused why her dumb

grandma would say this tripe. Don't mess with MY CUBS!

>

> My husband insists that she has always said inappropriate things like this--I

just had my blinders on where she was concerned.

>

> Part of me wants to call her and bitch her out, tell her to shut her pie hole.

Another part says to just ignore the dumb bitch--yelling at her will get me

nowhere and just give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

>