Fwd: Where to retire?

[Guest guest]

Scroll down to read.Not sure how accurate CA is, butthe rest of them seem to fit!love to all ya all!Kate

---Where to Retire?

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona

where

1. You are

willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've

experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the

toilet bowl.

3. You can

drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You

have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You

know that " dry heat " is comparable to what hits you in

the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4

seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a

house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your

driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block

party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how

long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it

is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where

1. You say

" the city " and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .

2. You can

get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle

to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You

think Central Park is

" nature. "

4. You

believe that being able to swear at people in their own language

makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've

worn out a car horn. (ed note: if you have a car)

6. You

think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Buffalo, NY

where

1.. You

only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .

2.

Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You

have more than one recipe for deer.

4. Sexy

lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The

four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and

construction.

You can retire to the South where

1.. You can

rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2.

" Y'all " is singular and " all y'all " is plural.

3.

" He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

4.

Everyone has 2 first names: Bob , Jimmy Bob , Sue, Betty

Jean, Beth , etc.

5. Everything

is either " in yonder, " " over yonder " or

" out yonder. " It's important to know the difference, too.

You can retire to Colorado where

1. You carry your $3,000

mountain bike atop your $500 car

2. You

tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he

stops at the day care center.

3. A pass

does not involve a football or dating.

4... The

top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can retire to the Midwest

where

1. You've

never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your

idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You

have had to switch from " heat " to " A/C " on the

same day.

4. You end

sentences with a preposition: " Where's my coat at? "

5. When asked

how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, " It was

different! "

AND You can retire to Florida where

1. You eat

dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon...

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind --

even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent

dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the

state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by

headless people.

Attachment: vcard [not shown]

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the good laugh. The one on Phoenix is dead on! SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 4:18:21 AMSubject: Fwd: Where to retire?

Scroll down to read.Not sure how accurate CA is, butthe rest of them seem to fit!love to all ya all!Kate