Guest guest Posted September 19, 2011 Report Share Posted September 19, 2011 My nada has fallen mostly into the Waif/hermit type as she has aged and her children have grown and moved. I'm her youngest @ 36. Througout my life, I recall her having all kinds of malladies that were often controversial. What's worse is she was a nurse and knew all the lingo and had access to all the medical references to look up all the craziest diseases. When I was 15 she said she had Epstein Bar Virus- that lasted about six months. She told me she was diabetic and that's why she would flip-out and go to la la land and act like a baby not recognizing the neighbor boy as NOT her own son or me as her daughter. At one point she told me she had cervical cancer until I reminded her that she didn't have a cervix because she'd had a hysterectomy several years back. Well, this is now the kicker. It's good for a grand laugh if you have the time and energy. A few months ago she phoned my sister in hysterics to tell her she had fleas. She lives in Utah, a desert climate with harsh winters. UT doesn't get many fleas really. In fact, I've never heard of fleas in UT unless the person was extremely filthy and even then it's unheard of. In addition to her incompatible climate she doesn't own any type of animal that might carry fleas. The house she now lives in was pre-owned and they did have dogs. The carpet was replaced and they have now lived in the house for about 5 years. She claims they were dormant all these years, some of which were doozy winters. Nada called exterminators and even had ALL of her carpet replaced. NOW she is saying she has Lyme disease from the fleas as well as morgellons disease. Google Morgellons for a good laugh. She has always been a compulsive picker. about 10 yrs ago she picked a hole through her nose. When she had hip replacement surgery she intentionally busted open the healing scar and then insisted it was MRS. my sister believes she smears feces in her pick sores so they will get infected. She will spend hours in th ebathroom picking. She will use tweazers, needles, scissors anything sharp. She has many doctors whom presrcibe many medications- at family holidays she used to lock herself in her room and count pills to make sure none of us had stollen any. I recall pharmacists turning my nada away because it had only been a few days since she last filled her perscriptions and then carting across town to a different pharmacy that would give her the meds. I recall driving from pharmacy to pharmacy with her. I don't know how any doctor with any sense can look at her and not know that the woman is completely bat shit crazy! let alone provider her with yet another 'script. she has now sought out the care of a naturopath to treat her for this morgellons BS. As an " alternative " care provider I'm embarassed that this doctor might even consider for a second that she is telling her the truth. My sister and I are compelled to write a letter to the doc explaining the crazy in hopes she will actually provide appropriate care for nada (hospitalization). I have been having some pretty good anxiety all day since I spoke with my sister. I feel it's extremely important in my recovery and health to stop taking care of her and then to stop feeling guilty about not caring for her, ultimately not feeling like I*have * to care for her- if that makes any sense. Writing a letter feels a lot like taking care of her. But.. she is my mom and in the weirdest of ways I love her and care for her well being. It breaks my heart that she is picking herself to death and believes aliens or nanomachines or whatever the hell she thinks is living under her effing skin! It's just crazy! Crazy I tell ya! Wacka doodle doo! it makes me sick to my stomach and ironically itchy. lol! I've been NC for 3 ish years and lc for about 2-3 prior to that. I'm desperately trying to figure out how to heal and " save " myself from the crazy but a part of me feels somewhat vindictive, and another part scared of getting involved, and another part feels heartbroken for her sad state. Thoughts? Jules ** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 19, 2011 Report Share Posted September 19, 2011 (((((Jules))))) I'm so sorry you're having to deal with, even indirectly, such a anxiety-inducing state of affairs with your nada. How awful for you, growing up with a Munchausen's mom with everything revolving around her and her illnesses. (Thank God she didn't go so far as to turn her sick obsession with using disease and injuries to gain attention for herself on you, her child; she didn't make you sick or injure you to get attention for herself: Munchausens'-by-proxy.) I can understand how stressful that must be for you, knowing how extremely self-destructive your mother is (picking holes in her face and body with needles and scissors and smearing feces in the wounds to make them infected is pretty damned *extreme*) and yet realizing that if you reward her negative, self-harming behaviors with attention they're likely to get worse. It puts you in a classic " no win " position. At least you and your sister are " on the same page " regarding your nada's condition and behaviors, I know how validating that is to have a sibling in your corner. Perhaps the two of you writing a letter to your nada's doctor or just having a phone consultation with the doctor will help. Might be worth a try, I suppose. With my nada, her self-destructive behaviors came on rather suddenly. My nada was mostly a Queen/Witch/Waif high-functioning bpd person, and then over just a few months time she began showing distinct Alzheimer's behaviors, including memory loss, , hallucinations, and wandering around by herself at night. The wandering about at night was dangerous for nada (there is a large ravine bordering the property her apartment complex is on and nada can't see well) these openly displayed, self-destructive behaviors allowed Sister to take prompt action to get our nada the medical and psychiatric evaluations, treatment and care she needed. Nada is now in a nice residential care home and under supervision 24/7. So, please do not beat yourself up. I empathize with your feelings of wanting to care for your nada but not wanting to get sucked into a rescuing role or rewarding her self-destructive behaviors with attention. I hope that you and your sister will be able to be good support and validation for each other as you deal with this very frustrating and worrisome behavior, and I hope contacting your nada's doctor and filling him or her in RE your nada's self-induced injuries will help your nada get the treatment she needs. -Annie > > My nada has fallen mostly into the Waif/hermit type as she has aged and her > children have grown and moved. I'm her youngest @ 36. Througout my life, I > recall her having all kinds of malladies that were often controversial. > What's worse is she was a nurse and knew all the lingo and had access to all > the medical references to look up all the craziest diseases. When I was 15 > she said she had Epstein Bar Virus- that lasted about six months. She told > me she was diabetic and that's why she would flip-out and go to la la land > and act like a baby not recognizing the neighbor boy as NOT her own son or > me as her daughter. At one point she told me she had cervical cancer until I > reminded her that she didn't have a cervix because she'd had a hysterectomy > several years back. Well, this is now the kicker. It's good for a grand > laugh if you have the time and energy. A few months ago she phoned my sister > in hysterics to tell her she had fleas. She lives in Utah, a desert climate > with harsh winters. UT doesn't get many fleas really. In fact, I've never > heard of fleas in UT unless the person was extremely filthy and even then > it's unheard of. In addition to her incompatible climate she doesn't own any > type of animal that might carry fleas. The house she now lives in was > pre-owned and they did have dogs. The carpet was replaced and they have now > lived in the house for about 5 years. She claims they were dormant all these > years, some of which were doozy winters. Nada called exterminators and even > had ALL of her carpet replaced. NOW she is saying she has Lyme disease from > the fleas as well as morgellons disease. Google Morgellons for a good laugh. > She has always been a compulsive picker. about 10 yrs ago she picked a hole > through her nose. When she had hip replacement surgery she intentionally > busted open the healing scar and then insisted it was MRS. my sister > believes she smears feces in her pick sores so they will get infected. She > will spend hours in th ebathroom picking. She will use tweazers, needles, > scissors anything sharp. She has many doctors whom presrcibe many > medications- at family holidays she used to lock herself in her room and > count pills to make sure none of us had stollen any. I recall pharmacists > turning my nada away because it had only been a few days since she last > filled her perscriptions and then carting across town to a different > pharmacy that would give her the meds. I recall driving from pharmacy to > pharmacy with her. I don't know how any doctor with any sense can look at > her and not know that the woman is completely bat shit crazy! let alone > provider her with yet another 'script. she has now sought out the care of a > naturopath to treat her for this morgellons BS. As an " alternative " care > provider I'm embarassed that this doctor might even consider for a second > that she is telling her the truth. My sister and I are compelled to write a > letter to the doc explaining the crazy in hopes she will actually provide > appropriate care for nada (hospitalization). I have been having some pretty > good anxiety all day since I spoke with my sister. I feel it's extremely > important in my recovery and health to stop taking care of her and then to > stop feeling guilty about not caring for her, ultimately not feeling like I*have > * to care for her- if that makes any sense. Writing a letter feels a lot > like taking care of her. But.. she is my mom and in the weirdest of ways I > love her and care for her well being. It breaks my heart that she is picking > herself to death and believes aliens or nanomachines or whatever the hell > she thinks is living under her effing skin! It's just crazy! Crazy I tell > ya! Wacka doodle doo! it makes me sick to my stomach and ironically itchy. > lol! I've been NC for 3 ish years and lc for about 2-3 prior to that. I'm > desperately trying to figure out how to heal and " save " myself from the > crazy but a part of me feels somewhat vindictive, and another part scared of > getting involved, and another part feels heartbroken for her sad state. > Thoughts? > Jules ** > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Jules, yes, your mother is definitely a waif, a really extreme one. She sounds like she will do whatever it takes to get sympathy and lots of attention. I mean to go to the lengths of opening a healing wound! wow. I'm amazed she hasn't harmed herself badly. I can see why you're NC with her. And the conflicting emotions you're having, yes, that totally makes sense. As you said, she's your mother and it's painful to see her hurting herself. It *is* heartbreaking. But, I think you're doing the right thing to help her from a distance. I was trying to explain to someone recently that my relationship with my mother is like this: I'm in a lifeboat, she's flailing in the water. I offer her my hand to help her get in the boat. Her fear and anxiety are pulling me into the water. Over and over, I try, but she will not allow me to help her into the boat. So, I have to let her go. Otherwise, *I* will die. Same with you; your mother is so sick she will only pull you in. I hope you don't mind that I laughed at the part about her cervical cancer claim: " At one point she told me she had cervical cancer until I reminded her that she didn't have a cervix because she'd had a hysterectomy several years back. " The way you wrote it was funny. Fiona > > My nada has fallen mostly into the Waif/hermit type as she has aged and her > children have grown and moved. I'm her youngest @ 36. Througout my life, I > recall her having all kinds of malladies that were often controversial. > What's worse is she was a nurse and knew all the lingo and had access to all > the medical references to look up all the craziest diseases. When I was 15 > she said she had Epstein Bar Virus- that lasted about six months. She told > me she was diabetic and that's why she would flip-out and go to la la land > and act like a baby not recognizing the neighbor boy as NOT her own son or > me as her daughter. At one point she told me she had cervical cancer until I > reminded her that she didn't have a cervix because she'd had a hysterectomy > several years back. Well, this is now the kicker. It's good for a grand > laugh if you have the time and energy. A few months ago she phoned my sister > in hysterics to tell her she had fleas. She lives in Utah, a desert climate > with harsh winters. UT doesn't get many fleas really. In fact, I've never > heard of fleas in UT unless the person was extremely filthy and even then > it's unheard of. In addition to her incompatible climate she doesn't own any > type of animal that might carry fleas. The house she now lives in was > pre-owned and they did have dogs. The carpet was replaced and they have now > lived in the house for about 5 years. She claims they were dormant all these > years, some of which were doozy winters. Nada called exterminators and even > had ALL of her carpet replaced. NOW she is saying she has Lyme disease from > the fleas as well as morgellons disease. Google Morgellons for a good laugh. > She has always been a compulsive picker. about 10 yrs ago she picked a hole > through her nose. When she had hip replacement surgery she intentionally > busted open the healing scar and then insisted it was MRS. my sister > believes she smears feces in her pick sores so they will get infected. She > will spend hours in th ebathroom picking. She will use tweazers, needles, > scissors anything sharp. She has many doctors whom presrcibe many > medications- at family holidays she used to lock herself in her room and > count pills to make sure none of us had stollen any. I recall pharmacists > turning my nada away because it had only been a few days since she last > filled her perscriptions and then carting across town to a different > pharmacy that would give her the meds. I recall driving from pharmacy to > pharmacy with her. I don't know how any doctor with any sense can look at > her and not know that the woman is completely bat shit crazy! let alone > provider her with yet another 'script. she has now sought out the care of a > naturopath to treat her for this morgellons BS. As an " alternative " care > provider I'm embarassed that this doctor might even consider for a second > that she is telling her the truth. My sister and I are compelled to write a > letter to the doc explaining the crazy in hopes she will actually provide > appropriate care for nada (hospitalization). I have been having some pretty > good anxiety all day since I spoke with my sister. I feel it's extremely > important in my recovery and health to stop taking care of her and then to > stop feeling guilty about not caring for her, ultimately not feeling like I*have > * to care for her- if that makes any sense. Writing a letter feels a lot > like taking care of her. But.. she is my mom and in the weirdest of ways I > love her and care for her well being. It breaks my heart that she is picking > herself to death and believes aliens or nanomachines or whatever the hell > she thinks is living under her effing skin! It's just crazy! Crazy I tell > ya! Wacka doodle doo! it makes me sick to my stomach and ironically itchy. > lol! I've been NC for 3 ish years and lc for about 2-3 prior to that. I'm > desperately trying to figure out how to heal and " save " myself from the > crazy but a part of me feels somewhat vindictive, and another part scared of > getting involved, and another part feels heartbroken for her sad state. > Thoughts? > Jules ** > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hi Jules, What strikes me is that you wrote: " But.. she is my mom and in the weirdest of ways I love her and care for her well being. " It sounds like you are having a hard time forgiving yourself and relieving yourself of the responsibility of her behaviors. Yes, she is your mom. She is an adult, and she is responsible for her own behaviors. If she wants to pick a hole through her nose, that's her business. You can't stop her and you can't be responsible for that. It's not your job to take care of her or make her better. I had a major break through when I was finally able to accept that nada was responsible for herself and all I could do was make me happy. You're right that she is " whack-a-doodle " , but nothing you or I can do can change that, you know? At first I thought I went NC because I was so angry at nada, and then I realized that the only way I could separate my responsibility for her (and the enmeshment and co-dependency) was to remain NC and let her be responsible for herself. Unfortunately she has other people to latch onto. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 OMG Jules HUGHUG HUG I'm so sorry. Yes, I too have researched the flea thing in Utah. We just do not have them!!!! She is fulloshit My nada is also weird about health. One time she told me (a public health major at the time), in response to me doubting one of her made up illnesses that " My body just doesn't work like other people's! " I wonder though if your nada might have a comorbid issue, like OCD and paranoia? What would work for me is to stop getting news of nada. I felt ill too, hearing you describe what she is doing. My nada does all sorts of weird stuff (not picking and hair pulling though) and I just stopped listening when people would try to tell me. Of course now I am NC with the whole " fam damily " (my nada's way of saying damn family), so I'm safe from this info.. .. . I'm sorry sweetie. Give me a shout if you need to talk. > ** > > > Hi Jules, > > What strikes me is that you wrote: " But.. she is my mom and in the weirdest > of ways I love her and care for her well being. " > > It sounds like you are having a hard time forgiving yourself and relieving > yourself of the responsibility of her behaviors. Yes, she is your mom. She > is an adult, and she t is responsible for her own behaviors. If she wants to > pick a hole through her nose, that's her business. You can't stop her and > you can't be responsible for that. It's not your job to take care of her or > make her better. > > I had a major break through when I was finally able to accept that nada was > responsible for herself and all I could do was make me happy. You're right > that she is " whack-a-doodle " , but nothing you or I can do can change that, > you know? > > At first I thought I went NC because I was so angry at nada, and then I > realized that the only way I could separate my responsibility for her (and > the enmeshment and co-dependency) was to remain NC and let her be > responsible for herself. Unfortunately she has other people to latch onto. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2011 Report Share Posted September 21, 2011 Hi Jules, what you wrote here " It breaks my heart that she is picking herself to death and believes aliens or nanomachines or whatever the hell she thinks is living under her effing skin! It's just crazy! Crazy I tell ya! Wacka doodle doo! " really set off the bells for me - have you looked into other diagnoses besides BPD? Things living under her skin? That sounds like out and out delusion/paranoia and she might be able to get a non-PD diagnosis and treatments. I know...it would probably take a miracle for her to get to a doctor who would even diagnose her but just thought I'd throw that out there. As real and horrible as BPD is to us, mental illness like OCD and schizophrenia get a lot more real serious treatment. Eliza > > My nada has fallen mostly into the Waif/hermit type as she has aged and her > children have grown and moved. I'm her youngest @ 36. Througout my life, I > recall her having all kinds of malladies that were often controversial. > What's worse is she was a nurse and knew all the lingo and had access to all > the medical references to look up all the craziest diseases. When I was 15 > she said she had Epstein Bar Virus- that lasted about six months. She told > me she was diabetic and that's why she would flip-out and go to la la land > and act like a baby not recognizing the neighbor boy as NOT her own son or > me as her daughter. At one point she told me she had cervical cancer until I > reminded her that she didn't have a cervix because she'd had a hysterectomy > several years back. Well, this is now the kicker. It's good for a grand > laugh if you have the time and energy. A few months ago she phoned my sister > in hysterics to tell her she had fleas. She lives in Utah, a desert climate > with harsh winters. UT doesn't get many fleas really. In fact, I've never > heard of fleas in UT unless the person was extremely filthy and even then > it's unheard of. In addition to her incompatible climate she doesn't own any > type of animal that might carry fleas. The house she now lives in was > pre-owned and they did have dogs. The carpet was replaced and they have now > lived in the house for about 5 years. She claims they were dormant all these > years, some of which were doozy winters. Nada called exterminators and even > had ALL of her carpet replaced. NOW she is saying she has Lyme disease from > the fleas as well as morgellons disease. Google Morgellons for a good laugh. > She has always been a compulsive picker. about 10 yrs ago she picked a hole > through her nose. When she had hip replacement surgery she intentionally > busted open the healing scar and then insisted it was MRS. my sister > believes she smears feces in her pick sores so they will get infected. She > will spend hours in th ebathroom picking. She will use tweazers, needles, > scissors anything sharp. She has many doctors whom presrcibe many > medications- at family holidays she used to lock herself in her room and > count pills to make sure none of us had stollen any. I recall pharmacists > turning my nada away because it had only been a few days since she last > filled her perscriptions and then carting across town to a different > pharmacy that would give her the meds. I recall driving from pharmacy to > pharmacy with her. I don't know how any doctor with any sense can look at > her and not know that the woman is completely bat shit crazy! let alone > provider her with yet another 'script. she has now sought out the care of a > naturopath to treat her for this morgellons BS. As an " alternative " care > provider I'm embarassed that this doctor might even consider for a second > that she is telling her the truth. My sister and I are compelled to write a > letter to the doc explaining the crazy in hopes she will actually provide > appropriate care for nada (hospitalization). I have been having some pretty > good anxiety all day since I spoke with my sister. I feel it's extremely > important in my recovery and health to stop taking care of her and then to > stop feeling guilty about not caring for her, ultimately not feeling like I*have > * to care for her- if that makes any sense. Writing a letter feels a lot > like taking care of her. But.. she is my mom and in the weirdest of ways I > love her and care for her well being. It breaks my heart that she is picking > herself to death and believes aliens or nanomachines or whatever the hell > she thinks is living under her effing skin! It's just crazy! Crazy I tell > ya! Wacka doodle doo! it makes me sick to my stomach and ironically itchy. > lol! I've been NC for 3 ish years and lc for about 2-3 prior to that. I'm > desperately trying to figure out how to heal and " save " myself from the > crazy but a part of me feels somewhat vindictive, and another part scared of > getting involved, and another part feels heartbroken for her sad state. > Thoughts? > Jules ** > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 Does your nada have white flecks in her finger nails? If so, just something from left-field here - maybe check out pyrrole disorder aka pyroluria, compulsive behaviour has been noted with this. I have been diagnosed with pyrole disorder (and I would stake my house on my nada having it too only she would never submit to testing, because of course, there's " nothing wrong " with her). It's also characterised by poor stress tolerance. Once I started the zinc and Vit B6 supplementation, I stopped picking! For the first time in my life, I now have finger nails that are not bitten to the quick and cuticles that are not shamefully shredded and bleeding. No more funny ridges in the fingernails and no more white flecks. I also take magnesium with P5P for anxiety. This combo is as good as an antidepressant for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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