Confidence issues, or lack thereof.

September 21, 2011

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well.

So... here it is... I have my final on Friday for pediatrics, then a much

needed week break before starting my final class next month. HOLY SMOKES!

The last class is preceptorship... we do 60 hours of clinical time through

the month & take huge exams to ensure we are prepared to take state boards

when we're done. I am SO NERVOUS! Excited too, but nervous. Sadly I'll

probably have to wait a month or longer to actually get to take my boards.

But I will be studying and doing practice exams so that I can (hopefully)

pass on the first shot. I should be able to, my scores are still top notch

in class and on preparation exams. I can't believe I have come this far with

a 4.0 gpa either, wow... not that I am anywhere near being a know it all!

Still sooooooooo much to learn.

I feel like I've gained a ton of confidence with school, but now I'm so

nervous I'm not so sure! Been thinking about nada and how she said I was

too stupid/incompetent to be a nurse.... I really know better, but I think

the nerves are getting to me lol.

Anyway, please wish me luck & send some good vibes my way if you have any to

spare. I sure could use them. It's a very exciting & scary time right now.

*HUGS*

Mia

September 21, 2011

Mia, that is so awesome what you are doing!! Do you realize how intelligent and

dedicated and hard-working you have to be to get a 4.0? You are in the highest

percentile of all, kiddo, so I predict that you will pass all your exams with no

problems.

Maybe it will help you to think of your confidence issue as just a little touch

of " stage fright. " Even the most experienced, professional, and famous singers

and musicians get a touch of stage fright just before the curtain goes up even

if they've been performing for 20 years; its because you are a human being and

its because you actually care very much about doing the best you can. If you

didn't care so much, you wouldn't have any self-doubt. (Or, you'd have

npd/aspd; they think they are perfect.)

I am an amateur musician but I and my musician friends are often asked to

perform for our group of friends, and sometimes I get nervous before I play.

But what I do is I tell myself: I'm not scared, I'm not nervous... I'm excited!

Excited is a *good* thing! I am pumped, I'm full of adrenaline and ready to go

out there and wow 'em!

So, don't let your nada's toxic, hateful, deprecating old " tapes " run in your

head; " re-record " over them whenever you " hear " them. You've already proven

that you can do it with that 4.0 grade average, you *have* the chops, you

*have* the right stuff.... so let yourself go out there and wow them, Mia!

We're all cheering for you!

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well.

>

> So... here it is... I have my final on Friday for pediatrics, then a much

> needed week break before starting my final class next month. HOLY SMOKES!

>

> The last class is preceptorship... we do 60 hours of clinical time through

> the month & take huge exams to ensure we are prepared to take state boards

> when we're done. I am SO NERVOUS! Excited too, but nervous. Sadly I'll

> probably have to wait a month or longer to actually get to take my boards.

> But I will be studying and doing practice exams so that I can (hopefully)

> pass on the first shot. I should be able to, my scores are still top notch

> in class and on preparation exams. I can't believe I have come this far with

> a 4.0 gpa either, wow... not that I am anywhere near being a know it all!

> Still sooooooooo much to learn.

>

> I feel like I've gained a ton of confidence with school, but now I'm so

> nervous I'm not so sure! Been thinking about nada and how she said I was

> too stupid/incompetent to be a nurse.... I really know better, but I think

> the nerves are getting to me lol.

>

> Anyway, please wish me luck & send some good vibes my way if you have any to

> spare. I sure could use them. It's a very exciting & scary time right now.

>

> *HUGS*

>

> Mia

>

September 21, 2011

Go, Mia!!!

> Mia, that is so awesome what you are doing!! Do you realize how

intelligent and dedicated and hard-working you have to be to get a 4.0? You

are in the highest percentile of all, kiddo, so I predict that you will pass

all your exams with no problems.

>

> Maybe it will help you to think of your confidence issue as just a little

touch of " stage fright. " Even the most experienced, professional, and famous

singers and musicians get a touch of stage fright just before the curtain

goes up even if they've been performing for 20 years; its because you are a

human being and its because you actually care very much about doing the best

you can. If you didn't care so much, you wouldn't have any self-doubt. (Or,

you'd have npd/aspd; they think they are perfect.)

>

> I am an amateur musician but I and my musician friends are often asked to

perform for our group of friends, and sometimes I get nervous before I play.

But what I do is I tell myself: I'm not scared, I'm not nervous... I'm

excited! Excited is a *good* thing! I am pumped, I'm full of adrenaline and

ready to go out there and wow 'em!

>

> So, don't let your nada's toxic, hateful, deprecating old " tapes " run in

your head; " re-record " over them whenever you " hear " them. You've already

proven that you can do it with that 4.0 grade average, you *have* the chops,

you *have* the right stuff.... so let yourself go out there and wow them,

Mia!

>

> We're all cheering for you!

>

> -Annie

>

>>

>> Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well.

>>

>> So... here it is... I have my final on Friday for pediatrics, then a much

>> needed week break before starting my final class next month. HOLY SMOKES!

>>

>> The last class is preceptorship... we do 60 hours of clinical time

through

>> the month & take huge exams to ensure we are prepared to take state

boards

>> when we're done. I am SO NERVOUS! Excited too, but nervous. Sadly I'll

>> probably have to wait a month or longer to actually get to take my

boards.

>> But I will be studying and doing practice exams so that I can (hopefully)

>> pass on the first shot. I should be able to, my scores are still top

notch

>> in class and on preparation exams. I can't believe I have come this far

with

>> a 4.0 gpa either, wow... not that I am anywhere near being a know it all!

>> Still sooooooooo much to learn.

>>

>> I feel like I've gained a ton of confidence with school, but now I'm so

>> nervous I'm not so sure! Been thinking about nada and how she said I was

>> too stupid/incompetent to be a nurse.... I really know better, but I

think

>> the nerves are getting to me lol.

>>

>> Anyway, please wish me luck & send some good vibes my way if you have any

to

>> spare. I sure could use them. It's a very exciting & scary time right

now.

>>

>> *HUGS*

>>

>> Mia

>>

September 21, 2011

PS:

I wanted to add that if your nada was not mentally ill with borderline pd, she

would be able to feel so very, very proud of you and would be able to tell you

so.

Her negative, critical, demeaning remarks about your abilities are actually

*not* about you AT ALL :

* nada is projecting *her own* feelings that she is inferior onto you. Perhaps

her mentally-ill line of " reasoning " is that if you succeed, you will be

superior to her and she will be inferior to you. (she relates to you as her

competitor or rival instead of as her child) Or,

*nada is afraid that if you are successful she will be abandoned, so she in

effect tries to make you fail by crippling your self-esteem/self-confidence to

keep you from becoming a success.

That is the core " sin " of this disorder: the person with bpd/npd feels

*entitled* to make other people hurt as much as she is hurting (by blaming and

projecting) and feels entitled to cripple her child to keep her child from ever

" abandoning " her (by growing up and having a joyful, independent,

self-actualized, normal adult life.)

That, in my own personal opinion, is a terrible " sin. "

OK, I'm done PSing now!

-Annie

September 21, 2011

Thanks so much everyone =)

Well, nada has all ready gotten herself abandoned. Haven't spoke with her

in over 2 years, not planning on speaking to her at all, period. But, being

human, I do wish I could rub this in her face... " too stupid, huh " <wave

around copy of transcript> That would be great, but also not a good way to

go lol. I am perfectly happy with being NC with that woman for the rest of

my life.

Things are good, but yeah, that fear is there & the memory of that

conversation keeps creeping in. Not really a flashback... haven't had one of

those in a long time; I'm simply just remembering.

Annie - also it's funny you mentioned you're a musician. So am I. I was

first chair in high school. My band director always made me do solos. I

hated it! He used to call me a " closet musician " lol. Good for you for

being able to have fun and work your musical magic with & for your friends

=)

Mia

On Wed, Sep 21, 2011 at 5:50 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

> PS:

> I wanted to add that if your nada was not mentally ill with borderline pd,

> she would be able to feel so very, very proud of you and would be able to

> tell you so.

>

> Her negative, critical, demeaning remarks about your abilities are actually

> *not* about you AT ALL :

>

> * nada is projecting *her own* feelings that she is inferior onto you.

> Perhaps her mentally-ill line of " reasoning " is that if you succeed, you

> will be superior to her and she will be inferior to you. (she relates to you

> as her competitor or rival instead of as her child) Or,

>

> *nada is afraid that if you are successful she will be abandoned, so she in

> effect tries to make you fail by crippling your self-esteem/self-confidence

> to keep you from becoming a success.

>

> That is the core " sin " of this disorder: the person with bpd/npd feels

> *entitled* to make other people hurt as much as she is hurting (by blaming

> and projecting) and feels entitled to cripple her child to keep her child

> from ever " abandoning " her (by growing up and having a joyful, independent,

> self-actualized, normal adult life.)

>

> That, in my own personal opinion, is a terrible " sin. "

>

> OK, I'm done PSing now!

>

> -Annie

>

September 22, 2011

Best wishes, Mia!! Please let us know how you progress, whenever you're able!

you're going to do great!

I know what you mean about hearing nada's voice of doom, but as we know, it's

not reality.

I'm so excited for you! Hugs!