Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! Hugs to all, Jocelyne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 Jocelyne, I don't have warm and fuzzy feelings toward your nada after reading this post. I would be very angry had this happened to me. I am also sad for you. I hope you go and find out as much about your dad as you can. Go to his grave and talk to him. Get to know those that were close to him. You owe it to yourself. I am so very sorry. I have tears in my eyes for you. > > I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. > My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. > My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. > I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! > Hugs to all, > Jocelyne > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 Although I haven't experienced that situation myself, I feel for those who never had their non-pd bio-parent in their life, for whatever reason. Kids need to know that both their parents love them and care about them; both parents are part of the child; its wonderful when a child has access to both parents *unless* one of the parents is (or both parents are) too severely mentally ill, irresponsible, abusive, exploitative or otherwise dangerous and incapable of providing " good enough " parenting for a child. I feel for you, that your bio-dad passed away before you were able to get in touch with him. That is so sad to learn that he wanted contact with you and tried to stay in contact with you, but was deliberately prevented from doing so by your nada. Unless he was a very bad person and was harmful to you, keeping you and your dad from knowing and loving each other was a cruel, selfish and hateful thing for your nada to do to both of you. I hope that if you both want it, that you and your half-brother will be able to get to know and love each other. -Annie > > I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. > My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. > My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. > I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! > Hugs to all, > Jocelyne > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 I had a similar experience. My parents divorced when I was 14, and it was very obvious that something was wrong with my mom. I lived with her for a year, but I became her caregiver, so I went to live with my dad and stepmom. I wasn't told that I couldn't visit my mom, but was told that if I did, my stepmom had to be there, even when my mom was living in the nursing home, and even when I got old enough to drive myself. I didn't have any pictures of my mom until after I married, when my stepmom gave me a vhs tape of some old movies. (My stepmom wants to come across to everyone as a wonderful mother and person.)  Other than that, my mom was never talked about, and I was pretty much discouraged from wanting to visit her or talk about her. I felt like I was forced to make a choice between my stepmom and my mom. My stepmom was always telling me that " she wished she had gotten me when I was younger " , which made me feel like my mom was inadequate as a mother(which she wasn't). My mom died when I was 20, but I only saw her once after I moved in with my dad and stepmom. Other than the video, I didn't have any other pictures of my mom until I visited my uncle a year ago. Now my stepmom is claiming that she gave all of the pics of my mom to my uncle and aunt, and I know that she didn't.  There's a whole story behind my dad and stepmom, but that's too long to get into. I am pretty sure my stepmom wanted to be the only " mom " in my life, even if she made my life miserable. It's really sad when parents divorce and one or the other tries to make the other one seem like the " bad guy " . I believe it's called parental alienation. I may want to smack my ex upside the head sometimes, but no matter what, he's my daughter's father, and he loves her.  I wouldn't even try to keep them from having a relationship, no matter how mad I get at him. Whatever issues I have with him are between him and me, and putting our daughter in the middle is just wrong. Our divorce is not her fault. I could tell you story after story of others who had similar issues with the parental alienation thing. I wish you luck with your new family! Janet  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2011 2:10 PM Subject: cutting off my bio-dad  I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! Hugs to all, Jocelyne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 Thanks, Annie. My brother and I have started to skipe each other and we have so much to catch up. I know through him that my father was a good person who loved me very much. It will be hard to forgive my mother-who by the way ,does not know that my brother and I have found each other.I am afraid that, should I tell her,she will have one of her fits of rage and make up some excuse as to why she acted the way she did. Jocelyne > > > > I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. > > My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. > > My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. > > I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! > > Hugs to all, > > Jocelyne > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 That's great, I'm glad for you that you and your half-brother are getting to know each other! In my opinion, that is something you can choose never to share with your nada if you don't want to; frankly, its none of her business! And forgiveness may happen and it may not happen, but if it does it will happen in its own time; I wouldn't feel obligated to forgive your nada or force yourself to if you're not ready. That kind of undoes the whole point of it, seems to me. You can wait; you have all the time in the world. Congrats on gaining a brother! -Annie > > > > > > I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. > > > My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. > > > My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. > > > I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! > > > Hugs to all, > > > Jocelyne > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 My sis was from a first marriage and our nada did a similar thing with her bio dad--made him not exist. Sis looked up her dad about 10 years before he died and was able to forge a relationship of sorts with him. It helped her heal a lot of childhood pain. She also learned she has 2 half sibs from her dad's second marriage, but those sibs rejected her overtures of friendship. I think it is wonderful that you have found this brother. I hope you and he can have a nice relationship and that maybe you can learn some about who your bio dad was. > > I recently " found " my half brother through facebook.He lives half a world away and is the son ,from a second marriage,of my biological father.I grew up with a wonderful stepfather and an extreme nada. My parents divorce happened when I was 5 years old ,we moved to another country and from then on I thought my bio dad had forgotten about me. > My newly found half brother told me that he had a box full of letters I had written my bio dad as a little girl,pictures of me that he had kept and his letters to me that were sent back.He died years ago and I was never told. > My nada obviously was determined to cut me off from my father ,out of her hate for him, and chose to make me believe that he did not love me anymore. > I am anxious to know what your opinion is and if anyone has had a similar experience.I so value your input! > Hugs to all, > Jocelyne > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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