help with coworker

[Guest guest]

So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or Histrionic

PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in the office

that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a lot and I

can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in a manner

that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost zero

frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say that

she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both in

this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn to

me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks me

if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking on a

regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side to

earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and my

weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are greatly

appreciated!

[Guest guest]

My thought is: TRUST YOUR GUT. It's telling you something really important, just

took a little bit for your head to catch up. Stay away from involvements of any

kind with this person. Actually, she sounds rather narcissistic to me; I'd run

for the hills!!

>

> So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or Histrionic

PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in the office

that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a lot and I

can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in a manner

that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost zero

frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say that

she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both in

this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

>

> I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn to

me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks me

if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

>

> Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking on

a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side to

earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

>

> One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and my

weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

>

> Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are greatly

appreciated!

>

[Guest guest]

You could just tell her politely that you like to keep you personal life

separate from your work life. Of course, this will limit your interactions with

other co-workers, but this isn't a bad general rule. Managers are taught to do

this. The more power you have in a group the more you want to distance your

personal life from your work. It is ok to do things as a group, but hanging out

with individual co-workers after work can cause problems. However, there are

always those exceptions.

I wouldn't recommend rejecting her openly; she will likely make you into a bad

guy and make your life hell if she thinks you are rejecting her " personally. "

Some how you need to let her know, in a polite, compassionate, non-personal way

that you are not interested in friendship and never will. If you have a close

friend at work, you can acknowledge that friend as an exception to your general

rule to keep personal separate from work. If you have more than one close

friend at work, well it could get more complex.

Just keep reinforcing your boundary, like a broken record. Use the same tone

and manner every time, don't let her know that you are growing impatient with

her. Say it as if it were the first time you have told her, every single time.

Hopefully she will eventually get the message, without all the ugly politics.

> >

> > So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or

Histrionic PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in

the office that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a

lot and I can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in

a manner that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost

zero frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say

that she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both

in this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

> >

> > I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn

to me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks

me if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

> >

> > Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking

on a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side

to earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

> >

> > One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and

my weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

> >

> > Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are

greatly appreciated!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

As far as going to the movies with her, etc. you could come from the stance that

you prefer to keep work and personal life seperate, and that even goes with dog

walking. You prefer to make your own connections with your dog walking

commitments, so that you never put someone else in the middle. Make it about you

and your boundries. So what if she thinks you are nuts, they are your boundries

and if your gut says HELL NO, I trust your gut a whole lot more than her!

>

> So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or Histrionic

PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in the office

that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a lot and I

can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in a manner

that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost zero

frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say that

she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both in

this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

>

> I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn to

me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks me

if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

>

> Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking on

a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side to

earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

>

> One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and my

weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

>

> Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are greatly

appreciated!

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the others, go with your GUT on this one because I think it's

right! I think we were so often not allowed to go with our gut instincts as

kids, we probably question them way more than most people as adults!

I'm not really sure how I would handle this dog walking thing. First of all

you said, " I'll consider it " . It sounds like she told the person who wants

you to walk the dog that you agreed. So, when you do call the person back,

I'd try to find some way to get that into the conversation. " Oh yes, I told

<so & so> that I'd consider walking your dog, but unfortunately my schedule at

the moment doesn't allow for it. I couldn't be sure until I got home &

looked at my current schedule for dog walking and unfortunately I can't

squeeze you in at this time. " I don't know, but something along those

lines. I know I personally hate it when I say " maybe " to something and

people think it's an automatic " yes " . So I can imagine you're pretty

frustrated by all this too.

You may have to find a way to be very blunt with this woman you work with

too. Not rude, per say, just very blunt. As someone else suggested, tell

her that you keep your work life and social life separate. And if she does

start spreading rumors around the office, you do have grounds to go to your

boss and file a harassment complaint, just FYI. Hell, I think you do now!

You've all ready told her no, but I think you're going to have to be very

specific with putting up this boundary with her.

Another thing you might want to try too. I've done this when I have to make

uncomfortable phone calls. Example: Last 2 months of class had to call

around to different organizations in our community that work with pregnant

or pediatric patients (example: Boys & girls club, Planned Parenthood) to

get an interview to do a paper. That was like pulling teeth! So after a few

rejections, I typed out what I wanted to say on the phone and it helped a

ton. I got the interviews I needed. Just an idea, but maybe it'll help?

It's kind of like role play, but, by yourself hehe (which I'm WAY more

comfortable with than with other people haha!)

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, have faith in yourself, listen to your

gut, and remember that your boundaries are just that... YOUR boundaries.

Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about them.

Good luck!

Mia

>

>

>

> As far as going to the movies with her, etc. you could come from the stance

> that you prefer to keep work and personal life seperate, and that even goes

> with dog walking. You prefer to make your own connections with your dog

> walking commitments, so that you never put someone else in the middle. Make

> it about you and your boundries. So what if she thinks you are nuts, they

> are your boundries and if your gut says HELL NO, I trust your gut a whole

> lot more than her!

>

[Guest guest]

I'm with the rest: trust your gut. With HPD or BPD, it's always those pesky

details that aren't discussed that they use to exploit you. They want to say

they did this brilliant thing for you, and you end up getting screwed.

>

> So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or Histrionic

PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in the office

that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a lot and I

can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in a manner

that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost zero

frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say that

she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both in

this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

>

> I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn to

me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks me

if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

>

> Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking on

a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side to

earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

>

> One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and my

weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

>

> Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are greatly

appreciated!

>

[Guest guest]

I never thought of the possibility narcissism! Makes a lot of sense. Yep, def.

need to listen to my instincts on this one. Thanks for the feedback!

> >

> > So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or

Histrionic PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in

the office that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a

lot and I can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in

a manner that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost

zero frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say

that she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both

in this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

> >

> > I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn

to me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks

me if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

> >

> > Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking

on a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side

to earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

> >

> > One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and

my weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

> >

> > Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are

greatly appreciated!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's a great thing to say, just keeping my work and personal life separate. It

would definitely cover my behind in this situation and the ones to come, as i

have a feeling this won't be the last time I need to say this to her! Thanks for

the advice!

> >

> > So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or

Histrionic PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in

the office that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a

lot and I can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in

a manner that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost

zero frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say

that she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both

in this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

> >

> > I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn

to me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks

me if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

> >

> > Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking

on a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side

to earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

> >

> > One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and

my weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

> >

> > Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are

greatly appreciated!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oooh! I really like the idea of the role playing with myself! Because like you

said, as KOs we were not given the space, emotionally speaking, to listen to our

gut, so it's often so hard for me to respond on my feet in situations like

these. But having something written out that I have already practiced would make

my responses ready in my mind. It reminds me of something my old therapist

taught me to do: just shouting, as loud and as firmly as I could, " NO! " in the

shower, over and over again (so i'm not disturbing or freaking out my neighbors

in the apartment next door), just to have the practice and the experience of

saying No outloud.

This is one of those situations for me to really be practicing my boundaries

and, like you said, not only putting them up but not feeling bad about that.

Hopefully one day, it will come naturally!

Thanks so much for your advice!

>

> >

> >

> >

> > As far as going to the movies with her, etc. you could come from the stance

> > that you prefer to keep work and personal life seperate, and that even goes

> > with dog walking. You prefer to make your own connections with your dog

> > walking commitments, so that you never put someone else in the middle. Make

> > it about you and your boundries. So what if she thinks you are nuts, they

> > are your boundries and if your gut says HELL NO, I trust your gut a whole

> > lot more than her!

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do have a thought/comment...I can't really help because I find myself in

precisely these positions, those types luvvvvvvvvvvv me and they clock me

immediately and I just find myself struggling in the same way with boundaries,

but my curiosity is, do you feel isolated in your feelings? I ask because i

always do and it takes me a very long time to open up and realize that usually

the nutjob that is affecting me is affecting everyone else around me, and that i

am not alone. I know I make these assumptions that everyone else likes her/him

and is fine with her/him because of my mothers sick denial about my fathers

malignant narcissism and because of 40 years of her insistence that the problem

was really me; " if you would just blah blah blah then he wouldn't blah blah

blah " etc etc etc. Up until this last year, I believed it hook line and sinker,

which is tragic.

I ask this because I saw some things on facebook today (another person's page, I

don't have anything but a dummy account with no friends) that make it very clear

that my poor SIL is really offending alot of people with disparaging remarks

about my family. And other things, but that in general, things were obvious,

from reading the remarks, and responses to her. In one case a cousin who

actually had apologized for another cousin's defriending of SIL over a year ago,

called SIL a lunatic to her face on there, in not so many words, just based on

things she was posting disparaging my parents (which in this particular case are

not based in reality). SIL is not fooling anyone. And none of her family comes

to her defense. My mother would have me believe I am *the only one* who has a

problem but I saw on there it's clear to everyone SIL is off her rocker. It was

very validating. My father isn't on there or online at all or he would flip.

I seem to have gone through this so many times, assuming that I am 'the only

one' that *sees* that the person is looney. Because I was made to feel this way

in my family about my dad. It's so weird that because of this one situation, I

carry this isolation around in my adult life and apply it to every situation. I

was actively punished, and shunned, and tormented, really, for calling my dad

out about his behavior (when nada didn't need a shoulder to cry on about him,

that is). I guess that is why I am curious, do you seek validation from other

people about this person, or do you carry the weight (not that you can trust

everyone at work because I've been betrayed before, but it's so interesting to

reach out and find there is a consensus from *everyone* that a certain person is

a loon).

>

> So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or Histrionic

PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in the office

that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a lot and I

can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in a manner

that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost zero

frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say that

she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both in

this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

>

> I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn to

me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks me

if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

>

> Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking on

a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side to

earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

>

> One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and my

weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

>

> Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are greatly

appreciated!

>

[Guest guest]

Yea, interesting point. I haven't discussed this woman with anyone else at the

workplace. (I have talked about her with people in my personal life, though, and

they all agree with me.) I am curious about what my coworkers think, tho. They

only way I would is if one of them brought her up with me, and even then, I

would be very selective in what I would say about how I feel about her. But I

don't have that much contact with her throughout the day, so it's hard to gauge

how others might feel.

These types always seem to looove me too! I was just reading this article the

other day about how sociopaths and manipulators are drawn to persons with a

history of trauma; they can just sense it in the other person, and this is why

people who have experienced trauma (like us KO's) often end up in situations

with people we eventually realize are trying to hurt or manipulate us. I'm

hoping to work on this in me....I don't know what I give out that tells people

" I was abused!!! Pick me!! " but I seem to. I also know what you mean about

feeling like the only person who sees this other person is not healthy! I came

from a similar household--it was always MY distorted thinking, never my nada or

fada! Another thing is maybe we are hypersensitive to anything that remotely

resembles a PD, so that's why we're usually the first (and sometimes only) ones

who are able to sniff it out.

Thanks for your feedback!

> >

> > So I am currently working with a woman I suspect has either BPD or

Histrionic PD...or maybe traits of these. She frequently has angry outbursts in

the office that are way out of proportion to what was happening, she gossips a

lot and I can see her playing one coworker off of another, dresses and speaks in

a manner that purposefully draws a lot of attention to herself, and has almost

zero frustration tolerance. Because I don't know her well enough, I can't say

that she has BPD or HPD, but, like I said, seems to me there are traits of both

in this woman. And enough traits for her to remind me sooo much of my nada!

> >

> > I have been trying to maintain my distance, but, of course, she seems drawn

to me and frequently tries to involve me in conversations she's having, or asks

me if I want to go see a movie, etc. I keep turning her down politely over and

over again, and it feels so obvious to me that I don't want to be her friend,

but this woman is very persistent. It's one of those situations where I would

have to be outright rude about it for her to get the message, and I'm avoiding

being rude because I don't want the drama from her, especially in the workplace

(though our workplace is pretty independent and we don't have face to face

contact on a daily basis).

> >

> > Anyway, she's asked me for the second time if I am interested in dogwalking

on a regular basis for an acquaintance of hers. (She knows I dogwalk on the side

to earn extra income.) I turned her down the first time and had a good reason on

the spot, but for this 2nd time, I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and

told her it was something I'd consider. Yes, I could use the extra money but my

gut is telling me HELL NO!!! She's already forwarded my contact info to the

friend of hers and the woman has called me and left a message, saying " can't

wait to get started! thanks so much for agreeing to help us out! "

> >

> > One thing I was thinking I could say is, " You know, I thought about it, and

my weeks are so busy, I'd rather just keep my schedule as it is now. " But then I

feel like that's an obvious lie, like, why didn't i just say that to begin with?

I feel really frustrated with myself that I don't feel secure enough to just say

that --who cares if i didn't say it to begin with? Because with any other

person, I would feel fine saying that, even after the fact. But with her, it

brings up a lot of fear for me.

> >

> > Aah. Any advice on how to handle this, or just thoughts & comments are

greatly appreciated!

> >

>