I used to be a fada

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Lars, my posts are currently being monitored, so it takes a day or two for my

posts to be approved. I still have trouble communicating in writing sometimes.

I will be doing fine, then out of no where I right something that rubs people

the wrong way. It is unintentional, but something I need to work on. This list

helps me learn to be more sensitive when I write. I am not this abrasive in

person, because I have body language from those I am communicating with to help

me. However, when I write, sometimes I just can't see how what I write might

affect someone. I think that most of the time I am in harmony with the group,

but every once in a while I have a brain fart. I promise to apologize when this

happens and I hope I improve with time.

By the time you read this, you will have already read my response to girlscout,

" I need your help + are there any BPs on this list. " To answer your question

Lars, yes, I was diagnosed with a personality disorder 4 years ago. I had BPD

and remained in therapy for 4 years, up until I lost insurance about 3 month

ago. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of BPD, but I still struggle with

PTSD, general anxiety, and chronic fatigue. My meds do a pretty good job at

keeping me out of depression. Recently, Annie suggested I try a few things that

worked for her chronic fatigue and I am happy to report that her suggestions

helped a lot (B12, DHEA, adrenal supplements). Thank you Annie.

I suspected that my sharing about my BPD past might cause some disharmony with

some members of the group, but I decided to share anyway because I thought that

others might benefit from my story. I was a fada who got help and became a

father to my daughter (now 11 years old). I don't claim to be a good father,

but I am a father now and getting better at it every year (I think).

>

> >

> > I talked to my daughter afterward and so did grandpa, she was assured that

> > everything was fine; that we just had to talk about something that was hard

> > to talk about.

> >

>

> I wish I had been told this after bearing witness to fights and arguments or

> getting yelled at... maybe I would have been less scared all the time.

>

> My mom used to use whatever she could against me to get me to do what she

> wanted. She mentioned to me today that she was giving my brother a hard

> time because he has been staying up late. I told her, hey, you know what

> you should do? You should threaten to cut him off if he doesn't start going

> to bed on time. Her response was that she has already said that to him. I

> asked what my brother said and she said " oh he just tells me you wouldn't do

> that mom. "

>

> I wish I had known that would work!!!! Would have saved so many years of

> fear and emotional trauma!!!! Anyway, to me it sounds like you had a

> similar interaction like my brother has where you were calling your dad's

> bluff because you know he wouldn't kick you out. (The primary reason just

> happening to be your daughter) So not really playing her as a card, but her

> being your fada's " tell " that lets you know it's safe to call his bluff (to

> continue the card analogy.)

>

> In re to: " you coming out as BPD " I don't want to say anything to create

> conflict, but did I miss the message where this happened? It has gotten me

> thinking that I wonder if there are BPD people who can (accurately)

> recognize the BP in others but not themselves. I wouldn't be surprised

> because BPs tend to have huge blinders on when it comes to anything that

> might be perceived as a weakness >.> I imagine that BPD is one of those

> things where " admitting you have a problem is the first step " is especially

> true and is more of a leap than a step.

>

> HAHA I wonder if BPs with Munchhausen could be convinced that BP is a

> disease that would get them a lot of attention and support. hmmmmm.

>

> Lars

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