A Truly Traumatic Weekend

September 25, 2011

This weekend has been one of the scariest in my adult life, since going NC with

nada. I think it really showed me just how much pain and anguish she's forced

into my family. This is a bit of a long one, as I'm an external processer (I

need to express my thoughts and feelings to make sense of them). This weekend, I

took my brother to the emergency room for a low blood sugar (he's diabetic) and

alcohol poisoning.

To start things out, I'm an RA (i'm a junior in college) and my brother is a

freshman living in the same building. We are really close and I think very

highly of him. He's smart, kind, and extremely compassionate, especially towards

animals and bottom line: he has integrity to others, but maybe not himself. He's

had Type 1 Diabetes since about age 9 and generally takes really good care of

himself. However, Nada split him as all-bad and he has a perception of himself

as this rotten, stupid kid, and as he just denies the pain and minimizes the

events that have happened to him (i.e. Nada making attempts on his life multiple

times).

Both of our grandfathers are alcoholics. One recovered, the other has not.

Unfortunately, Brother has been learning that he has these tendencies and an

insanely high tolerance for the stuff, which is not a good combination. While I

fully recognize the harmfulness of alcohol and the extremely detrimental effects

alcoholism has, I also recognize the culture of our school to engage in harmful

behaviors. That being said, I don't think alcohol is evil and I don't believe

having an occasional night on the town is bad, provided you understand your

limits and can drink and behave safely. I understand other people on the list

have had bad experiences with alcoholism and I know am beginning to understand

the dark side of it.

Friday night, I'm having a night off and hanging out with the boyfriend, when we

get a call from brother's phone and it's one of his friends who lives in his

dorm. She tells me that he pulled his infusion set from his pump (what gives him

insulin) out and he's too drunk to put it back in. I assume it's not a big deal,

as I'm not naive. Freshman experiment with alcohol and he's no exception. We'd

had several talks about alcohol safety and from what he's told me of his

experiences, he'd made some bad decisions, but overall had been doing ok.

2 minutes later, another friend calls me again. She insists that I need to get

there now as he is throwing up and is throwing up and having suicidal ideations.

I pretty much go into mama bear mode.

I get to his dorm (boyfriend came along) and walk in the room to find brother on

the floor, retching and mumbling. I go to him and gently grab his shoulder and

start talking to him to determine his responsiveness. He doesn't really

recognize me and just mumbles about leaving him and giving him a hug. His

friends start telling me about his night and reveal he'd been drinking everclear

(the highest alcohol content spirits you can buy) and I test his blood sugar

levels and find he's at 57 (healthy is between 80 and 150, dangerous is below

30). While doing that I notice he has tally marks all the way up his forearm.

He's still throwing up so boyfriend gets plastic bags and we get them under his

face to avoid staining the carpet further. I can't get sugar into him, so I call

my dad and ask him what to do. He tells me what I was afraid of from the

beginning - I have to get him help.

I call the university police and inform them that I'm an RA, and my diabetic

brother is unresponsive and I need an alcohol evaluation. I attempt to get him

to hold sugar into his mouth while we wait. The EMT's arrive with a police

officer and realize he is beyond their help and call in paramedics.

They get his info from me, test his vitals and attempt to test his blood sugar

again but he's not coherent enough to figure out what's going on.

He starts having flashbacks and tries to protect his hands to prevent them from

testing him, claiming it hurts. I recognize what's going on. Nada used to test

his blood sugar while he was still asleep, pricking his fingers in his sleep and

telling him he was naturally violent when he would get upset from the pain. He's

shivering and cold. He keeps telling them he doesn't care when they ask him to

do things and says they should just leave him as he deserves to die.

I'm still so hopped up on adrenaline and from all the past traumatic

experiences, my natural response in emergencies is pretty good - I don't feel

anything until much later. I just do what I need to do. I guess it's something

protective leftover from nada that actually somewhat works in my favor.

I'm sent outside to wait for the paramedics and the ambulance arrives after the

second police suburban. They come in and determine him to be unresponsive and

needs to go to the hospital. His blood sugar has dropped to 40. I rattle off his

birthday and name and his allergies to amoxicillin and tree nuts, and they get

him onto a stretcher. He keeps telling the paramedics and EMT's how nice they

are and how caring and how they're good people. He continues saying he's not

worth it, and I have to explain to the police office he's a domestic violence

victim and does not do drugs.

I ride in the front of the ambulance to the hospital. On the way in, he's

crying. I haven't seen him cry in years. He's screaming that " she's trying to

kill me! She's going to kill me in my sleep! And she hurts my sister and my

brother and there's nothing I can do! " The nurses don't really react but I think

this was the most painful part. He just didn't stop crying and at one point

tells them that he uses the alcohol to numb the pain and forget stuff but it

just makes you remember more and worse. I stand in the room while they get the

IV's into him and check his vital signs and give him stuff to calm his stomach

(he's still throwing up every 5minutes or so). Eventually the cries turn to sobs

and he tells them his mother doesn't love him, never has and won't even talk to

him. Won't even say hi.

They do an X-ray of his chest and he has a hard time even sitting up and doing

what they ask him. He mumbles at me for a little while after the nurses leave

and I just sit there holding his hand.

Afterwards, he's stabilized and falls asleep. I call my dad again and let him

know everything that's happened. My phone had died so I have my boyfriends and

he has mine, but I have no way to contact him and none of my numbers.

Eventually, I get the number for a taxi and get one home at 3am.

Our dad came up yesterday to spend time with us and make sure we were ok. We had

a long talk, and brother has finally come to terms that he is in a lot of

emotional pain and is getting the help he needs. It's a long journey on the

yellow brick road, but he's taking the first step.

Today is going to be hard, just because I finally feel the emotions of the

situation. I'm finally crying.

Everyone who heard about it is texting me and telling me how proud they are of

me for saving his life. I'm not the one who did it. His friends knew enough to

call me and I got him help.

If I had really saved his life, I would have protected him from nada years ago.

I know there's only so much you can do, but I should have started sticking up

for him long before I did. But how much can you do when you're 5 and he's 4 and

the baby is sick and mama is crying and telling you all how awful you all are,

and breaking dishes on the counter in her rage?

But the thing that really gets me was nada's text:

" I'm so glad u were there to take care of your brother. u r a great big sis. i

love u two so much! "

B.S. She is the one that caused all of this.

I feel anger and pain and fatigue. What a weekend.

September 25, 2011

((((((((((((((((( Dear Clefairy )))))))))))))))

This truly sounds like the weekend from hell.

Our own pain is one thing, but it hurts at a whole different level when

we are so intimately connected to someone else's deepest wounds of loss,

pain, and grief. This* must* have been anguishing, and hurt so terribly. It

sounds like both you and your brother (probably all three of you sibs,) are

so deeply grieved at not having been able to help each other more as

children. My own sibling is alcoholic, and drug addicted. I too feel

tremendous anger, and frustration at not having been better equipped to

protect either of us.

Your nadas text was infuriating. I know, that by their nature, text

messages are brief, but the glib and superficial tone of this one, indicates

that she is clueless, and infuriatingly out of touch as to her role in this

horrendous situation. Its not like you needed a " thumbs up. "

I wish had some deep and healing words of wisdom to send to you, to

bring you, and the siblings you so clearly love, the deep, healing clarity,

respite, and succor you deserve. Although I lack the words, the hope and

images of just such a state for you, all, is held in my heart. I hope you

have someone close, who can help you find some safe rest. If not, I hope you

will find it for yourself.

Take good care of yourself, too, I'll be thinking of you, in the light.

Sunspot

On Sun, Sep 25, 2011 at 1:03 PM, clefairy_looking_for_moonstone <

clefairy_looking_for_moonstone@...> wrote:

> **

>

> This weekend has been one of the scariest in my adult life, since going NC

> with nada. I think it really showed me just how much pain and anguish she's

> forced into my family. This is a bit of a long one, as I'm an external

> processer (I need to express my thoughts and feelings to make sense of

> them). This weekend, I took my brother to the emergency room for a low blood

> sugar (he's diabetic) and alcohol poisoning.

>

> To start things out, I'm an RA (i'm a junior in college) and my brother is

> a freshman living in the same building. We are really close and I think very

> highly of him. He's smart, kind, and extremely compassionate, especially

> towards animals and bottom line: he has integrity to others, but maybe not

> himself. He's had Type 1 Diabetes since about age 9 and generally takes

> really good care of himself. However, Nada split him as all-bad and he has a

> perception of himself as this rotten, stupid kid, and as he just denies the

> pain and minimizes the events that have happened to him (i.e. Nada making

> attempts on his life multiple times).

>

> Both of our grandfathers are alcoholics. One recovered, the other has not.

> Unfortunately, Brother has been learning that he has these tendencies and an

> insanely high tolerance for the stuff, which is not a good combination.

> While I fully recognize the harmfulness of alcohol and the extremely

> detrimental effects alcoholism has, I also recognize the culture of our

> school to engage in harmful behaviors. That being said, I don't think

> alcohol is evil and I don't believe having an occasional night on the town

> is bad, provided you understand your limits and can drink and behave safely.

> I understand other people on the list have had bad experiences with

> alcoholism and I know am beginning to understand the dark side of it.

>

> Friday night, I'm having a night off and hanging out with the boyfriend,

> when we get a call from brother's phone and it's one of his friends who

> lives in his dorm. She tells me that he pulled his infusion set from his

> pump (what gives him insulin) out and he's too drunk to put it back in. I

> assume it's not a big deal, as I'm not naive. Freshman experiment with

> alcohol and he's no exception. We'd had several talks about alcohol safety

> and from what he's told me of his experiences, he'd made some bad decisions,

> but overall had been doing ok.

> 2 minutes later, another friend calls me again. She insists that I need to

> get there now as he is throwing up and is throwing up and having suicidal

> ideations. I pretty much go into mama bear mode.

> I get to his dorm (boyfriend came along) and walk in the room to find

> brother on the floor, retching and mumbling. I go to him and gently grab his

> shoulder and start talking to him to determine his responsiveness. He

> doesn't really recognize me and just mumbles about leaving him and giving

> him a hug. His friends start telling me about his night and reveal he'd been

> drinking everclear (the highest alcohol content spirits you can buy) and I

> test his blood sugar levels and find he's at 57 (healthy is between 80 and

> 150, dangerous is below 30). While doing that I notice he has tally marks

> all the way up his forearm. He's still throwing up so boyfriend gets plastic

> bags and we get them under his face to avoid staining the carpet further. I

> can't get sugar into him, so I call my dad and ask him what to do. He tells

> me what I was afraid of from the beginning - I have to get him help.

> I call the university police and inform them that I'm an RA, and my

> diabetic brother is unresponsive and I need an alcohol evaluation. I attempt

> to get him to hold sugar into his mouth while we wait. The EMT's arrive with

> a police officer and realize he is beyond their help and call in paramedics.

> They get his info from me, test his vitals and attempt to test his blood

> sugar again but he's not coherent enough to figure out what's going on.

> He starts having flashbacks and tries to protect his hands to prevent them

> from testing him, claiming it hurts. I recognize what's going on. Nada used

> to test his blood sugar while he was still asleep, pricking his fingers in

> his sleep and telling him he was naturally violent when he would get upset

> from the pain. He's shivering and cold. He keeps telling them he doesn't

> care when they ask him to do things and says they should just leave him as

> he deserves to die.

> I'm still so hopped up on adrenaline and from all the past traumatic

> experiences, my natural response in emergencies is pretty good - I don't

> feel anything until much later. I just do what I need to do. I guess it's

> something protective leftover from nada that actually somewhat works in my

> favor.

> I'm sent outside to wait for the paramedics and the ambulance arrives after

> the second police suburban. They come in and determine him to be

> unresponsive and needs to go to the hospital. His blood sugar has dropped to

> 40. I rattle off his birthday and name and his allergies to amoxicillin and

> tree nuts, and they get him onto a stretcher. He keeps telling the

> paramedics and EMT's how nice they are and how caring and how they're good

> people. He continues saying he's not worth it, and I have to explain to the

> police office he's a domestic violence victim and does not do drugs.

> I ride in the front of the ambulance to the hospital. On the way in, he's

> crying. I haven't seen him cry in years. He's screaming that " she's trying

> to kill me! She's going to kill me in my sleep! And she hurts my sister and

> my brother and there's nothing I can do! " The nurses don't really react but

> I think this was the most painful part. He just didn't stop crying and at

> one point tells them that he uses the alcohol to numb the pain and forget

> stuff but it just makes you remember more and worse. I stand in the room

> while they get the IV's into him and check his vital signs and give him

> stuff to calm his stomach (he's still throwing up every 5minutes or so).

> Eventually the cries turn to sobs and he tells them his mother doesn't love

> him, never has and won't even talk to him. Won't even say hi.

> They do an X-ray of his chest and he has a hard time even sitting up and

> doing what they ask him. He mumbles at me for a little while after the

> nurses leave and I just sit there holding his hand.

> Afterwards, he's stabilized and falls asleep. I call my dad again and let

> him know everything that's happened. My phone had died so I have my

> boyfriends and he has mine, but I have no way to contact him and none of my

> numbers. Eventually, I get the number for a taxi and get one home at 3am.

>

> Our dad came up yesterday to spend time with us and make sure we were ok.

> We had a long talk, and brother has finally come to terms that he is in a

> lot of emotional pain and is getting the help he needs. It's a long journey

> on the yellow brick road, but he's taking the first step.

> Today is going to be hard, just because I finally feel the emotions of the

> situation. I'm finally crying.

>

> Everyone who heard about it is texting me and telling me how proud they are

> of me for saving his life. I'm not the one who did it. His friends knew

> enough to call me and I got him help.

> If I had really saved his life, I would have protected him from nada years

> ago. I know there's only so much you can do, but I should have started

> sticking up for him long before I did. But how much can you do when you're 5

> and he's 4 and the baby is sick and mama is crying and telling you all how

> awful you all are, and breaking dishes on the counter in her rage?

>

> But the thing that really gets me was nada's text:

> " I'm so glad u were there to take care of your brother. u r a great big

> sis. i love u two so much! "

>

> B.S. She is the one that caused all of this.

>

> I feel anger and pain and fatigue. What a weekend.

>

September 25, 2011

(((((clefairy)))))

OMG; you did have an extremely scary, traumatic weekend. I felt very anxious

for you reading your post. I'm so glad the outcome was positive.

You were able to remain calm and focused and get help for your brother; he is

now (if I understand correctly) getting the psychological evaluation and

treatment that he needs to help him recover. What he did, seems to me, was

make a very real suicide attempt. Thank God he didn't succeed, thanks to his

friends and to you, his very caring and empathetic sister.

But how very, very traumatic for you, dear.

It doesn't surprise me that you felt the effects of the stress and danger

afterwards.

Its normal for our mind and body to " shift gears " to let us deal effectively

with an immediate life-threatening crisis NOW, and delay perceiving and feeling

and processing the trauma-generated emotions until later, after the immediate

danger has passed. (Or, in the case of chronically abused children, the feelings

generated and sometimes the memory of the traumatic incident itself are

repressed and denied, banished to the subconscious as a survival mechanism.)

And I have to admit that I did a sudden screeching skid to a stop on your

statement " nada made attempts on (brother's) life several times. "

A parent who has repeatedly tried to kill her own child should not be roaming

around freely, in my own personal opinion; how is it that your nada is not in

jail or in a psychiatric hospital? How is it that your dad didn't rescue his

kids from such abnormal, clearly insane treatment?

No wonder your brother is in such severe emotional pain.

Please, please take my words seriously: you were a child and NOT responsible AT

ALL, in any way, shape or form for any abuse that you and your brother endured

at the hands of your parents.

NO responsibility. Zip. Zero.

That is a false belief you have, that you were in any way responsible.

A little five year old child cannot stand up to an adult and stop an adult, any

more than an adult can stand on railroad tracks and by holding up a hand stop an

oncoming train! And its too often tragically true that even when children try

to tell other adults, their pleas for help are ignored, minimized, or otherwise

denied and not acted on.

For children, if I understand what I've read correctly, its a psychological

survival mechanism to believe that you, the child, are responsible for having

brought abuse on yourself (or on a sibling) because this gives the child hope

that change is possible.

Hope and denial prevent the child from descending into a suicidal despair.

The child tells herself, " Its not mommy, its me, and if I can just be good

enough mommy will love me and treat me better. " ) This provides a false sense of

having some control over the situation, because the reality is too devastating

for the child's mind to handle. Denial, taking on responsibility and the false

sense of control that bestows shields the child's mind from the hideous reality

that she is being raised by a mother who does not or cannot love her and is

actually dangerous to her and might abandon her or actually kill her.

I've read is that chronically abused children cling even harder, even more

tenaciously to the abusive parent in order to attempt to solicit even a little

reciprocal caring and protectiveness from the parent. (as in " The Stockholm

Syndrome " or " betrayal bonding. " )

Its your nada and your dad who were solely responsible for your childhood abuse,

nobody else. NOT you. So, I hope you will find a way to shed your

inappropriate feelings of guilt and misplaced feelings of responsibility for not

protecting your brother or yourself from your abusive mother and/or dad.

You and your brother were betrayed in the deepest way possible, as are all KOs

who endure psychological, physical, and sexual abuse by their own parents, or

neglect by their own parents.

But recovery is possible for us. Its not easy or quick, but there is hope for

us. And that's why we're all here, to support each other on our own paths to a

better quality of health and life.

-Annie

>

> This weekend has been one of the scariest in my adult life, since going NC

with nada. I think it really showed me just how much pain and anguish she's

forced into my family. This is a bit of a long one, as I'm an external processer

(I need to express my thoughts and feelings to make sense of them). This

weekend, I took my brother to the emergency room for a low blood sugar (he's

diabetic) and alcohol poisoning.

>

> To start things out, I'm an RA (i'm a junior in college) and my brother is a

freshman living in the same building. We are really close and I think very

highly of him. He's smart, kind, and extremely compassionate, especially towards

animals and bottom line: he has integrity to others, but maybe not himself. He's

had Type 1 Diabetes since about age 9 and generally takes really good care of

himself. However, Nada split him as all-bad and he has a perception of himself

as this rotten, stupid kid, and as he just denies the pain and minimizes the

events that have happened to him (i.e. Nada making attempts on his life multiple

times).

>***

September 25, 2011

Clefairy - Good Lord. I applaud you for HELPING to manage the crisis (even

though I think you're underestimating your role in getting your brother to the

ER and being the " adult in charge " - I think you should give yourself a lot more

credit). If it helps any, I think that we KO's tend to analyze crises like this

in terms of our upbringing in the craziness, because the " crazy goggles " are the

only ones we have to see through. So I don't intend to downplay the seriousness

of what your brother did or the amount of emotional pain he must be in - I

simply want to say this:

Many college freshmen do moronic things (my son's a freshman this year, and has

pulled a minor stunt or two of his own). Even the healthiest parents live in

fear of a phone call from the dorm or the campus police, saying that their son

or daughter has done something completely stupid - like drinking Everclear to

the point of alcohol poisoning. The RA's are often heroes in this - you guys

are the first line of defense against the immature behavior of these newly

minted " adults " who are pushing every boundary Mom and Dad ever set.

While it's obvious your brother is going through something extra from being a

KO, it sounds like he's also just being an idiotic freshman. His diabetes and

history of family alcoholism makes it crucial that he not drink - at all, ever,

but his immaturity makes it difficult for him to avoid the temptation of getting

wasted. Some of this is surely due to real emotional damage, but some of it may

just be freshman thickheadedness. You cannot beat yourself up over it, nor

should you feel responsible to 'fix' him. Maybe he's not ready for dorm life.

Maybe he needs to live with your Dad and do the rest of freshman year at home

(you didn't say whether your parents are still living together - if they are,

then living at home would be a bad idea, as you know). Maybe he should be at

another school so you're not placed in a position of being his on-campus Mommy.

Being an RA is responsibility enough, and you have your own life and future to

pursue.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned for him, but once you claw your way

out from under a dysfunctional parent, you should get to breathe free, without

having to parent a sibling who seems set on self-destruction. Take care of

yourself. You deserve a future.

September 25, 2011

Hugs sweetie. Hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs. you were a hero, and I

suspect you have been many other times.

And I think you should chuck Nada's number into the ocean as hard as you

can.

XOXO

On Sun, Sep 25, 2011 at 12:35 PM, shirleyspawn

wrote:

> **

>

> Clefairy - Good Lord. I applaud you for HELPING to manage the crisis (even

> though I think you're underestimating your role in getting your brother to

> the ER and being the " adult in charge " - I think you should give yourself a

> lot more credit). If it helps any, I think that we KO's tend to analyze

> crises like this in terms of our upbringing in the craziness, because the

> " crazy goggles " are the only ones we have to see through. So I don't intend

> to downplay the seriousness of what your brother did or the amount of

> emotional pain he must be in - I simply want to say this:

>

> Many college freshmen do moronic things (my son's a freshman this year, and

> has pulled a minor stunt or two of his own). Even the healthiest parents

> live in fear of a phone call from the dorm or the campus police, saying that

> their son or daughter has done something completely stupid - like drinking

> Everclear to the point of alcohol poisoning. The RA's are often heroes in

> this - you guys are the first line of defense against the immature behavior

> of these newly minted " adults " who are pushing every boundary Mom and Dad

> ever set.

>

> While it's obvious your brother is going through something extra from being

> a KO, it sounds like he's also just being an idiotic freshman. His diabetes

> and history of family alcoholism makes it crucial that he not drink - at

> all, ever, but his immaturity makes it difficult for him to avoid the

> temptation of getting wasted. Some of this is surely due to real emotional

> damage, but some of it may just be freshman thickheadedness. You cannot beat

> yourself up over it, nor should you feel responsible to 'fix' him. Maybe

> he's not ready for dorm life. Maybe he needs to live with your Dad and do

> the rest of freshman year at home (you didn't say whether your parents are

> still living together - if they are, then living at home would be a bad

> idea, as you know). Maybe he should be at another school so you're not

> placed in a position of being his on-campus Mommy. Being an RA is

> responsibility enough, and you have your own life and future to pursue.

>

> I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned for him, but once you claw your

> way out from under a dysfunctional parent, you should get to breathe free,

> without having to parent a sibling who seems set on self-destruction. Take

> care of yourself. You deserve a future.

>

September 25, 2011

Thank you all so much for the words of kindness and concern. I can't tell you

how wonderful it is to have this group. It's so wonderfully validating.

Dad and nada are still going through the very long divorce process and although

she was removed from the house by the county sheriff's department last year, we

can't prove any of the attacks on our lives and so she's still out there. The

case was technically domestic violence, but Nada is just so freakin' clever, all

they could do was take away her rights to the kids and get her away from us.

Luckily, next month she's moving across the country. I couldn't be happier.

Dad was kind-of a dishrag and wasn't aware of how bad things were for us until

we were older. Nada got worse as time went on but Dad knew something was very

wrong soon after I was born. He thought that if he could bear the brunt of

things, he could protect us and keep the family together for our sakes. He knows

better now and I'm glad he figured out things were bad when he did, but I can't

help but wish he would have sooner and he would have saved us sooner. The solace

I can find in that is that he does love me unconditionally and supports me in

every way I can, but in the end, I was the one who saved myself from nada.

Brother is out of the hospital and he and I will be seeing a psychologist

together soon. I think that, yes, he does do moronic freshman things, but I

think this was a wake-up call. He's still struggling with his feelings of being

worthless and unlovable which nada so thoroughly instilled in him. I'm not

worried at all of him becoming self-destructive. I think he learned a lot from

this experiences and his ambitions of going to vet school and healing animals

will help him make better decisions.

He's gotten me out of so many binds and helped me so many ways, and protected

our younger siblings when I couldn't, I think it's only right that I could be

the one to pull him to the surface this time. But I can't save him. He'll have

to save himself. But I'll be there with him ever step of the way.

>

> > **

> >

> > Clefairy - Good Lord. I applaud you for HELPING to manage the crisis (even

> > though I think you're underestimating your role in getting your brother to

> > the ER and being the " adult in charge " - I think you should give yourself a

> > lot more credit). If it helps any, I think that we KO's tend to analyze

> > crises like this in terms of our upbringing in the craziness, because the

> > " crazy goggles " are the only ones we have to see through. So I don't intend

> > to downplay the seriousness of what your brother did or the amount of

> > emotional pain he must be in - I simply want to say this:

> >

> > Many college freshmen do moronic things (my son's a freshman this year, and

> > has pulled a minor stunt or two of his own). Even the healthiest parents

> > live in fear of a phone call from the dorm or the campus police, saying that

> > their son or daughter has done something completely stupid - like drinking

> > Everclear to the point of alcohol poisoning. The RA's are often heroes in

> > this - you guys are the first line of defense against the immature behavior

> > of these newly minted " adults " who are pushing every boundary Mom and Dad

> > ever set.

> >

> > While it's obvious your brother is going through something extra from being

> > a KO, it sounds like he's also just being an idiotic freshman. His diabetes

> > and history of family alcoholism makes it crucial that he not drink - at

> > all, ever, but his immaturity makes it difficult for him to avoid the

> > temptation of getting wasted. Some of this is surely due to real emotional

> > damage, but some of it may just be freshman thickheadedness. You cannot beat

> > yourself up over it, nor should you feel responsible to 'fix' him. Maybe

> > he's not ready for dorm life. Maybe he needs to live with your Dad and do

> > the rest of freshman year at home (you didn't say whether your parents are

> > still living together - if they are, then living at home would be a bad

> > idea, as you know). Maybe he should be at another school so you're not

> > placed in a position of being his on-campus Mommy. Being an RA is

> > responsibility enough, and you have your own life and future to pursue.

> >

> > I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned for him, but once you claw your

> > way out from under a dysfunctional parent, you should get to breathe free,

> > without having to parent a sibling who seems set on self-destruction. Take

> > care of yourself. You deserve a future.

> >

>

September 25, 2011

wow--your story had me crying. Your brother really needs some serious help, and

I'm glad this happened if it was the final push he needed to get some. I sure

hope he steers clear of everclear and marking shots in the future--it sounds

like he was close to going into a diabetic coma. He's going to be ok.

I urge you to keep talking about this--as traumatic as it was for him, you were

stone cold sober and this was horrible. You have had to be very strong for a

long time and I'm sure you are feeling a lot of things right now. You would be

welcomed at any alanon group, or perhaps there is a support group on campus that

deals with mental illness or substance abuse? You've been strong but you have

your own pain to release.

No alcohol is not out and by itself a bad thing, and yes, college students all

experiment. Alcohol was simply the vehicle here.

I am sorry this happened to you. I am sorry your brother has so much pain. I am

glad you were there to help him and TG his friends cared enough to call you.

Finally, I am sorry that all this happened in your school community and now

everyone will be up in your business.

<<hugs>>