Guest guest Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 Does anyone else have this problem? Both myself and hubby have several chronic illnesses, and I am more disabled then he is so most of the everyday household duties are left up to him, plus he works at a full time job. I do feel bad for him, and having to attend to some of my needs [i try not to ask for too much, and go without a lot], is causing him to be on overload quite a bit. We can't afford to have respite care, insurance doesn't cover it, and family is too far away or too busy with their own lives to help us. Anyhow, within the last few years our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we fight all the time. It just keeps getting worse, and he's not the type to accept that anything is that bad that things need to change. But, I'm miserable living like this and suggested maybe I should go to a nursing home, and of course he doesn't think I'm that bad off to need to. I don't want to, but at the same time I have needs that should be done on a regular basis, but I don't want to burden him anymore than it seems that I am. He is having awful memory problems, and forgets to take his medicines, and do things that are important. I worry about him, and don't want to leave him as my memory isn't as bad so I am here to remind him, and I know that we need to be here for each other, but I just can't stand the stress of the arguing all the time. He argues over everything I bring up, and when I try to explain why I feel the way I do, he dismisses it as not viable. Anyone else having problems with their spouses like this, and if so what do you do to get along? Hugs and Love, Jackie May the peace of God be with you...the love of Jesus enfold you...and the Spirit of Christ fill you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 Not exactly the same problem, I don't think. BUT I recognize some things. We don't have several chronic illnesses, apart from the MS, at least not of any serious kind. has MS (which is a serious illness, of course, I meant the others we have aren't necessarily), and she has a bad back. I have my bad joints (early onset arthritis in, especially, my knees, but other joints are affected too, especially in my hands and arms), and a stomach with a tendency to be sensitive about a lot of thongs (I am lactose intolerant, but also can't have a lot of fat, and not too much dietary fiber, and, some times it reacts to other things as well, can't count them all...). Neither of my conditions are very serious, but they of course affect my ability to do certain things and also my energy levels at times. And we have the situation today that I do most of the household work, today it's on a manageable level I'd say though. But we had a period, of maybe a year, after 's dx, when had severe fatigue, and also hadn't found the right medication for that, and was also still recovering from the exacerbation that brought the diagnosis, when all household tasks, and all social "tasks" (you know, remembering birthdays, dinner invitations etc., not something I am a natural at I'd say...), and also help remembering things for (because her cognitive problems were worsened by the fatigue). It didn't lead us to fighting, but it did mean we had a hard time finding the time and energy to just be together, to talk, and to listen, and all the things a marriage / relationship should contain. And that was a strain. A solution we found at the time was to spend a weekend or a night in a hotel every now and then, where none of us had to worry about cleaning, and grocery shopping, and cooking, etc. That really was a rescue. I know hotels can be expensive (don't know about prices in the US though), but maybe you could find something affordable. Wouldn't have to be a hotel, of course, just as long as it gives you the time and space to be together without a lot of practical work and worries. I know that is probably no answer to the question of nursing home or not, but maybe it could help you communicating without fighting. Just my 2c, possibly a bit irrelevant...love/Reb>> Does anyone else have this problem? Both myself and hubby have several chronic illnesses, and I am more disabled then he is so most of the everyday household duties are left up to him, plus he works at a full time job. I do feel bad for him, and having to attend to some of my needs [i try not to ask for too much, and go without a lot], is causing him to be on overload quite a bit. We can't afford to have respite care, insurance doesn't cover it, and family is too far away or too busy with their own lives to help us. > Anyhow, within the last few years our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we fight all the time. It just keeps getting worse, and he's not the type to accept that anything is that bad that things need to change. But, I'm miserable living like this and suggested maybe I should go to a nursing home, and of course he doesn't think I'm that bad off to need to. I don't want to, but at the same time I have needs that should be done on a regular basis, but I don't want to burden him anymore than it seems that I am. He is having awful memory problems, and forgets to take his medicines, and do things that are important. I worry about him, and don't want to leave him as my memory isn't as bad so I am here to remind him, and I know that we need to be here for each other, but I just can't stand the stress of the arguing all the time. He argues over everything I bring up, and when I try to explain why I feel the way I do, he dismisses it as not viable. > Anyone else having problems with their spouses like this, and if so what do you do to get along?> > > > > > > > > > Hugs and Love, Jackie > May the peace of God be with you...> the love of Jesus enfold you...> and the Spirit of Christ fill you.> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 Jackie, I am so sorry you are having this problem. Would he consider talking to your pastor or maybe a counselor? I will keep you both in my prayers. Hugs nne To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world""May the Lord Bless you and keep you,May the Lord Make his face shine upon you, and give you Peace...Forever"Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://breastcancerpatientssoulmatesforlife.bravehost.com/ Anxiety Depression and Breast Cancerhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comThe Cancer Clubwww.cancerclub.com -----Original Message-----From: rubyjax7@...Sent: Mon, 27 Sep 2010 00:08:24 -0700 (PDT)To: mserslife Subject: ILL SPOUSES TOO :-( Does anyone else have this problem? Both myself and hubby have several chronic illnesses, and I am more disabled then he is so most of the everyday household duties are left up to him, plus he works at a full time job. I do feel bad for him, and having to attend to some of my needs [i try not to ask for too much, and go without a lot], is causing him to be on overload quite a bit. We can't afford to have respite care, insurance doesn't cover it, and family is too far away or too busy with their own lives to help us. Anyhow, within the last few years our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we fight all the time. It just keeps getting worse, and he's not the type to accept that anything is that bad that things need to change. But, I'm miserable living like this and suggested maybe I should go to a nursing home, and of course he doesn't think I'm that bad off to need to. I don't want to, but at the same time I have needs that should be done on a regular basis, but I don't want to burden him anymore than it seems that I am. He is having awful memory problems, and forgets to take his medicines, and do things that are important. I worry about him, and don't want to leave him as my memory isn't as bad so I am here to remind him, and I know that we need to be here for each other, but I just can't stand the stress of the arguing all the time. He argues over everything I bring up, and when I try to explain why I feel the way I do, he dismisses it as not viable. Anyone else having problems with their spouses like this, and if so what do you do to get along? Hugs and Love, Jackie May the peace of God be with you...the love of Jesus enfold you...and the Spirit of Christ fill you. Publish your photos in seconds for FREE Try IM ToolPack at www.imtoolpack.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 I'm sorry to hear this Jackie. How far away are your kids? Your insurance won't pay for home health? Sometimes a county health program will help with that type of thing. Please call around and see what kind of help you could get and let me know what you come up with. Do you have an Information and Referral line that you could call? Perhaps they could give you numbers to call.love SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, September 27, 2010 12:08:24 AMSubject: ILL SPOUSES TOO :-( Does anyone else have this problem? Both myself and hubby have several chronic illnesses, and I am more disabled then he is so most of the everyday household duties are left up to him, plus he works at a full time job. I do feel bad for him, and having to attend to some of my needs [i try not to ask for too much, and go without a lot], is causing him to be on overload quite a bit. We can't afford to have respite care, insurance doesn't cover it, and family is too far away or too busy with their own lives to help us. Anyhow, within the last few years our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we fight all the time. It just keeps getting worse, and he's not the type to accept that anything is that bad that things need to change. But, I'm miserable living like this and suggested maybe I should go to a nursing home, and of course he doesn't think I'm that bad off to need to. I don't want to, but at the same time I have needs that should be done on a regular basis, but I don't want to burden him anymore than it seems that I am. He is having awful memory problems, and forgets to take his medicines, and do things that are important. I worry about him, and don't want to leave him as my memory isn't as bad so I am here to remind him, and I know that we need to be here for each other, but I just can't stand the stress of the arguing all the time. He argues over everything I bring up, and when I try to explain why I feel the way I do, he dismisses it as not viable. Anyone else having problems with their spouses like this, and if so what do you do to get along? Hugs and Love, Jackie May the peace of God be with you...the love of Jesus enfold you...and the Spirit of Christ fill you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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