Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood

[Guest guest]

Has anyone ever read this book/seen this movie?

I watch it every Mother's Day, almost as a memorial service for the pain I've

suffered and the pain nada suffers and because it gives me hope.

There are two nadas in this movie, one a hermit and the other a queen and the

story centers around the non-BP but very confused KO and her relationship with

her nada as well as dealing with what appear to me to be her fleas. It shows the

KO learning about what made her nada who she is (i.e. the trauma in her life

with a nada), processing the traumatic events in the KO's childhood and finally

forming a healthy relationship with her Nada.

I think it shows a mental illness like BPD in a real way, but at the same time

has a rather impossible recovery.

I'd love to hear if anyone else got a similar read on this movie/book or if

there are any other books/movies that deal with similar issues that you found

helpful (or not helpful).

[Guest guest]

OY! That movie is so hard to watch! I have a heckova time watching the " crack

up " of nada when she starts beating her kids. But I have an even harder time

watching the end of the movie when nada is cognisant of her own emotional

problems and also the problems that she has caused her child. It's a happy

ending that is definitely Hollywood, but not real life with a bpd nada! The

first time I watched it, I cried at the end -- I wanted so badly to have that

kind of talk with my nada on the porch swing. But that is fantasyland. False

hope. At least the movie gave an insight into the life of a nada. But I'll

never understand why some people find reasonable ways to handle life's traumas,

while others dive headlong into bpd-land.

S

>

> Has anyone ever read this book/seen this movie?

>

> I watch it every Mother's Day, almost as a memorial service for the pain I've

suffered and the pain nada suffers and because it gives me hope.

>

> There are two nadas in this movie, one a hermit and the other a queen and the

story centers around the non-BP but very confused KO and her relationship with

her nada as well as dealing with what appear to me to be her fleas. It shows the

KO learning about what made her nada who she is (i.e. the trauma in her life

with a nada), processing the traumatic events in the KO's childhood and finally

forming a healthy relationship with her Nada.

>

> I think it shows a mental illness like BPD in a real way, but at the same time

has a rather impossible recovery.

> I'd love to hear if anyone else got a similar read on this movie/book or if

there are any other books/movies that deal with similar issues that you found

helpful (or not helpful).

>

[Guest guest]

I love that movie, in particular Judd's performance. It's hard to

differentiate for me whether the movie is portraying an addict/alcoholic, or a

person with a personality disorder. Based on the young version of the mother I

would say the former, but the older mother character comes off to me like a bpd

(or someone who has drank for decades and the resulting malformations of

personality).

I love so many things about the movie. I love the older adult actresses. I love

the child actress who plays Bullock as a child. I love Garner in that

movie and his portrayal of the sad story of loving a woman who does not love

him. But even in the end, the child/children seem like 'walk-on' characters in

the mother's life. Even in the end, the child's suffering is not really given

the weight that it should have, and it seems we are supposed to feel sorry for

the mother at the expense of the real suffering of her daugther. I don't want

this to sound overly negative, and like a criticism, because I do love this

movie and watch it just about every time I happen to find it being shown on tv.

>

> Has anyone ever read this book/seen this movie?

>

> I watch it every Mother's Day, almost as a memorial service for the pain I've

suffered and the pain nada suffers and because it gives me hope.

>

> There are two nadas in this movie, one a hermit and the other a queen and the

story centers around the non-BP but very confused KO and her relationship with

her nada as well as dealing with what appear to me to be her fleas. It shows the

KO learning about what made her nada who she is (i.e. the trauma in her life

with a nada), processing the traumatic events in the KO's childhood and finally

forming a healthy relationship with her Nada.

>

> I think it shows a mental illness like BPD in a real way, but at the same time

has a rather impossible recovery.

> I'd love to hear if anyone else got a similar read on this movie/book or if

there are any other books/movies that deal with similar issues that you found

helpful (or not helpful).

>

[Guest guest]

Count me among the fans of the movie and the book. I think the portrayal of

Vivi (the mother) is probably not so much a personality disorder, although her

behavior is very much like my Drama Queen, Waif, Witch mother. The " back story "

about why Vivi behaves as she does has a lot to do with her own mother, Buggy

(who does seem to be mentally ill), her domineering father (who is abusive to

Buggy but adores Vivi), the traumatic loss of Vivi's fiance, and the pressure of

being " trapped " in marriage and motherhood (and told to 'just suffer' by her

priest). Then there's poor medical care - the over-prescription of psychiatric

meds and alcohol abuse in the never-ending cocktail party of 1960's Louisiana.

It all works together to make Vivi lose her mind and beat her children savagely.

While the effect (on her daughter) is the same as being raised by a BPD, I don't

see the hopelessness of a PD in Vivi. She's a flawed, complex character, but it

seems she CAN recover. It's like Vivi walks like a (BPD) duck and quacks like a

duck, but her behavior is more due to her circumstances than to a deep-seated

mental disorder. Maybe I see a difference due to her life-long, deep

friendships with the YaYa's - I can't see my BPD mom maintaining this type of

bond. (She has intense, sequential friendships - but they only last as long as

it takes for the friends to realize she's using them, or until she starts

shifting from golden to black in her opinion of the friend.)

Maybe the biggest reason I see Vivi as a non-BPD is that there is a

reconciliation at the end of the story - with her daughter, her husband, and the

YaYa's (who've been her support system all along). I don't see that kind of

happy ending with my mom. Wells' other two novels about these

characters (YaYas in Bloom and Little Altars Everywhere) explore all these

relationships further and lead to a similarly " happy enough " resolution. I just

don't see that with my Nada - I'll never be able to bring down the barricades.

But I sure can appreciate Wells' descriptions of Vivi's Nada-like behavior, and

the " fleas " her daughter exhibits - oh, SO been there.

> >

> > Has anyone ever read this book/seen this movie?

> >

> > I watch it every Mother's Day, almost as a memorial service for the pain

I've suffered and the pain nada suffers and because it gives me hope.

> >

> > There are two nadas in this movie, one a hermit and the other a queen and

the story centers around the non-BP but very confused KO and her relationship

with her nada as well as dealing with what appear to me to be her fleas. It

shows the KO learning about what made her nada who she is (i.e. the trauma in

her life with a nada), processing the traumatic events in the KO's childhood and

finally forming a healthy relationship with her Nada.

> >

> > I think it shows a mental illness like BPD in a real way, but at the same

time has a rather impossible recovery.

> > I'd love to hear if anyone else got a similar read on this movie/book or if

there are any other books/movies that deal with similar issues that you found

helpful (or not helpful).

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I like this movie too, I don't think Vivi is BPD, just a bad mix of proud and

ashamed.

I remember I just happeded to buy that on while I was home visiting all my FOO.

My nada got all peevish and wanted to know if I was " trying to tell her

something? " HAHAHAHA

>

> Has anyone ever read this book/seen this movie?

>

> I watch it every Mother's Day, almost as a memorial service for the pain I've

suffered and the pain nada suffers and because it gives me hope.

>

> There are two nadas in this movie, one a hermit and the other a queen and the

story centers around the non-BP but very confused KO and her relationship with

her nada as well as dealing with what appear to me to be her fleas. It shows the

KO learning about what made her nada who she is (i.e. the trauma in her life

with a nada), processing the traumatic events in the KO's childhood and finally

forming a healthy relationship with her Nada.

>

> I think it shows a mental illness like BPD in a real way, but at the same time

has a rather impossible recovery.

> I'd love to hear if anyone else got a similar read on this movie/book or if

there are any other books/movies that deal with similar issues that you found

helpful (or not helpful).

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not really sure if Vivi is BPD or not, but she definitely has fleas, and

having been in a similar situation with the " crack-up " , I cry every time. I

definitely want that moment on the porch screen. But yeah, fantasyland.

She called me today and it was so strange because she was so kind and helpful

and then I remember all the things she's done to me and how she can't deal with

that or apologize. It's just so crazy to think how normal she can seem and then

go off into lala land.

Carla, I love that your nada could recognize her own behavior in that movie.

Priceless. They're so ridiculous!

> >

> > Has anyone ever read this book/seen this movie?

> >

> > I watch it every Mother's Day, almost as a memorial service for the pain

I've suffered and the pain nada suffers and because it gives me hope.

> >

> > There are two nadas in this movie, one a hermit and the other a queen and

the story centers around the non-BP but very confused KO and her relationship

with her nada as well as dealing with what appear to me to be her fleas. It

shows the KO learning about what made her nada who she is (i.e. the trauma in

her life with a nada), processing the traumatic events in the KO's childhood and

finally forming a healthy relationship with her Nada.

> >

> > I think it shows a mental illness like BPD in a real way, but at the same

time has a rather impossible recovery.

> > I'd love to hear if anyone else got a similar read on this movie/book or if

there are any other books/movies that deal with similar issues that you found

helpful (or not helpful).

> >

>