facebook war

[Guest guest]

I have tried to post about this three or four times and deleted it since I find

myself seguing into details which aren't important.

The short of it is a cousin confronted SIL on facebook after her umpteenth post

trashing my family. She told cousin to " shut the f--- up " and her sister, my

closest extended family member, wrote SIL an email detailing what she'd heard

from me and my father about the sanitation issues, which were severe in their

own house and are bad enough here, and ended it with " what the f--- is wrong

with you people " (-> and then came the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in

air, etc)

At the root of the issue is the parenting/sanitation issues. My waif mother

thinks the best thing to do is not talk about it. Both she and my father think

that reporting anything to social services is a mistake (which I tried to do by

the way and at the time the circumstances weren't 'bad enough' for CPS to step

in according to the person I spoke to). They (parents) make me feel crazy

because they feel that if there was any report, in the event SIL/brother take

the kids and move out, that it would mean that SIL would cut them off and THEY

would not be able to see the kids. Am I crazy to think that the kids' welfare

and getting them in the 'system' if warranted is more important than actually

being in their lives? I would really appreciate some feedback on this. For two

years SIL has lived here and refused to clean, there is no reason to believe

this will change when they leave. To me it seems extremely narcissistic to put

your need to be in a child's life before the need of the children to have a

clean, normal environment. I also believe a wakeup call from officials, in the

event the condition of their house warrants it, is the *only* thing that might

motivate change in SIL and my brother. Their income is more than adequate so he

can hire a maid if necessary, and I have told him this. If I am wrong about this

or not seeing it clearly I would love to hear a different point of view. It's

all speculation at this point since they have yet to leave, but my parents

insistence on their point of view being the right one is making me nuts.

P.S My brother doesn't clean much mainly because from the time he walks in the

door after work SIL clocks out and he has the two boys until he puts them to bed

at night. On the weekends he is in charge of them while she sleeps until 3 or 4

in the afternoon sometimes. Then they dump them on my parents and go out. There

is not a lot of time for him to do anything because if he's in the house, she is

'off duty' as a mother. His every move when he is home is controlled by her and

if he rebels there is hell to pay.