update for Re: Whack-a--doodle-doo!

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I got a little wigged out by all the drama

with PDFF. My tolerance for drama is pretty much non-existent right now so I

backed away from the group. It seems like things have simmered down now.

So, I want to update you all on where I landed. I see my therapist on Thursdays

so I waited to talk to her before I took any action. I did decide to write a

letter to nada's doctor on mine and my sister's behalf. It was a struggle to

decide if writing a letter was me again taking care of my mother. I've always

felt that no one would end up taking care of her and that it was my job to take

care of her. She never took care of me and would joke that I was her mother. I

mothered her in terms of providing meals for her and taking care of the house to

talking to her about using protection on dates with her slew of men. I am now

understanding that I took care of her as a way to save my own life and not upset

the beast.

I really needed to look at what level of involvement is healthy for me and what

isn't. I feel like in order to step away from the role of her caretaker I need

to know she is off my plate and that someone else is taking care of her (ie. a

facility). I feel like I have an opportunity to make this happen. I also feel

like I still need to protect myself and keep my distance. I felt like writing a

letter was a great way to let someone who could do something know the truth

about nada without jeopardizing myself. I wrote the letter with a condition for

myself that if I accept whatever the outcome, or lack thereof, I will accept.

Writing the letter is my act of taking her off my plate.

So here's what I wrote-

Dear Dr *****,

Our mother, L****, DOB **** is a patient under your care for Morgellons Disease

and/or Lyme disease. We are very concerned for our mother and feel it is

important for you to understand a bit of honest history regarding her health

etc.

Our mother was an RN and is extremely intelligent, to her own fault. She

understands medical terminology and jargon so she is able to " talk the talk " , so

to speak. Unfortunately, her words should not be taken at face value. For most

of our lives she has been able to convince most people that she was a healthy,

sane, independent woman to hers and our detriment. Only we, as her children,

knew what went on behind closed doors. However, over the last 10-15 years her

mental health has deteriorated and our concerns have increased. Sadly, because

of her strange behaviors and frequent psychotic episodes most of her friends and

family have limited their contact with her. Our mother has Borderline

Personality Disorder, as well as, MANY prescription drug addictions. She may

also be suffering from dementia. She is not well and desperately needs help!

Unfortunately those afflicted with BPD can be very convincing and manipulative.

With her RN history she is able to say the right things and work the system to

her benefit. She is often able to sweet talk her way to more and more

medications and convince her care providers that she is stable and mentally

well. In fact, she is seeing many other doctors to treat various other ailments

and complaints that just aren't real.

The sad truth is that our mother suffers from dermatillomania and munchhousen's.

She's a picker and digs holes in her body. We believe she may even spread feces

into her open sores and then insists she has MRSA. We have on several occasions

seen her picking her skin with her fingers, tweezers, needles, anything sharp.

She spends hours in the bathroom picking. One family member is also aware of her

sabotaging a healing scar after hip surgery. We have always known her to be " a

picker " . When we were children she " picked " us. She once (aprox. 10 yrs ago) dug

a hole through her nose. This isn't new behavior, it's just gotten worse. Our

mother has always had frequent often controversial illnesses, illnesses that are

often questioned by the traditional western medical community as valid. She had

Epstein Bar for about six months, pretty much until the attention wore off and

then it suddenly vanished. At one point she said she told everyone she had

cervical and uterine cancer. Jules, who is a midwife, reminded her that she had

a hysterectomy several years back. Needless to say she no longer had cancer. She

also used to be diabetic and have episodes of confusion and baby talk where she

didn't recognize her own children. Her illnesses are often " coincidences " that

she has viewed on TV, read about or heard about someone else's affliction. She

will regularly take on symptoms and diseases others she knows are suffering.

She is now hallucinating many different things, from swarming fleas in her

carpet, bed, around her head, Christmas carolers in July, to " writing on the

wall that sings, dances and plays hide and seek " with her. She called one of us

hysterical and crying that she couldn't catch the words and they were teasing

her. When she heard the Christmas carolers she went outside to find them and

fell. She couldn't get up and the neighbor lady had to come help her. We are

unsure for how long she was stuck outside.

Dr. ****, our mother doesn't need any more medications or diagnosis. She needs

help, real help that no one to this point has been willing to provide. Please,

we are asking you not to brush her aside with another prescription, surgery or

diagnosis. We believe our mother needs to be hospitalized or placed in long term

care for her safety and to get the help she really needs. We very much feel she

is a detriment to herself and may also be suicidal. She often talks about dying,

being " done " , not wanting to be here, etc Please understand that we aren't

writing to disprove the possibility of Morgellons or Lyme. We just hope that you

will understand she first needs to be treated for her mental illnesses before

any other physical issues can be addressed. We are at a loss we have both tried

on several occasions to contact therapists and doctors but they have not

believed us or were unwilling to provide appropriate care. We desperately need

your help. We want nothing more than for her to find peace in this life.

If you have further questions, or if we can be of assistance to you please feel

free to contact us. However, we ask that you not share with L***** our

communication. We have had to limit and abstain from communication to protect

ourselves and our families.

Sincerely,

-----

I called yesterday to confirm the doctor received my letter. She confirmed but

was unwilling to talk with me further due to HIPPA regulations. I get that. Now,

moving forward with MY life.

Jules

[Guest guest]

Jules,

I'm glad you wrote to the doctor--andI certainly hope they can actually

treat her mental illness before all her imaginary physical ailments!

I hope now you and your sister can truly move forward with your lives now,

now that she is taken care of. Hugs to you.

> **

>

>

>

>

> Thanks everyone for your responses. I got a little wigged out by all the

> drama with PDFF. My tolerance for drama is pretty much non-existent right

> now so I backed away from the group. It seems like things have simmered down

> now.

> So, I want to update you all on where I landed. I see my therapist on

> Thursdays so I waited to talk to her before I took any action. I did decide

> to write a letter to nada's doctor on mine and my sister's behalf. It was a

> struggle to decide if writing a letter was me again taking care of my

> mother. I've always felt that no one would end up taking care of her and

> that it was my job to take care of her. She never took care of me and would

> joke that I was her mother. I mothered her in terms of providing meals for

> her and taking care of the house to talking to her about using protection on

> dates with her slew of men. I am now understanding that I took care of her

> as a way to save my own life and not upset the beast.

> I really needed to look at what level of involvement is healthy for me and

> what isn't. I feel like in order to step away from the role of her caretaker

> I need to know she is off my plate and that someone else is taking care of

> her (ie. a facility). I feel like I have an opportunity to make this happen.

> I also feel like I still need to protect myself and keep my distance. I felt

> like writing a letter was a great way to let someone who could do something

> know the truth about nada without jeopardizing myself. I wrote the letter

> with a condition for myself that if I accept whatever the outcome, or lack

> thereof, I will accept. Writing the letter is my act of taking her off my

> plate.

> So here's what I wrote-

> Dear Dr *****,

> Our mother, L****, DOB **** is a patient under your care for Morgellons

> Disease and/or Lyme disease. We are very concerned for our mother and feel

> it is important for you to understand a bit of honest history regarding her

> health etc.

> Our mother was an RN and is extremely intelligent, to her own fault. She

> understands medical terminology and jargon so she is able to " talk the

> talk " , so to speak. Unfortunately, her words should not be taken at face

> value. For most of our lives she has been able to convince most people that

> she was a healthy, sane, independent woman to hers and our detriment. Only

> we, as her children, knew what went on behind closed doors. However, over

> the last 10-15 years her mental health has deteriorated and our concerns

> have increased. Sadly, because of her strange behaviors and frequent

> psychotic episodes most of her friends and family have limited their contact

> with her. Our mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as, MANY

> prescription drug addictions. She may also be suffering from dementia. She

> is not well and desperately needs help! Unfortunately those afflicted with

> BPD can be very convincing and manipulative. With her RN history she is able

> to say the right things and work the system to her benefit. She is often

> able to sweet talk her way to more and more medications and convince her

> care providers that she is stable and mentally well. In fact, she is seeing

> many other doctors to treat various other ailments and complaints that just

> aren't real.

> The sad truth is that our mother suffers from dermatillomania and

> munchhousen's. She's a picker and digs holes in her body. We believe she may

> even spread feces into her open sores and then insists she has MRSA. We have

> on several occasions seen her picking her skin with her fingers, tweezers,

> needles, anything sharp. She spends hours in the bathroom picking. One

> family member is also aware of her sabotaging a healing scar after hip

> surgery. We have always known her to be " a picker " . When we were children

> she " picked " us. She once (aprox. 10 yrs ago) dug a hole through her nose.

> This isn't new behavior, it's just gotten worse. Our mother has always had

> frequent often controversial illnesses, illnesses that are often questioned

> by the traditional western medical community as valid. She had Epstein Bar

> for about six months, pretty much until the attention wore off and then it

> suddenly vanished. At one point she said she told everyone she had cervical

> and uterine cancer. Jules, who is a midwife, reminded her that she had a

> hysterectomy several years back. Needless to say she no longer had cancer.

> She also used to be diabetic and have episodes of confusion and baby talk

> where she didn't recognize her own children. Her illnesses are often

> " coincidences " that she has viewed on TV, read about or heard about someone

> else's affliction. She will regularly take on symptoms and diseases others

> she knows are suffering.

> She is now hallucinating many different things, from swarming fleas in her

> carpet, bed, around her head, Christmas carolers in July, to " writing on the

> wall that sings, dances and plays hide and seek " with her. She called one of

> us hysterical and crying that she couldn't catch the words and they were

> teasing her. When she heard the Christmas carolers she went outside to find

> them and fell. She couldn't get up and the neighbor lady had to come help

> her. We are unsure for how long she was stuck outside.

> Dr. ****, our mother doesn't need any more medications or diagnosis. She

> needs help, real help that no one to this point has been willing to provide.

> Please, we are asking you not to brush her aside with another prescription,

> surgery or diagnosis. We believe our mother needs to be hospitalized or

> placed in long term care for her safety and to get the help she really

> needs. We very much feel she is a detriment to herself and may also be

> suicidal. She often talks about dying, being " done " , not wanting to be here,

> etc Please understand that we aren't writing to disprove the possibility of

> Morgellons or Lyme. We just hope that you will understand she first needs to

> be treated for her mental illnesses before any other physical issues can be

> addressed. We are at a loss we have both tried on several occasions to

> contact therapists and doctors but they have not believed us or were

> unwilling to provide appropriate care. We desperately need your help. We

> want nothing more than for her to find peace in this life.

> If you have further questions, or if we can be of assistance to you please

> feel free to contact us. However, we ask that you not share with L***** our

> communication. We have had to limit and abstain from communication to

> protect ourselves and our families.

> Sincerely,

>

> -----

> I called yesterday to confirm the doctor received my letter. She confirmed

> but was unwilling to talk with me further due to HIPPA regulations. I get

> that. Now, moving forward with MY life.

> Jules

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG - wow, Jules you have been through so much! HUGS HUGS HUGS. I'm so

sorry.

On Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 10:42 AM, Holly Lipschultz <

hollymichellebyers@...> wrote:

> Jules,

>

> I'm glad you wrote to the doctor--andI certainly hope they can actually

> treat her mental illness before all her imaginary physical ailments!

>

> I hope now you and your sister can truly move forward with your lives now,

> now that she is taken care of. Hugs to you.

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Thanks everyone for your responses. I got a little wigged out by all the

> > drama with PDFF. My tolerance for drama is pretty much non-existent right

> > now so I backed away from the group. It seems like things have simmered

> down

> > now.

> > So, I want to update you all on where I landed. I see my therapist on

> > Thursdays so I waited to talk to her before I took any action. I did

> decide

> > to write a letter to nada's doctor on mine and my sister's behalf. It was

> a

> > struggle to decide if writing a letter was me again taking care of my

> > mother. I've always felt that no one would end up taking care of her and

> > that it was my job to take care of her. She never took care of me and

> would

> > joke that I was her mother. I mothered her in terms of providing meals

> for

> > her and taking care of the house to talking to her about using protection

> on

> > dates with her slew of men. I am now understanding that I took care of

> her

> > as a way to save my own life and not upset the beast.

> > I really needed to look at what level of involvement is healthy for me

> and

> > what isn't. I feel like in order to step away from the role of her

> caretaker

> > I need to know she is off my plate and that someone else is taking care

> of

> > her (ie. a facility). I feel like I have an opportunity to make this

> happen.

> > I also feel like I still need to protect myself and keep my distance. I

> felt

> > like writing a letter was a great way to let someone who could do

> something

> > know the truth about nada without jeopardizing myself. I wrote the letter

> > with a condition for myself that if I accept whatever the outcome, or

> lack

> > thereof, I will accept. Writing the letter is my act of taking her off my

> > plate.

> > So here's what I wrote-

> > Dear Dr *****,

> > Our mother, L****, DOB **** is a patient under your care for Morgellons

> > Disease and/or Lyme disease. We are very concerned for our mother and

> feel

> > it is important for you to understand a bit of honest history regarding

> her

> > health etc.

> > Our mother was an RN and is extremely intelligent, to her own fault. She

> > understands medical terminology and jargon so she is able to " talk the

> > talk " , so to speak. Unfortunately, her words should not be taken at face

> > value. For most of our lives she has been able to convince most people

> that

> > she was a healthy, sane, independent woman to hers and our detriment.

> Only

> > we, as her children, knew what went on behind closed doors. However, over

> > the last 10-15 years her mental health has deteriorated and our concerns

> > have increased. Sadly, because of her strange behaviors and frequent

> > psychotic episodes most of her friends and family have limited their

> contact

> > with her. Our mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as,

> MANY

> > prescription drug addictions. She may also be suffering from dementia.

> She

> > is not well and desperately needs help! Unfortunately those afflicted

> with

> > BPD can be very convincing and manipulative. With her RN history she is

> able

> > to say the right things and work the system to her benefit. She is often

> > able to sweet talk her way to more and more medications and convince her

> > care providers that she is stable and mentally well. In fact, she is

> seeing

> > many other doctors to treat various other ailments and complaints that

> just

> > aren't real.

> > The sad truth is that our mother suffers from dermatillomania and

> > munchhousen's. She's a picker and digs holes in her body. We believe she

> may

> > even spread feces into her open sores and then insists she has MRSA. We

> have

> > on several occasions seen her picking her skin with her fingers,

> tweezers,

> > needles, anything sharp. She spends hours in the bathroom picking. One

> > family member is also aware of her sabotaging a healing scar after hip

> > surgery. We have always known her to be " a picker " . When we were children

> > she " picked " us. She once (aprox. 10 yrs ago) dug a hole through her

> nose.

> > This isn't new behavior, it's just gotten worse. Our mother has always

> had

> > frequent often controversial illnesses, illnesses that are often

> questioned

> > by the traditional western medical community as valid. She had Epstein

> Bar

> > for about six months, pretty much until the attention wore off and then

> it

> > suddenly vanished. At one point she said she told everyone she had

> cervical

> > and uterine cancer. Jules, who is a midwife, reminded her that she had a

> > hysterectomy several years back. Needless to say she no longer had

> cancer.

> > She also used to be diabetic and have episodes of confusion and baby talk

> > where she didn't recognize her own children. Her illnesses are often

> > " coincidences " that she has viewed on TV, read about or heard about

> someone

> > else's affliction. She will regularly take on symptoms and diseases

> others

> > she knows are suffering.

> > She is now hallucinating many different things, from swarming fleas in

> her

> > carpet, bed, around her head, Christmas carolers in July, to " writing on

> the

> > wall that sings, dances and plays hide and seek " with her. She called one

> of

> > us hysterical and crying that she couldn't catch the words and they were

> > teasing her. When she heard the Christmas carolers she went outside to

> find

> > them and fell. She couldn't get up and the neighbor lady had to come help

> > her. We are unsure for how long she was stuck outside.

> > Dr. ****, our mother doesn't need any more medications or diagnosis. She

> > needs help, real help that no one to this point has been willing to

> provide.

> > Please, we are asking you not to brush her aside with another

> prescription,

> > surgery or diagnosis. We believe our mother needs to be hospitalized or

> > placed in long term care for her safety and to get the help she really

> > needs. We very much feel she is a detriment to herself and may also be

> > suicidal. She often talks about dying, being " done " , not wanting to be

> here,

> > etc… Please understand that we aren't writing to disprove the possibility

> of

> > Morgellons or Lyme. We just hope that you will understand she first needs

> to

> > be treated for her mental illnesses before any other physical issues can

> be

> > addressed. We are at a loss we have both tried on several occasions to

> > contact therapists and doctors but they have not believed us or were

> > unwilling to provide appropriate care. We desperately need your help. We

> > want nothing more than for her to find peace in this life.

> > If you have further questions, or if we can be of assistance to you

> please

> > feel free to contact us. However, we ask that you not share with L*****

> our

> > communication. We have had to limit and abstain from communication to

> > protect ourselves and our families.

> > Sincerely,

> >

> > -----

> > I called yesterday to confirm the doctor received my letter. She

> confirmed

> > but was unwilling to talk with me further due to HIPPA regulations. I get

> > that. Now, moving forward with MY life.

> > Jules

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>