Boundary letter & soon to be LC may start war (Mandy in Crisis Mode and Annie)

[Guest guest]

So first I just want to say to Mandy, I am so sorry for your situation. It

should be a joyful time for you and your husband with your new baby and you do

not deserve this insane behavior by your FOO. I wish I had some advise for you,

but may I just say say that you are my Hero for standing by such firm boundaries

for the protection of your new baby!! I wish I would have set more boundaries

when my son was born and I wouldn't be in the mess I am today now that he is 2

and my Nada thinks she can run my life...I truly believe it will be worth it for

you in the long run to set boundaries now. Though my situation is different as I

don't have BPD family coming at me from all angles like you, I think there is

alot of other similar situations though in this group.

(I am reaching the end of a 3 month no contact with my Nada and Dad because of

their disrespectful and controlling ways, I am about to enter back into the

relationship and I am hoping to go low contact, but they don't know this yet.)

I am seriously frightened after reading your post, Mandy, and others recently

(hearing stories about a Nada sitting on the front porch wailing, and stalking)

about how badly FOO takes boundaries. And my T wants me to enter back into the

relationship with a boundary letter, in advance clearly stating the terms of our

relationship (ex: no phone calls, no visits, once a month skype). But this

thought terrifies me because I feel like it will be taken badly and basically

start a war. My specific concern is that my Nada will try to sue, or at least

threaten to due to her extremely Narcissistic sense of entitlement to my

child...

Anyways,

So Annie, I was thinking about what you said, about implementing boundaries on a

case by case basis, without explanation, I don't know how well I can do this

because of my panic and anxiety issues. Dealing with her pushing my boundaries

on an ongoing basis seems like alot more work than stating it up front, and

drawn out anxiety vs anxiety of sending a letter once that's clear and concise.

Though I think I am partially in denial that she will always be pushing my

limits and it will be ongoing anyways? I guess I am conflicted and there is no

happy ending for sure, I just needed to vent about how the situation sucks for

all of us in it. We shouldn't have to be going through this, And all we want is

to protect ourselves and our children.

:-(

Anyways thank you Mandy for sharing your story, and Annie for opening my mind to

an option other than a boundary letter.

I guess I'm not really looking for advise, just needed to vent on how it all

sucks for us, and I guess I'm just terrified because I see Nada starting a war

in a couple weeks when I start my boundaries, whichever way I end up doing it.

yeah I'm just screwed.

Thanks for listening,

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for the kind words and understanding.  Stay strong, sometimes NC is the

ONLY way.  Not saying it's for everyone, but it's worked for me.  Good luck

with LC with your Nada, it can be done with support and change on YOUR end. 

Don't ever expect anything to change on THEIR end.  Because if you get on the

Merry-Go-Round today and step off, (like you did 3 months ago) and you get back

on, the Merry-go-Round keeps spinning the same way.  Their chaos will endure

and keep on keeping on.  It's funny, 6 years have passed and not a damn thing

has changed in their circus.

 

XOXO and hugs,

Mandy

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2011 5:07 PM

Subject: Boundary letter & soon to be LC may start war

(Mandy in Crisis Mode and Annie)

 

So first I just want to say to Mandy, I am so sorry for your situation. It

should be a joyful time for you and your husband with your new baby and you do

not deserve this insane behavior by your FOO. I wish I had some advise for you,

but may I just say say that you are my Hero for standing by such firm boundaries

for the protection of your new baby!! I wish I would have set more boundaries

when my son was born and I wouldn't be in the mess I am today now that he is 2

and my Nada thinks she can run my life...I truly believe it will be worth it for

you in the long run to set boundaries now. Though my situation is different as I

don't have BPD family coming at me from all angles like you, I think there is

alot of other similar situations though in this group.

(I am reaching the end of a 3 month no contact with my Nada and Dad because of

their disrespectful and controlling ways, I am about to enter back into the

relationship and I am hoping to go low contact, but they don't know this yet.)

I am seriously frightened after reading your post, Mandy, and others recently

(hearing stories about a Nada sitting on the front porch wailing, and stalking)

about how badly FOO takes boundaries. And my T wants me to enter back into the

relationship with a boundary letter, in advance clearly stating the terms of our

relationship (ex: no phone calls, no visits, once a month skype). But this

thought terrifies me because I feel like it will be taken badly and basically

start a war. My specific concern is that my Nada will try to sue, or at least

threaten to due to her extremely Narcissistic sense of entitlement to my

child...

Anyways,

So Annie, I was thinking about what you said, about implementing boundaries on a

case by case basis, without explanation, I don't know how well I can do this

because of my panic and anxiety issues. Dealing with her pushing my boundaries

on an ongoing basis seems like alot more work than stating it up front, and

drawn out anxiety vs anxiety of sending a letter once that's clear and concise.

Though I think I am partially in denial that she will always be pushing my

limits and it will be ongoing anyways? I guess I am conflicted and there is no

happy ending for sure, I just needed to vent about how the situation sucks for

all of us in it. We shouldn't have to be going through this, And all we want is

to protect ourselves and our children.

:-(

Anyways thank you Mandy for sharing your story, and Annie for opening my mind to

an option other than a boundary letter.

I guess I'm not really looking for advise, just needed to vent on how it all

sucks for us, and I guess I'm just terrified because I see Nada starting a war

in a couple weeks when I start my boundaries, whichever way I end up doing it.

yeah I'm just screwed.

Thanks for listening,

[Guest guest]

" My specific concern is that my Nada will try to sue, or at least threaten to

due to her extremely Narcissistic sense of entitlement to my child... "

I don't know your full story but I can totally relate to this line. Before we

snuck away to another state and went NC with Nada completely, We were LC by her

choice. I set boundaries that she couldn't see MY kids unless I or my partner

were there, that she couldn't drive with them (she's supposedly blind), an dthey

couldn't go to her house. I would call to give her possible available dates that

she was " welcome " to come to my home to see MY children. In true BPD form, she

didn't like not having control over the situation and refused to visit. This

went on for about a year (maybe more?). During this time she threatened

grandparent's rights. It scared the daylights out of me that she might have a

leg to stand on. Way back I decided to pay $25/month for prepaid legal. Mostly

for my biz but also with her in the back of my head (might be something to think

about). Anyway,she would call and threaten me and even sent a letter from

someone she claimed was an atty. I'm sure it was a friend she had convinced that

I was evil and ungrateful and likely fabricated her involvement with my boys.

So,I called up the lawyers at prepaid and they told me that unless she raised

the children and was their main provider for a significant segment of their

lives, she had NO RIGHTS to MY children. The deadline of her threat letter came

and went with no one knocking on my door except her with new tactics, of course.

The reason I'm telling you this story is because I want you to know that it's

highly unlikely your mother can sue you. She can try but she's likely wasting

her money. If she mentions it, it's likely hot air. You're familiar with the

hotair. Follow your gut! It's SPOT on! It might be worth checking into your

state's laws just to be sure and also to alleviate your concerns.

I can't imagine having any level of relationship with her now that I realize the

level of dammage she has done to me. My kids deserve to be safe from her torment

and abuse. In my eyes My guys are perfect and they don't need her messing them

up. Your kids deserve to be protected from the person you weren't protected

from. Your children are YOUR children not hers. You have the right and duty to

protect them. .02 I hope it's helpful. ((((hug)))) Be strong:)

Jules

[Guest guest]

Thank you Mandy for reminding me that I can't expect her to change. I like to

refer to the Merry Go Round as the Crazy Train in Crazy Town, and I got off the

train, and I also left town, and I'm not going back or riding that train ever

again!!!

And good luck, the hormones of having a baby are difficult enough without your

FOO and their crap.

It's all worth it for our babies, I have to believe this!

Hugs to you too,

>

> ,

> Thanks for the kind words and understanding.  Stay strong, sometimes NC is

the ONLY way.  Not saying it's for everyone, but it's worked for me.  Good

luck with LC with your Nada, it can be done with support and change on YOUR

end.  Don't ever expect anything to change on THEIR end.  Because if you get

on the Merry-Go-Round today and step off, (like you did 3 months ago) and you

get back on, the Merry-go-Round keeps spinning the same way.  Their chaos will

endure and keep on keeping on.  It's funny, 6 years have passed and not a damn

thing has changed in their circus.

>  

> XOXO and hugs,

> Mandy

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2011 5:07 PM

> Subject: Boundary letter & soon to be LC may start war

(Mandy in Crisis Mode and Annie)

>

>

>  

> So first I just want to say to Mandy, I am so sorry for your situation. It

should be a joyful time for you and your husband with your new baby and you do

not deserve this insane behavior by your FOO. I wish I had some advise for you,

but may I just say say that you are my Hero for standing by such firm boundaries

for the protection of your new baby!! I wish I would have set more boundaries

when my son was born and I wouldn't be in the mess I am today now that he is 2

and my Nada thinks she can run my life...I truly believe it will be worth it for

you in the long run to set boundaries now. Though my situation is different as I

don't have BPD family coming at me from all angles like you, I think there is

alot of other similar situations though in this group.

>

> (I am reaching the end of a 3 month no contact with my Nada and Dad because of

their disrespectful and controlling ways, I am about to enter back into the

relationship and I am hoping to go low contact, but they don't know this yet.)

>

> I am seriously frightened after reading your post, Mandy, and others recently

(hearing stories about a Nada sitting on the front porch wailing, and stalking)

about how badly FOO takes boundaries. And my T wants me to enter back into the

relationship with a boundary letter, in advance clearly stating the terms of our

relationship (ex: no phone calls, no visits, once a month skype). But this

thought terrifies me because I feel like it will be taken badly and basically

start a war. My specific concern is that my Nada will try to sue, or at least

threaten to due to her extremely Narcissistic sense of entitlement to my

child...

>

> Anyways,

>

> So Annie, I was thinking about what you said, about implementing boundaries on

a case by case basis, without explanation, I don't know how well I can do this

because of my panic and anxiety issues. Dealing with her pushing my boundaries

on an ongoing basis seems like alot more work than stating it up front, and

drawn out anxiety vs anxiety of sending a letter once that's clear and concise.

Though I think I am partially in denial that she will always be pushing my

limits and it will be ongoing anyways? I guess I am conflicted and there is no

happy ending for sure, I just needed to vent about how the situation sucks for

all of us in it. We shouldn't have to be going through this, And all we want is

to protect ourselves and our children.

> :-(

> Anyways thank you Mandy for sharing your story, and Annie for opening my mind

to an option other than a boundary letter.

>

> I guess I'm not really looking for advise, just needed to vent on how it all

sucks for us, and I guess I'm just terrified because I see Nada starting a war

in a couple weeks when I start my boundaries, whichever way I end up doing it.

yeah I'm just screwed.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

>

>

>

>