Re: Boundary letter & soon to be LC may start war- (Jules)

[Guest guest]

Jules,

Thank you so much for sharing what happened to you. I have researched the laws

and there's definitely no chance she would even have a leg to stand on

concerning my son. I think at this point it's more that it represents a last

straw for me in my relationship with her. Once during a fight, when I asked her

to visit every 3 months instead of 2, she threatened 'grandparents rights' and I

have been terrified ever since that she would go there. I guess it represent the

ultimate sense of entitlement, (I own a piece of your child) My dad has also

suggested during a fight that he fly my mom to town, put her into a hotel, and

we drop our son off for visits with her, when he was only 6months old.

(WTF!?!?!) I guess at this point it has more to do with the fact that I know our

relationship will be permanently over if they try to pull that crap, and I don't

want to think that my mom values me so little she would throw me away to try to

get a piece of my son. In the past they have tried to sue their neighbors over

the dogs barking, and I know she mostly just called the cops and paid lawyers to

write threatening letters. I know how they are, my mom has never picked her

battles, she is the queen narcissist...She calls war and fights till the end. I

used to call her when I had a customer service complaint and let her call the

company for me, she is a pro. I guess that's why I'm scared. My heart will be

broken if she does this.

Anyways my therapist wants me to try LC and see how she responds to new

boundaries, and if she does try to pull this shit then it will be proof that NC

is the only way. It all just makes me sad...

But my son will NOT be her narcissistic supply to fill the empty gaping hole

inside of her, and I am no longer a child living in her home that has to do

everything she says. I'm done. My rules now!

Thank God for this group and having people who get it because it's hard to be

strong when there is FOG and we need all the support we can get.

And you are so right, our babies ARE perfect and we don't want them messed up

like we were!!

Thank you for the hugs:-)

Countdown to LC in 17 days. Wish me luck!!

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> " My specific concern is that my Nada will try to sue, or at least threaten to

due to her extremely Narcissistic sense of entitlement to my child... "

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> I don't know your full story but I can totally relate to this line. Before we

snuck away to another state and went NC with Nada completely, We were LC by her

choice. I set boundaries that she couldn't see MY kids unless I or my partner

were there, that she couldn't drive with them (she's supposedly blind), an dthey

couldn't go to her house. I would call to give her possible available dates that

she was " welcome " to come to my home to see MY children. In true BPD form, she

didn't like not having control over the situation and refused to visit. This

went on for about a year (maybe more?). During this time she threatened

grandparent's rights. It scared the daylights out of me that she might have a

leg to stand on. Way back I decided to pay $25/month for prepaid legal. Mostly

for my biz but also with her in the back of my head (might be something to think

about). Anyway,she would call and threaten me and even sent a letter from

someone she claimed was an atty. I'm sure it was a friend she had convinced that

I was evil and ungrateful and likely fabricated her involvement with my boys.

So,I called up the lawyers at prepaid and they told me that unless she raised

the children and was their main provider for a significant segment of their

lives, she had NO RIGHTS to MY children. The deadline of her threat letter came

and went with no one knocking on my door except her with new tactics, of course.

> The reason I'm telling you this story is because I want you to know that it's

highly unlikely your mother can sue you. She can try but she's likely wasting

her money. If she mentions it, it's likely hot air. You're familiar with the

hotair. Follow your gut! It's SPOT on! It might be worth checking into your

state's laws just to be sure and also to alleviate your concerns.

> I can't imagine having any level of relationship with her now that I realize

the level of dammage she has done to me. My kids deserve to be safe from her

torment and abuse. In my eyes My guys are perfect and they don't need her

messing them up. Your kids deserve to be protected from the person you weren't

protected from. Your children are YOUR children not hers. You have the right and

duty to protect them. .02 I hope it's helpful. ((((hug)))) Be strong:)

> Jules

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