Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about menstruation and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include that 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the past month and planning for the next 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak the truth 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more painful, and are passed mother to daughter 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a child - kind of like mitochondrian DNA I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of menstruation and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will be common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to discuss the taboo topic. XOXO Girlscout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 I guess we should label this FOR GIRLS ONLY, lol. Guys can skip these emails That is really interesting! I remember when I was all PMS-y and cranky, I was told to suck it up. I remember wondering why dad was allowed to be Mr Hyde and take out his anger on us, yet I wasn't allowed to be merely cranky. It was part of the whole 'keep sweet " unspoken mentality, i guess. it was always seen as shameful. And my fada hated to see my little rolls of pads wrapped up in the bathroom trash--I had to carry it and bury it deep into the kitchen trash, even when we had guests, and that only added to the awkwardness of teenage menstruation. I used to have cramps so bad my brother thought I was faking it. It was such a relief when DH and I were dating and engaged, how he and his family treated me when I was in pain, cranky, or emotional. I wasn't looked down upon, disdained, or told to suck it up. No wonder I preferred to be at their house than my family's. They always made sure I had pads and medicine and a heading pad, and there was usually chocolate in the house and it was so nice to talk honestly about menstruation with DH's mom and sister. It's kind of hard to articulate what exactly the differences were. I didn't have a horrible experience at home, but it wasn't welcome, either, while with DH's family just folded it into the rest of life, and DH is the most considerate guy there is regarding my cycles. (Except when he's always blaming my moods on " Oh, Aunt Flo must be getting ready to visit! " when that wasn't the case. Sometimes I'm just bitchy for other reasons, lol.) On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 10:35 AM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > ** > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about menstruation > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include that > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > past month and planning for the next > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak > the > truth > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a > child > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of menstruation > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will > be > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > discuss the taboo topic. > XOXO Girlscout > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 I think men SHOULD read these emails - just because they don't menstruate doesn't mean their lives arent cyclical. Plus look at the difference between how your husband vs dad's attitude changed your experience. . . . I guess I think its silly that we all act like its some big secret and I can't believe he made you ashamed of your pads! What a douche!!!!! Oh wait, by calling him a douche I am insulting women. I'm trying to change my vocabulary so that my worst words aren't related to women's bodies or menstruation. . . . On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 9:56 AM, Holly Lipschultz < hollymichellebyers@...> wrote: > I guess we should label this FOR GIRLS ONLY, lol. Guys can skip these > emails > > > That is really interesting! I remember when I was all PMS-y and cranky, I > was told to suck it up. I remember wondering why dad was allowed to be Mr > Hyde and take out his anger on us, yet I wasn't allowed to be merely > cranky. > It was part of the whole 'keep sweet " unspoken mentality, i guess. it was > always seen as shameful. And my fada hated to see my little rolls of pads > wrapped up in the bathroom trash--I had to carry it and bury it deep into > the kitchen trash, even when we had guests, and that only added to the > awkwardness of teenage menstruation. I used to have cramps so bad my > brother > thought I was faking it. > > It was such a relief when DH and I were dating and engaged, how he and his > family treated me when I was in pain, cranky, or emotional. I wasn't looked > down upon, disdained, or told to suck it up. No wonder I preferred to be at > their house than my family's. They always made sure I had pads and medicine > and a heading pad, and there was usually chocolate in the house and it was > so nice to talk honestly about menstruation with DH's mom and sister. > > It's kind of hard to articulate what exactly the differences were. I didn't > have a horrible experience at home, but it wasn't welcome, either, while > with DH's family just folded it into the rest of life, and DH is the most > considerate guy there is regarding my cycles. (Except when he's always > blaming my moods on " Oh, Aunt Flo must be getting ready to visit! " when > that > wasn't the case. Sometimes I'm just bitchy for other reasons, lol.) > > On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 10:35 AM, Girlscout Cowboy < > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > > > ** > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > menstruation > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include > that > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > > past month and planning for the next > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak > > the > > truth > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a > > child > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > menstruation > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will > > be > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > > discuss the taboo topic. > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 I forget where it was, FB or on here, but someone started calling people an " enema bag " instead of " douche " because it fits assholes better. ROFL. So, my fada is an enema bag. XD On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 11:34 AM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > ** > > > I think men SHOULD read these emails - just because they don't menstruate > doesn't mean their lives arent cyclical. Plus look at the difference > between > how your husband vs dad's attitude changed your experience. . . . > > I guess I think its silly that we all act like its some big secret and I > can't believe he made you ashamed of your pads! What a douche!!!!! Oh wait, > by calling him a douche I am insulting women. I'm trying to change my > vocabulary so that my worst words aren't related to women's bodies or > menstruation. . . . > > > On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 9:56 AM, Holly Lipschultz < > hollymichellebyers@...> wrote: > > > I guess we should label this FOR GIRLS ONLY, lol. Guys can skip these > > emails > > > > > > That is really interesting! I remember when I was all PMS-y and cranky, I > > was told to suck it up. I remember wondering why dad was allowed to be Mr > > Hyde and take out his anger on us, yet I wasn't allowed to be merely > > cranky. > > It was part of the whole 'keep sweet " unspoken mentality, i guess. it was > > always seen as shameful. And my fada hated to see my little rolls of pads > > wrapped up in the bathroom trash--I had to carry it and bury it deep into > > the kitchen trash, even when we had guests, and that only added to the > > awkwardness of teenage menstruation. I used to have cramps so bad my > > brother > > thought I was faking it. > > > > It was such a relief when DH and I were dating and engaged, how he and > his > > family treated me when I was in pain, cranky, or emotional. I wasn't > looked > > down upon, disdained, or told to suck it up. No wonder I preferred to be > at > > their house than my family's. They always made sure I had pads and > medicine > > and a heading pad, and there was usually chocolate in the house and it > was > > so nice to talk honestly about menstruation with DH's mom and sister. > > > > It's kind of hard to articulate what exactly the differences were. I > didn't > > have a horrible experience at home, but it wasn't welcome, either, while > > with DH's family just folded it into the rest of life, and DH is the most > > considerate guy there is regarding my cycles. (Except when he's always > > blaming my moods on " Oh, Aunt Flo must be getting ready to visit! " when > > that > > wasn't the case. Sometimes I'm just bitchy for other reasons, lol.) > > > > On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 10:35 AM, Girlscout Cowboy < > > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > > menstruation > > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include > > that > > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of > the > > > past month and planning for the next > > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to > speak > > > the > > > truth > > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a > > > child > > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > > menstruation > > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group > will > > > be > > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > > > discuss the taboo topic. > > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 All I can say about this is that just like everything else that had to do with me, personally and specifically, my nada minimalized my very real and severe pain, and was cool and unsympathetic about it. All she'd say was that she used to have bad cramps too when she was a teen but they stopped after she'd had me. So, here's an aspirin and you know where the hot water bottle is, and just get over it already. If I cried and told her I was in real pain, she accused me of faking it and being a drama queen. She made it clear that menstrual pain was just normal so I never went to see a doctor about it and just put up with it until my mid 40's. I never went to see the doctor as a rule, anyway, for anything, unless it was pretty bad. It turned out that I had several fibroid tumors in my uterus and in one ovary (probably had had them from the get-go) which finally grew to such a large size that I needed a total hysterectomy. I do have to give nada credit for at least realizing that I did need to know about menstruation and she gave me a book to read about it; I had my first period just shy of my 12th birthday. There was a " girl's film " shown to all the 5th grade girls at my school, so, at least between the book and the film I knew what to expect. Nada had told me many, many, many times that neither her mother nor her older sister had told her anything, so when she had her first period she thought she was dying. So she gets a mark in the " good mom " column for at least telling me ahead of time that when this happened to me it did not mean I was dying. But even the school film said, " Oh, you may feel some discomfort, a cramping sensation, but it won't last long and an aspirin will take care of it. " There was no mention of or reference to pain so bad that it made you break out in a sweat, vomit, and spend hours in the bathroom with diarrhea every 28 days or so when not curled into a fetal position. So for me, that was " normal discomfort. " My nada was always rather peeved at me and irritated at me if I expressed any pain or had any injury or illness of any kind, so, it was no different when I started menstruating and having pain. My dad showed me more sympathy and kindness RE my cramps than nada ever did. He would give me whiskey, which seemed to help a little in combination with several aspirin and a real electric heating pad. I guess I'm lucky I didn't accidentally kill myself trying for pain relief. -Annie > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about menstruation > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include that > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > past month and planning for the next > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak the > truth > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a child > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of menstruation > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will be > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > discuss the taboo topic. > XOXO Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 I love this!! Nada used to blame her rages and her crazy mood swings of PMS. Boy, was I confused when I started menstruating and only had cramps! Nada used to confide in my sister (the all-good child) about how much it hurt being a woman. When Sister started menstruating, she told Dad and me and kept Nada out of it! Turns out she was afraid she'd turn into Nada and we'd all hate her. I hate feeling the almost shame of carrying pads to the bathroom. It's ridiculous! > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about menstruation > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include that > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > past month and planning for the next > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak the > truth > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a child > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of menstruation > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will be > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > discuss the taboo topic. > XOXO Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2011 Report Share Posted October 2, 2011 Annie, I'm so sorry you went through that. My friends are doing a red tent retreat to help each other with it - since we all have to live with it. I'm not sure I'm *that* into it, that I want to go to a retreat But I do like the attitude that it doesn't have to be a curse. I also like to think that there are mother's in the world who empathize with their daughters. There was a woman in the film whose dad gave her brandy and pills for her severe pain around her periods. I have had severe menstral onset migraines - but I have migraines a lot at other times too - and then I found out that I have 2 herniated disks in my neck that are likely causing it all. My first migraine was at age 9. It has been a life long problem The discs may very well have herniated around that time. And what did my parents do? They asked the quack of a peditrician. He said take an asprin. That was it. And I sometimes imagine how my life might have been if that had been treated earlier. It would have added YEARS to my life of healthy days. WOW My dad did sit me down and show me some stretches and things, shared empathy and explained that he sometimes gets headaches too. But the message was clear. It was my problem, doctors couldn't help, i was on my own, and they didn't want to hear anything further about the issue. On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 12:15 PM, clefairy_looking_for_moonstone < clefairy_looking_for_moonstone@...> wrote: > ** > > > I love this!! > Nada used to blame her rages and her crazy mood swings of PMS. Boy, was I > confused when I started menstruating and only had cramps! > Nada used to confide in my sister (the all-good child) about how much it > hurt being a woman. When Sister started menstruating, she told Dad and me > and kept Nada out of it! Turns out she was afraid she'd turn into Nada and > we'd all hate her. > I hate feeling the almost shame of carrying pads to the bathroom. It's > ridiculous! > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > menstruation > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include > that > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > > past month and planning for the next > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak > the > > truth > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a > child > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > menstruation > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will > be > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > > discuss the taboo topic. > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 This strikes such a cord. When I first got my period my Mom acted disengaged, but wanted to know if I told my best friend immediately. I had no desire to. I got terrible cramps that would have me stay home from school. UBDP/NDP Mom said she had terrible mood altering PMS when she was a teen and I have the same thing as she insisted I acted crazy before my period. Truthfully, I never felt I was acting crazier (acting out in anger against her continual assaults) than normal. At some point she finally takes me to the gyn who when I sit down in front of him to discuss he asks me if I have ever taken any ibuprofen or pain reliever for the cramps. I immediately started crying (reinforcing my self perception as a crazy person and possibly the drs perception too) as I felt so stupid for not thinking to take a pain reliever. Of course my mom had never mentioned it. I come from a family of drs and to this day I never think to take medication for anything. Yup, about 400 mg of Ibuprofen was the solution to my problem. If only it were that easy today! ; ) Jaleo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 Wow, that's an interesting topic! It reminds me of that book, The Red Tent, where women sit on a pot during their period and there's a very strong bond between the women in the tent. For me, my mother treated menstruation as a big change in my life and when " it " came, she knew when I called her to the bathroom that it had come (she said she could tell by the tone in my voice). I brought up The Red Tent b/c when I read it, it made me envious for that kind of female bonding. I didn't have it with my mother and she strongly discouraged it in me with other girls/women. If I tried to have it, she would warn me against them, or say something bad about them, anything to pull me away from them. All of that to say, for my mother, my menstrual time was something my mother would giggle about with my father. " isn't that cute??? " He was clearly uncomfortable knowing all the shit she would tell him and tell her to stop. Great question, GS. > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about menstruation > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include that > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > past month and planning for the next > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak the > truth > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a child > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of menstruation > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will be > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > discuss the taboo topic. > XOXO Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 What is our excuse when we are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean? Why is it no one expects us to cover up our farts and armpits? Hello, folks, news flash. There are two sexes. The big hairy, smelly, whiny, opinionated sex. And the complicated, delightful sex. So, guys, deal with it. No menstrual cycles, no babies, no development of curves, no women. You can clean a fish or change the oil on a car but get grossed out by a pad? Oh grow a pair! Hope you never work in a surgical suite. Celebrate who she is, and what she is. Smile silently when she is a bitch. Fix her a cup of tea. Rub her feet and shoulders. Be a source of comfort in an uncomfortable time. If you can t do this, you are not a man, you are a little boy with big bones. ( I had another word starting with B,but I demured . ) Grow up. Rub her feet. And be glad she is not a BPD, or her periods would be nuclear powered! If you have a woman in your life, who you love, be a man. Be the one person she is most comfortable with, even during her period. She is worth it. IMHO. Doug > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > > menstruation > > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include > > that > > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > > > past month and planning for the next > > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak > > > the > > > truth > > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a > > > child > > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > > menstruation > > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will > > > be > > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > > > discuss the taboo topic. > > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 LOL, Doug! I love your sense of humor. > ** > > > > What is our excuse when we are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean? > Why is it no one expects us to cover up our farts and armpits? > > Hello, folks, news flash. There are two sexes. The big hairy, smelly, > whiny, opinionated sex. And the complicated, delightful sex. So, guys, > deal with it. No menstrual cycles, no babies, no development of curves, > no women. You can clean a fish or change the oil on a car but get > grossed out by a pad? Oh grow a pair! Hope you never work in a surgical > suite. > > Celebrate who she is, and what she is. Smile silently when she is a > bitch. Fix her a cup of tea. Rub her feet and shoulders. Be a source > of comfort in an uncomfortable time. If you can t do this, you are not > a man, you are a little boy with big bones. ( I had another word > starting with B,but I demured . ) > > Grow up. Rub her feet. > > And be glad she is not a BPD, or her periods would be nuclear powered! > > If you have a woman in your life, who you love, be a man. Be the one > person she is most comfortable with, even during her period. > > She is worth it. > > IMHO. > > Doug > > > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > > > menstruation > > > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented > include > > > that > > > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review > of the > > > > past month and planning for the next > > > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to > speak > > > > the > > > > truth > > > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process > more > > > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to > raise a > > > > child > > > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > > > menstruation > > > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this > group will > > > > be > > > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe > place to > > > > discuss the taboo topic. > > > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 Can we clone you, Doug? Please? sincerely, Annie > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > > > menstruation > > > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented > include > > > that > > > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review > of the > > > > past month and planning for the next > > > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to > speak > > > > the > > > > truth > > > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process > more > > > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to > raise a > > > > child > > > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > > > menstruation > > > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this > group will > > > > be > > > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe > place to > > > > discuss the taboo topic. > > > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 See why we love our Doug!!!!! Incidentally, I can (or at least have before) gutted fish, changed oil, purchased tires, 4-wheeled, talked trucks, mapped routes through the desert, backpacked and dealt with tampons at the same time!!! So speaking of that, this asshole doctor was in the movie about periods and he said that " Menstruation is pathological because if a menstruating woman goes into the forest a grizzly will smell her blood and kill/eat her. " Not true. I speak from experience. On Mon, Oct 3, 2011 at 12:27 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > Can we clone you, Doug? > Please? > sincerely, > Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > > > > menstruation > > > > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented > > include > > > > that > > > > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review > > of the > > > > > past month and planning for the next > > > > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to > > speak > > > > > the > > > > > truth > > > > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > > > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process > > more > > > > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > > > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to > > raise a > > > > > child > > > > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > > > > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > > > > menstruation > > > > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this > > group will > > > > > be > > > > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe > > place to > > > > > discuss the taboo topic. > > > > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 A for real sign in Alberta, BC, about Grizzly Bears Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters, the B.C. Fish and Wildlife Branch is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and any persons that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the field. We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advanced warning to any bears that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise. We also advise anyone using the out-f-doors to carry " Pepper Spray " with him is case of an encounter with a bear. Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear feces and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear shit has bells in it and smells like pepper. Doug > > > > > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > > > > > menstruation > > > > > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented > > > include > > > > > that > > > > > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review > > > of the > > > > > > past month and planning for the next > > > > > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to > > > speak > > > > > > the > > > > > > truth > > > > > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > > > > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process > > > more > > > > > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > > > > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to > > > raise a > > > > > > child > > > > > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > > > > > > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > > > > > menstruation > > > > > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this > > > group will > > > > > > be > > > > > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe > > > place to > > > > > > discuss the taboo topic. > > > > > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 Doug, you are a treasure. Do you know that right this minute there are, like, 75 women on this board who would date you? (Me, I'd do just about anything for a foot rub, at any time of the month, day, night, whatever.) GirlScout makes a good point about skill sets not being limited to one gender or another. I'll have to trust her on the grizzly bear thing, though. So, to add my two cents - my mom told me just enough information that I wouldn't freak out when it all started. I will give her credit that she was very matter-of-fact about it - it's just part of life, you have to deal with it - so I didn't use it as an excuse or get upset about it. It was just part of biology. I read The Red Tent years ago, and was intrigued by that treatment of the Biblical prohibitions - women couldn't touch food or cook, had to be separated from the village for the week, etc. If you think about it, they basically got a week off from drudgery every month, followed by a spa day of ritual cleansing. Not such a bad deal, I guess. (Sorry, boss, I can't do that report for you - I'm unclean!!) While I never got all dramatic about it, I didn't particularly enjoy it, either (except as proof that the birth control had worked) - I just considered it another of life's inconveniences, like vacuuming and car repair. I always considered it an annoying " design flaw " - and boy, if I had a chance to use one of those new pills that cuts it down to 4 times a year, I would be SO onto that! But since we're on the subject, I'll tell you the best thing about all this - eventually, it stops. And you have YEARS of life left, period-free. It's one of the best things about being middle-aged (that and having the best music). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 I wish I could celebrate my periods but for me I guess they've always been a bit shameful. My nada couldn't bring herself to tell me about them and one day not long before I had my first I came home to ask her what a virgin was...in the context of the Virgin and she freaked out, asked why school didn't tell me and then asked me why. No explanation was given and the following week had a lesson at school but somehow I didn't twig that it was going to happen to me. When my first period happened I went to tell her and then got sent across the road to buy some pads on my own but not knowing what kind I stood by the shelf full of girls stuff too embarrassed to ask. So I ended up buying maternity towels! Later as a teenager I had a lot of cramps and used to nearly faint and was brushed off with " my periods were never painful " . I went to the doctor alone about it who wasn't much use either. More recently I had had bad abdominal pains for several years went to the doctor who sent me home making me think I was imagining it all only to discover 18 months later I had a couple of large fibroids. I really wanted, and still want a hysterectomy, (as the pain and really heavy bleeding has returned) and underwent major surgery to remove them a couple of years ago. The closest I get to celebrating is relief if I'm in a relationship because it means I'm not pregnant...which is a huge trauma thing for me. > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about menstruation > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include that > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > past month and planning for the next > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak the > truth > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a child > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of menstruation > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will be > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > discuss the taboo topic. > XOXO Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 Lavendar, a lot of the women in the room at the thing I went to felt exactly like you do. they decided to reframe the experience and heal emotionally. I'm not totally sure how to do that - but I found it a very interesting reframe and I want to look into it more. Why not dump the past, embrace a new belief, grieve the pain and celebrate in the future? On Wed, Oct 5, 2011 at 10:58 AM, Lavender <lavender.flowerdew@... > wrote: > ** > > > I wish I could celebrate my periods but for me I guess they've always been > a bit shameful. My nada couldn't bring herself to tell me about them and one > day not long before I had my first I came home to ask her what a virgin > was...in the context of the Virgin and she freaked out, asked why > school didn't tell me and then asked me why. No explanation was given and > the following week had a lesson at school but somehow I didn't twig that it > was going to happen to me. When my first period happened I went to tell her > and then got sent across the road to buy some pads on my own but not knowing > what kind I stood by the shelf full of girls stuff too embarrassed to ask. > So I ended up buying maternity towels! > Later as a teenager I had a lot of cramps and used to nearly faint and was > brushed off with " my periods were never painful " . I went to the doctor alone > about it who wasn't much use either. More recently I had had bad abdominal > pains for several years went to the doctor who sent me home making me think > I was imagining it all only to discover 18 months later I had a couple of > large fibroids. I really wanted, and still want a hysterectomy, (as the pain > and really heavy bleeding has returned) and underwent major surgery to > remove them a couple of years ago. > The closest I get to celebrating is relief if I'm in a relationship because > it means I'm not pregnant...which is a huge trauma thing for me. > > > > > > > I saw a very interesting movie and discussion last night about > menstruation > > and societal beliefs. I'll talk more but some ideas presented include > that > > 1- menstruation should be a time of rebirth, introversion, review of the > > past month and planning for the next > > 2- PMS is not crankiness, but a time when our hormones allow us to speak > the > > truth > > 3- negative views of menstruation have kept women down > > 4- negative views of menstruation and attitudes make the process more > > painful, and are passed mother to daughter > > 5- the uterus is a collective organ - as it takes a village to raise a > child > > - kind of like mitochondrian DNA > > > > I just wondered if anyone else had extremly negative views of > menstruation > > and feminity forced on them? I'm sure menstrual trauma on this group will > be > > common. I'd love to open the conversation and make this a safe place to > > discuss the taboo topic. > > XOXO Girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 Hi Girlscout, Thanks, you're right of course and reframing the shameful part is probably within reach for me and there is something delightful about the thought of being a *woman*. Unfortunately the terror of feeling I might be pregnant on the few occasions it's happened I can't get over. The merry-go-round of 'you're not the nurturing type', 'you're not compassionate', 'you shouldn't have kids-they ruin your life' etc. etc. are not voices echoing from the distant past. > > Lavendar, a lot of the women in the room at the thing I went to felt exactly > like you do. they decided to reframe the experience and heal emotionally. > I'm not totally sure how to do that - but I found it a very interesting > reframe and I want to look into it more. Why not dump the past, embrace a > new belief, grieve the pain and celebrate in the future? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 OMG Lavendar, I cant believe she said that crap to you!!!! Sounds to me like she was projecting her feelings, of recognizing SHE was not the nurturing type onto you! I had kind of the opposite thing goiing on - they tried to make me into a full time nurse to do nothing but nurture them. Sorry - I'm gonna have my own life, see ya around Nada (or not). But yeah, I'm 36 and I have been hyper vigilant about birth control because I did not want to pass on those fucking genetics, family traits, family memories and family behavior patterns. On Wed, Oct 5, 2011 at 11:14 AM, Lavender <lavender.flowerdew@... > wrote: > ** > > > Hi Girlscout, > Thanks, you're right of course and reframing the shameful part is probably > within reach for me and there is something delightful about the thought of > being a *woman*. Unfortunately the terror of feeling I might be pregnant on > the few occasions it's happened I can't get over. The merry-go-round of > 'you're not the nurturing type', 'you're not compassionate', 'you shouldn't > have kids-they ruin your life' etc. etc. are not voices echoing from the > distant past. > > > > > > > Lavendar, a lot of the women in the room at the thing I went to felt > exactly > > like you do. they decided to reframe the experience and heal emotionally. > > I'm not totally sure how to do that - but I found it a very interesting > > reframe and I want to look into it more. Why not dump the past, embrace a > > new belief, grieve the pain and celebrate in the future? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 I agree: I think that what your nada did to you, Lavender, was to project her very own feelings, traits, and flaws onto you. I think that's classic projection, actually. And what a devastatingly cruel thing to do to your own little child. In a very fundamental way, that is just so... well, I can't think of a more appropriate word that " evil " : to poison your own daughter's joy at being female, to take away your daughter's confidence and belief that she will someday be a great wife and a great mother, etc., essentially warping and crippling her own daughter's future. Put in physical terms, that would be like... performing a home hysterectomy on your little girl and scarring her face up to prevent her from ever becoming a wife and mother. Its so beyond cruel there are no words to convey it. Performing this destruction in a physical way would get nada serious jail time; but because the destruction is " only " emotional, it " doesn't count. " I become so enraged by this particular behavior because that's what was done to me: the emotional equivalent of being physically deformed, by my own nada. I'm so glad my little Sister managed to escape that particular form of mind-f**king by our nada; Sister apparently had a very strong maternal drive and knew she wanted to have children, and she did. And she was quite excellent at being a mom; her boy is now a happy, healthy, responsible young husband and father, himself. -Annie > > > > > > Lavendar, a lot of the women in the room at the thing I went to felt > > exactly > > > like you do. they decided to reframe the experience and heal emotionally. > > > I'm not totally sure how to do that - but I found it a very interesting > > > reframe and I want to look into it more. Why not dump the past, embrace a > > > new belief, grieve the pain and celebrate in the future? > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 Annie, > Put in physical terms, that would be like... performing a home hysterectomy on your little girl and scarring her face up to prevent her from ever becoming a wife and mother. Its so beyond cruel there are no words to convey it. Performing this destruction in a physical way would get nada serious jail time; but because the destruction is " only " emotional, it " doesn't count. " >.... > I become so enraged by this particular behavior because that's what was done to me: the emotional equivalent of being physically deformed, by my own nada. > -Annie You have found such a good way to help me wrap my head around this. I've just started therapy and I've told her a little of what I've written here and never felt anything about it...just words said to me and I've repeated. I've been wondering if I've been brutalised by words. I'm having a huge problem of not really feeling or rather connecting real feelings but somehow what you've written has just reached through that wall of non-feeling into a glimpse of feeling and also a sense that I matter and such things weren't really the sort of thing that should be said. The caps on my keyboard just aren't big enough but THANK-YOU. and thank-you too for being enraged because your anger over this has really helped me connect. You too shouldn't haven't gone through stuff like this. BTW I'd offer a toast to your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 Hi Girlscout, I nearly laughed out loud over the coincidence because despite all the words I get I'm also expected to become a 'nurse'/maid and have just recently came to pretty much the same conclusion about having my own life, which I'm trying hard to hold on to except for the big elephant in the room called enmeshment. What is with this 'you'll be my nurse-maid' thing anyway? Do you think it's just a BPD thing? Lavender > > > > > > Lavendar, a lot of the women in the room at the thing I went to felt > > exactly > > > like you do. they decided to reframe the experience and heal emotionally. > > > I'm not totally sure how to do that - but I found it a very interesting > > > reframe and I want to look into it more. Why not dump the past, embrace a > > > new belief, grieve the pain and celebrate in the future? > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 (((((Lavender))))) I'm glad something I posted helped you. And I'll convey your " toast " to my Sister. And yes, nadas who feel the need or compulsion to attempt to destroy their daughters' femininity and crush their potential to be wives and mothers are just too damned mentally ill to be raising children. Period. End of sentence. Its wrong. Some kind of intervention needs to happen in such cases, the child's future is at stake. -Annie > Annie, > > > Put in physical terms, that would be like... performing a home hysterectomy on your little girl and scarring her face up to prevent her from ever becoming a wife and mother. Its so beyond cruel there are no words to convey it. Performing this destruction in a physical way would get nada serious jail time; but because the destruction is " only " emotional, it " doesn't count. " > >.... > > I become so enraged by this particular behavior because that's what was done to me: the emotional equivalent of being physically deformed, by my own nada. > > -Annie > > You have found such a good way to help me wrap my head around this. I've just started therapy and I've told her a little of what I've written here and never felt anything about it...just words said to me and I've repeated. I've been wondering if I've been brutalised by words. I'm having a huge problem of not really feeling or rather connecting real feelings but somehow what you've written has just reached through that wall of non-feeling into a glimpse of feeling and also a sense that I matter and such things weren't really the sort of thing that should be said. > The caps on my keyboard just aren't big enough but THANK-YOU. > and thank-you too for being enraged because your anger over this has really helped me connect. > > You too shouldn't haven't gone through stuff like this. > > BTW I'd offer a toast to your sister. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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