Ones who have children with Aspergers Syndrome, etc,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It tugged at my heart when you described your daughter's frustrations and how

she turns hers inward too. I know that it must make you feel so helpless as it

did me. Well I still feel helpless when I get a call when he is anxious about

something (lots of things.)

The " no eye contact " thing is a real identifying trait. would do it but

looked right away as if it scared him. I can give you hope though. has

learned to make eye contact and has found ways to cope with most of the

frustrating things that happen all the time. He is also very intelligent and

that helps these kids a lot to overcome some of their problems. I'm glad she

doesn't have any problems in school. That's a big help. has some

learning disabilities as well as AS. He has a hard time finding the main idea

when reading chapters in a text book and can't both listen to lectures and take

notes. He took from 1995 to 2003 to graduate from college because he could only

take two courses a semester, but thank goodness for his perseverance. He has

one more year to go to finish his master's in special ed and is writing his

thesis now. One thing about kids/people with Aspergers is that when they like

something they REALLY like it and likes doing

research so that is helping him a lot.

I had to laugh when you mentioned socks. When I go to conventions both for

Educators/Advocates, most of whom are families too, and for Families we always

laugh about the socks issue. I think it is one of the most common things there

is among these kids and adults. There was only one kind of sock that

would wear, well now, there is only one brand of socks still that will

wear. The others never felt right. He could never do the tube sock thing -

scrunched around too much. and the stiching on the end of the sock had to be

just right. It's terribly frustrating while you are going through it, but after

she's grown you will look back and laugh with the rest of us who have been

there!

It also applies to tags in shirts. There is only one brand of undershirt he

will wear. I was so glad when several companies came out with T shirts that

don't have tags, but have a name stamped on instead. What a difference.

Thank you for sharing about your daughter. It's good to talk about these

things that go on in our lives, because they affect us so much too. It sounds

like she has just what she needs, a caring, loving mom.

Take care of yourself,

Marti

gina roemish wrote:

Thanks for that Marti. My Daughter has ADHD as well as

AS. She gets very frustrated with herself and says

she wants to die. She breaks my heart because she is

also a very sweet intellegent girl too. She doesnt

need any special ed, but she needs behavior therapy. I

knew she was different when she was an infant because

of the no eye contact thing. Also as a toddler and

even now if something (like her socks) dont feel right

she has a breakdown. Im glad your shared about your

adult Son and how he is.

--- Marti Boguski wrote:

> Hi to all of you,

>

> I started to answer each one of you but you all

> have such similar problems I decided to do it this

> way. I struggled with whether to write at all as I

> am sure you have all done everything possible to

> know what is driving your children. Since I have

> spent years working with kids, parents, educators,

> legal systems and school systems with reagard to

> Asperger Syndrome I hope it is OK if I join in here.

> My son has Asperger Syndrome and at 30, even though

> he has learned to cope well, he still needs daily

> help and advice on a lot of things. At first he was

> dx with Autism because of his late speech, and

> everything else, and because he spent a lot of time

> rocking back and forth in one position playing with

> his fingers. Later it was changed to Aspergers

> because he made such strides in overcoming those

> things.

>

> I spent most of his life fighting for him and

> trying to decide, with help, what he needed. It was

> during this time that I switched my vocation from

> accounting to Special Education and got another

> degree. I've been through a lot of what you are

> talking about, except kept his anger mostly

> bottled up and took it out on himself instead of

> kicking in walls. He did, and still does, get very

> frustrated with me when I didn't understand what he

> was talking about and then he would shout and give

> me nasty looks and go to his room to be away from

> everyone. He still has anger issues, but now I

> think he takes them out on yelling at the drivers in

> Boston. I've talked to him about road rage, but he

> says in Boston you have no choice.

>

> In my research and work I have found that there is

> not usually a correlation between Aspergers and

> violence. Yes lots of kids, young people, with AS

> get frustruated and take it out on others at times,

> but rarely to the extent of kicking in walls,

> berating their parents and breaking the law. Their

> inappropriatenss is usually more in the range of

> sexual advances that are misunderstood because of

> their social awkwardness and also having no friends

> because of lack of empathy and not know what

> friendship really means. So they say things that

> are offensive to their peers not knowing that they

> are. They seem to lack the filter that tells them

> what is OK to say and what isn't; my son still does

> this all the time.

>

> I wonder if the kids with such violent tendencies

> have been dx with any other disorders. Lot of

> people with AS also have other problems, like

> bi-polar or depression or particularly anxiety

> disorders. Also Oppositional Behavior Disorder and

> Borderline Personality Disorder both cause people to

> act out in violent ways.

>

> Just a thought.from someone who has been where you

> are and is still there only at a different level.

> He doesn't live at home. He comes home more than a

> lot of people his age and he doesn't have anyone

> special in his life, while his friends have all

> gotten married. That is a major frustration right

> now. I know he has major anxiety issues but he

> won't see a doctor about it and won't take pills,

> which I know he needs. He still obsesses over

> things and since he was so sick is sure that if he

> " does too much " he will get sick again so he is

> trying to slow down, which might not be a bad thing.

> He tries to do everything at once it seems to me

> sometime.

>

> He told me not that long ago that when I told him

> he could do anything he wanted with his life, that I

> should have told him not to do it all at one time.

> He has a hard time settling down to one thing and

> needs to have several things going on in his life at

> once. He is easily bored and because of that takes

> on too much.

>

> Oh well, I can sympathize and empathize with you

> all. I'm always within an e-mail's reach or I can

> give you my phone number if you ever want to talk.

> Since I'm gotten a little farther along than you I

> might could help a little and am always willing to

> lend an ear just to listen to you vent.

>

> Having a special needs child must be particularly

> hard with your having Fibro. Forturnately for me,

> and him, he was almost grown before I got my dx in

> 1991, after 2 years of searching for an answer to my

> pain, so actually got Fibro in 1989. Also

> fortunately for me all of my children were almost

> out of the house, 's never been totally out of

> the house, when my Fibro started to get worse so I

> still had the energy to work with them until then.

> I would be hard pressed to have them home now with

> the way I feel most days. They would have to take

> care of me instead of the other way around.

>

> Take care of yourselves. That is really

> important, probably the most important thing.

>

> Blessed be,

> Marti

>

>

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