evilcateyes - Your story

[Guest guest]

Your life sounds like living in hell from your childhood on. When I read

stories like yours, I wonder what the heck I had to complain about as a child.

But it doesn't work that way. We all have different levels of what we can

handle emotionally and physically. I want to commend you for pulling yourself

up by the bootstraps over and over again, and persevering. I know you are

suffering and in pain, but believe you will continue to go on. You are a

survivor.

Jeanne in WI

I read this post and thought about it, I think that alot of the anger that I

am feeling is what in the hell happened to my life, I honestly cannot remember

being happy as a child, my father was a very successful businessman, everyone in

town thought he was a wonderful

man...they all knew he was an alcoholic, and that he had many affairs on my

mother, he would hit my mother and me while he was drinking. He had his own

private plane, his own business, a different car for each

day for he and my mom. All of the kids I went to school with thought that I

had the greatest life ever, they knew where their Dad was on the holidays...not

me. Then my mom divorced him when I was 12 and she was pregnant with my little

brother. Gosh I could finally invite friends to sleep over as I wasn't scared

that my Dad would do something crazy. My brother was born and I was thrilled..He

took his first steps the day Pres. Kennedy was killed. I will never forget. I

forgot my own childrens first words or steps but not his.

When I was 13 I started dating a guy that was a senior in high school, we

dated thru his senior year and then he went into the Army and to Vietnam. He was

so much different than my Dad, he was a true gentleman, we were children of the

60's!! I cared for him greatly and

I stayed true for almost a year, then I wrote a Dear letter, now I wonder

what in the hell I was thinking. I married a guy when I was 16, was about a

month pregnant when I married, my daughter was born, then hell really

happenened. He beat me and didn't have to be drinking. He held me hostage with a

shotgun, and then it happenened. I went totally crazy, I left my daughter with

his mother and said I would be back.It was 4 yrs before I did look back. Two

more failed

marriages, more partying and drinking than anyone should have lived thru.

Finally I did some settling down to some extent and remarried and had a son and

a daughter. I knew this man was an alcoholic and he

had been abusive to me but I just knew that he would change, he reminded me of

my father, he even looked like him. My brother got killed when he was 17, my

grandfather had been killed in an accident 2 yrs prior, my best friend had been

murdered about 6 months before my brother. There I went again, off the deep end

of the world, went back to the life where I knew I could find relief, drugs and

alcohol. Thank God for good friends that helped care for my kids. My Mom could

not help as she had started drinking and could not help me. And it wasn't like

I didn't have an education, I did, I had managed in all the turmoil to get a

college degree, but I just couldn't stay grounded long enough to use it. But by

the Grace of God I pulled thru one more time, I got a very respected job, it had

taken along time to

do it but I did. I became a police officer, then made Chief in the town where

I lived. I did that for 3 yrs and then decided I wanted a career change, I

started driving a truck, had my own, ran coast to coast then this lady decided

she wanted to commit suicide and she hit

me in my truck headon. She did what she intended to do and she almost took me

with her, this was in 91, I quit driving!! My mom died in 92 and I started as a

911 Dispatcher until 2003. And my life is still going down hill, I lost my house

last year, I had kept my small

trucking company and the fuel cost helped to put me out of business. I am now

living with my daughter and her family..Trying to work in a Deli part-time and

no one understands how I feel, I HURT, I am tired,

I don't sleep. AND by the way the guy I dated in High school is retired from

an airline, and we are talking again, of course he is on one coast and I am on

the other...SO....and we shall see???? Thanks for letting me put into words what

I cannot to my children or friends.

n

[Guest guest]

Thanks Jeanne and Dave for listening and giving me hope that I can keep on

keeping on!

Jeanne and Dave wrote:

Your life sounds like living in hell from your childhood on. When I

read stories like yours, I wonder what the heck I had to complain about as a

child. But it doesn't work that way. We all have different levels of what we can

handle emotionally and physically. I want to commend you for pulling yourself up

by the bootstraps over and over again, and persevering. I know you are suffering

and in pain, but believe you will continue to go on. You are a survivor.

Jeanne in WI

I read this post and thought about it, I think that alot of the anger that I am

feeling is what in the hell happened to my life, I honestly cannot remember

being happy as a child, my father was a very successful businessman, everyone in

town thought he was a wonderful

man...they all knew he was an alcoholic, and that he had many affairs on my

mother, he would hit my mother and me while he was drinking. He had his own

private plane, his own business, a different car for each

day for he and my mom. All of the kids I went to school with thought that I had

the greatest life ever, they knew where their Dad was on the holidays...not me.

Then my mom divorced him when I was 12 and she was pregnant with my little

brother. Gosh I could finally invite friends to sleep over as I wasn't scared

that my Dad would do something crazy. My brother was born and I was thrilled..He

took his first steps the day Pres. Kennedy was killed. I will never forget. I

forgot my own childrens first words or steps but not his.

When I was 13 I started dating a guy that was a senior in high school, we dated

thru his senior year and then he went into the Army and to Vietnam. He was so

much different than my Dad, he was a true gentleman, we were children of the

60's!! I cared for him greatly and

I stayed true for almost a year, then I wrote a Dear letter, now I wonder

what in the hell I was thinking. I married a guy when I was 16, was about a

month pregnant when I married, my daughter was born, then hell really

happenened. He beat me and didn't have to be drinking. He held me hostage with a

shotgun, and then it happenened. I went totally crazy, I left my daughter with

his mother and said I would be back.It was 4 yrs before I did look back. Two

more failed

marriages, more partying and drinking than anyone should have lived thru.

Finally I did some settling down to some extent and remarried and had a son and

a daughter. I knew this man was an alcoholic and he

had been abusive to me but I just knew that he would change, he reminded me of

my father, he even looked like him. My brother got killed when he was 17, my

grandfather had been killed in an accident 2 yrs prior, my best friend had been

murdered about 6 months before my brother. There I went again, off the deep end

of the world, went back to the life where I knew I could find relief, drugs and

alcohol. Thank God for good friends that helped care for my kids. My Mom could

not help as she had started drinking and could not help me. And it wasn't like I

didn't have an education, I did, I had managed in all the turmoil to get a

college degree, but I just couldn't stay grounded long enough to use it. But by

the Grace of God I pulled thru one more time, I got a very respected job, it had

taken along time to

do it but I did. I became a police officer, then made Chief in the town where I

lived. I did that for 3 yrs and then decided I wanted a career change, I started

driving a truck, had my own, ran coast to coast then this lady decided she

wanted to commit suicide and she hit

me in my truck headon. She did what she intended to do and she almost took me

with her, this was in 91, I quit driving!! My mom died in 92 and I started as a

911 Dispatcher until 2003. And my life is still going down hill, I lost my house

last year, I had kept my small

trucking company and the fuel cost helped to put me out of business. I am now

living with my daughter and her family..Trying to work in a Deli part-time and

no one understands how I feel, I HURT, I am tired,

I don't sleep. AND by the way the guy I dated in High school is retired from an

airline, and we are talking again, of course he is on one coast and I am on the

other...SO....and we shall see???? Thanks for letting me put into words what I

cannot to my children or friends.

n