Re: New Member Introduction/Tammy Elaine

[Guest guest]

Welcome Tammy Elaine. I know it's a drag to have to tell your story over and

over again to docs and even support groups. I am so sorry that you are in such

a low place. A lot of us have been there. I want you to know that you aren't

alone. You should do whatever you have to, to survive. Go for food stamps,

welfare, because it does take a long time to get approval with SS. Maybe your

church or any church would be willing to help you out. Check with social

services.

You do not need to be ashamed or embarrassed. You obviously are very qualified

for disability so get help wherever you can until the govt. gets its act

together.

HTH. Take care.

Jeanne in WI

I should have done this before but get so tired of explaining over and over

how I came to this place in my life...it's like going to a new doctor again and

trying to explain in as few words as possible how my life has beocme merely a

shallow existence of what it used to

be. I am 44 and have had FM for aprox. 15 years...at least that is how far

back I can trace the most significant symptoms or the beginning with IBS flares.

Now I am house-bound, waiting on word from DDS about my disability, divorced

after 23 years of marriage and so angry and disillusioned that I can't even

stand to be around myself!

I read the post about the steps we all go through and could see my own

progression reflected in it. I think that right now I am very angry at the loss

of my life and am trying to accept the fact that it is merely a shell of what it

used to be. It's not easy. Not at all.

Five years ago I just thought I was sick. I was wrong. I had no real

comprehension of just how bad it could get. I wonder if five years from now I

will look back to today and say, " I just thought it was as bad as it could get! "

I wonder if five years from now I will even be here to wonder as I don't think I

can take this much longer. It just keeps getting worse.

I know that the people here are the only ones who truly understand what I am

talking about and I know that you can empathize with really not wanting to live

like this another day. My x-husband didn't get it. My doctors don't get it.

My family, bless their hearts, don't

get it and surely, DDS doesn't get it! But you all do.

What if it does just keep getting worse? What if SSA doesn't approve my

disability and I end up in a shelter in downtown Dallas? What if tomorrow I

wake up and decide that I just cannot take it another day?

I know that if your FM is as bad as mine you have asked yourself these same

questions.

I take methadone, lyrica and hydrocodone, (all three everyday) for pain. I

take Aricept for Alzheimer's because my last congnitive function test results

indicated congnitive function abilities equal to those of an 85 year old woman.

I take Verapamil to manage the

Complicated Vertebral Basilar Migraines, (with aura) that cause the TIA's that

have turned me into a mushroom. I take clonazepam for the anxiety, hives and

sleeplessness. Add to that some 23 vitamin

supplements a day and there you have my so-called treatment for this disease.

Is it effective? Are you kidding me? The most physical thing I do all day is

to walk to the other end of the house and back,

just to work out the stiffness. I can't work. I have no motivation or energy

and I can't carry an intelligent conversation with anyone because of the

aphasia. Meanwhile; SSA is sitting on their ass and

will probably deny my claim which is the only income I would have. Do you

think they care?

My diagnoses include: FM, CFS, Aluminum Poisoning, IBS, Complicated Vertebral

Basilar Migraines, (with aura), Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, Cognitive

Dysfunction, Aphasia, Connective Tissue Disease...need I go on? (And DDS sent

me to a shrink to decide if I qualified for disability on a mental level!) I am

so enraged with the US Government that I could just go postal! I mean, they

took money from

every paycheck I drew for my entire working life and now getting approved for

the so called " insurance " is like solving the Middle East Crisis! Worst of all,

they do not care if I sit here eating dog food for lack of money or get put out

on the streets because I cannot

pay my rent with no income! It's insane!

I maintain a website about this disease and have added it to the group's

links; hopefully it will help just one person in this world not to end up like I

have.

Do you ever just want to give up? Just throw in the towel and say to hell

with this; I am done! What is the answer? For years I have tried every

treatment I can find and still I grow worse by the day. Is there any hope for

getting my life back?

Thanks for listening. I hope that God blesses you all with a pain-free day.

I don't think it will happen for me today but just maybe it will for you. God

bless you all for being there.

Tammy Elaine