Re: Re: Hi Group. I am having trouble . Jermey there are good days!

[Guest guest]

Hi - I am newer to this group, but beleive me before I found it, I

was at a road of what to do next, who to turn to, my social life except my

husband who has been great with this, but other than that my social life has

come to a halt, mostly because of me thought, I don't want to go out and impose

my uncomfortable expressions, grinches of pain when I move a certain way, or

needing assist to walk to or from the car, sometimes I can't drive the distance

I am invited to because sitting to long, or the stress of me driving now,but you

know all that. I just want to say, don't worry about your friend giving up on

you, she sounds like she will be in for the long run, as she sounds like she

belives in this disease and knows what you are going through. I want to warn

you though, you need to be honest with her, and tell her when you are really

hurting, feeling down, etc., because if you don't sometimes wihtout us even

realizing it,our body language sometime our tone

comes of to people we care about like they we don't want them around, I have

been guilty of that, as I too have always been strong, held in my pain, did not

share how I felt, and I ended up offending my friends who were good enough to

tell me I was being stand offish, somewhat, rude, etc. I apoligized explained

to them all I have been going through and we are fine, and I just tell them now

if it is a bad spell. But you will have good days, we just never know when they

are going to be, but it is a nice surprise!, when we can at least have no MIND

pain, I am never bodily pain free, and this winter has been a real tough one,

but I realized I was in Ca. last yr, now I know why I didn't feel this bad last

yr, must be the cold back here in Me. I also want to warn you about pushing

yourself through all this by taking on work. I did that, this also was my way

to try and forget about the pain, get through the day quicker, I loved my work

as I worked in the healthfield all my

life and enjoyed it alot, bad days at work were nothing compared to the pain I

go through with this disease! But is was the wrong move, I was told by my Dr's

to slow down, exspecially when I started getting more and more pain, and it was

not just the physical work, they said it is just the long hours, as I worked

from 9a-thru overnights with only a 2hr break between jobs a day my only so

called day off was Sun. and sometimes I would go to one job saying to myself

just for 2 hrs, but stayed usually 4hrs, by then my day was worked. I came home

in so much pain ice ice ice! Finally my Rheumie, said I needed to quit one of

my jobs, she said she never saw anyone like me, SHE NEEDS to meet YOU! I was

doing more harm to myself, and no matter how good I felt about working the Fibro

was eating away at me. To shorten my story, I now can not work at all! I

crashed or should I say my body has, it has been in such a state of overburn out

that nothing is putting the Fibro in a

tolerable state for me. Oh, because I overworked myself I also wore my

shoulders out and had to have surgery on both, whcih the Rhuemie also said would

cause a flare most likely, because the disease feeds off of them and to avoid

all surgery if possible, I am not into Cosmetic surgery so once my knee is

replaced which can't have done yet as they say I am to young, I hope I am done!

hang in there you I think feel like you do because you have been and are

still going through alot. Stay with this group, whine all you want because we

don't care, find somehing you can get into to go easy on you, but you enjoy and

take that time, don't feel guilty about any ot this, and try and ward off the

debression, with whatever it takes, this is one symptom I only experinced a very

short spell or days is all, and don't think it was bad. I am just Mad,

Frustrated, Discouraged, and In Pain, all the time. Take Care and you will

learn there will be good days, and bad, but don't

anticipate how bad is this going to be someday because no one knows, and we

should not worry that, just listen to your signs, and give In when, rest, get

help, when it is telling you to. You can't go in overdrive thinking you will

beat it because you will lose, your body wears out.

Sharon

ddean228 wrote:

((()))

We understand the road you are on. I think that getting a maid

service is something you need to do for you, it'll help ease your

stress. I think that the days you push harder are what is causing

you to flare and depress some. I admire your dedication to the

special needs adults (I have adopted a set of SN twins with FAS and

pFAS and know I will go thru struggles as they get older).

Since you are going through a divorce, you have added stress. You

feel like a failure. Check to see if there is a Divorce support

recovery group in your area - some local churches even offer a class

to help you get your head turned back around on straight. Divorce is

a big stressor.

I think I would sit down with the kids and lay down the rules

at " your house " . Your new normal is that mommy and daddy DON'T live

together and I realize they are hurting too, but you have got to make

rules/consequences and stick to them for your house at least! Also,

check to see if there was any kid friendly counseling your kids (you

didn't say how old they were or if you did, I missed it in my haste)

could go thru. They need to be reassured over and over again that

this was NOT their fault (or yours or your soon-to-be exes). The

fault lies somewhere in the middle with the adults but never ever

with the kids! Another suggestion from a former single mom is to

refrain from saying anything negative, etc. about your ex. NO MATTER

what she says, you continue to be noncomittal, etc. This is an adult

problem and too many adults make the mistake of bringing the kids

into it (my ex did that.....it was hard to overcome).

Anyhow, ask away, can you tell I read what you wrote? You are not

alone any more....

(((Hugs)))

Darlene

>

> I am a 30 year old man and have already lost my

> marriage, career and my life as I know it. I hate

> that people don't understand that you cant see it on an xray or in a

> lab but it is still real.

> I am afraid of what else I am going to lose. I just pray I don't

lose

> my last friend that I love with all my heart and soul. She means so

> much to me.

> Everyday she would ask me how I felt. That meant so much to me. She

> was by me no matter how tired, sore, or short tempered I was. No

> matter what. I truly love her. I am so tired of the rest of my life.

> I don't know how much longer I can deal with being to tired and in

> pain.

> I am trying so hard to overcome this. The depression associated

with

> being in pain all the time is overwhelming in its self. I feel

> worthless. I miss the life I use to have. The family man, College

> educated with 4.0 GPA, computer networking degree and Mental health

> caseworker. Now, I cant stand what I have become. I am so afraid

that

> my last love will grow tired of me and too, turn away. I know some

> days she is afraid to touch me. I never, ever show my pain to her.

I

> know she can see it anyway.

> I still work 60+hours a week as a case worker for mentally retarded

> adults. On days I hurt worse, I push myself even harder. I once

had

> a beautiful home but since the separation and soon divorce I am in

an

> apartment. after I get home from work I cannot find the strength to

> keep it up after my kids leave to visit their mom. Over at mom's

they

> do not have chores or do any cleaning. They like it over there

better

> so now they don't want to be with me. I finally broke down and am

now

> looking for a full time maid service. Even more worthless.

> Please, I hate to whine. That is so not like me. I really am

having

> a bad week and I am out of resources. I hope this group

understands.

> I am sorry for the rambling. Thanks to you who actually read it and

> understand.

>