All That And A Bag of Chips

[Guest guest]

You know , Sharon is so right. Not only are you all that and a bag of

chips, you're a caregiver with Fibro and whatever else you may have and you're

a hands on mom of a thirteen year old, which isn't the easiest thing there is.

My mother is 86 and can run circles around me and she lives 1000 miles away - by

choice. I couldn't imagine taking care of her when she may need it with this

illness - I couldn't move way down there anyway.

My nephew is 13 (well he is my cousin MJ's son, him and (Jack's best

friend), and she is much more like a sister than a cousin. He was born a premie

and I helped take care of him from day one and then when she went back to work I

took care of him because he needed his nebulizer and all sorts of treatments and

none of us (MJ does have a husband Mike) wanted to put him in any kind of

daycare. So he has always called me Aunt Marti.)So I guess I will try this

sentence again, if you can make out anything I said with all the ()'s.

Jeff is 13 and has a whole boatload of new problems to be dealt with. I

forgot how parents become pariahs at that age. He is better with me and will

tell me lots of things. But I tell him that if he tells me anything that is

important I can't keep it a secret.(Being from an abusive childhood and marriage

I think secrets are destroyers of families. Had to keep way too many over the

years.) I'm not his parent and his parents have to know stuff. I still let him

get away with telling stuff like grades on quizes that don't matter much or if

he's done his homework or not. It leaves the door open for him to tell me

things that need to come out, even if his parents know eventually. He is just

more comfortable telling me, since I'm just a pretend parent. He is having a

lot of trouble with understanding his dad (Mike is my blood cousin) because Mike

is very depressed and his little brother seems to have emotional problems. I'm

so sorry but typing is relaxing and I'm just

rambling on about stuff in my life when I meant to talk about yours.

In other words, I know that parenting a 13 year old isn't the easiest job in

the world. I'm glad he tries to help out some. They can also be wonderful at

that age.

Does your son live close by? Is he married? Does he take care of the 8 month

old? Does he ever help you out? OK I'll stop with the questions.

Thank you so much for all of your support and well wishes. I can truly feel

the outpouring of love from the group as I go through this chemo stuff. It's

rough and I was hugging the toilet again, but now I'm not feeling too bad - of

course everything is relative. But typing and reading is relaxing to me.

Please be careful about your health as you take care of your mother. Do the

best you can to rest and eat right and get help and get away anytime you can. I

know it's not easy. Heck I hardly ever leave my house - which reminds me one of

these people here needs to bring in my trash can from last night. Still

micro-managing with cancer treatment. It's so nice to be able to say that

somewhere. People really don't like to hear anything about cancer still.

I'll stop now.

Blessed be,

Marti

sharon studley wrote:

- You are all that to take care of your mom all alone, do you

know what others would do, that is not easy, I have worked as a caregiver all my

life, I took care of my father and brother who died at 45 of cancer, when it is

your family member it is not easy, and it is stressfull, and can do a job on

your own health. Do you know how many families I were involved with that the

family member doing the caregiving all alone got sicker then the aging , or sick

parent? I don't know how you have any energy, like you said it is hard when you

want a parent and they can't be there for you. You will be blessed for all

you've done. Do you have no siblings? I bet though having a g.child helps if you

live close? Mine are 3600 miles away!, and wish everyday they were here to bring

me sunshine in this cold dark winter. Take Care, Sharon Hope you didn't mind me

changing to Ducky cause that is how it is around here these days!

wrote: Awwwww bless your heart, I'm not all

that. We are all strong when we

need to be. My oldest son () just turned 18 and has an 8 month

old daughter. He is(for the most part)on his own now, Thank God. My

youngest is 13 and he tries to be sweet so things could always be

worse. My mom, I really don't think about the things I have to do for

her ,until I go through those times when it would be so nice to

have, " a mom " .All I meant to say is I realy need a family to count on

but you guys are almost as good. As far as my original post goes I

just saw a situation going to happen and was trying to defuse it

before it got worse. It never works but I tried.

Thanks for thinking of me,

> > > Do you ever read the begining of some of these posts and

think, "

> oh

> > > no here it comes better duck and run for cover " ? I just started

> in this

> > > group a few weeks ago and I can already see them coming, the

blow

> ups,

> > > misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Please everyone remember

how

> this

> > > monster can make you feel, and that this is a message board you

> can't

> > > see or hear the context in which things are being said. They

may

> not be

> > > directing thier anger at you at all, it may be the disease, the

> > > situation, or even the day.

> > > God Bless and keep you all,

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone

> on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls

> always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given

> along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or

just

> dangerous in general.

> > >

> > > 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it

> is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to

> trying to make that situation better.

> > >

> > > 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-

> unsubscribe

> > >

> > > 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be

> feeling bad at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of

that

> potentially take something another member says the wrong way. And

> that includes the things that one member may find funny (even if

it's

> laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness

> whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense

> of humor.

> > >

> > > 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a

> bad day pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our

> support.

> > >

> > > Have a nice day everyone.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Marti, sorry it's taken me so long to write back,I'm sick again and

I haven't been out of bed much, I just popped on because I wanted to

check on how you were feeling, you seem to be handling this awful

chemo like a real trooper. Quit worrying about rambling to me, I

don't mind a bit. My mom, I'm afraid I've given you all the wrong

impression, she is only 62 and still works part time so for the most

part she (physically) takes care of herself. My mother is

schizophrenic and she has borderline personality disorder, so she

sees and hears things that are not there and she cuts, stabs, harms

herself when stressed. So when I say I take care of her what I meant

was I make sure she is seeing her therapist,case manager and various

Dr.s and if I notice slight changes in her behavior I have to contact

her case manager to decide whether she needs to go back into the

hospital or not. My other job is to try to keep her from getting to

stressed out, which usually means keeping my problems to myself. None

of this is new I have always been expected to keep an eye on my mom.

My oldest son does live close but only so that I can do for him, he

is the mean child, he can't control his temper I've tried everything

from therapy to hospitalizations to juvenile detention to foster care

(that was by far the hardest) and this last time we found an

independent living program that has helped reduce my stress alot if

nothing else he has his own apt. they pay the bills and they are

teaching him how to budget and take care of himself. He is still

dating his little girls mother, but he treats he worse than he

treated me, he hits her, we have all told her that she can't let him

do this to her, and we've told him the same but of course they don't

listen. My therapist says I'm supposed to not focus on them so I'm

trying really hard not to. Even though it goes against everything in

my nature. oh boy look there I managed to do alot of rambling myself.

I'm going back to bed. My prayers are with you Marti,

> > > > Do you ever read the begining of some of these posts and

> think, "

> > oh

> > > > no here it comes better duck and run for cover " ? I just

started

> > in this

> > > > group a few weeks ago and I can already see them coming, the

> blow

> > ups,

> > > > misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Please everyone remember

> how

> > this

> > > > monster can make you feel, and that this is a message board

you

> > can't

> > > > see or hear the context in which things are being said. They

> may

> > not be

> > > > directing thier anger at you at all, it may be the disease,

the

> > > > situation, or even the day.

> > > > God Bless and keep you all,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with

everyone

> > on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls

> > always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when

given

> > along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or

> just

> > dangerous in general.

> > > >

> > > > 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what

it

> > is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to

> > trying to make that situation better.

> > > >

> > > > 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-

> > unsubscribe

> > > >

> > > > 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be

> > feeling bad at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of

> that

> > potentially take something another member says the wrong way. And

> > that includes the things that one member may find funny (even if

> it's

> > laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness

> > whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a

sense

> > of humor.

> > > >

> > > > 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having

a

> > bad day pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our

> > support.

> > > >

> > > > Have a nice day everyone.

> > > >

> > > >