How Resentment Makes a Heart Heavy

February 27, 2008

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... Forgiveness saves the

expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. -Hannah More

From " The Woman's Book of Resilience: 12 Qualities to Cultivate " by Beth :

It is understandable and instinctive to experience the strong negative feelings

associated with being harmed, insulted, and injured. We want to blame the person

or people who hurt us; we want to see them suffer. We want them to hurt every

bit as much as we have been hurt. We instinctively look for ways to make

ourselves feel better, stronger, back to center. We don't want to view ourselves

as the hurt, the weak, and the one under. It feels further humiliating to be

unable to right the situation, protect ourselves, or stop the aggression or

injustices. Even when we have been victimized, we dislike being the victim.

Resentment creates a heavy heart and fuzzy thinking for the one carrying it. It

can result in obsessing and ruminating on what has been done to us or what we

have done to someone else. Or, in so many cases, putting childhood events and

stored-up hatred and resentment out of mind, only to have them appear as

unrelated depression and irritability.

It is not unusual for resentment to keep us awake at night, invade other

healthier thoughts, interfere in other relationships, and create distractions at

work. This is costly and counterproductive, to you, not the person who harmed

you. As the adage says, resentment is taking poison and waiting for the other

person to die. We who hold the memory, consciously or not, the thoughts and the

feelings of the transgression, are the ones who are suffering, and we are the

only ones who have the power to transcend the heaviness.

Through forgiving and cultivating genuine compassion, we take our power back;

we open the door to freedom. We discover the freedom to be inventive in relating

to others, to handling traumatic experiences in a strong and firm manner and

standing up for ourselves without damaging anyone else. Being resilient,

weathering the next storm or navigating the present upheaval requires an open

heart and a clear mind that results from forgiving and having compassion.

To be resilient requires a lightness of step and the flexibility to move and

not stay stuck or mired in yesterday. It is through accepting the reality of

what has been done, accepting the reality of having been hurt, betrayed,

wronged; working through the layers and layers of difficult emotions and

thoughts accompanying the injury, and finding ways to improve our life and state

of mind that gives us the best opportunity for true freedom from insult and

trauma. It is through admitting, feeling, and letting go of the negative

emotions associated with the egregious act that we transcend victimization.

Many people are under the illusion that forgiveness lets the misdoer off the

hook; it does not. Genuine forgiveness is not about condoning awful behavior.

Forgiveness and compassion do not green light what has been done. There's no

question that perpetrators who are in a position to hurt again need to be

stopped. Ironically, the clearer we are, the less saddled with the negativity of

previous transgressions, the more creative and effective we can be in stopping

further violations. The fewer resentment blocks you have, the more access you

have to saying no; cursing the behavior appropriately and in a resilient fashion

protects you or anyone else who needs it.

Saying thank you is more than good manners.

It is good spirituality.

-Alfred Painter

Saying thank you is more than good manners.

It is good spirituality.

-Alfred Painter

February 27, 2008

,

Thank you for your reply. I was wondering if anyone had heard me or not. I

hope that I can take all that good information and run with it. It was

beautifully wrote

How Resentment Makes a Heart Heavy

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... Forgiveness saves the expense of

anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. -Hannah More