Re: (unknown)//Celeste

[Guest guest]

Celeste,

You don't say if your husband's son has any issues that cause him to

do this sort of thing. Does he live with you full time? If not, and

this is simply my suggestion only, you and your DH have GOT to sit

down, look at the age(s) of each of the kids (yours, his, ya'lls - I

cannot remember how many or ages, darned fibro fog) and set up

realistic boundaries and consequences for actions based on their ages.

The reason I say that is we have 2 special needs children. Our son

has mild mental retardation and full fetal alcohol syndrome, thanks

to his bio mom; our daughter was more fortunate, she only has the

emotional baggage/abuse and RAD because she stood in the gap so to

speak to keep our son protected. Anyhow, they both had some strange

behaviors when we first got them and we had to sit down and do that.

The bottom line is it is yours and your husband's house. These kid(s)

will grow up and move away. Sometimes they will visit, sometimes they

will not. You need to find a healthy balance while they are there

(whether every other weekend or all the time) or quite frankly, there

won't be a DH and loving home once they've grown up (BTDT).

Two books I can recommend - " Creative Corrections " by Welchel;

and any of the " Boundaries " books by Dr. Henry Cloud (he has one for

marriage, children and dating!). Good luck!

(((Hugs)))

Darlene

Remember that this too shall pass!

>

> Hello all,

> I am having a very stressful time. My husbands 9 year old son is

here, and he does things like wipe poop on walls and then denies

doing it when asked. I knew this had happened buy hadnt said

anything to the child as I was going to wait to see if dad would take

care of it. You see dad and I have had issues with the fact that he

will no discipline the child when he is here. I seem to be the one

to have to do it,,,,,then dad feels bad for him. But when it is my

children it is totally different. So the child wiped poop on the

bathroom wall, and dad comes home see's it before I can even show him

and cleans it up hopeing that I hadn't seen it so the child doesn't

get in trouble. OMG. I am so dam frustrated with this situation.

It is something all the time with this situation. But why can't this

father do positive discipline,and logical consiquenses with the

child?? Is there something that I am not seeing? He will ignore all

wrong doing's by the

> child. I feel that the child is the one suffering, because it

becomes an even bigger issue when the father ignores things, or

covers up for the child. This child will never learn.

> Cbaker

>

>

> Re: (unknown)

>

> That's good news, Cheryl. Thanks for sharing.

> Jeanne in WI

>

> Good Evening everyone, I just wanted to give you all a update on my

Mom. She is finally at home,and doing wonderful.although she has to

use a walker for now. Thanks for all your prayers and wonderful

thoughts. Your Friend Cheryl

>

> Just Being Me

>

>

[Guest guest]

Darlene,

Thank you for responding. Yes the child does have ADHD, and I am not sure what

else.....but has been through hell with seperation of parents. So I do

understand some of the behaviors, I mean all kids with this sort of background

have some issues. But the point is that I have sat down with my HB many, many

times over the years and set those boundaries, and consequenses, and done

charts, and all that. But it is like when the child arrives for the visit all

that is forgotten. And I know he is only here part time weekends, and some full

weeks throughout the year. And I thought I may be able to just deal.....but I

can't. My HB makes my kids listen and brings to attention every wrongdoings

and all that. But he is hiding it when his son does it. He will tell me I know

what I have done wrong and I am going to fix it, I will work on it. I am sorry

I see what I did. But this has been 8 years....and he is still doing it and

appologizing after the fact,

instead of just making it right the first time. He even has blamed his other

son. I am not sure what the connection is. But I just get so worked up because

I can't get through to my HB. Like he just forgets everything at the sight of

the child. This has been going on for years.. I have tried many ways to deal

with it to not make it an issue. But when it just continues time after time and

the father isn't even trying, it gets very tiring and frustrating. I am at my

witts end and do not know what else to do.

cbake

Re: (unknown)

>

> That's good news, Cheryl. Thanks for sharing.

> Jeanne in WI

>

> Good Evening everyone, I just wanted to give you all a update on my

Mom. She is finally at home,and doing wonderful.although she has to

use a walker for now. Thanks for all your prayers and wonderful

thoughts. Your Friend Cheryl

>

> Just Being Me

>

>