Darlene

[Guest guest]

Pay all utilites and food, meds etc first and then your mortgage? If all were

due at once and behind all at the same time, where to begin? We are in a chapter

13 for our debts already withdrawn from paychecks. Things are about to be turned

off despite my emailing them. Cells are shut off, next water, phone ,dish and

cable. Grr. I am so lost.

Hugs.

ddean228 wrote:

I know that years and years ago, during my 2nd crash and burn

marriage, we had 3 mortgages on our home (how stupid was that??), 2

vehs, etc. etc. Anyhow, he wanted a divorce so I moved out with my

kids and pets and personal belongings; he was going to keep the house.

Three months later (all utilities in my name, mind you because he had

crap for credit), he informs me he has filed bankruptcy because he

cannot afford the house and guess who went along for the ride quite

against her will???

That was in 2000; I did go thru Consumer Credit Counseling Services

(a non-profit organization, I think at the time they only added like

$5 a month to the monthly payment to cover expenses) to pay for the

things that wouldn't qualify on the bankruptcy (actually, they

were " my " things and I was trying to salvage some dignity and it was

a moral principle at that point for me!). They didn't steer me wrong;

I was able to pay it off early because I moved back home with my

folks and paid them $600 for rent/food a month and everything else

got sunk into what I owed.

It's now 2008. I've been remarred to a wonderful man of God since

2004 (although we have our bumps like most couples). We were able to

buy a house in 2005, refinance it at a lower rate for less years last

year, I have bought TWO brand new vehicles in " my " name and we have a

few credit cards that we are working to pay off. Yes, the bankruptcy

from my last marriage is still on for 2 more years (less

actually....woohoo). Yes, the CCCS still shows but it is 8 yrs old

now too, so there IS life after credit crash and burn.

My best suggestion to anyone who feels they are facing that

proverbial wall and there's " nowhere else to go " is to try a budget

for at least 4 months. Tell your money what it is going to do. Make

sure you take care of the very very basics first (food, shelter,

lights, transpo, meds). Everything else - student loans, credit

cards, old doctor bills, etc. should be prioritized and you should

make every attempt to work out some sort of reasonable payment plan

that YOU can live with, even if it is only $5-10 a month. Eventually

that bill WILL get paid off! Consider having yard sales, go through

your stuff and see if anything is valuable enough to consider selling

on ebay. Have an old record collection? Star Wars? You would be

surprised how much some of the stuff you have laying around might

bring on Ebay that could help you turn stuff around.

Personally, I save $1 and all my change. I have so many piggy banks

that I figured that I would just start working on filling them up

(pennies go in their own....lol), and when I get them all filled,

roll them and see if I can either pay something off *or* put it back

toward Christmas!

I hope this helps someone; sorry it's so long! Feel free to email me

off-list if you have any questions....

Darlene

> >

> > , I don't know if you are aware of this or not. When you use

a

> credit counseling service, it goes on your credit record, and

> creditors will look at it just like a bankruptcy. My DH and I

tried

> credit counseling and found that out the hard way. We have had

money

> troubles since before we were married. In 2001 or so, we made a

> terrible mistake on our mortgage refinancing with a company that

had

> made promises over the phone that they did not keep at the time of

> signing. We were trying to consolidate a car payment as well as

get

> some extra cash, plus combine a home equity with very high interest

> rate all into the one payment. But they were not able to include

the

> car payment, so when it came time to sign, well, we had pretty much

> already spent that " extra cash " and didn't feel we could back out

on

> the loan. We knew about the 3 day window to cancel the loan, but

> like I said, we felt stuck. So we really learned that lesson the

> hard way.

> > Anyway, I got off on a ramble.

> > Jeanne in WI

> > Darlene, I finally started using one of those organizations

that

> help you get out of debt. Unfortunately, just as I was finishing

> making my payments, they were absorbed by an other group --- but I

> did that bit about paying minimum on the biggies and paying the

most

> on the smallest and I really did dig myself out of a very big

hole.

> Only problem was once my mother's estate was settled, I opened

first

> one

> > and then an other visa card. I could pay both of easily but I

> did go overboard. On the other hand, both vehicles are paid off ---

> paid cash for mine and then got tired of dh not writing a payment

for

> his new truck so I called and got the pay-off balance on that,

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

> I know that years and years ago, during my 2nd crash and

burn

> marriage, we had 3 mortgages on our home (how stupid was that??), 2

> vehs, etc. etc. Anyhow, he wanted a divorce so I moved out with my

> kids and pets and personal belongings; he was going to keep the

house.

>

> Three months later (all utilities in my name, mind you because he

had

> crap for credit), he informs me he has filed bankruptcy because he

> cannot afford the house and guess who went along for the ride quite

> against her will???

>

> That was in 2000; I did go thru Consumer Credit Counseling Services

> (a non-profit organization, I think at the time they only added

like

> $5 a month to the monthly payment to cover expenses) to pay for the

> things that wouldn't qualify on the bankruptcy (actually, they

> were " my " things and I was trying to salvage some dignity and it

was

> a moral principle at that point for me!). They didn't steer me

wrong;

> I was able to pay it off early because I moved back home with my

> folks and paid them $600 for rent/food a month and everything else

> got sunk into what I owed.

>

> It's now 2008. I've been remarred to a wonderful man of God since

> 2004 (although we have our bumps like most couples). We were able

to

> buy a house in 2005, refinance it at a lower rate for less years

last

> year, I have bought TWO brand new vehicles in " my " name and we have

a

> few credit cards that we are working to pay off. Yes, the

bankruptcy

> from my last marriage is still on for 2 more years (less

> actually....woohoo). Yes, the CCCS still shows but it is 8 yrs old

> now too, so there IS life after credit crash and burn.

>

> My best suggestion to anyone who feels they are facing that

> proverbial wall and there's " nowhere else to go " is to try a budget

> for at least 4 months. Tell your money what it is going to do. Make

> sure you take care of the very very basics first (food, shelter,

> lights, transpo, meds). Everything else - student loans, credit

> cards, old doctor bills, etc. should be prioritized and you should

> make every attempt to work out some sort of reasonable payment plan

> that YOU can live with, even if it is only $5-10 a month.

Eventually

> that bill WILL get paid off! Consider having yard sales, go through

> your stuff and see if anything is valuable enough to consider

selling

> on ebay. Have an old record collection? Star Wars? You would be

> surprised how much some of the stuff you have laying around might

> bring on Ebay that could help you turn stuff around.

>

> Personally, I save $1 and all my change. I have so many piggy banks

> that I figured that I would just start working on filling them up

> (pennies go in their own....lol), and when I get them all filled,

> roll them and see if I can either pay something off *or* put it

back

> toward Christmas!

>

> I hope this helps someone; sorry it's so long! Feel free to email

me

> off-list if you have any questions....

>

> Darlene

Darlene, I do like the one point you made --- " you told your money

what to do! " It is so important that YOU are in charge, not the

money! And I do think that I did do some dumb things in the past

several years, but now here we are paying TWO mortgages! And until

we get most of our belongings moved to the new house, we can't really

list this one to sell! (would like to make something on it when we

sell!) But I did do several things I should not have done, but I

think everything will be ok when dh retires at the end of June and

from so many of the posts from others who belong to this group, we

are maybe more fortunate than others. And perhaps I should not have

posted what I did about our circumstants. And we would not have what

we do had it not been for what I inherited from my parents estate. So

I think perhaps I should apologize if my flip remarks were taken the

wrong way! My downfall for most of my life is that, I had problems

once I started working and found out " gee! " I can get a credit card? "

It now reminds me of one of my friends years ago saying " Oh, we have

to go to Macy's! I got my first credit card today and I can buy,

buy, buy! " I don't know if he ever got so bad that he was deep in

debt but, we were young and didn't realize what we were doing. And I

am pretty sure that he also came from from a family much like mine

(and for that matter, much of the population, but most people

believed if you couldn't pay for it, you didn't get it.) And there

was another problem while I was in college, my family's banker did me

a big disservice in some ways -- he gave me an unsecured loan, but

said " you pay it off when you can! " I didn't do what I should have

done and that was send him some money when I got my paychecks rather

than thinking, " Oh! well, I can do this at any time. "

But all of this has reminded me that I should get busy and pay off

one of my two visas and then cancel it! The other one has

some " benefits " so I think that's what I need to do.

And this really has made me think, so reading what many of you have

done and are struggling to make it, has forced me to see things in a

different light.

>

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[Guest guest]

If you're in Chpter 13 you should contact your attorney. There may be laws

against your

Water, power, gas and Phone being shut-off.

If you have Comcast in your area they have a plan that is about $10 a month.

It's the most

stripped down cable they offer BUT they Do NOT advertise this - you have to ask

for it!

You get your local channels and that's about it... Better than nothing!

Dish? Just get rid of it... to pricey. Cell phones - let them go. (both are

luxuries).

Sometimes placing a phone call works better than emailing.

Clip coupons, by no-name brand foods.

See if you qualify for Food Stamps or any other government programs. Key is,

you have to

ask (not email) phone call or go in person. Check with your utility companies

to see if you

qualify.

Check your state's official website - search it for programs that may help.

Even if you're

not sure if you qualify, apply. The worst they can say is " no " . The best " yes,

we can help " .

Or they can direct you to a source that can help.

Check with local church's, salvation army etc.. If you're in Michigan check with

the " Society

of St de " . They help the communities and in St Clair provide gas

vouchers for

those in need - up to $30 for free to be redeemed strictly for gas for your car.

Not sure

where else they are located but just do a web search.

good luck and if you need any money saving tips, just email me. I have tons of

tips and

resources.

Oh, we pay our mortgage first, then utilities, car note, meds, then food. Gotta

have a roof

over your head and transportation to get to work. We can live off of mac &

cheese or hot

dogs for a long time. Gets tiring, but we put ourselves in this mess we have to

get

ourselves out of it (oh, I'm in Chapter 7 and have learned a ton).

Aimee

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Girlsayor...I got good insurance out of marrying my hubby!!!!!!!!! Sorry

you are not getting any help. Mine will do things if I ask him. He vacuumed the

house for me yesterday and he always carries in the groceries. But he doesn't

get the fibro either. He always asks how I'm doing and if I say I want to

amputate a leg, etc., he says I know what you mean....oh well!!

Take care,

/Mi

Darlene

Thanks Darlene, for the hugs and support. Sounds wonderful that your

hubby is getting it, even if only somewhat. I agree, men need to fix

things, and if they cannot fix us, they can't accept ... defeat, maybe?

So glad you're getting some honey-do's out of it too. That's awesome!

I'd take a little help just carrying in the groceries. But alas, I no

longer have expectations of this man. Last night I got the lecture on

women who marry men just to get hospitalization! For anybody who ever

went to the doctor before getting married, this one could be used on

all of us, lololol. I've just started tuning him out, as a survival

mechanism, I think. But hey, I get enough support here and feel I can

whine and nobody feels they have to 'fix' me!

Girlsaylor