feeling guilty, alone, inadequate

[Guest guest]

I know I should not feel this way but I do today. The d/h's surgery was

cancelled. I for one, am not going to work today as I already planned it off

and feel really cruddy. (A little guilt there because I should call and say I

will be there). And d/h's sister is here with her two kids and this morning

they all planned to go to the zoo. I feel so bad today. (everyday for that

matter). But I was up earlier this morning than usual and I just don't feel

like going anywhere. I feel guilty because my kids went to the zoo with

and his sister and I did not go. I feel bad because I can't imagine what she

thinks of me because I am not an involved mother. She home schools her boys and

takes them everywhere. They participate in sports and she takes them somewhere

all the time. I don't do this with my kids because of the energy I do not have.

When I see mothers like her, I wonder just how bad I look? Well, I cannot help

it. My knees hurt, my shoulders hurt, my left

hip has been hurting for two days or so like someone beat me. I am exhausted.

She knows I have this fibro crap. But I don't think she knows what it is. I

just fear that I look lazy. Of course, I work a full time job to provide for my

children, but I cannot be super mom and do all the extras.

I just feel alone and like I must be lazy. What kind of mother does not have

the energy to go to the zoo with the family?

D/h's urinary tract surgery has been postponed until the 28th. I will go back

to work tomorrow though I had it scheduled off in addition to today.

Guess I will get some rest before the four children, , and his sister get

back from the zoo.

hugs to all,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

*Debra,*

* you are the kind of Mother who has a dang illness. that is why you cannot

go to the zoo. Who cares what she thinks really? i wouldn't. If she cannot

understand you are fighting a disease, then she has the problem, not you. i

knwo that guilt feeling, but you are taking care of you, so you can be there

for them. stop it, lol. You are a great mother who works despite illness to

support the ones she loves. that in itself deserves a pat on the back.*

*Hugs.*

**

On Thu, Mar 13, 2008 at 11:22 AM, debra van ness

wrote:

> I know I should not feel this way but I do today. The d/h's surgery was

> cancelled. I for one, am not going to work today as I already planned it off

> and feel really cruddy. (A little guilt there because I should call and say

> I will be there). And d/h's sister is here with her two kids and this

> morning they all planned to go to the zoo. I feel so bad today. (everyday

> for that matter). But I was up earlier this morning than usual and I just

> don't feel like going anywhere. I feel guilty because my kids went to the

> zoo with and his sister and I did not go. I feel bad because I can't

> imagine what she thinks of me because I am not an involved mother. She home

> schools her boys and takes them everywhere. They participate in sports and

> she takes them somewhere all the time. I don't do this with my kids because

> of the energy I do not have. When I see mothers like her, I wonder just how

> bad I look? Well, I cannot help it. My knees hurt, my shoulders hurt, my

> left

> hip has been hurting for two days or so like someone beat me. I am

> exhausted.

> She knows I have this fibro crap. But I don't think she knows what it is.

> I just fear that I look lazy. Of course, I work a full time job to provide

> for my children, but I cannot be super mom and do all the extras.

> I just feel alone and like I must be lazy. What kind of mother does not

> have the energy to go to the zoo with the family?

> D/h's urinary tract surgery has been postponed until the 28th. I will go

> back to work tomorrow though I had it scheduled off in addition to today.

> Guess I will get some rest before the four children, , and his sister

> get back from the zoo.

> hugs to all,

> Debra V.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Debra V!

Bless your heart! There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you're

feeling. They are your feelings, and even though they might be sad

and frustrating, you are entitled to them.

You definitely are not alone either. Many of us here feel the same

way and experience frustration with the same limitations. I know

EXACTLY how you feel, as you know from reading about my experience

trying to take my daughter Christmas shopping.

My ex has a huge family, and we are all still very close. My Dad and

my daughter and I are always invited over to his Mom's house (she is

90!) for holiday dinners, and they have just gotten used to the fact

that I will NOT be one of the people who can stand around talking in

the kitchen or cooking or cleaning up. If they can give me something

to do sitting down, I'm all over it. My ex's older sister used to

think I was just lazy and anitsocial until she was diagnosed with FM a

few years ago. That shut her up pretty quick! Hers is quite mild and

she has extended periods with hardly any symptoms at all.

Your children will have fun at the zoo, and they will miss you, and

you will have a little time to rest, so it will all be OK!

Thinking about everyone going off without you today made me remember

laughing at myself more than once. We have been in our house for more

than 4 years, but in that time, I may have been in the house by myself

fewer than 6 times for a couple of hours each time. Back in my youth,

if I had my place to myself, I would have the stereo blasting, a

hairbrush for a mic, and been dancing around the place, singing at the

top of my lungs. (I'm the world's greatest secret singer!!)

Now, what do I do if I have a few hours to myself! I take a nap!!!!

That kind of spells it out, huh!?! How things change!

Soft, gentle Charmin Squeezes to you!

Please e-mail me at fibrobook if you'd like to share your story with

me for my book!

[Guest guest]

Hey wait a minute there, sister! I am not thinking that you are being that

inadequate! You are providing for your children and supporting their activities

by alowing them to go with someone else to the zoo. And if you are not able,

they should be at least be thoughtful enough to bring you a little gift from the

zoo to show that they enjoyed the day out and they were thinking about you. I

did work when my children were little, and I was a super mom. I did have some

trouble with pain, but I was young and tough and kept going. I am paying for it

now. I am nearly crippled now. Maybe the next time they suggest going to the

zoo, you can send a camcorder with them and tell them that you will be enjoying

the show they will put on for you when they return!

Connie in Alaska