Re: feeling guilty, alone, inadequate/VA HOSPITAL

[Guest guest]

Debra..I am sorry that the VA hospital is giving you and your dh the run

around. It can be very discouraging!

I think you SHOULD stay home today. Preparing for your DH surgery is very

stressful. Sometimes I have to just get off the wagon

and retreat. Well, MOST days I get off the wagon and retreat.

I have had the experience of being rejected by my church members. They just

do not seem to understand my illness so they

stay away from me. Rather then try to understand. I can't make them

understand. They look at me in church and say " Oh, you look great, you must

be feeling super " and inside I am dying...they just do not understand..and I

just cannot participate in any CHURCH related work because I am NOT

dependable. It bothers me but I cannot do anything about it.

I hurt all over, too, Debra. Like a MAC TRUCK RUN OVER ME. And PAIN makes a

person very very exhausted.

I am affected by the weather patterns that rush in from the coast. I can

feel a rain storm coming for days. And it totally puts me out of commission.

I used to teach aerobics. NOT anymore. I was a runner. NOT any more. I try

to do the best I can when I can...but mostly my spine rules my whole day...I

have a walker to get around, and to walk and when I go out with hubby to

mall, I have to take my power chair. I have gotten that bad. In July I will

have surgery to have an implant remodeled that is in my back..to see if it

will work better. And quell some of the pain.

Oh, I am going on...I am sorry...some of you just hurt much more then I do..

forgive me for carrying on..

Thanks for letting me vent

Soft Fibro {{{{HUGS}}}}

Faith

-- feeling guilty, alone, inadequate

I know I should not feel this way but I do today. The d/h's surgery was

cancelled. I for one, am not going to work today as I already planned it

off and feel really cruddy. (A little guilt there because I should call and

say I will be there). And d/h's sister is here with her two kids and this

morning they all planned to go to the zoo. I feel so bad today. (everyday

for that matter). But I was up earlier this morning than usual and I just

don't feel like going anywhere. I feel guilty because my kids went to the

zoo with and his sister and I did not go. I feel bad because I can't

imagine what she thinks of me because I am not an involved mother. She home

schools her boys and takes them everywhere. They participate in sports and

she takes them somewhere all the time. I don't do this with my kids because

of the energy I do not have. When I see mothers like her, I wonder just how

bad I look? Well, I cannot help it. My knees hurt, my shoulders hurt, my

left

hip has been hurting for two days or so like someone beat me. I am

exhausted.

She knows I have this fibro crap. But I don't think she knows what it is.

I just fear that I look lazy. Of course, I work a full time job to provide

for my children, but I cannot be super mom and do all the extras.

I just feel alone and like I must be lazy. What kind of mother does not

have the energy to go to the zoo with the family?

D/h's urinary tract surgery has been postponed until the 28th. I will go

back to work tomorrow though I had it scheduled off in addition to today.

Guess I will get some rest before the four children, , and his sister

get back from the zoo.

hugs to all,

Debra V.

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