Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

[Guest guest]

Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in a new

typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in there

normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly think he

will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is close to

the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice? Thanks, debbie

[Guest guest]

My feeling is that it is better to address an issue that comes up rather than hide it…especially if explanations are going to come from other children – better it be explained by an adult in a way that would make sense to him. Social stories are a great way to help our kids these kinds of concerns. You can do a google search for the topic you need “death and dying: social stories ‘ and probably find plenty of options. You can even make your own. Let me know if you get stuck. From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of hurdyburrSent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 12:33 PMTo: sList Subject: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in a new typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in there normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly think he will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is close to the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice? Thanks, debbie

[Guest guest]

This is a tuff topic for all children, but particularly sensitive children. Picture books are the best way to introduce children to new topics even the difficult topics such as this. Look on Amazon.com for picture books on the subject.

Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in a new typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in there normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly think he will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is close to the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice? Thanks, debbie

[Guest guest]

I've had to face this several of times as my daughter with PDD-NOS is growing

up, now age 15. Hopefully, as they get older and they learn the facial

expressions of sadness, they start to get it. We had lost fish over the years,

so when I flushed them ,and she wasn't home at the time, I told her they went to

heaven. Later, I would say toilet heaven, she would laugh. I didn't totally lie

about a recent tragedy of my step, bro-in-law shot in the head ,(all over the

news and fb) I just said a bad person hurt him. I didn't want to scare her about

killers and guns. Tough !!! Hope I could help.

Sent from my Samsung Epicâ„¢ 4G

Cohane wrote:

>My feeling is that it is better to address an issue that comes up rather

>than hide it.especially if explanations are going to come from other

>children - better it be explained by an adult in a way that would make sense

>to him. Social stories are a great way to help our kids these kinds of

>concerns. You can do a google search for the topic you need " death and

>dying: social stories ' and probably find plenty of options. You can even

>make your own. Let me know if you get stuck.

>

>

>

>

>

>From: sList [mailto:sList ] On

>Behalf Of hurdyburr

>Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 12:33 PM

>To: sList

>Subject: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

>

>

>

>

>

>Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in a

>new typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in

>there normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly

>think he will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is

>close to the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice?

>Thanks, debbie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My husband passed away when my daughter was only 8 and was still severely affected by autism. I found that a social story worked well and a couple of months later she drew circle faces of people in her life (which included mickey & minnie mouse at the time) - she drew herself and me as very large heads and Daddy had a very small head which the psychologist told me indicted that she knew he was not directly in her life anymore but the "important" members were. BTW - minnie had a slightly bigger head than daddy I'm just saying our kids seem to adapt better than we do or that we give them credit for. She doesn't even ever mention him or look for pictures of him. He was there - he is not in her environment anymore - she dealt with it fine. The bigger issue

will be now or later on in the future when someone else passes away as she is much more aware now. (She'll be 18!)cheryl

To: sList Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 9:19:12 AMSubject: RE: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

I've had to face this several of times as my daughter with PDD-NOS is growing up, now age 15. Hopefully, as they get older and they learn the facial expressions of sadness, they start to get it. We had lost fish over the years, so when I flushed them ,and she wasn't home at the time, I told her they went to heaven. Later, I would say toilet heaven, she would laugh. I didn't totally lie about a recent tragedy of my step, bro-in-law shot in the head ,(all over the news and fb) I just said a bad person hurt him. I didn't want to scare her about killers and guns. Tough !!! Hope I could help.Sent from my Samsung Epicâ„¢ 4G Cohane wrote:>My feeling is that it is better to address an issue that comes up rather>than hide it.especially if explanations are going to come from

other>children - better it be explained by an adult in a way that would make sense>to him. Social stories are a great way to help our kids these kinds of>concerns. You can do a google search for the topic you need "death and>dying: social stories ' and probably find plenty of options. You can even>make your own. Let me know if you get stuck.>> >> >>From: sList [mailto:sList ] On>Behalf Of hurdyburr>Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 12:33 PM>To: sList >Subject: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety>> >> >>Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in a>new typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in>there normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly>think he will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is>close to the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice?>Thanks, debbie>>>

[Guest guest]

I have a lot of empathy for you ! I lost my mother at 18 and father at 55.

Mother didn't get to see 3 out of 4 daughters get married or see grandchildren.

My father passed away 2 days after my special need's daughter starting walking

at 21 months of age, greatful for that.) But, I deal with the losses year round,

my support from own parents, null and not by choice. Just having them to even

see their granddaughters as one as going off to college next year and the other

starting HS, they've been cheated and so have my 3 sisters and I!!!

Sent from my Samsung Epicâ„¢ 4G

cheryl wrote:

>My husband passed away when my daughter was only 8 and was still severely

>affected by autism. I found that a social story worked well and a couple of

>months later she drew circle faces of people in her life (which included mickey

> & minnie mouse at the time) - she drew herself and me as very large heads and

>Daddy had a very small head which the psychologist told me indicted that she

>knew he was not directly in her life anymore but the " important " members were.Â

>BTW - minnie had a slightly bigger head than daddy I'm just saying our kids

>seem to adapt better than we do or that we give them credit for. She doesn't

>even ever mention him or look for pictures of him. He was there - he is not

in

>her environment anymore - she dealt with it fine. The bigger issue will be

now

>or later on in the future when someone else passes away as she is much more

>aware now. (She'll be 18!)

>cheryl

>

>>

>>

>>To: sList

>>Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 9:19:12 AM

>>Subject: RE: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

>>

>>Â

>>I've had to face this several of times as my daughter with PDD-NOS is growing

>>up, now age 15. Hopefully, as they get older and they learn the facial

>>expressions of sadness, they start to get it. We had lost fish over the years,

>>so when I flushed them ,and she wasn't home at the time, I told her they went

to

>>heaven. Later, I would say toilet heaven, she would laugh. I didn't totally

lie

>>about a recent tragedy of my step, bro-in-law shot in the head ,(all over the

>>news and fb) I just said a bad person hurt him. I didn't want to scare her

about

>>killers and guns. Tough !!! Hope I could help.

>>

>>Sent from my Samsung Epicâ„¢ 4G

>>

>> Cohane wrote:

>>

>>>My feeling is that it is better to address an issue that comes up rather

>>>than hide it.especially if explanations are going to come from other

>>>children - better it be explained by an adult in a way that would make sense

>>>to him. Social stories are a great way to help our kids these kinds of

>>>concerns. You can do a google search for the topic you need " death and

>>>dying: social stories ' and probably find plenty of options. You can even

>>>make your own. Let me know if you get stuck.

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>From: sList [mailto:sList ] On

>>>Behalf Of hurdyburr

>>>Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 12:33 PM

>>>To: sList

>>>Subject: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in a

>>>new typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in

>>>there normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly

>>>think he will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is

>>>close to the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice?

>>>Thanks, debbie

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You also have my empathy. My daughter has also not had the family support on either side - just me and now my fiance plus some wonderful therapists and caregivers. So when there is no break ever for me - I just smile and think that it could be worse and I am blessed with what I have. We had to get tough - our families either can't or won't.

To: sList Sent: Sat, January 15, 2011 12:27:18 PMSubject: Re: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety

I have a lot of empathy for you ! I lost my mother at 18 and father at 55. Mother didn't get to see 3 out of 4 daughters get married or see grandchildren. My father passed away 2 days after my special need's daughter starting walking at 21 months of age, greatful for that.) But, I deal with the losses year round, my support from own parents, null and not by choice. Just having them to even see their granddaughters as one as going off to college next year and the other starting HS, they've been cheated and so have my 3 sisters and I!!!Sent from my Samsung Epicâ„¢ 4Gcheryl wrote:>My husband passed away when my daughter was only 8 and was still severely >affected by autism. I found that a social story worked well and a couple of >months later she drew circle faces of people in her life

(which included mickey > & minnie mouse at the time) - she drew herself and me as very large heads and >Daddy had a very small head which the psychologist told me indicted that she >knew he was not directly in her life anymore but the "important" members were. >BTW - minnie had a slightly bigger head than daddy I'm just saying our kids >seem to adapt better than we do or that we give them credit for. She doesn't >even ever mention him or look for pictures of him. He was there - he is not in >her environment anymore - she dealt with it fine. The bigger issue will be now >or later on in the future when someone else passes away as she is much more >aware now. (She'll be 18!)>cheryl>>>>>>>To: sList >>Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 9:19:12 AM>>Subject: RE: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety>>>> >>I've had to face this several of times as my daughter with PDD-NOS is growing >>up, now age 15. Hopefully, as they get older and they learn the facial >>expressions of sadness, they start to get it. We had lost fish over the years, >>so when I flushed them ,and she wasn't home at the time, I told her they went to >>heaven. Later, I would say toilet heaven, she would laugh. I didn't totally lie >>about a recent tragedy of my step, bro-in-law shot in the head ,(all over the >>news and fb) I just said

a bad person hurt him. I didn't want to scare her about >>killers and guns. Tough !!! Hope I could help.>>>>Sent from my Samsung Epicâ„¢ 4G>>>> Cohane wrote:>>>>>My feeling is that it is better to address an issue that comes up rather>>>than hide it.especially if explanations are going to come from other>>>children - better it be explained by an adult in a way that would make sense>>>to him. Social stories are a great way to help our kids these kinds of>>>concerns. You can do a google search for the topic you need "death and>>>dying: social stories ' and probably find plenty of options. You can even>>>make your own. Let me know if you get

stuck.>>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>From: sList [mailto:sList ] On>>>Behalf Of hurdyburr>>>Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 12:33 PM>>>To: sList >>>Subject: Explaining death to 4 year old with pdd anxiety>>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>Hi all, my son is about to turn 5. He has extreme anxiety issues. He is in

a>>>new typical preschool and the children talk about being dead and killing in>>>there normal play which my son has not been exposed to until now. I honestly>>>think he will go into a complete panic over any explanation of death that is>>>close to the truth. Should I lie? I don't know what to do. Any advice?>>>Thanks, debbie>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>