Re: I received this this morning. This is Good

[Guest guest]

Hi, Sharon,

The message that Lori posted is actually an entry from my blog at

http://www.xanga.com/Fibrobook. Please check it out if you'd like

to. I only started my blog this week, so it is nice to see that

people are reading and enjoying it!

I am going to try to post something at least a few times a week.

Many of my posts will be thoughts I'm tossing around for my book.

Sometimes I might just be venting!

Thanks so much!

Hugs to everyone!

E-mail fibrobook@... if you'd like to share your story for my

book about living with FM/CFS/CP.

> >

> > this is my anthem.... tell it like it is! Gretchen

>

> > Latest Updates from Fibrobook

> >

> > Empathy vs. Sympathy

> > Even though some people may not have thought about the

> differences between these two words, they really are huge. And for

> those of dealing with continual chronic pain conditions, the

> difference between those two words becomes even more important.

> > In my own experience, I have found that I do not want sympathy.

> I do not want people to feel sorry for me. I do not want people to

> stare at me because I limp and walk slowly with a grimace of pain

on

> my face that I know is there even when I can't see it. I do not

> want people to give me questioning looks when they see me get out

of

> my car in the handicapped space. I do not want to NOT be able to

do

> all the things I used to be able to do. I did not choose this! I

> do not enjoy having to grieve the loss of the person I used to be.

> I do not want to have to take narcotic-level pain killers before I

> have even gotten out of the house in the mornings! I do not want

to

> have to plan my entire life around how much pain I'm likely to be

in

> and how exhausted I'm going to be.

> > I DO want people to take me seriously. I DO want doctors,

> family and friends to understand that I am not faking it. I am not

> trying to get out of doing housework. I do what I can when I can,

> and if the rest doesn't get done right then, it is because I can't

> do it, not because I don't want to. I DO want and need for my

> employer and coworkers to understand that my being here at work

> doesn't mean that I am " OK. " The fact that I am here probably

means

> that I am in more pain than I would have been in if I had stayed

at

> home, but I've never had the luxury of staying home or of applying

> for disability. I have been a single parent from the very start,

and

> I am the breadwinner. I am doing contract work right now with no

> benefits, no sick days. So, if I'm not here, I'm not making any

> money.

> > I want to be able to do things I enjoy and to enjoy activities

> with friends and family. I make plans when I can, but I do need

for

> people to understand when I have to change my plans at the last

> minute because I'm in too much pain. I am not being anti-social. I

> am not trying to shut anyone out. But, I also don't want to be a

> complete bummer when it is obvious that I do not feel good.

> > I was about 35 years old when I first realized that I had

> absolutely no recollection of what " feeling good " felt like. That

> was 15 years ago. One of the most heartbreaking moments of my

> entire life came when I realized that my daughter (now 23) has

> absolutely no memory of me NOT in pain. She didn't get to have a

> normal mom. I didn't get to take part in a lot of things I should

> have been able to do with her. I remember going to a mall to try

to

> do some Christmas shopping with her about 10 years ago. We parked

> close to the stores I wanted to go to, and she went off to do her

> own shopping and came back about an hour later to find me in tears

> on a bench in the middle of the mall because I was in so much

pain.

> I could barely walk back out to the car!

> > " Normal " people take things like that for granted. What a

> simple thing . . . wanting to go Christmas shopping with your

> daughter. What a devastating thing to NOT be able to do. I think

> that was when my disease really became " real " for my daughter and

> she understood.

> > So, my pursuit of the distinction between sympathy and empathy

> is this. To me, sympathy means having people feel sorry for me. I

> need understanding and patience--not pity. EMPATHY, on the other

> hand, means that someone truly understands that you are in pain,

> that you are exhausted, that you woke up exhausted, that it hurts

to

> hold your head up (literally!) and make it through the day.

Someone

> who is empathetic knows that you didn't cancel that lunch date

> because you wanted to. That person knows you probably spent the

day

> in bed with a heating pad or needed to. Someone who is empathetic

> realizes that your condition is not your choice, that your house

> would be a lot cleaner if you had a choice, but they still offer

you

> their love, their kindness, and their understanding.

> > We need more people like that!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

> Mobile. Try it now.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi I will do that. How talented you are for doing this. Hope it

works out well. Take Care Hope lighter days

Sharon

fibrobook wrote: Hi, Sharon,

The message that Lori posted is actually an entry from my blog at

http://www.xanga.com/Fibrobook. Please check it out if you'd like

to. I only started my blog this week, so it is nice to see that

people are reading and enjoying it!

I am going to try to post something at least a few times a week.

Many of my posts will be thoughts I'm tossing around for my book.

Sometimes I might just be venting!

Thanks so much!

Hugs to everyone!

E-mail fibrobook@... if you'd like to share your story for my

book about living with FM/CFS/CP.

> >

> > this is my anthem.... tell it like it is! Gretchen

>

> > Latest Updates from Fibrobook

> >

> > Empathy vs. Sympathy

> > Even though some people may not have thought about the

> differences between these two words, they really are huge. And for

> those of dealing with continual chronic pain conditions, the

> difference between those two words becomes even more important.

> > In my own experience, I have found that I do not want sympathy.

> I do not want people to feel sorry for me. I do not want people to

> stare at me because I limp and walk slowly with a grimace of pain

on

> my face that I know is there even when I can't see it. I do not

> want people to give me questioning looks when they see me get out

of

> my car in the handicapped space. I do not want to NOT be able to

do

> all the things I used to be able to do. I did not choose this! I

> do not enjoy having to grieve the loss of the person I used to be.

> I do not want to have to take narcotic-level pain killers before I

> have even gotten out of the house in the mornings! I do not want

to

> have to plan my entire life around how much pain I'm likely to be

in

> and how exhausted I'm going to be.

> > I DO want people to take me seriously. I DO want doctors,

> family and friends to understand that I am not faking it. I am not

> trying to get out of doing housework. I do what I can when I can,

> and if the rest doesn't get done right then, it is because I can't

> do it, not because I don't want to. I DO want and need for my

> employer and coworkers to understand that my being here at work

> doesn't mean that I am " OK. " The fact that I am here probably

means

> that I am in more pain than I would have been in if I had stayed

at

> home, but I've never had the luxury of staying home or of applying

> for disability. I have been a single parent from the very start,

and

> I am the breadwinner. I am doing contract work right now with no

> benefits, no sick days. So, if I'm not here, I'm not making any

> money.

> > I want to be able to do things I enjoy and to enjoy activities

> with friends and family. I make plans when I can, but I do need

for

> people to understand when I have to change my plans at the last

> minute because I'm in too much pain. I am not being anti-social. I

> am not trying to shut anyone out. But, I also don't want to be a

> complete bummer when it is obvious that I do not feel good.

> > I was about 35 years old when I first realized that I had

> absolutely no recollection of what " feeling good " felt like. That

> was 15 years ago. One of the most heartbreaking moments of my

> entire life came when I realized that my daughter (now 23) has

> absolutely no memory of me NOT in pain. She didn't get to have a

> normal mom. I didn't get to take part in a lot of things I should

> have been able to do with her. I remember going to a mall to try

to

> do some Christmas shopping with her about 10 years ago. We parked

> close to the stores I wanted to go to, and she went off to do her

> own shopping and came back about an hour later to find me in tears

> on a bench in the middle of the mall because I was in so much

pain.

> I could barely walk back out to the car!

> > " Normal " people take things like that for granted. What a

> simple thing . . . wanting to go Christmas shopping with your

> daughter. What a devastating thing to NOT be able to do. I think

> that was when my disease really became " real " for my daughter and

> she understood.

> > So, my pursuit of the distinction between sympathy and empathy

> is this. To me, sympathy means having people feel sorry for me. I

> need understanding and patience--not pity. EMPATHY, on the other

> hand, means that someone truly understands that you are in pain,

> that you are exhausted, that you woke up exhausted, that it hurts

to

> hold your head up (literally!) and make it through the day.

Someone

> who is empathetic knows that you didn't cancel that lunch date

> because you wanted to. That person knows you probably spent the

day

> in bed with a heating pad or needed to. Someone who is empathetic

> realizes that your condition is not your choice, that your house

> would be a lot cleaner if you had a choice, but they still offer

you

> their love, their kindness, and their understanding.

> > We need more people like that!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

> Mobile. Try it now.

> >

> >