Of singlehood and social deprivation

[Guest guest]

I know what you all are going through. This post is going to be

long, so please bear with me. First of all , I am going to give you

a bit of my background, so that you have a better idea of who I am

I am currently 38 years old. I have suffered from rosacea since the

early 1990's. My face is permanently red now. It also flakes a

bit. My flare-ups are not as severe as some I've seen on pictures,

though. However, I do have them at least once a week. I also suffer

from another chronic conditions. The relevant one is called

polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). One of the symptoms of this

condition is excess body hair. I have hair in my back, my torso,

arms and worse of all, my face. I grow a beard and a moustache, like

a man. I have to depilate daily. I have suffered from that since

about the same time I got rosacea. To make matters more interesting,

I come from a culture in which I don't match their " standards of

beauty " . Men there usually feel intimidated by me, because I am tall

(5'9 " ) and big (200 lbs). I also suffer from what I call

the " buddy/big sister syndrome " as to men respect. It means that men

have fun hanging around with me and talking to me but never see me as

anything else. I am currently engaged to be married. We met just 2

years ago, so he met me at my worse looking ever. Looks were never

an issue for him.

I never lost one single day of work due to any of those conditions.

I never stopped from going out with friends because of any of those

conditions. I swallow hard, put on make-up, depilate the unsightly

parts of my face, smother some more make-up, and go out and face the

world. I simply refuse to let an

thing like this control my life.

If I sound pissed off, it is because I am … I am pissed off for

having what I have. I am pissed off at people for being so

ignorant. But I am not ashamed at myself for looking how I look. If

people stare at me, I just stare them down. If people I don't know

make fun of it, I ignore them as if they didn't exist. If people I

do know make a comment about it, I educate them. This is not

something I brought upon myself, this is something I have to deal

with. I am intelligent, sensitive, loving, with a lot to offer to

others. If they prefer to judge me due to the way I look, that is

their problem and their loss, not mine.

When you go out, concentrate on what you have to do instead of how

you look like. When you go out, pretend that your face is flawless.

If people talk to you, smile at them and look them in the eye while

you speak to them. If you act normal, they will react normally to

you. It is as simple as " action and reaction " . If you think that

professional counseling might help you with your self-esteem, by all

means, seek assistance. Do whatever it takes, but do it… don't

deprive yourselves of the enjoyment of life…life is too short!!

[Guest guest]

Minina, what a wonderful post! Thanks for writing your story, it should be

an inspiration to others. I have been a counselor for years and have some

self esteem issues myself, so I really respect your strength and straight

forward approach. Hope you continue to teach others how to feel good about

themselves. Regards, Kate