Re: Question - this may be controversial, I'm sorry!

[Guest guest]

So I can't help you sort out the debate but I can give you our experience. For

one - my DD and DS are not eligible for a cochlear. They are stuck between the

" deaf " world and the " hearing " world. They aren't deaf enough for some yet they

aren't hearing either.

I have had very little contact with the " deaf " community. The only contacts I

have had with people who were involved in the deaf community I found them to be

very hostile towards me. I don't know why - it could be because my DD isn't

" deaf " or it could be something completely different.

As a hearing parent I think it is much more difficult for me to think about

not aiding her or not doing a CI in the future. I think if I were deaf I would

be more inclined to not aid her. Kind of the whole " scared of what is

different " argument.

I think you have to look at what is best for your family and your family

alone. No matter how involved your DD becomes in the deaf community - your

family will be her first system of support.

rachelwhitmire manytimesblessed@...> wrote:

Can you guys help me to understand this whole debate better? Maybe

there are books or articles I can read? As you can tell, I'm very

confused. I just want to do the right thing for our daughter, but

how do you figure out what that is?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

~

Adopting Jayden from Guatemala and Lillian (who is deaf) from Liberia

www.freewebs.com/whitmirefamily

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is the

intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

So I can't help you sort out the debate but I can give you our experience. For

one - my DD and DS are not eligible for a cochlear. They are stuck between the

" deaf " world and the " hearing " world. They aren't deaf enough for some yet they

aren't hearing either.

I have had very little contact with the " deaf " community. The only contacts I

have had with people who were involved in the deaf community I found them to be

very hostile towards me. I don't know why - it could be because my DD isn't

" deaf " or it could be something completely different.

As a hearing parent I think it is much more difficult for me to think about

not aiding her or not doing a CI in the future. I think if I were deaf I would

be more inclined to not aid her. Kind of the whole " scared of what is

different " argument.

I think you have to look at what is best for your family and your family

alone. No matter how involved your DD becomes in the deaf community - your

family will be her first system of support.

rachelwhitmire manytimesblessed@...> wrote:

Can you guys help me to understand this whole debate better? Maybe

there are books or articles I can read? As you can tell, I'm very

confused. I just want to do the right thing for our daughter, but

how do you figure out what that is?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

~

Adopting Jayden from Guatemala and Lillian (who is deaf) from Liberia

www.freewebs.com/whitmirefamily

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is the

intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

Hi - this can be a very controversial subject so we should all be

cautious in how we answer, but it poses excellent questions. I remember

when my older son was first diagnosed being completely mystified by Deaf

culture and wanting to learn more.

Our story is this. My husband and I moved to Hanover, New Hampshire

about 12 years ago. At the time, our older son (Tom) was 18 months old

and Sam - well, he was the result of a cold winter! LOL (we moved here

from New Orleans!) Neither boy was diagnosed at birth - Tom was

diagnosed when he was just over 3 years old with a moderate/severe (at

the time) hearing loss and immediately fitted with hearing aids; Sam was

diagnosed with a profound hearing loss and also wore hearing aids.

Where we live is geographically very isolated - our boys until this year

were the only two deaf/hard of hearing kids in their respective

schools. At the time we didn't have good resources for signing and even

if we did, no one to sign with, and since we didn't know differently

initially, we followed an oral/mainstream approach and that has worked

for us. It was total dumb luck... I actually would have liked for my

boys to have learned sign - even though both wore hearing aids well and

now have cochlear implants, without their " gear " they're still deaf and

there are times when knowing sign would be beneficial to them.

We know several folks from the Deaf community here in NH and VT and all

have been very nice to us and very accepting of our guys. Perhaps it's

because we as a family feel much as Listen-up feels - that the right way

to educate and communicate with your kids is what works for you as a

family. Tom is an extremely oral kid - even when he was little, when he

couldn't hear you he'd say " what " and put his ear to your mouth. We're

on the NH task force for newborn hearing screening which is comprised of

many folks from the Deaf community - all have been very kind and

supportive of the boys' implants. My boys are fully mainstreamed and

all of their friends are hearing.

I think once upon a time the Deaf community was very much against

implants but that seems to be changing. Even Self Help for the Hard of

Hearing (am I getting this right - ?) revised its position on implants.

I think as parents, we do the best we can do for our kids. I'm sure

there will be plenty of things that my kids will look back on and wish

we'd done them differently - Deaf culture may be one of them. Heck - I

always wished my mom would let me play the cello but no! We've tried

our best to expose our boys to Deaf and deaf adults, as well as kids

with different backgrounds. Our boys have had a Deaf big brother and a

deaf big sister - I really thought it important to have cool, adult role

models in their lives. As to if my boys wish I'd helped them stay more

in connection with Deaf culture down the road - I don't have a crystal

ball. I do know that my husband and I have done the very best we can in

the area that we live with the resources we have.

And there certainly are ways to educate your daughter bilingually.

Kay's site - listen-up.org - has a lot of good information on that. And

you may start your daughter signing and realize that oral is really the

way to go or vice versa. I think often our kids let us know the

direction they should go...

Does this help?

Take care!

Barbara

rachelwhitmire wrote:

> As you all know, I'm still new to the group, so I hope this is an

> okay question to ask.

>

> I have been reading everyone's posts and it looks to me like most of

> you are choosing options for your children that will allow them to

> hear as much as possible - cochlear (sp?) implants, etc. My

> question is, have you found that the deaf community is

> angry/discriminative because you have made this decision? Are your

> deaf/hoh children involved in the deaf community or do you instead

> strive to have them as much a part of the hearing community as

> possible?

>

> I have heard that often the deaf community will not accept a deaf

> person who has cochlear implants. Has this been your experience?

>

> The reason I'm asking is because I've been doing a lot of reading

> about deaf culture and how they feel proud to be deaf and how they

> hope to have a deaf child in order to pass on their culture. So, do

> you think that your child will grow to adulthood and wish that you

> had helped them to stay more in connection with the deaf culture?

>

> I feel so torn about this because I WANT Lillian to be able to hear,

> even though I know that the deaf culture is also a beautiful thing.

> It just seems to me that if Lillian can use any hearing that she has

> (in addition to being fluent in ASL, which we want to help her

> continue) then she should because it would make life easier for her

> in a hearing world. But, I also don't want to force something on

> her that she will be upset about later, so I wonder if we should

> embrace her deafness because that's who she is?

>

> Can you guys help me to understand this whole debate better? Maybe

> there are books or articles I can read? As you can tell, I'm very

> confused. I just want to do the right thing for our daughter, but

> how do you figure out what that is?

>

> Thanks for any help you can provide.

>

> ~

> Adopting Jayden from Guatemala and Lillian (who is deaf) from Liberia

>

> www.freewebs.com/whitmirefamily

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is

the intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi - this can be a very controversial subject so we should all be

cautious in how we answer, but it poses excellent questions. I remember

when my older son was first diagnosed being completely mystified by Deaf

culture and wanting to learn more.

Our story is this. My husband and I moved to Hanover, New Hampshire

about 12 years ago. At the time, our older son (Tom) was 18 months old

and Sam - well, he was the result of a cold winter! LOL (we moved here

from New Orleans!) Neither boy was diagnosed at birth - Tom was

diagnosed when he was just over 3 years old with a moderate/severe (at

the time) hearing loss and immediately fitted with hearing aids; Sam was

diagnosed with a profound hearing loss and also wore hearing aids.

Where we live is geographically very isolated - our boys until this year

were the only two deaf/hard of hearing kids in their respective

schools. At the time we didn't have good resources for signing and even

if we did, no one to sign with, and since we didn't know differently

initially, we followed an oral/mainstream approach and that has worked

for us. It was total dumb luck... I actually would have liked for my

boys to have learned sign - even though both wore hearing aids well and

now have cochlear implants, without their " gear " they're still deaf and

there are times when knowing sign would be beneficial to them.

We know several folks from the Deaf community here in NH and VT and all

have been very nice to us and very accepting of our guys. Perhaps it's

because we as a family feel much as Listen-up feels - that the right way

to educate and communicate with your kids is what works for you as a

family. Tom is an extremely oral kid - even when he was little, when he

couldn't hear you he'd say " what " and put his ear to your mouth. We're

on the NH task force for newborn hearing screening which is comprised of

many folks from the Deaf community - all have been very kind and

supportive of the boys' implants. My boys are fully mainstreamed and

all of their friends are hearing.

I think once upon a time the Deaf community was very much against

implants but that seems to be changing. Even Self Help for the Hard of

Hearing (am I getting this right - ?) revised its position on implants.

I think as parents, we do the best we can do for our kids. I'm sure

there will be plenty of things that my kids will look back on and wish

we'd done them differently - Deaf culture may be one of them. Heck - I

always wished my mom would let me play the cello but no! We've tried

our best to expose our boys to Deaf and deaf adults, as well as kids

with different backgrounds. Our boys have had a Deaf big brother and a

deaf big sister - I really thought it important to have cool, adult role

models in their lives. As to if my boys wish I'd helped them stay more

in connection with Deaf culture down the road - I don't have a crystal

ball. I do know that my husband and I have done the very best we can in

the area that we live with the resources we have.

And there certainly are ways to educate your daughter bilingually.

Kay's site - listen-up.org - has a lot of good information on that. And

you may start your daughter signing and realize that oral is really the

way to go or vice versa. I think often our kids let us know the

direction they should go...

Does this help?

Take care!

Barbara

rachelwhitmire wrote:

> As you all know, I'm still new to the group, so I hope this is an

> okay question to ask.

>

> I have been reading everyone's posts and it looks to me like most of

> you are choosing options for your children that will allow them to

> hear as much as possible - cochlear (sp?) implants, etc. My

> question is, have you found that the deaf community is

> angry/discriminative because you have made this decision? Are your

> deaf/hoh children involved in the deaf community or do you instead

> strive to have them as much a part of the hearing community as

> possible?

>

> I have heard that often the deaf community will not accept a deaf

> person who has cochlear implants. Has this been your experience?

>

> The reason I'm asking is because I've been doing a lot of reading

> about deaf culture and how they feel proud to be deaf and how they

> hope to have a deaf child in order to pass on their culture. So, do

> you think that your child will grow to adulthood and wish that you

> had helped them to stay more in connection with the deaf culture?

>

> I feel so torn about this because I WANT Lillian to be able to hear,

> even though I know that the deaf culture is also a beautiful thing.

> It just seems to me that if Lillian can use any hearing that she has

> (in addition to being fluent in ASL, which we want to help her

> continue) then she should because it would make life easier for her

> in a hearing world. But, I also don't want to force something on

> her that she will be upset about later, so I wonder if we should

> embrace her deafness because that's who she is?

>

> Can you guys help me to understand this whole debate better? Maybe

> there are books or articles I can read? As you can tell, I'm very

> confused. I just want to do the right thing for our daughter, but

> how do you figure out what that is?

>

> Thanks for any help you can provide.

>

> ~

> Adopting Jayden from Guatemala and Lillian (who is deaf) from Liberia

>

> www.freewebs.com/whitmirefamily

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is

the intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi - this can be a very controversial subject so we should all be

cautious in how we answer, but it poses excellent questions. I remember

when my older son was first diagnosed being completely mystified by Deaf

culture and wanting to learn more.

Our story is this. My husband and I moved to Hanover, New Hampshire

about 12 years ago. At the time, our older son (Tom) was 18 months old

and Sam - well, he was the result of a cold winter! LOL (we moved here

from New Orleans!) Neither boy was diagnosed at birth - Tom was

diagnosed when he was just over 3 years old with a moderate/severe (at

the time) hearing loss and immediately fitted with hearing aids; Sam was

diagnosed with a profound hearing loss and also wore hearing aids.

Where we live is geographically very isolated - our boys until this year

were the only two deaf/hard of hearing kids in their respective

schools. At the time we didn't have good resources for signing and even

if we did, no one to sign with, and since we didn't know differently

initially, we followed an oral/mainstream approach and that has worked

for us. It was total dumb luck... I actually would have liked for my

boys to have learned sign - even though both wore hearing aids well and

now have cochlear implants, without their " gear " they're still deaf and

there are times when knowing sign would be beneficial to them.

We know several folks from the Deaf community here in NH and VT and all

have been very nice to us and very accepting of our guys. Perhaps it's

because we as a family feel much as Listen-up feels - that the right way

to educate and communicate with your kids is what works for you as a

family. Tom is an extremely oral kid - even when he was little, when he

couldn't hear you he'd say " what " and put his ear to your mouth. We're

on the NH task force for newborn hearing screening which is comprised of

many folks from the Deaf community - all have been very kind and

supportive of the boys' implants. My boys are fully mainstreamed and

all of their friends are hearing.

I think once upon a time the Deaf community was very much against

implants but that seems to be changing. Even Self Help for the Hard of

Hearing (am I getting this right - ?) revised its position on implants.

I think as parents, we do the best we can do for our kids. I'm sure

there will be plenty of things that my kids will look back on and wish

we'd done them differently - Deaf culture may be one of them. Heck - I

always wished my mom would let me play the cello but no! We've tried

our best to expose our boys to Deaf and deaf adults, as well as kids

with different backgrounds. Our boys have had a Deaf big brother and a

deaf big sister - I really thought it important to have cool, adult role

models in their lives. As to if my boys wish I'd helped them stay more

in connection with Deaf culture down the road - I don't have a crystal

ball. I do know that my husband and I have done the very best we can in

the area that we live with the resources we have.

And there certainly are ways to educate your daughter bilingually.

Kay's site - listen-up.org - has a lot of good information on that. And

you may start your daughter signing and realize that oral is really the

way to go or vice versa. I think often our kids let us know the

direction they should go...

Does this help?

Take care!

Barbara

rachelwhitmire wrote:

> As you all know, I'm still new to the group, so I hope this is an

> okay question to ask.

>

> I have been reading everyone's posts and it looks to me like most of

> you are choosing options for your children that will allow them to

> hear as much as possible - cochlear (sp?) implants, etc. My

> question is, have you found that the deaf community is

> angry/discriminative because you have made this decision? Are your

> deaf/hoh children involved in the deaf community or do you instead

> strive to have them as much a part of the hearing community as

> possible?

>

> I have heard that often the deaf community will not accept a deaf

> person who has cochlear implants. Has this been your experience?

>

> The reason I'm asking is because I've been doing a lot of reading

> about deaf culture and how they feel proud to be deaf and how they

> hope to have a deaf child in order to pass on their culture. So, do

> you think that your child will grow to adulthood and wish that you

> had helped them to stay more in connection with the deaf culture?

>

> I feel so torn about this because I WANT Lillian to be able to hear,

> even though I know that the deaf culture is also a beautiful thing.

> It just seems to me that if Lillian can use any hearing that she has

> (in addition to being fluent in ASL, which we want to help her

> continue) then she should because it would make life easier for her

> in a hearing world. But, I also don't want to force something on

> her that she will be upset about later, so I wonder if we should

> embrace her deafness because that's who she is?

>

> Can you guys help me to understand this whole debate better? Maybe

> there are books or articles I can read? As you can tell, I'm very

> confused. I just want to do the right thing for our daughter, but

> how do you figure out what that is?

>

> Thanks for any help you can provide.

>

> ~

> Adopting Jayden from Guatemala and Lillian (who is deaf) from Liberia

>

> www.freewebs.com/whitmirefamily

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is

the intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

>

[Guest guest]

I ran upstairs to send a quick work email and read this! First of

all, the way you phrased your question - it's apparent to me - you

sincerely want to learn and not incite anyone.

I will write more tomorrow night about this but I want you to know

that my Hayley is going to be 14, has been signing since 2, has had

an implant since 11 (mainly for environmental sounds) is one of 37

kids out of 200 at her school that have an implant. Many of the kids

she is in school with are deaf of deaf but so far, she seems to mix

well with them. Also for years we were sort of involved with the

deaf community; as she got older I tried to go to more coffee nights

(first Fri of every month local deaf community all over the states

get together at a starbucks or bookshop for socializing). We did

things with the local advocacy group, too. When I decided on the CI

for her, she was not considered a candidate by a famous clinic in

LA, but she was considered such by UCLA - so we went there and she

has done well with the CI and has been incorporating speech. Prior

to the implant, I talked to members of the deaf community and they

told me - it's your decision; we've pretty much backed off our

strong stance on it and now it's what works for the kids (this was

in CA). I did meet a very vocal deaf woman against CIs last year

when we first moved to PA, but we hugged and parted friends.

I noticed you said that you were doing a lot of reading. If you are

reading books by Harlan Lane, my OPINION is that those are

outdated. I think he wants to advocate for the deaf and not have

the deaf treated as lesser beings, but I am not fond of his writing.

I would not recommend you use those as a basis for any decision

making.

The last thing is that the org that revised it's position was

National Association for the Deaf. They are based in Silver Spring,

MD. I also want to say that Gallaudet University, right now a bit

polarized, does a lot of research into hearing loss and offers

various clinical testing. The t Clerc Center at Gallaudet

also has a cochlear implant program (or they study or provide

resources) for kids.

Barbara, you are so funny about the cold winter! I hope that does

not happen to me. and I'm happy about Sam's activation - how

wonderfuful for you!

>>

> I think once upon a time the Deaf community was very much against

> implants but that seems to be changing. Even Self Help for the

Hard of

> Hearing (am I getting this right - ?) revised its position on

implants.

>

> I think as parents, we do the best we can do for our kids. I'm

sure

> there will be plenty of things that my kids will look back on and

wish

> we'd done them differently - Deaf culture may be one of them.

Heck - I

>> > you are choosing options for your children that will allow them

to

> > hear as much as possible - cochlear (sp?) implants, etc. My

> > question is, have you found that the deaf community is

> > angry/discriminative because you have made this decision?

's answer for Hayley - NO!

Are your

> > deaf/hoh children involved in the deaf community or do you

instead

> > strive to have them as much a part of the hearing community as

> > possible?

Hayley is involved in both although now at a deaf residential

school. She lives with us and we're hearing. She was in program at

school for DHH kids, went to day care for typical kids, etc.

> >

> > I have heard that often the deaf community will not accept a

deaf

> > person who has cochlear implants. Has this been your experience?

Again - 99.99% - No. We have not had a problem.

> >

> > > Can you guys help me to understand this whole debate better?

Maybe

> > there are books or articles I can read? As you can tell, I'm

very

> > confused. I just want to do the right thing for our daughter,

but

> > how do you figure out what that is?

I also think that you will know more when she arrives....I think she

will lead you down the path. If you get her hearing aids, and she

loves them, maybe you want to go a step further and do the CI. I

think she will tell you in her own way(s) what the right decision is

for her. And we will be here to listen to you

[Guest guest]

What is a DD and a DS?

>

> So I can't help you sort out the debate but I can give you our

experience. For one - my DD and DS are not eligible for a cochlear.

They are stuck between the " deaf " world and the " hearing " world. They

aren't deaf enough for some yet they aren't hearing either.

>

[Guest guest]

What is a DD and a DS?

>

> So I can't help you sort out the debate but I can give you our

experience. For one - my DD and DS are not eligible for a cochlear.

They are stuck between the " deaf " world and the " hearing " world. They

aren't deaf enough for some yet they aren't hearing either.

>

[Guest guest]

What is a DD and a DS?

>

> So I can't help you sort out the debate but I can give you our

experience. For one - my DD and DS are not eligible for a cochlear.

They are stuck between the " deaf " world and the " hearing " world. They

aren't deaf enough for some yet they aren't hearing either.

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/6/2006 8:29:04 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

manytimesblessed@... writes:

It's hard when everyone you talk to has

a very specific viewpoint! :-)

I appreciate the help. This is a great group.

,

And as you've already picked up, this is a very touchy subject!

Our Ian has a moderate loss and is very oral. Our initial experiences with

the Deaf community were quite negative --Ian was/is viewed as not really deaf

by many Deaf people. Yet he isn't a hearing child either. He is also stuck in

between someplace. The people on this list encouraged me not to give up on

the deaf community and so we've continued to try with more success each time.

Like Barbara's kids, Ian is a one of a kind in his school. Even if we signed

fluently, there is no one to sign with. We started taking ASL classes to

support Ian, to give him more choices in his life. Now that we sign a bit

better, our recent forays into the deaf community have been more positive.

While you can check into everything now and learn as much as you can ahead

of time -- even taking signing classes so you can " talk " with Lillian when she

arrives, you are going to find the right answers once you get to know her.

Her personality,.learning style and needs are going to play a really big part

in what you decide to do. And even then, you may change your mind a few times.

Some kids are oral and some aren't. Mine is and it doesn't matter why. The

fact that he prefers to be oral is what's important for our decisions. If

Lillian is a candidate for a CI, if she is interested in it, then you move

forward to add a CI. But that doesn't mean you have to give up signing. You can

have it all.

There are so many options out there for you and your family, that you can

pick and chose and combine them into what works for you. Like one of our

list-mates just said -- your family is her primary support. And you really will

know when something is working or needs to be changed, and then you adjust.

(grin)

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/6/2006 10:25:02 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

lavhome@... writes:

and smile politely at anyone bold enough to tell you how to

raise your kids. Then forget what they say. Tish

LOL ... I think that is great advice no matter what prompts the commentary.

Bravo -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I feel better about wanting to

consider hearing aids and CIs now, but like several people said, we

will really need to wait until Lillian is here to know what will be

best for her. There's just so much involved in all of this and I want

to make the right decisions. It's hard when everyone you talk to has

a very specific viewpoint! :-)

I appreciate the help. This is a great group.

~

Adopting Jayden from Guatemala and Lillian (who is deaf) from Liberia

www.freewebs.com/whitmirefamily

[Guest guest]

From another perspective, and one that and I have in common, is the

adoption issue. Many deaf criticized us for bringing our two deaf daughters

into our home because,

, " they belong with a deaf family. " I was too

oblivious and proud of my girls that I didn't pick up on their feelings

right away. Which is fine, I guess. But, just be aware that C.I., or not

C.I., or ASL, or SEE, any other mode of communication or amplification may

be secondary to what the deaf community may be thinking. Do what is best

for your family, and smile politely at anyone bold enough to tell you how to

raise your kids. Then forget what they say. Tish

Re: Re: Question - this may be controversial, I'm

sorry!

>

> In a message dated 6/6/2006 8:29:04 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> manytimesblessed@... writes:

>

> It's hard when everyone you talk to has

> a very specific viewpoint! :-)

>

> I appreciate the help. This is a great group.

>

>

>

>

>

> ,

>

> And as you've already picked up, this is a very touchy subject!

>

> Our Ian has a moderate loss and is very oral. Our initial experiences with

> the Deaf community were quite negative --Ian was/is viewed as not really

> deaf

> by many Deaf people. Yet he isn't a hearing child either. He is also

> stuck in

> between someplace. The people on this list encouraged me not to give up on

> the deaf community and so we've continued to try with more success each

> time.

>

> Like Barbara's kids, Ian is a one of a kind in his school. Even if we

> signed

> fluently, there is no one to sign with. We started taking ASL classes to

> support Ian, to give him more choices in his life. Now that we sign a bit

> better, our recent forays into the deaf community have been more positive.

>

> While you can check into everything now and learn as much as you can ahead

> of time -- even taking signing classes so you can " talk " with Lillian when

> she

> arrives, you are going to find the right answers once you get to know

> her.

> Her personality,.learning style and needs are going to play a really big

> part

> in what you decide to do. And even then, you may change your mind a few

> times.

>

> Some kids are oral and some aren't. Mine is and it doesn't matter why. The

> fact that he prefers to be oral is what's important for our decisions. If

> Lillian is a candidate for a CI, if she is interested in it, then you move

> forward to add a CI. But that doesn't mean you have to give up signing.

> You can

> have it all.

>

> There are so many options out there for you and your family, that you can

> pick and chose and combine them into what works for you. Like one of our

> list-mates just said -- your family is her primary support. And you really

> will

> know when something is working or needs to be changed, and then you

> adjust.

> (grin)

>

> Best -- Jill

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tish,

I think you're right about smiling politely. We've already had to learn to

do that so far with adoption in general.

Right now, we are taking classes from the director of our deaf community

center. He seems very postive about our adoption, but I don't know how the

others there will react. I guess we'll just take it as it comes.

I appreciate your help and your encouragement!

~

>

> From another perspective, and one that and I have in common, is

> the

> adoption issue. Many deaf criticized us for bringing our two deaf

> daughters

> into our home because,

, " they belong with a deaf family. " I was

> too

> oblivious and proud of my girls that I didn't pick up on their feelings

> right away. Which is fine, I guess. But, just be aware that C.I., or not

> C.I., or ASL, or SEE, any other mode of communication or amplification may

>

> be secondary to what the deaf community may be thinking. Do what is best

> for your family, and smile politely at anyone bold enough to tell you how

> to

> raise your kids. Then forget what they say. Tish

>

>

> Re: Re: Question - this may be controversial, I'm

> sorry!

>

> >

> > In a message dated 6/6/2006 8:29:04 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > manytimesblessed@... writes:

> >

> > It's hard when everyone you talk to has

> > a very specific viewpoint! :-)

> >

> > I appreciate the help. This is a great group.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ,

> >

> > And as you've already picked up, this is a very touchy subject!

> >

> > Our Ian has a moderate loss and is very oral. Our initial experiences

> with

> > the Deaf community were quite negative --Ian was/is viewed as not really

>

> > deaf

> > by many Deaf people. Yet he isn't a hearing child either. He is also

> > stuck in

> > between someplace. The people on this list encouraged me not to give up

> on

> > the deaf community and so we've continued to try with more success each

> > time.

> >

> > Like Barbara's kids, Ian is a one of a kind in his school. Even if we

> > signed

> > fluently, there is no one to sign with. We started taking ASL classes to

> > support Ian, to give him more choices in his life. Now that we sign a

> bit

> > better, our recent forays into the deaf community have been more

> positive.

> >

> > While you can check into everything now and learn as much as you can

> ahead

> > of time -- even taking signing classes so you can " talk " with Lillian

> when

> > she

> > arrives, you are going to find the right answers once you get to know

> > her.

> > Her personality,.learning style and needs are going to play a really big

>

> > part

> > in what you decide to do. And even then, you may change your mind a few

> > times.

> >

> > Some kids are oral and some aren't. Mine is and it doesn't matter why.

> The

> > fact that he prefers to be oral is what's important for our decisions.

> If

> > Lillian is a candidate for a CI, if she is interested in it, then you

> move

> > forward to add a CI. But that doesn't mean you have to give up signing.

> > You can

> > have it all.

> >

> > There are so many options out there for you and your family, that you

> can

> > pick and chose and combine them into what works for you. Like one of our

> > list-mates just said -- your family is her primary support. And you

> really

> > will

> > know when something is working or needs to be changed, and then you

> > adjust.

> > (grin)

> >

> > Best -- Jill

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Tish,

I think you're right about smiling politely. We've already had to learn to

do that so far with adoption in general.

Right now, we are taking classes from the director of our deaf community

center. He seems very postive about our adoption, but I don't know how the

others there will react. I guess we'll just take it as it comes.

I appreciate your help and your encouragement!

~

>

> From another perspective, and one that and I have in common, is

> the

> adoption issue. Many deaf criticized us for bringing our two deaf

> daughters

> into our home because,

, " they belong with a deaf family. " I was

> too

> oblivious and proud of my girls that I didn't pick up on their feelings

> right away. Which is fine, I guess. But, just be aware that C.I., or not

> C.I., or ASL, or SEE, any other mode of communication or amplification may

>

> be secondary to what the deaf community may be thinking. Do what is best

> for your family, and smile politely at anyone bold enough to tell you how

> to

> raise your kids. Then forget what they say. Tish

>

>

> Re: Re: Question - this may be controversial, I'm

> sorry!

>

> >

> > In a message dated 6/6/2006 8:29:04 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > manytimesblessed@... writes:

> >

> > It's hard when everyone you talk to has

> > a very specific viewpoint! :-)

> >

> > I appreciate the help. This is a great group.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ,

> >

> > And as you've already picked up, this is a very touchy subject!

> >

> > Our Ian has a moderate loss and is very oral. Our initial experiences

> with

> > the Deaf community were quite negative --Ian was/is viewed as not really

>

> > deaf

> > by many Deaf people. Yet he isn't a hearing child either. He is also

> > stuck in

> > between someplace. The people on this list encouraged me not to give up

> on

> > the deaf community and so we've continued to try with more success each

> > time.

> >

> > Like Barbara's kids, Ian is a one of a kind in his school. Even if we

> > signed

> > fluently, there is no one to sign with. We started taking ASL classes to

> > support Ian, to give him more choices in his life. Now that we sign a

> bit

> > better, our recent forays into the deaf community have been more

> positive.

> >

> > While you can check into everything now and learn as much as you can

> ahead

> > of time -- even taking signing classes so you can " talk " with Lillian

> when

> > she

> > arrives, you are going to find the right answers once you get to know

> > her.

> > Her personality,.learning style and needs are going to play a really big

>

> > part

> > in what you decide to do. And even then, you may change your mind a few

> > times.

> >

> > Some kids are oral and some aren't. Mine is and it doesn't matter why.

> The

> > fact that he prefers to be oral is what's important for our decisions.

> If

> > Lillian is a candidate for a CI, if she is interested in it, then you

> move

> > forward to add a CI. But that doesn't mean you have to give up signing.

> > You can

> > have it all.

> >

> > There are so many options out there for you and your family, that you

> can

> > pick and chose and combine them into what works for you. Like one of our

> > list-mates just said -- your family is her primary support. And you

> really

> > will

> > know when something is working or needs to be changed, and then you

> > adjust.

> > (grin)

> >

> > Best -- Jill

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Tish,

I think you're right about smiling politely. We've already had to learn to

do that so far with adoption in general.

Right now, we are taking classes from the director of our deaf community

center. He seems very postive about our adoption, but I don't know how the

others there will react. I guess we'll just take it as it comes.

I appreciate your help and your encouragement!

~

>

> From another perspective, and one that and I have in common, is

> the

> adoption issue. Many deaf criticized us for bringing our two deaf

> daughters

> into our home because,

, " they belong with a deaf family. " I was

> too

> oblivious and proud of my girls that I didn't pick up on their feelings

> right away. Which is fine, I guess. But, just be aware that C.I., or not

> C.I., or ASL, or SEE, any other mode of communication or amplification may

>

> be secondary to what the deaf community may be thinking. Do what is best

> for your family, and smile politely at anyone bold enough to tell you how

> to

> raise your kids. Then forget what they say. Tish

>

>

> Re: Re: Question - this may be controversial, I'm

> sorry!

>

> >

> > In a message dated 6/6/2006 8:29:04 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > manytimesblessed@... writes:

> >

> > It's hard when everyone you talk to has

> > a very specific viewpoint! :-)

> >

> > I appreciate the help. This is a great group.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ,

> >

> > And as you've already picked up, this is a very touchy subject!

> >

> > Our Ian has a moderate loss and is very oral. Our initial experiences

> with

> > the Deaf community were quite negative --Ian was/is viewed as not really

>

> > deaf

> > by many Deaf people. Yet he isn't a hearing child either. He is also

> > stuck in

> > between someplace. The people on this list encouraged me not to give up

> on

> > the deaf community and so we've continued to try with more success each

> > time.

> >

> > Like Barbara's kids, Ian is a one of a kind in his school. Even if we

> > signed

> > fluently, there is no one to sign with. We started taking ASL classes to

> > support Ian, to give him more choices in his life. Now that we sign a

> bit

> > better, our recent forays into the deaf community have been more

> positive.

> >

> > While you can check into everything now and learn as much as you can

> ahead

> > of time -- even taking signing classes so you can " talk " with Lillian

> when

> > she

> > arrives, you are going to find the right answers once you get to know

> > her.

> > Her personality,.learning style and needs are going to play a really big

>

> > part

> > in what you decide to do. And even then, you may change your mind a few

> > times.

> >

> > Some kids are oral and some aren't. Mine is and it doesn't matter why.

> The

> > fact that he prefers to be oral is what's important for our decisions.

> If

> > Lillian is a candidate for a CI, if she is interested in it, then you

> move

> > forward to add a CI. But that doesn't mean you have to give up signing.

> > You can

> > have it all.

> >

> > There are so many options out there for you and your family, that you

> can

> > pick and chose and combine them into what works for you. Like one of our

> > list-mates just said -- your family is her primary support. And you

> really

> > will

> > know when something is working or needs to be changed, and then you

> > adjust.

> > (grin)

> >

> > Best -- Jill

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

rachelwhitmire manytimesblessed@...> wrote: It's hard when

everyone you talk to has a very specific viewpoint! :-)

Hi ,

We were talking about this very subject today. Lots of people will be

more than willing to share advice with you on how to raise your kids. And it

doesn't necessarily have to be related to deaf and hard of hearing issues.

They may tell you that you " need " to do this or you " need " to do that. You

will even run into professionals that feel they " know best " and might even make

you feel inferior for making a different choice than what they want you to. The

thing to keep in mind is that you are the parents, and you are the one to make

those decisions. Advice and suggestions are great, but no one should make you

feel bad for what you choose. So when those things happen (and unfortunately

they will), come here and vent. Many of us have been through similar things and

can give you some ideas on how to deal with it or what you can do.

Of course, I'm really hoping that I'm wrong and that you never run into this

but it seems that people giving unsolicited advice happens everywhere.

Debbie, mom to , 6 (soon to be 7) moderate SNHL and , 3, hearing

.

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were

and ask why not. G.B Shaw

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

rachelwhitmire manytimesblessed@...> wrote: It's hard when

everyone you talk to has a very specific viewpoint! :-)

Hi ,

We were talking about this very subject today. Lots of people will be

more than willing to share advice with you on how to raise your kids. And it

doesn't necessarily have to be related to deaf and hard of hearing issues.

They may tell you that you " need " to do this or you " need " to do that. You

will even run into professionals that feel they " know best " and might even make

you feel inferior for making a different choice than what they want you to. The

thing to keep in mind is that you are the parents, and you are the one to make

those decisions. Advice and suggestions are great, but no one should make you

feel bad for what you choose. So when those things happen (and unfortunately

they will), come here and vent. Many of us have been through similar things and

can give you some ideas on how to deal with it or what you can do.

Of course, I'm really hoping that I'm wrong and that you never run into this

but it seems that people giving unsolicited advice happens everywhere.

Debbie, mom to , 6 (soon to be 7) moderate SNHL and , 3, hearing

.

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were

and ask why not. G.B Shaw

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

rachelwhitmire manytimesblessed@...> wrote: It's hard when

everyone you talk to has a very specific viewpoint! :-)

Hi ,

We were talking about this very subject today. Lots of people will be

more than willing to share advice with you on how to raise your kids. And it

doesn't necessarily have to be related to deaf and hard of hearing issues.

They may tell you that you " need " to do this or you " need " to do that. You

will even run into professionals that feel they " know best " and might even make

you feel inferior for making a different choice than what they want you to. The

thing to keep in mind is that you are the parents, and you are the one to make

those decisions. Advice and suggestions are great, but no one should make you

feel bad for what you choose. So when those things happen (and unfortunately

they will), come here and vent. Many of us have been through similar things and

can give you some ideas on how to deal with it or what you can do.

Of course, I'm really hoping that I'm wrong and that you never run into this

but it seems that people giving unsolicited advice happens everywhere.

Debbie, mom to , 6 (soon to be 7) moderate SNHL and , 3, hearing

.

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were

and ask why not. G.B Shaw

__________________________________________________