RE: getting over issues left behind

[Guest guest]

Woops - somehow sent too soon!

I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

(PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned so much

reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my life

with Nada)

So - do we ever get over it?

I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my adult

life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within society.

Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was Bipolar.

Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have kids.

I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and never

felt I had the tools to be a mother.

(being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing that

could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

handle it)

Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the rest of

the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all adult

life.

Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers, have

many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your own

recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was child and

nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I emancipated at

17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society peering in

like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas, or have

you conquered it?

If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have worked

hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

[Guest guest]

I'm really glad you're going to see a T. That's a really great step to taking

care of yourself! =) It was the most helpful thing I ever did. I dealt with

chronic depression and general anxiety for YEARS, but doing CBT with a

professional who really knew her stuff (especially about BPD and boundaries) was

amazing. I have not had any depression since completing treatment four years

ago, and the only real anxiety I feel has been c-PTSD related, and I know how to

manage it now. I did check back in with my T last year when I had some ongoing

anxiety I just couldn't shake, and she helped me work out that I had some

boundaries I needed to reinforce. Anyway, it's a positive step, and I hope it

works out well for you!

I think what you're feeling about being an outsider looking at a world where

everyone else knows how to cope is a pretty common feeling for KOs. Personally,

I have gone through some grief, but I don't really feel left out anymore...I

sort of realize that everyone has some kind of issue or another, even if not as

traumatic as mine. The coping skills I learned in T really helped make up for

the ones my parents couldn't give me.

Let us know how your first appt goes.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

I'm really glad you're going to see a T. That's a really great step to taking

care of yourself! =) It was the most helpful thing I ever did. I dealt with

chronic depression and general anxiety for YEARS, but doing CBT with a

professional who really knew her stuff (especially about BPD and boundaries) was

amazing. I have not had any depression since completing treatment four years

ago, and the only real anxiety I feel has been c-PTSD related, and I know how to

manage it now. I did check back in with my T last year when I had some ongoing

anxiety I just couldn't shake, and she helped me work out that I had some

boundaries I needed to reinforce. Anyway, it's a positive step, and I hope it

works out well for you!

I think what you're feeling about being an outsider looking at a world where

everyone else knows how to cope is a pretty common feeling for KOs. Personally,

I have gone through some grief, but I don't really feel left out anymore...I

sort of realize that everyone has some kind of issue or another, even if not as

traumatic as mine. The coping skills I learned in T really helped make up for

the ones my parents couldn't give me.

Let us know how your first appt goes.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

I have managed to marry, stay married and raise children. These activities have

been a lot of work, & a lot of attitude adjustments from how I was raised.

In my FOO, my parents are still married. My mother's only long-term close

relationship is with my father, so I was raised with the idea that this type of

commitment was not only possible, but the desired norm that was expected.

It was only luck that allowed me to choose a mate that was not only

safe, but also had enough FOO dysfunction that he needed to process too. He is

my oasis, my dear friend, and I am the same for him. After 27 years, some of

them very difficult as we worked through things, he is still the only one for me

:-)

With the children it was harder, & harder yet for me to be present with my

daughter since I often would get 'activated' with her emotionality. The driver

for me to get into therapy was feeling I was not adequately meeting her needs.

My son, on the other hand, rarely caused me to freak. I believe the problem with

my daughter was simply due to trauma from being raised by a nada. I now feel

very close to both my adult children.

As for other types of friendships, these have been very hard for me. Whenever I

would get hurt as a child, nada would reinforce how awful people are in general.

She was very social phobic. I occasionally had 'work' friends, or 'school'

friends, but none of these relationships have lasted past the events where they

were created. I do not attend church, health clubs, or live in a town. I have

gone to classes alone hoping to find a friend, but most of them are paired up

already and/or simply there to learn something and not looking for community.

I also think I have zeroed in on the WRONG people to try to become friends

with--the emotionally unavailable are very seductive to me ( " we go to what we

know " ). And until therapy), I had little to no insight on how to manage

confrontation or boundaries.

Just a FYI, I have been reading the book " Safe People " recently, which has given

me HUGE insight into my past friendships, where I have gone wrong in them, and

exactly where nada has proved herself unsafe over and over (seeing it in black

and white helped me translate specific incidences into the words I needed to

process them). I found the part dealing with criticism and defensiveness the

most enlightening explanations I have read on these topics.

SAFE PEOPLE is NOT a book for everyone--the continual scripture references would

likely drive away anyone who doesn't ID themselves as part of the Christian

movement. But if you can gloss over all the religious parts, this book is indeed

a GEM.

>

> Woops - somehow sent too soon!

>

>

>

> I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

>

> (PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned so much

> reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my life

> with Nada)

>

>

>

> So - do we ever get over it?

>

> I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

>

> I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my adult

> life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

>

> Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within society.

>

> Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was Bipolar.

>

> Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

>

> I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have kids.

>

> I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and never

> felt I had the tools to be a mother.

>

> (being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing that

> could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

> handle it)

>

> Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the rest of

> the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all adult

> life.

>

> Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers, have

> many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

> still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

>

>

>

> I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your own

> recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

> abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was child and

> nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I emancipated at

> 17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

>

>

>

> Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society peering in

> like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas, or have

> you conquered it?

>

> If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

>

>

>

> I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have worked

> hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have managed to marry, stay married and raise children. These activities have

been a lot of work, & a lot of attitude adjustments from how I was raised.

In my FOO, my parents are still married. My mother's only long-term close

relationship is with my father, so I was raised with the idea that this type of

commitment was not only possible, but the desired norm that was expected.

It was only luck that allowed me to choose a mate that was not only

safe, but also had enough FOO dysfunction that he needed to process too. He is

my oasis, my dear friend, and I am the same for him. After 27 years, some of

them very difficult as we worked through things, he is still the only one for me

:-)

With the children it was harder, & harder yet for me to be present with my

daughter since I often would get 'activated' with her emotionality. The driver

for me to get into therapy was feeling I was not adequately meeting her needs.

My son, on the other hand, rarely caused me to freak. I believe the problem with

my daughter was simply due to trauma from being raised by a nada. I now feel

very close to both my adult children.

As for other types of friendships, these have been very hard for me. Whenever I

would get hurt as a child, nada would reinforce how awful people are in general.

She was very social phobic. I occasionally had 'work' friends, or 'school'

friends, but none of these relationships have lasted past the events where they

were created. I do not attend church, health clubs, or live in a town. I have

gone to classes alone hoping to find a friend, but most of them are paired up

already and/or simply there to learn something and not looking for community.

I also think I have zeroed in on the WRONG people to try to become friends

with--the emotionally unavailable are very seductive to me ( " we go to what we

know " ). And until therapy), I had little to no insight on how to manage

confrontation or boundaries.

Just a FYI, I have been reading the book " Safe People " recently, which has given

me HUGE insight into my past friendships, where I have gone wrong in them, and

exactly where nada has proved herself unsafe over and over (seeing it in black

and white helped me translate specific incidences into the words I needed to

process them). I found the part dealing with criticism and defensiveness the

most enlightening explanations I have read on these topics.

SAFE PEOPLE is NOT a book for everyone--the continual scripture references would

likely drive away anyone who doesn't ID themselves as part of the Christian

movement. But if you can gloss over all the religious parts, this book is indeed

a GEM.

>

> Woops - somehow sent too soon!

>

>

>

> I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

>

> (PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned so much

> reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my life

> with Nada)

>

>

>

> So - do we ever get over it?

>

> I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

>

> I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my adult

> life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

>

> Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within society.

>

> Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was Bipolar.

>

> Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

>

> I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have kids.

>

> I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and never

> felt I had the tools to be a mother.

>

> (being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing that

> could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

> handle it)

>

> Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the rest of

> the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all adult

> life.

>

> Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers, have

> many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

> still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

>

>

>

> I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your own

> recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

> abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was child and

> nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I emancipated at

> 17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

>

>

>

> Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society peering in

> like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas, or have

> you conquered it?

>

> If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

>

>

>

> I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have worked

> hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have managed to marry, stay married and raise children. These activities have

been a lot of work, & a lot of attitude adjustments from how I was raised.

In my FOO, my parents are still married. My mother's only long-term close

relationship is with my father, so I was raised with the idea that this type of

commitment was not only possible, but the desired norm that was expected.

It was only luck that allowed me to choose a mate that was not only

safe, but also had enough FOO dysfunction that he needed to process too. He is

my oasis, my dear friend, and I am the same for him. After 27 years, some of

them very difficult as we worked through things, he is still the only one for me

:-)

With the children it was harder, & harder yet for me to be present with my

daughter since I often would get 'activated' with her emotionality. The driver

for me to get into therapy was feeling I was not adequately meeting her needs.

My son, on the other hand, rarely caused me to freak. I believe the problem with

my daughter was simply due to trauma from being raised by a nada. I now feel

very close to both my adult children.

As for other types of friendships, these have been very hard for me. Whenever I

would get hurt as a child, nada would reinforce how awful people are in general.

She was very social phobic. I occasionally had 'work' friends, or 'school'

friends, but none of these relationships have lasted past the events where they

were created. I do not attend church, health clubs, or live in a town. I have

gone to classes alone hoping to find a friend, but most of them are paired up

already and/or simply there to learn something and not looking for community.

I also think I have zeroed in on the WRONG people to try to become friends

with--the emotionally unavailable are very seductive to me ( " we go to what we

know " ). And until therapy), I had little to no insight on how to manage

confrontation or boundaries.

Just a FYI, I have been reading the book " Safe People " recently, which has given

me HUGE insight into my past friendships, where I have gone wrong in them, and

exactly where nada has proved herself unsafe over and over (seeing it in black

and white helped me translate specific incidences into the words I needed to

process them). I found the part dealing with criticism and defensiveness the

most enlightening explanations I have read on these topics.

SAFE PEOPLE is NOT a book for everyone--the continual scripture references would

likely drive away anyone who doesn't ID themselves as part of the Christian

movement. But if you can gloss over all the religious parts, this book is indeed

a GEM.

>

> Woops - somehow sent too soon!

>

>

>

> I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

>

> (PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned so much

> reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my life

> with Nada)

>

>

>

> So - do we ever get over it?

>

> I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

>

> I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my adult

> life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

>

> Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within society.

>

> Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was Bipolar.

>

> Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

>

> I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have kids.

>

> I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and never

> felt I had the tools to be a mother.

>

> (being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing that

> could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

> handle it)

>

> Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the rest of

> the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all adult

> life.

>

> Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers, have

> many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

> still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

>

>

>

> I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your own

> recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

> abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was child and

> nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I emancipated at

> 17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

>

>

>

> Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society peering in

> like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas, or have

> you conquered it?

>

> If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

>

>

>

> I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have worked

> hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug's response reminded me of something about my nada that I had forgotten over

the years--her favorite fairy tale was The Little Match Girl. She obviously

identified with always being outside in the cold, not welcome and alone.

Now that I know about her BPD I find this revelation even more poignant than the

story itself.

[Guest guest]

I'll put in a vote for Henry Cloud's book " Changes That Heal " (

http://store.cloudtownsend.com/changes-that-heal-book.html) -- which is

about (again from a Christian perspective, but I think that the psychology

is spot-on) how most of us (and those of us who grew up with PD parents

much more so) have not matured in some/many portions of our

personailities. Which then makes for a lot of our difficulties in

relationships.

The book has a good and logical explanation and then some good suggestions

for changes in thinking/feeling that can hopefully help in the maturation

process.

Dana

> **

>

>

>

> I think I may have been the first to suggest Safe People in our happy

> little band, so I ll chime in here and second the notion. My T assigned it

> to me and I found it to be priceless.

>

> It is unabashedly Christian, Dr s Cloud and Townsend are Christian

> psychologists. Nor do I apologize for that. Still, it has good, sound

> principles that can help you in building a safe network of people around

> you, and being a safe person yourself, regardless your religious beliefs.

> We did not learn about being safe, or having safe people around us by

> growing up KOs.

>

> For those of you who have read it, or plan to read it, I ll mention that

> when I first studied it ( as part of a group), with my T, we followed it

> with another book by the same authors. It is " How People Grow " .

>

> Also some good stuff. Nada , of course, rarely grew beyond 3 years old. A

> lot of us ended up with arrested emotional development, depending on when

> we got the biggest trauma from Nada. This book is a great help in letting

> us grow, emotionally, to match what our bodies, and hopefully , minds, have

> done. It s ok, we really DO get to be adults. Sadly, we ended up having to

> be adults while still children.

>

> Healing baby! I m all about healing!

>

> Doug

>

>

> > >

> > > Woops - somehow sent too soon!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

> > >

> > > (PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned

> so much

> > > reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my

> life

> > > with Nada)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > So - do we ever get over it?

> > >

> > > I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

> > >

> > > I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my

> adult

> > > life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

> > >

> > > Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within

> society.

> > >

> > > Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was

> Bipolar.

> > >

> > > Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

> > >

> > > I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have

> kids.

> > >

> > > I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and

> never

> > > felt I had the tools to be a mother.

> > >

> > > (being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing

> that

> > > could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

> > > handle it)

> > >

> > > Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the

> rest of

> > > the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all

> adult

> > > life.

> > >

> > > Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers,

> have

> > > many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

> > > still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your

> own

> > > recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

> > > abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was

> child and

> > > nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I

> emancipated at

> > > 17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society

> peering in

> > > like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas,

> or have

> > > you conquered it?

> > >

> > > If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have

> worked

> > > hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I'll put in a vote for Henry Cloud's book " Changes That Heal " (

http://store.cloudtownsend.com/changes-that-heal-book.html) -- which is

about (again from a Christian perspective, but I think that the psychology

is spot-on) how most of us (and those of us who grew up with PD parents

much more so) have not matured in some/many portions of our

personailities. Which then makes for a lot of our difficulties in

relationships.

The book has a good and logical explanation and then some good suggestions

for changes in thinking/feeling that can hopefully help in the maturation

process.

Dana

> **

>

>

>

> I think I may have been the first to suggest Safe People in our happy

> little band, so I ll chime in here and second the notion. My T assigned it

> to me and I found it to be priceless.

>

> It is unabashedly Christian, Dr s Cloud and Townsend are Christian

> psychologists. Nor do I apologize for that. Still, it has good, sound

> principles that can help you in building a safe network of people around

> you, and being a safe person yourself, regardless your religious beliefs.

> We did not learn about being safe, or having safe people around us by

> growing up KOs.

>

> For those of you who have read it, or plan to read it, I ll mention that

> when I first studied it ( as part of a group), with my T, we followed it

> with another book by the same authors. It is " How People Grow " .

>

> Also some good stuff. Nada , of course, rarely grew beyond 3 years old. A

> lot of us ended up with arrested emotional development, depending on when

> we got the biggest trauma from Nada. This book is a great help in letting

> us grow, emotionally, to match what our bodies, and hopefully , minds, have

> done. It s ok, we really DO get to be adults. Sadly, we ended up having to

> be adults while still children.

>

> Healing baby! I m all about healing!

>

> Doug

>

>

> > >

> > > Woops - somehow sent too soon!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

> > >

> > > (PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned

> so much

> > > reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my

> life

> > > with Nada)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > So - do we ever get over it?

> > >

> > > I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

> > >

> > > I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my

> adult

> > > life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

> > >

> > > Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within

> society.

> > >

> > > Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was

> Bipolar.

> > >

> > > Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

> > >

> > > I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have

> kids.

> > >

> > > I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and

> never

> > > felt I had the tools to be a mother.

> > >

> > > (being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing

> that

> > > could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

> > > handle it)

> > >

> > > Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the

> rest of

> > > the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all

> adult

> > > life.

> > >

> > > Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers,

> have

> > > many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

> > > still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your

> own

> > > recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

> > > abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was

> child and

> > > nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I

> emancipated at

> > > 17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society

> peering in

> > > like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas,

> or have

> > > you conquered it?

> > >

> > > If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have

> worked

> > > hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

> > >

> > >

> > >

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[Guest guest]

I'll put in a vote for Henry Cloud's book " Changes That Heal " (

http://store.cloudtownsend.com/changes-that-heal-book.html) -- which is

about (again from a Christian perspective, but I think that the psychology

is spot-on) how most of us (and those of us who grew up with PD parents

much more so) have not matured in some/many portions of our

personailities. Which then makes for a lot of our difficulties in

relationships.

The book has a good and logical explanation and then some good suggestions

for changes in thinking/feeling that can hopefully help in the maturation

process.

Dana

> **

>

>

>

> I think I may have been the first to suggest Safe People in our happy

> little band, so I ll chime in here and second the notion. My T assigned it

> to me and I found it to be priceless.

>

> It is unabashedly Christian, Dr s Cloud and Townsend are Christian

> psychologists. Nor do I apologize for that. Still, it has good, sound

> principles that can help you in building a safe network of people around

> you, and being a safe person yourself, regardless your religious beliefs.

> We did not learn about being safe, or having safe people around us by

> growing up KOs.

>

> For those of you who have read it, or plan to read it, I ll mention that

> when I first studied it ( as part of a group), with my T, we followed it

> with another book by the same authors. It is " How People Grow " .

>

> Also some good stuff. Nada , of course, rarely grew beyond 3 years old. A

> lot of us ended up with arrested emotional development, depending on when

> we got the biggest trauma from Nada. This book is a great help in letting

> us grow, emotionally, to match what our bodies, and hopefully , minds, have

> done. It s ok, we really DO get to be adults. Sadly, we ended up having to

> be adults while still children.

>

> Healing baby! I m all about healing!

>

> Doug

>

>

> > >

> > > Woops - somehow sent too soon!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I have a question for anybody here that wishes to chime in.

> > >

> > > (PS - thanks to this group for your info and support. I have learned

> so much

> > > reading here and feel like I am not alone or that I was imagining my

> life

> > > with Nada)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > So - do we ever get over it?

> > >

> > > I have an apt with a T tomorrow to maybe and finally start healing.

> > >

> > > I have struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for all of my

> adult

> > > life and am still not sure if my issues are nature or nurture.

> > >

> > > Let's face it.. I come from a family of people who struggle within

> society.

> > >

> > > Nada is prob more NPD with some BPD and OCPD thrown in, dad was

> Bipolar.

> > >

> > > Her sister is BPD waif and brother is full blown OCD.

> > >

> > > I see some on here that are married (excellent for you!) and many have

> kids.

> > >

> > > I have been far too untrusting of relationships to get married and

> never

> > > felt I had the tools to be a mother.

> > >

> > > (being a single mom was instilled in me from birth as the worst thing

> that

> > > could happen to a person as dear dad took off at 9 mos and Mom couldn't

> > > handle it)

> > >

> > > Anyways - I start T tomorrow.. And geez, I am dying to fit into the

> rest of

> > > the world without the fears and fleas that I have struggled with all

> adult

> > > life.

> > >

> > > Not to say I have had no successes. I have built 2 successful careers,

> have

> > > many friends and done what would be considered well in society but my I

> > > still struggle with abandonment and commitment issues to this day.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I am interested in hearing from other KOs on how you feel about your

> own

> > > recovery as I take on my next journey of recovery from total childhood

> > > abandonment ( and I do mean literally, we had section 8 when I was

> child and

> > > nada left when I was 12, leaving me in an unheated apt till I

> emancipated at

> > > 17 and got an apartment and job of my own).

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Do you still feel like you are on the outside of " normal " society

> peering in

> > > like a poor homeless kid looking in on somebody's perfect Christmas,

> or have

> > > you conquered it?

> > >

> > > If you have, I would be interested in hearing how.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I am still not convinced that I just got bad " head " genes as I have

> worked

> > > hard to be OK yet still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >