Resisting the urge to become reclusive

[Guest guest]

The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my extended family, the

more I just can't trust people. I used to be very social and have tons of

friends. We now live in an area where we share few common interests with people

in the community and I am just having problems trusting anyone. Additionally, I

just fear acting like nada when I'm in public and get very nervous when I talk

to someone--what if I just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just

hurt their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a great way to

make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but years of her analyzing every

thing I say and finding hidden meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the

same.

I recently found out that during an extended NC period from nada that a relative

(call her A) was not only feeding her information about me from fb, but giving

her printouts of an unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I unfriended

A after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this got ugly really

fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't see the big deal if I unfriended

this person. The emails she sent my way were some of the nastiest I've ever

received and I responded very politely and then refused to engage after that.

So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some boundaries, but then our

correspondence was being given to nada. Nada informed me she has this all in a

file.

During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A which I have. I

hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship and indicated as much. At this

point, nada informs me that A and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am

just like someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family for

not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty emails. What am I

supposed to think? How should I have responded to this? I was too stunned to

say anything, but may actually bring it up to nada.

I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this and I am surely

busted.

Thanks,

PC

[Guest guest]

She s likely not to see herself in that, because her denial? Who knows? Just

don't allow her to give you your identity. Take a chandce on friendship with

others. Find people that encourage you and help you feel better about yourself!

Bill Hade

billfunnyman@...

Resisting the urge to become reclusive

The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my extended family, the

more I just can't trust people. I used to be very social and have tons of

friends. We now live in an area where we share few common interests with people

in the community and I am just having problems trusting anyone. Additionally, I

just fear acting like nada when I'm in public and get very nervous when I talk

to someone--what if I just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just

hurt their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a great way to

make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but years of her analyzing every

thing I say and finding hidden meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the

same.

I recently found out that during an extended NC period from nada that a relative

(call her A) was not only feeding her information about me from fb, but giving

her printouts of an unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I unfriended A

after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this got ugly really

fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't see the big deal if I unfriended

this person. The emails she sent my way were some of the nastiest I've ever

received and I responded very politely and then refused to engage after that. So

not only was A attacking me for trying to set some boundaries, but then our

correspondence was being given to nada. Nada informed me she has this all in a

file.

During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A which I have. I

hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship and indicated as much. At this

point, nada informs me that A and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am

just like someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family for not

being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty emails. What am I supposed

to think? How should I have responded to this? I was too stunned to say

anything, but may actually bring it up to nada.

I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this and I am surely

busted.

Thanks,

PC

[Guest guest]

PC,

The fact that you're worried about saying the wrong things and

hurting someone's feelings tells us that you're not going to act

like your nada. Nadas don't worry about such things. Please

don't let a fear of huring someone stop you from talking to

people. Everyone says the wrong thing occasionally and people

get hurt by things that no one would expect to hurt them. That's

life. No one is perfect. If you hurt someone's feelings, the

world won't end. You apologize and try to make it up to them as

best you can. Making friends with people is easier if you have

something in common. If you don't seem to have much in common

with the people living nearby, you might do better at meeting

people by joining groups that do something you're interested in

or participating in volunteer work for some cause you support.

People often have things in common that aren't obvious.

Activities of those sorts give you at least one thing in common

with the other people participating. Having a subject you know

is safe to make small talk about gives you a place to start.

As for not wanting to trust people, that's hard to deal with.

You've been given reason not to trust people. Not all people are

under the sway of your nada though. I recommend not discussing

anything related to your relationship with your nada with anyone

who is friendly with her. That means not allowing them to see

things on social networking sites as well as not saying them in

person. When people are put in the middle, intentionally or

otherwise, the pressure tends to make something give way. It is

usually better to do your best not to let people be in the

position of having to withhold information from your nada. It

seems to me that you need to be around people with no connection

to your nada so that you don't have to worry about that. Trust

is something that is built. You don't need to jump into trusting

relationships with people you don't really know yet. As you get

to know people, you learn whether they are trustworthy in

various ways and you can gradually build up trust in them. If

you really, really can't trust other people at all, you might

want to seek some professional help. Sometimes you need someone

to help you get past the experiences that are interfering with a

normal life.

The way I'd react to your nada's comments about you being like A

would be to ignore it. The only way to win is to not play nada's

games. What could you gain by bringing it up to her now?

In all probability, your nada is not going to just find this

group unless she can get access to your computer. Why would she

be looking for it?

At 10:53 AM 04/18/2012 personconfused507 wrote:

>The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my

>extended family, the more I just can't trust people. I used to

>be very social and have tons of friends. We now live in an

>area where we share few common interests with people in the

>community and I am just having problems trusting

>anyone. Additionally, I just fear acting like nada when I'm in

>public and get very nervous when I talk to someone--what if I

>just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just hurt

>their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a

>great way to make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but

>years of her analyzing every thing I say and finding hidden

>meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the same.

>

>I recently found out that during an extended NC period from

>nada that a relative (call her A) was not only feeding her

>information about me from fb, but giving her printouts of an

>unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I unfriended A

>after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this

>got ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't

>see the big deal if I unfriended this person. The emails she

>sent my way were some of the nastiest I've ever received and I

>responded very politely and then refused to engage after

>that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some

>boundaries, but then our correspondence was being given to

>nada. Nada informed me she has this all in a file.

>

>During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A

>which I have. I hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship

>and indicated as much. At this point, nada informs me that A

>and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am just like

>someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family

>for not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty

>emails. What am I supposed to think? How should I have

>responded to this? I was too stunned to say anything, but may

>actually bring it up to nada.

>

>I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

>

>And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this

>and I am surely busted.

>

>Thanks,

>PC

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Thank you for these ideas. You are definitely right. I will get through this

somehow.

And my fear of her finding this forum is because she has read SWOE because

another relative once mentioned that we suspected she had BPD so she had to

prove us all wrong. She also bought a copy of the DSM.

It is hard to hide anywhere from these people.

PC

> >The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my

> >extended family, the more I just can't trust people. I used to

> >be very social and have tons of friends. We now live in an

> >area where we share few common interests with people in the

> >community and I am just having problems trusting

> >anyone. Additionally, I just fear acting like nada when I'm in

> >public and get very nervous when I talk to someone--what if I

> >just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just hurt

> >their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a

> >great way to make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but

> >years of her analyzing every thing I say and finding hidden

> >meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the same.

> >

> >I recently found out that during an extended NC period from

> >nada that a relative (call her A) was not only feeding her

> >information about me from fb, but giving her printouts of an

> >unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I unfriended A

> >after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this

> >got ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't

> >see the big deal if I unfriended this person. The emails she

> >sent my way were some of the nastiest I've ever received and I

> >responded very politely and then refused to engage after

> >that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some

> >boundaries, but then our correspondence was being given to

> >nada. Nada informed me she has this all in a file.

> >

> >During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A

> >which I have. I hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship

> >and indicated as much. At this point, nada informs me that A

> >and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am just like

> >someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family

> >for not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty

> >emails. What am I supposed to think? How should I have

> >responded to this? I was too stunned to say anything, but may

> >actually bring it up to nada.

> >

> >I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

> >

> >And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this

> >and I am surely busted.

> >

> >Thanks,

> >PC

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for these ideas. You are definitely right. I will get through this

somehow.

And my fear of her finding this forum is because she has read SWOE because

another relative once mentioned that we suspected she had BPD so she had to

prove us all wrong. She also bought a copy of the DSM.

It is hard to hide anywhere from these people.

PC

> >The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my

> >extended family, the more I just can't trust people. I used to

> >be very social and have tons of friends. We now live in an

> >area where we share few common interests with people in the

> >community and I am just having problems trusting

> >anyone. Additionally, I just fear acting like nada when I'm in

> >public and get very nervous when I talk to someone--what if I

> >just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just hurt

> >their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a

> >great way to make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but

> >years of her analyzing every thing I say and finding hidden

> >meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the same.

> >

> >I recently found out that during an extended NC period from

> >nada that a relative (call her A) was not only feeding her

> >information about me from fb, but giving her printouts of an

> >unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I unfriended A

> >after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this

> >got ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't

> >see the big deal if I unfriended this person. The emails she

> >sent my way were some of the nastiest I've ever received and I

> >responded very politely and then refused to engage after

> >that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some

> >boundaries, but then our correspondence was being given to

> >nada. Nada informed me she has this all in a file.

> >

> >During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A

> >which I have. I hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship

> >and indicated as much. At this point, nada informs me that A

> >and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am just like

> >someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family

> >for not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty

> >emails. What am I supposed to think? How should I have

> >responded to this? I was too stunned to say anything, but may

> >actually bring it up to nada.

> >

> >I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

> >

> >And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this

> >and I am surely busted.

> >

> >Thanks,

> >PC

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for these ideas. You are definitely right. I will get through this

somehow.

And my fear of her finding this forum is because she has read SWOE because

another relative once mentioned that we suspected she had BPD so she had to

prove us all wrong. She also bought a copy of the DSM.

It is hard to hide anywhere from these people.

PC

> >The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my

> >extended family, the more I just can't trust people. I used to

> >be very social and have tons of friends. We now live in an

> >area where we share few common interests with people in the

> >community and I am just having problems trusting

> >anyone. Additionally, I just fear acting like nada when I'm in

> >public and get very nervous when I talk to someone--what if I

> >just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just hurt

> >their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a

> >great way to make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but

> >years of her analyzing every thing I say and finding hidden

> >meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the same.

> >

> >I recently found out that during an extended NC period from

> >nada that a relative (call her A) was not only feeding her

> >information about me from fb, but giving her printouts of an

> >unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I unfriended A

> >after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this

> >got ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't

> >see the big deal if I unfriended this person. The emails she

> >sent my way were some of the nastiest I've ever received and I

> >responded very politely and then refused to engage after

> >that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some

> >boundaries, but then our correspondence was being given to

> >nada. Nada informed me she has this all in a file.

> >

> >During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A

> >which I have. I hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship

> >and indicated as much. At this point, nada informs me that A

> >and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am just like

> >someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family

> >for not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty

> >emails. What am I supposed to think? How should I have

> >responded to this? I was too stunned to say anything, but may

> >actually bring it up to nada.

> >

> >I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

> >

> >And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this

> >and I am surely busted.

> >

> >Thanks,

> >PC

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

PC<

I think your nada isn't the only BPD in your family. I think A might be too. As

far as your nada comparing you to A, of course she would do that. best way to

insult someone is to say they are just like someone they abhore. That puts you

immediatly on the defensive, implying that you are ultimately unlikeable.

C

>

> The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my extended family,

the more I just can't trust people. I used to be very social and have tons of

friends. We now live in an area where we share few common interests with people

in the community and I am just having problems trusting anyone. Additionally, I

just fear acting like nada when I'm in public and get very nervous when I talk

to someone--what if I just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just

hurt their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a great way to

make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but years of her analyzing every

thing I say and finding hidden meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the

same.

>

> I recently found out that during an extended NC period from nada that a

relative (call her A) was not only feeding her information about me from fb, but

giving her printouts of an unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I

unfriended A after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this got

ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't see the big deal if

I unfriended this person. The emails she sent my way were some of the nastiest

I've ever received and I responded very politely and then refused to engage

after that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some boundaries,

but then our correspondence was being given to nada. Nada informed me she has

this all in a file.

>

> During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A which I have. I

hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship and indicated as much. At this

point, nada informs me that A and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am

just like someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family for

not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty emails. What am I

supposed to think? How should I have responded to this? I was too stunned to

say anything, but may actually bring it up to nada.

>

> I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

>

> And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this and I am surely

busted.

>

> Thanks,

> PC

>

[Guest guest]

PC<

I think your nada isn't the only BPD in your family. I think A might be too. As

far as your nada comparing you to A, of course she would do that. best way to

insult someone is to say they are just like someone they abhore. That puts you

immediatly on the defensive, implying that you are ultimately unlikeable.

C

>

> The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my extended family,

the more I just can't trust people. I used to be very social and have tons of

friends. We now live in an area where we share few common interests with people

in the community and I am just having problems trusting anyone. Additionally, I

just fear acting like nada when I'm in public and get very nervous when I talk

to someone--what if I just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just

hurt their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a great way to

make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but years of her analyzing every

thing I say and finding hidden meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the

same.

>

> I recently found out that during an extended NC period from nada that a

relative (call her A) was not only feeding her information about me from fb, but

giving her printouts of an unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I

unfriended A after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this got

ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't see the big deal if

I unfriended this person. The emails she sent my way were some of the nastiest

I've ever received and I responded very politely and then refused to engage

after that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some boundaries,

but then our correspondence was being given to nada. Nada informed me she has

this all in a file.

>

> During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A which I have. I

hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship and indicated as much. At this

point, nada informs me that A and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am

just like someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family for

not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty emails. What am I

supposed to think? How should I have responded to this? I was too stunned to

say anything, but may actually bring it up to nada.

>

> I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

>

> And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this and I am surely

busted.

>

> Thanks,

> PC

>

[Guest guest]

PC<

I think your nada isn't the only BPD in your family. I think A might be too. As

far as your nada comparing you to A, of course she would do that. best way to

insult someone is to say they are just like someone they abhore. That puts you

immediatly on the defensive, implying that you are ultimately unlikeable.

C

>

> The more I know about the betrayals and backstabbing in my extended family,

the more I just can't trust people. I used to be very social and have tons of

friends. We now live in an area where we share few common interests with people

in the community and I am just having problems trusting anyone. Additionally, I

just fear acting like nada when I'm in public and get very nervous when I talk

to someone--what if I just said something totally inappropriate? What if I just

hurt their feelings dreadfully? So I just don't say much. Not a great way to

make friends. I didn't use to be like this, but years of her analyzing every

thing I say and finding hidden meanings makes me feel like everyone is doing the

same.

>

> I recently found out that during an extended NC period from nada that a

relative (call her A) was not only feeding her information about me from fb, but

giving her printouts of an unfortunate email correspondence that we had. I

unfriended A after I realized that my privacy was being violated and this got

ugly really fast. I haven't seen A in many years so didn't see the big deal if

I unfriended this person. The emails she sent my way were some of the nastiest

I've ever received and I responded very politely and then refused to engage

after that. So not only was A attacking me for trying to set some boundaries,

but then our correspondence was being given to nada. Nada informed me she has

this all in a file.

>

> During a recent conversation, nada demanded that I forgive A which I have. I

hold no grudges, but don't want a relationship and indicated as much. At this

point, nada informs me that A and I are " very similar " . So I was told that I am

just like someone that I don't like?!?! A has a reputation in the family for

not being very nice and just fires off incredibly nasty emails. What am I

supposed to think? How should I have responded to this? I was too stunned to

say anything, but may actually bring it up to nada.

>

> I can't trust anyone. I am alone.

>

> And if nada has found this forum, she will see herself in this and I am surely

busted.

>

> Thanks,

> PC

>