Re: Feeling like s***

[Guest guest]

I think you are perfectly justified in your feelings of hurt, outrage and

betrayal. You were and are being betrayed and exploited by your own mother.

Your description of the physical deprivation you endured makes it sound like you

grew up in some ascetic, penurious cult-like environment, or some third-world

prison compound; actually, prisoners here in the US have a better quality of

life/standard of living than you were. And now your nada is living " the life of

Riley " in a luxurious hotel-like residential care home and spending all the

money she had promised to you, earlier.

Me personally, I wouldn't blame you at all for going totally No Contact.

I'm so sad that you had such a bleak childhood, that your own mother starved you

for affection and nurturing, made you suffer physical deprivation, and basically

treats you the way con-artists treat their " marks. " To me, that's just evil.

This type of behavior is not so much due to mental illness (in my opinion) as to

a corrupt, evil soul. Kind of on the same level as a pedophile; they KNOW its

wrong but pedophiles exploit their children (and other children) anyway,

sexually, for their own pleasure. Because they can. Because their little child

trusts them, wants to please them and receive mommy's or daddy's attention and

affection. Its pure, total, malignant self-absorption, the psychopath's own

pleasures and demands ALWAYS come first and anyone who gets in the way of the

psychopath getting what she wants when she wants it will get pushed under the

bus (or into the lion pit, or over the cliff)... cheerfully.

These rejecting, emotionally cold and exploitative nadas seem to deeply resent

their child's very existence and feel *entitled* to make their child suffer and

*pay* for simply having been born. My own guess is that these exploitative

nadas probably have more narcissistic traits and even antisocial or psychopathic

traits. Its the blatant lack of empathy that seems to indicate that, to me.

The Witch bpd nadas are sort of like a monitor lizard: she lays her eggs,

wanders off to feed and perhaps reproduce again, then if she's hungry enough,

she'll wander back to her own nest and eat her own eggs and hatchlings. Because

she can. Because her babies are there where she left them. Because they're too

little to fight back or run away. (And she can always lay more eggs.)

There are so many stories here that are so similar to yours, it just makes me

sad.

-Annie

>

> I'm feeling shit. I don't know why but i've been getting worked up. I've

just started a new job so feel under pressure. I don't want to mess up and

often it's times like this that nada's negative influence comes into sabotage

things for me.

>

> Nada is living in a residential home being paid for out of the money my father

saved over a period of about 50 years. He worked as a spraypainter so wasn't in

a well-paid job. They owned a house which was given to them by my paternal

grandfather who had been seriously injured in WW1 and was in receipt of 100%

pension as a result. She now plans to sell the house when all the savings have

run out in order for her to continue living in the rest home. There's nothing

wrong with her. She doesn't need to be there. She's lonely and the staff give

her attention. That's the only reason she's there. She's been there 2 years and

is only 82 now (she's the youngest there by about 10 years!)

>

> When i was young (i've posted this before), I was only allowed one bath and

hairwash a week (this was up until i left at the age of 21). I bought a clock

radio which Nada insisted on turning off during the day because it cost money!

I used to have to reset the clock every night before I went to bed (hard work as

they used to be very fiddly!) I was only allowed to use the hairdryer for 10

minutes and i could only have one light on at a time ...if left my bedroom to go

to the toilet i had to turn the light off before i turned the other one on.

Even if i was using cold water i'd be told off for letting the tap run (there

was a fixed charge ...we weren't on a meter, so it made no difference as to how

much we paid). My bedroom was the only room in the house with no radiator when

they had central heating put in. This and being got at 24 hours a day made my

life hell and i was relieved to eventually get out aged 21. I'm now 51.

>

> Then 8 years ago my father died. After this, Nada started talking about the

way she'd treated me, justifying it by saying " all that money we saved by not

letting you do things will come to you when I die " (!!!) She was obviously

dependent on me now Fada had died. I knew it was crap and she was trying to

msnipulate me, but I was stupid enough to believe that she intended to leave her

money to me. Now she's living in this home and that's all been forgotten. She

even suggested my husband and I take out a second mortgage on her house so she

doesn't have to sell it! (She's got tenants living there at the moment, but

their rent only covers half the fees she's paying at the home).

>

> I'm outraged at the way she's treating me (though it's not a surprise and it's

no different to how badly she's always treated me!) When I mentioned to her all

that crap she spewed after Fada died about all the money coming to me, she tried

to make out she couldn't remember saying it (surprise! surprise!) When I

reminded her of how badly she treated me when I was young and living at her

house she replied " that's all in the past " .

>

> Words can't describe how angry, hurt and outraged I feel. I've had enough and

just want to go nc with her for good.

>

[Guest guest]

Jeanie, I've never believed that I will get anything from my mother when she

dies, in fact I will be amazed it doesn't COST me me money to deal with settling

her affairs at the end. Still I totally understand your outrage, maybe some

part of you wanted to believe her that she actually intended her insane saving

techniques to be of mutual benefit. And now the other shoe has dropped. Still

if she's in a nursing home being cared for professionally and you don't have to

care for her or go through torture trying to get her out of her home into a

nursing home, you have already been spared more pain than you can imagine. Just

know however she's acting that it's no reflection on your value, not now, not

ever. Don't listen to crazy people

Eliza

>

> I'm feeling shit. I don't know why but i've been getting worked up. I've

just started a new job so feel under pressure. I don't want to mess up and

often it's times like this that nada's negative influence comes into sabotage

things for me.

>

> Nada is living in a residential home being paid for out of the money my father

saved over a period of about 50 years. He worked as a spraypainter so wasn't in

a well-paid job. They owned a house which was given to them by my paternal

grandfather who had been seriously injured in WW1 and was in receipt of 100%

pension as a result. She now plans to sell the house when all the savings have

run out in order for her to continue living in the rest home. There's nothing

wrong with her. She doesn't need to be there. She's lonely and the staff give

her attention. That's the only reason she's there. She's been there 2 years and

is only 82 now (she's the youngest there by about 10 years!)

>

> When i was young (i've posted this before), I was only allowed one bath and

hairwash a week (this was up until i left at the age of 21). I bought a clock

radio which Nada insisted on turning off during the day because it cost money!

I used to have to reset the clock every night before I went to bed (hard work as

they used to be very fiddly!) I was only allowed to use the hairdryer for 10

minutes and i could only have one light on at a time ...if left my bedroom to go

to the toilet i had to turn the light off before i turned the other one on.

Even if i was using cold water i'd be told off for letting the tap run (there

was a fixed charge ...we weren't on a meter, so it made no difference as to how

much we paid). My bedroom was the only room in the house with no radiator when

they had central heating put in. This and being got at 24 hours a day made my

life hell and i was relieved to eventually get out aged 21. I'm now 51.

>

> Then 8 years ago my father died. After this, Nada started talking about the

way she'd treated me, justifying it by saying " all that money we saved by not

letting you do things will come to you when I die " (!!!) She was obviously

dependent on me now Fada had died. I knew it was crap and she was trying to

msnipulate me, but I was stupid enough to believe that she intended to leave her

money to me. Now she's living in this home and that's all been forgotten. She

even suggested my husband and I take out a second mortgage on her house so she

doesn't have to sell it! (She's got tenants living there at the moment, but

their rent only covers half the fees she's paying at the home).

>

> I'm outraged at the way she's treating me (though it's not a surprise and it's

no different to how badly she's always treated me!) When I mentioned to her all

that crap she spewed after Fada died about all the money coming to me, she tried

to make out she couldn't remember saying it (surprise! surprise!) When I

reminded her of how badly she treated me when I was young and living at her

house she replied " that's all in the past " .

>

> Words can't describe how angry, hurt and outraged I feel. I've had enough and

just want to go nc with her for good.

>

[Guest guest]

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Echo,

> > >

> > > This is good advice. My nada tried the same thing with me. I know she

doesn't have enough saved for retirement, but she always tried to use it to her

advantage. She told me if I took care of her and moved her in with my DH and I,

she would be able to give this grand inheritance to me someday. Ha. Not only was

it totally unrealistic, it was a lie.

> > >

> > > One of the greatest things I was ever able to do was to tell her to stick

her money. I told her I didn't need it and I didn't want it. Her response-RAGE.

Isn't it interesting how they act like this for years, and then what do you

hear? " You're just waiting for me to die, because all you want is my money! "

I got this from nada several years ago, even though they are poor as church

mice.

I thought I got treated crappily, with the water rationing, etc. but not to even

put a heater in your child's room just floors me.

I'm so sorry.

--

[Guest guest]

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Echo,

> > > >

> > > > This is good advice. My nada tried the same thing with me. I know she

doesn't have enough saved for retirement, but she always tried to use it to her

advantage. She told me if I took care of her and moved her in with my DH and I,

she would be able to give this grand inheritance to me someday. Ha. Not only was

it totally unrealistic, it was a lie.

> > > >

> > > > One of the greatest things I was ever able to do was to tell her to

stick her money. I told her I didn't need it and I didn't want it. Her

response-RAGE.

>

>

>

> Isn't it interesting how they act like this for years, and then what do you

hear? " You're just waiting for me to die, because all you want is my money! "

>

> I got this from nada several years ago, even though they are poor as church

mice.

>

> I thought I got treated crappily, with the water rationing, etc. but not to

even put a heater in your child's room just floors me.

>

> I'm so sorry.

>

> --

>

Thanks . Were you water and electicity-rationed too? I haven't met anyone

else, not even on here, who had to put up with that (not that i'm minimising the

various crap that was dumped on other people on here). If you had to endure

that too, i'd be interested to hear about it.

Jeanie

[Guest guest]

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Echo,

> > > >

> > > > This is good advice. My nada tried the same thing with me. I know she

doesn't have enough saved for retirement, but she always tried to use it to her

advantage. She told me if I took care of her and moved her in with my DH and I,

she would be able to give this grand inheritance to me someday. Ha. Not only was

it totally unrealistic, it was a lie.

> > > >

> > > > One of the greatest things I was ever able to do was to tell her to

stick her money. I told her I didn't need it and I didn't want it. Her

response-RAGE.

>

>

>

> Isn't it interesting how they act like this for years, and then what do you

hear? " You're just waiting for me to die, because all you want is my money! "

>

> I got this from nada several years ago, even though they are poor as church

mice.

>

> I thought I got treated crappily, with the water rationing, etc. but not to

even put a heater in your child's room just floors me.

>

> I'm so sorry.

>

> --

>

Thanks . Were you water and electicity-rationed too? I haven't met anyone

else, not even on here, who had to put up with that (not that i'm minimising the

various crap that was dumped on other people on here). If you had to endure

that too, i'd be interested to hear about it.

Jeanie

[Guest guest]

I don't think my parents were any weirder about food or electricity usage than

normal parents. But water! OMG.

--.

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah. Toilet paper and pads... I was never beaten, but I did get the words. I

wonder if she didn't beat me just because her words affected me strongly enough

that she didn't have to?

I was actually " allowed " to use three squares. And I always tried to make my

pads go as far as they could. I remember, in high school, I'd change pads once

or twice a day. Even today, those ideas are in the back of my head. " Don't use

too many pads and be careful of how much toilet paper you're using. Three

squares is enough. "  

________________________________

I would constantly be in turmoil about my period. I had a heavy flow and if I

used " too " many pads she would beat the shit out of me. Only one square of

toilet paper was too be used. Never did she ever miss an opportunity to make me

do without necessitcies.

Talk about destroying your self to the point of feeling that you don't warrant

anything.

Sue

[Guest guest]

***MEN MAY WISH TO SKIP THIS POST***

Oh my God, the period stuff!

That time of the month was always a source of much nervousness on my part,

because I was not allowed to discard a pad that wasn't full enough. The rub

there, of course, is one's own idea of " full enough " vs. nada's idea of " full

enough. "

When I would need to change, I would be asked, " Is it going bad? " (i.e., how

heavy is your flow?) And I never knew how to answer. Because if I said " yes, "

even if *I* thought I had a pretty heavy flow, there was the strong and

unpleasant possibility that she would look at my pad and roar, " NO, IT ISN'T!!!

YOU'RE WASTING PADS!! " And I never knew what the magic amount of discharge that

qualified as " enough " was supposed to be. And I tried to wrap things well

enough before discarding them, because otherwise, you never know, I may be

confronted with a used sanitary napkin and yelled at: " Don't do this!!! You're

wasting them!!! " and then have to overhear my grandmother being told all about

it on the telephone in the most derogatory fashion, and then be told over dinner

exactly what grandma had had to say about it after nada called her up and got

her all riled up at me.

UGH!!

Those were the days...

--

[Guest guest]

> >

> >

> > When My nada divorced my fada she told us that the heater was broken. The

house was freezing I'd wake up and see my breathe. When she'd get up or come

home from work she'd turn on the thermostat. Amazing how it worked when she

wanted it. One time I was absolutely freezing and so I turned it on when she

came home and saw what I had done she beat the hell out of me. I never in my

life was given a lunch. When I graduated I weighed 90 lbs. If she felt that I

ate too much she physically beat the hell out of me. One time I told me

classmates I was hungry one of them called to prepare me a lunch. My nada

insisted that she'd make me an olives sandwich. My face showed my disgust what

an alcoholic SOB.

> > My mothers group laughed like hell when I told them about the fact that we

froze from Sept. until Xmas. All because my nada had to " give " to us as

" presents " a sweater, mittens, a hat, pajamas.

> > I would constantly be in turmoil about my period. I had a heavy flow and if

I used " too " many pads she would beat the shit out of me. Only one square of

toilet paper was too be used. Never did she ever miss an opportunity to make me

do without necessitcies.

> > Talk about destroying your self to the point of feeling that you don't

warrant anything.

> > Sue

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your mother and grandmother are assholes. That is not how you treat your child

if you love them and care about their feelings; that's the way you treat someone

that you hate, someone you are really envious of, someone you resent, or

someone whose will you want to break. Its nasty bullying behavior, more like

schoolyard bullying than like the behavior of a loving parent.

I'm sorry you had to experience that kind of emotional abuse from your own

mother and grandmother. What a couple of jerk-wads. Women can be jerks and

assholes too, in my opinion.

Here's a suggestion: buy a whole pack of toilet paper, and unwind every roll,

and and then roll around in the big pile of paper like its snow or fall leaves.

Play with it. Make paper flowers out of it. Make confetti out of it. Use a

big fist-full of the paper each time you go to the bathroom. Each time you

dispose of the tp, say something like, " Screw you, nada, you witch, and the

broom you rode in on. I can use as much damned toilet paper as I want to. You

aren't the boss of me. I bought this paper, and its mine to use as much or as

little as I please. "

Take your adult power away from nada by demonstrating to yourself that your

nada's oppressive, denigrating control over you is broken.

-Annie

> >

> > ***MEN MAY WISH TO SKIP THIS POST***

> >

> > Oh my God, the period stuff!

> >

> > That time of the month was always a source of much nervousness on my part,

because I was not allowed to discard a pad that wasn't full enough. The rub

there, of course, is one's own idea of " full enough " vs. nada's idea of " full

enough. "

> >

> > When I would need to change, I would be asked, " Is it going bad? " (i.e., how

heavy is your flow?) And I never knew how to answer. Because if I said " yes, "

even if *I* thought I had a pretty heavy flow, there was the strong and

unpleasant possibility that she would look at my pad and roar, " NO, IT ISN'T!!!

YOU'RE WASTING PADS!! " And I never knew what the magic amount of discharge that

qualified as " enough " was supposed to be. And I tried to wrap things well

enough before discarding them, because otherwise, you never know, I may be

confronted with a used sanitary napkin and yelled at: " Don't do this!!! You're

wasting them!!! " and then have to overhear my grandmother being told all about

it on the telephone in the most derogatory fashion, and then be told over dinner

exactly what grandma had had to say about it after nada called her up and got

her all riled up at me.

> >

> > UGH!!

> >

> > Those were the days...

> >

> > --

> >

>