Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 Nada called my home tonight, leaving a message that fada was in the hospital with a suspected heart issue, and " CALL ME " and " I am sure he would want you to know. " No effing way did I call her--she'd somehow turn her fears into some criticism of me and accusation that I am just being difficult. This is nada 101--she's scared, and snaps at the first target to dump her fear on. I wasn't about to walk into that one for the thousandth time. Sis contacted me later with the pertinent info. Fada's having tests, they want him in hospital for an early stress test and surgery if necessary. I called and spoke with him for the first time in 8 months, first time since he told me to 'blow it out my ass' and his baptism. He spent much time volunteering his new found religious beliefs (I told him I was happy he had found community). Then he said " I wish you had been there. " and I replied, " Well, I wasn't invited. " Pause. Then he says " Aw come on, family doesn't need an invite. " & how he is worried about me. I can't muster enough energy to count the ways his 'care' has proven short. Yeah, we are just one big happy family. No need to do any work to make a relationship work--it just should " be " on its own. I wish him well, hope he is ok, but am determined to not get sucked in to the drama again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 Echo, that must've been soooo hard for you not to call back. Good for you for being strong. I totally know what you mean; it would've been an opportunity for nada to rip into you. > > Nada called my home tonight, leaving a message that fada was in the hospital with a suspected heart issue, and " CALL ME " and " I am sure he would want you to know. " No effing way did I call her--she'd somehow turn her fears into some criticism of me and accusation that I am just being difficult. This is nada 101--she's scared, and snaps at the first target to dump her fear on. I wasn't about to walk into that one for the thousandth time. > > Sis contacted me later with the pertinent info. Fada's having tests, they want him in hospital for an early stress test and surgery if necessary. I called and spoke with him for the first time in 8 months, first time since he told me to 'blow it out my ass' and his baptism. He spent much time volunteering his new found religious beliefs (I told him I was happy he had found community). Then he said " I wish you had been there. " and I replied, " Well, I wasn't invited. " Pause. Then he says " Aw come on, family doesn't need an invite. " & how he is worried about me. I can't muster enough energy to count the ways his 'care' has proven short. > > Yeah, we are just one big happy family. No need to do any work to make a relationship work--it just should " be " on its own. I wish him well, hope he is ok, but am determined to not get sucked in to the drama again. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 Echo, that must've been soooo hard for you not to call back. Good for you for being strong. I totally know what you mean; it would've been an opportunity for nada to rip into you. > > Nada called my home tonight, leaving a message that fada was in the hospital with a suspected heart issue, and " CALL ME " and " I am sure he would want you to know. " No effing way did I call her--she'd somehow turn her fears into some criticism of me and accusation that I am just being difficult. This is nada 101--she's scared, and snaps at the first target to dump her fear on. I wasn't about to walk into that one for the thousandth time. > > Sis contacted me later with the pertinent info. Fada's having tests, they want him in hospital for an early stress test and surgery if necessary. I called and spoke with him for the first time in 8 months, first time since he told me to 'blow it out my ass' and his baptism. He spent much time volunteering his new found religious beliefs (I told him I was happy he had found community). Then he said " I wish you had been there. " and I replied, " Well, I wasn't invited. " Pause. Then he says " Aw come on, family doesn't need an invite. " & how he is worried about me. I can't muster enough energy to count the ways his 'care' has proven short. > > Yeah, we are just one big happy family. No need to do any work to make a relationship work--it just should " be " on its own. I wish him well, hope he is ok, but am determined to not get sucked in to the drama again. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 You really think so? I hadn't thought of it as courage, I was thinking of it as me finally giving myself permission to take the easy way out. I no longer feel driven to beat my head against the wall again, I know the wall is immobile and I'm tired of dealing with the head trauma afterward. Thanks for helping me realize this new attitude is actually a place of strength. I have been the enmeshed 'truth teller' for most of my life. Nada always had me playing peacemaker whenever her queen behaviors trampled the others--I was her 'PR' agent, explaining " aw, she didn't mean it like that. " While I had her ear, it made me feel special to her, powerful in a way that I could say difficult things to her and not get snapped at--I thought we were acting as equals. Being nada's right hand man is a very seductive role, one I was well trained to play. It was only being put into the dung child role that finally allowed me to wake up. Fada is a Dependent Personality that has slowly but surely abdicated all his wants and needs to supporting his queen--even to the point of denying his only biological child. The description of the Huntsman in UtBM describes him to a " T " . Since he and I fought the good fight together all those years ago, walking on eggshells together to avoid nada's wrath, his complete defection of me hurt me terribly. He has been one of my favorite walls to run my head into--I think I have finally started accepting his loss. > > > > Nada called my home tonight, leaving a message that fada was in the hospital with a suspected heart issue, and " CALL ME " and " I am sure he would want you to know. " No effing way did I call her--she'd somehow turn her fears into some criticism of me and accusation that I am just being difficult. This is nada 101--she's scared, and snaps at the first target to dump her fear on. I wasn't about to walk into that one for the thousandth time. > > > > Sis contacted me later with the pertinent info. Fada's having tests, they want him in hospital for an early stress test and surgery if necessary. I called and spoke with him for the first time in 8 months, first time since he told me to 'blow it out my ass' and his baptism. He spent much time volunteering his new found religious beliefs (I told him I was happy he had found community). Then he said " I wish you had been there. " and I replied, " Well, I wasn't invited. " Pause. Then he says " Aw come on, family doesn't need an invite. " & how he is worried about me. I can't muster enough energy to count the ways his 'care' has proven short. > > > > Yeah, we are just one big happy family. No need to do any work to make a relationship work--it just should " be " on its own. I wish him well, hope he is ok, but am determined to not get sucked in to the drama again. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 You really think so? I hadn't thought of it as courage, I was thinking of it as me finally giving myself permission to take the easy way out. I no longer feel driven to beat my head against the wall again, I know the wall is immobile and I'm tired of dealing with the head trauma afterward. Thanks for helping me realize this new attitude is actually a place of strength. I have been the enmeshed 'truth teller' for most of my life. Nada always had me playing peacemaker whenever her queen behaviors trampled the others--I was her 'PR' agent, explaining " aw, she didn't mean it like that. " While I had her ear, it made me feel special to her, powerful in a way that I could say difficult things to her and not get snapped at--I thought we were acting as equals. Being nada's right hand man is a very seductive role, one I was well trained to play. It was only being put into the dung child role that finally allowed me to wake up. Fada is a Dependent Personality that has slowly but surely abdicated all his wants and needs to supporting his queen--even to the point of denying his only biological child. The description of the Huntsman in UtBM describes him to a " T " . Since he and I fought the good fight together all those years ago, walking on eggshells together to avoid nada's wrath, his complete defection of me hurt me terribly. He has been one of my favorite walls to run my head into--I think I have finally started accepting his loss. > > > > Nada called my home tonight, leaving a message that fada was in the hospital with a suspected heart issue, and " CALL ME " and " I am sure he would want you to know. " No effing way did I call her--she'd somehow turn her fears into some criticism of me and accusation that I am just being difficult. This is nada 101--she's scared, and snaps at the first target to dump her fear on. I wasn't about to walk into that one for the thousandth time. > > > > Sis contacted me later with the pertinent info. Fada's having tests, they want him in hospital for an early stress test and surgery if necessary. I called and spoke with him for the first time in 8 months, first time since he told me to 'blow it out my ass' and his baptism. He spent much time volunteering his new found religious beliefs (I told him I was happy he had found community). Then he said " I wish you had been there. " and I replied, " Well, I wasn't invited. " Pause. Then he says " Aw come on, family doesn't need an invite. " & how he is worried about me. I can't muster enough energy to count the ways his 'care' has proven short. > > > > Yeah, we are just one big happy family. No need to do any work to make a relationship work--it just should " be " on its own. I wish him well, hope he is ok, but am determined to not get sucked in to the drama again. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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