What a long strange trip its been

[Guest guest]

Hi Group,

Girlscout is baaaaaaaaack

For those of you who don't know me, I've been part of the group for 4-5

years. I took a break most of the fall and winter, life spun out of

control. I'm the daughter of a witch/queen bpd, grandaughter of a waif, and

my dad, who was the " sane " influence in my life was a horrible enabler who

made me the adult while the queen/witch got to be the baby of the family.

I've been NC with my mother since 2003, 9 years ago, when she lashed out at

me during my divorce. I went NC with my dad . . .hmmm . . . maybe 4 years

ago when I discovered I was unable to have a relationship with him without

him forcing my mother into it at every step. Leaving my dad behind was

incredibly difficult. Walking away from my mother was incredibly easy. . I

don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

Anyway, i thought some of my friends here would like an update of the past

5 or so months for me. I haven't had time to log on. I think when you see

what life has had in store you will see why.

At the end of October 2011, I was laid off from a job I had held

successfully for 5 years.

I immediately started my own business, in fact, I new my company wasn't

doing well and I had most of my business plan and marketing materials done

before they laid me off.

I took the GRE for a second time in December, I studied about 15 hours a

week for four months.

I increased my score by 40 %

In December and January, I applied to 6 graduate programs.

I applied for about 120 jobs.

I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying on january 21

I separated from my partner of 7 years on January 3 2012 (i was pregnant

but did not yet know), he just wasn't doing his part to make our lives

successful.

I was incredibly incredibly incredibly sick from january 1 through the end

of february.

At the end of February, i found out I was pregnant with mono-amniotic twins

(2 babies in a single amniotic sac) they were not viable.

I discovered I was sick beyond all reasonable expectation because I had

double the amount of pregnancy hormone, due to 2 fetuses, not one.

I hired a friend to help me run my business, because I was entirely too

sick to do so alone in early Feb/late jan

I miscarried on March 3rd and reunited with my partner, who got serious

about participating in counseling and started taking responsibility for his

own life, rather than letting me carry all of the burden.

I was accepted into a graduate program, master's in counseling psychology

in Mid March

I continue to be self employed, it is really really really hard and

stressful,but I'm managing. I hate monday through friday.

I found a business coach

I just can't wait for school to start in August so that I can feel like I'm

part of something again.

I'm hoping that if my partner can continue to make progress and overcome

his issues that I will become pregnant again (no thanks to twins)

I lost a close friend - I had to fire the girl I hired to help me because

she didn't show up for work or check on me at all (just disappeared) in the

business days after my miscarriage. i can't imagine a greater betrayal,

she knew what was going on and didn't even ASK how I was doing. She just

didn't show up for work - - no work ethic and no friendship commitment

either.

I am still directing a dance company, in fact, I performed 2 times while I

was pregnant. The girls in my company have no idea that I was ever pregnant

or ill.

I rented my home (I live with my boyfriend and rent out the home I own on

the other side of town). I rented it yesterday and it developed into a

bidding war, i'm struggling because the people who didn't win the war were

really really pissed off at me and not at all shy about showing their

feelings. It upset me.

What else? I don't know? It's been a really strange few seasons. While I

was pregnant I was absolutely terrified that my " parents " would find out. I

don't know what I would do if they did. I have a very public job and appear

on TV fairly regularly. If they found out then they would stalk me for the

rest of my life.

What a long, strange trip its been. Right now I'm trying to run my

business, deal with the insecurity of being self-employed that leaves me in

a constant state of panic, and just enjoy having time for myself in the

interim. I'm trying not to take on too much and just focus on taking care

of my body and rebuilding my relationship.

Anyway, sorry I haven't been able to log on - with everything going on -

and basically, a whole new life, i just haven't had the time. I've missed

you all!

Girlscout

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's a lot you've had going on! I'm sorry about your

miscarriage. That must have been a terrible experience. I hope

things work out well with your partner and with your business.

It is really a shame that so many of us live in fear of our

nadas and fadas finding out what's going on in our lives?

Whether or not we have contact with them, I think most of us are

hiding a lot of stuff from them because the more knowledge they

have, the worse they behave.

At 04:37 PM 04/22/2012 Girlscout Cowboy wrote:

>Hi Group,

>Girlscout is baaaaaaaaack

>For those of you who don't know me, I've been part of the group

>for 4-5

>years. I took a break most of the fall and winter, life spun

>out of

>control. I'm the daughter of a witch/queen bpd, grandaughter of

>a waif, and

>my dad, who was the " sane " influence in my life was a horrible

>enabler who

>made me the adult while the queen/witch got to be the baby of

>the family.

>I've been NC with my mother since 2003, 9 years ago, when she

>lashed out at

>me during my divorce. I went NC with my dad . . .hmmm . . .

>maybe 4 years

>ago when I discovered I was unable to have a relationship with

>him without

>him forcing my mother into it at every step. Leaving my dad

>behind was

>incredibly difficult. Walking away from my mother was

>incredibly easy. . I

>don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

>

>Anyway, i thought some of my friends here would like an update

>of the past

>5 or so months for me. I haven't had time to log on. I think

>when you see

>what life has had in store you will see why.

>At the end of October 2011, I was laid off from a job I had

>held

>successfully for 5 years.

>I immediately started my own business, in fact, I new my

>company wasn't

>doing well and I had most of my business plan and marketing

>materials done

>before they laid me off.

>I took the GRE for a second time in December, I studied about

>15 hours a

>week for four months.

>I increased my score by 40 %

>In December and January, I applied to 6 graduate programs.

>I applied for about 120 jobs.

>I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying on january

>21

>I separated from my partner of 7 years on January 3 2012 (i

>was pregnant

>but did not yet know), he just wasn't doing his part to make

>our lives

>successful.

>I was incredibly incredibly incredibly sick from january 1

>through the end

>of february.

>At the end of February, i found out I was pregnant with

>mono-amniotic twins

>(2 babies in a single amniotic sac) they were not viable.

>I discovered I was sick beyond all reasonable expectation

>because I had

>double the amount of pregnancy hormone, due to 2 fetuses, not

>one.

>I hired a friend to help me run my business, because I was

>entirely too

>sick to do so alone in early Feb/late jan

>I miscarried on March 3rd and reunited with my partner, who got

>serious

>about participating in counseling and started taking

>responsibility for his

>own life, rather than letting me carry all of the burden.

>I was accepted into a graduate program, master's in counseling

>psychology

>in Mid March

>I continue to be self employed, it is really really really hard

>and

>stressful,but I'm managing. I hate monday through friday.

>I found a business coach

>I just can't wait for school to start in August so that I can

>feel like I'm

>part of something again.

>I'm hoping that if my partner can continue to make progress and

>overcome

>his issues that I will become pregnant again (no thanks to

>twins)

>I lost a close friend - I had to fire the girl I hired to help

>me because

>she didn't show up for work or check on me at all (just

>disappeared) in the

> business days after my miscarriage. i can't imagine a greater

> betrayal,

>she knew what was going on and didn't even ASK how I was doing.

>She just

>didn't show up for work - - no work ethic and no friendship

>commitment

>either.

>I am still directing a dance company, in fact, I performed 2

>times while I

>was pregnant. The girls in my company have no idea that I was

>ever pregnant

>or ill.

>I rented my home (I live with my boyfriend and rent out the

>home I own on

>the other side of town). I rented it yesterday and it developed

>into a

>bidding war, i'm struggling because the people who didn't win

>the war were

>really really pissed off at me and not at all shy about showing

>their

>feelings. It upset me.

>

>What else? I don't know? It's been a really strange few

>seasons. While I

>was pregnant I was absolutely terrified that my " parents " would

>find out. I

>don't know what I would do if they did. I have a very public

>job and appear

>on TV fairly regularly. If they found out then they would stalk

>me for the

>rest of my life.

>

>What a long, strange trip its been. Right now I'm trying to run

>my

>business, deal with the insecurity of being self-employed that

>leaves me in

>a constant state of panic, and just enjoy having time for

>myself in the

>interim. I'm trying not to take on too much and just focus on

>taking care

>of my body and rebuilding my relationship.

>

>Anyway, sorry I haven't been able to log on - with everything

>going on -

>and basically, a whole new life, i just haven't had the time.

>I've missed

>you all!

>Girlscout

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's a lot you've had going on! I'm sorry about your

miscarriage. That must have been a terrible experience. I hope

things work out well with your partner and with your business.

It is really a shame that so many of us live in fear of our

nadas and fadas finding out what's going on in our lives?

Whether or not we have contact with them, I think most of us are

hiding a lot of stuff from them because the more knowledge they

have, the worse they behave.

At 04:37 PM 04/22/2012 Girlscout Cowboy wrote:

>Hi Group,

>Girlscout is baaaaaaaaack

>For those of you who don't know me, I've been part of the group

>for 4-5

>years. I took a break most of the fall and winter, life spun

>out of

>control. I'm the daughter of a witch/queen bpd, grandaughter of

>a waif, and

>my dad, who was the " sane " influence in my life was a horrible

>enabler who

>made me the adult while the queen/witch got to be the baby of

>the family.

>I've been NC with my mother since 2003, 9 years ago, when she

>lashed out at

>me during my divorce. I went NC with my dad . . .hmmm . . .

>maybe 4 years

>ago when I discovered I was unable to have a relationship with

>him without

>him forcing my mother into it at every step. Leaving my dad

>behind was

>incredibly difficult. Walking away from my mother was

>incredibly easy. . I

>don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

>

>Anyway, i thought some of my friends here would like an update

>of the past

>5 or so months for me. I haven't had time to log on. I think

>when you see

>what life has had in store you will see why.

>At the end of October 2011, I was laid off from a job I had

>held

>successfully for 5 years.

>I immediately started my own business, in fact, I new my

>company wasn't

>doing well and I had most of my business plan and marketing

>materials done

>before they laid me off.

>I took the GRE for a second time in December, I studied about

>15 hours a

>week for four months.

>I increased my score by 40 %

>In December and January, I applied to 6 graduate programs.

>I applied for about 120 jobs.

>I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying on january

>21

>I separated from my partner of 7 years on January 3 2012 (i

>was pregnant

>but did not yet know), he just wasn't doing his part to make

>our lives

>successful.

>I was incredibly incredibly incredibly sick from january 1

>through the end

>of february.

>At the end of February, i found out I was pregnant with

>mono-amniotic twins

>(2 babies in a single amniotic sac) they were not viable.

>I discovered I was sick beyond all reasonable expectation

>because I had

>double the amount of pregnancy hormone, due to 2 fetuses, not

>one.

>I hired a friend to help me run my business, because I was

>entirely too

>sick to do so alone in early Feb/late jan

>I miscarried on March 3rd and reunited with my partner, who got

>serious

>about participating in counseling and started taking

>responsibility for his

>own life, rather than letting me carry all of the burden.

>I was accepted into a graduate program, master's in counseling

>psychology

>in Mid March

>I continue to be self employed, it is really really really hard

>and

>stressful,but I'm managing. I hate monday through friday.

>I found a business coach

>I just can't wait for school to start in August so that I can

>feel like I'm

>part of something again.

>I'm hoping that if my partner can continue to make progress and

>overcome

>his issues that I will become pregnant again (no thanks to

>twins)

>I lost a close friend - I had to fire the girl I hired to help

>me because

>she didn't show up for work or check on me at all (just

>disappeared) in the

> business days after my miscarriage. i can't imagine a greater

> betrayal,

>she knew what was going on and didn't even ASK how I was doing.

>She just

>didn't show up for work - - no work ethic and no friendship

>commitment

>either.

>I am still directing a dance company, in fact, I performed 2

>times while I

>was pregnant. The girls in my company have no idea that I was

>ever pregnant

>or ill.

>I rented my home (I live with my boyfriend and rent out the

>home I own on

>the other side of town). I rented it yesterday and it developed

>into a

>bidding war, i'm struggling because the people who didn't win

>the war were

>really really pissed off at me and not at all shy about showing

>their

>feelings. It upset me.

>

>What else? I don't know? It's been a really strange few

>seasons. While I

>was pregnant I was absolutely terrified that my " parents " would

>find out. I

>don't know what I would do if they did. I have a very public

>job and appear

>on TV fairly regularly. If they found out then they would stalk

>me for the

>rest of my life.

>

>What a long, strange trip its been. Right now I'm trying to run

>my

>business, deal with the insecurity of being self-employed that

>leaves me in

>a constant state of panic, and just enjoy having time for

>myself in the

>interim. I'm trying not to take on too much and just focus on

>taking care

>of my body and rebuilding my relationship.

>

>Anyway, sorry I haven't been able to log on - with everything

>going on -

>and basically, a whole new life, i just haven't had the time.

>I've missed

>you all!

>Girlscout

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's a lot you've had going on! I'm sorry about your

miscarriage. That must have been a terrible experience. I hope

things work out well with your partner and with your business.

It is really a shame that so many of us live in fear of our

nadas and fadas finding out what's going on in our lives?

Whether or not we have contact with them, I think most of us are

hiding a lot of stuff from them because the more knowledge they

have, the worse they behave.

At 04:37 PM 04/22/2012 Girlscout Cowboy wrote:

>Hi Group,

>Girlscout is baaaaaaaaack

>For those of you who don't know me, I've been part of the group

>for 4-5

>years. I took a break most of the fall and winter, life spun

>out of

>control. I'm the daughter of a witch/queen bpd, grandaughter of

>a waif, and

>my dad, who was the " sane " influence in my life was a horrible

>enabler who

>made me the adult while the queen/witch got to be the baby of

>the family.

>I've been NC with my mother since 2003, 9 years ago, when she

>lashed out at

>me during my divorce. I went NC with my dad . . .hmmm . . .

>maybe 4 years

>ago when I discovered I was unable to have a relationship with

>him without

>him forcing my mother into it at every step. Leaving my dad

>behind was

>incredibly difficult. Walking away from my mother was

>incredibly easy. . I

>don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

>

>Anyway, i thought some of my friends here would like an update

>of the past

>5 or so months for me. I haven't had time to log on. I think

>when you see

>what life has had in store you will see why.

>At the end of October 2011, I was laid off from a job I had

>held

>successfully for 5 years.

>I immediately started my own business, in fact, I new my

>company wasn't

>doing well and I had most of my business plan and marketing

>materials done

>before they laid me off.

>I took the GRE for a second time in December, I studied about

>15 hours a

>week for four months.

>I increased my score by 40 %

>In December and January, I applied to 6 graduate programs.

>I applied for about 120 jobs.

>I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying on january

>21

>I separated from my partner of 7 years on January 3 2012 (i

>was pregnant

>but did not yet know), he just wasn't doing his part to make

>our lives

>successful.

>I was incredibly incredibly incredibly sick from january 1

>through the end

>of february.

>At the end of February, i found out I was pregnant with

>mono-amniotic twins

>(2 babies in a single amniotic sac) they were not viable.

>I discovered I was sick beyond all reasonable expectation

>because I had

>double the amount of pregnancy hormone, due to 2 fetuses, not

>one.

>I hired a friend to help me run my business, because I was

>entirely too

>sick to do so alone in early Feb/late jan

>I miscarried on March 3rd and reunited with my partner, who got

>serious

>about participating in counseling and started taking

>responsibility for his

>own life, rather than letting me carry all of the burden.

>I was accepted into a graduate program, master's in counseling

>psychology

>in Mid March

>I continue to be self employed, it is really really really hard

>and

>stressful,but I'm managing. I hate monday through friday.

>I found a business coach

>I just can't wait for school to start in August so that I can

>feel like I'm

>part of something again.

>I'm hoping that if my partner can continue to make progress and

>overcome

>his issues that I will become pregnant again (no thanks to

>twins)

>I lost a close friend - I had to fire the girl I hired to help

>me because

>she didn't show up for work or check on me at all (just

>disappeared) in the

> business days after my miscarriage. i can't imagine a greater

> betrayal,

>she knew what was going on and didn't even ASK how I was doing.

>She just

>didn't show up for work - - no work ethic and no friendship

>commitment

>either.

>I am still directing a dance company, in fact, I performed 2

>times while I

>was pregnant. The girls in my company have no idea that I was

>ever pregnant

>or ill.

>I rented my home (I live with my boyfriend and rent out the

>home I own on

>the other side of town). I rented it yesterday and it developed

>into a

>bidding war, i'm struggling because the people who didn't win

>the war were

>really really pissed off at me and not at all shy about showing

>their

>feelings. It upset me.

>

>What else? I don't know? It's been a really strange few

>seasons. While I

>was pregnant I was absolutely terrified that my " parents " would

>find out. I

>don't know what I would do if they did. I have a very public

>job and appear

>on TV fairly regularly. If they found out then they would stalk

>me for the

>rest of my life.

>

>What a long, strange trip its been. Right now I'm trying to run

>my

>business, deal with the insecurity of being self-employed that

>leaves me in

>a constant state of panic, and just enjoy having time for

>myself in the

>interim. I'm trying not to take on too much and just focus on

>taking care

>of my body and rebuilding my relationship.

>

>Anyway, sorry I haven't been able to log on - with everything

>going on -

>and basically, a whole new life, i just haven't had the time.

>I've missed

>you all!

>Girlscout

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Hey, Girlscout!

I remember when you joined. Good to hear your update, though it sounds like you

have really been dealing with a lot of stress.

How are you looking after yourself? Do you still have a T to talk to? Are you

remembering to take time to nurture your spirit?

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Hey, Girlscout!

I remember when you joined. Good to hear your update, though it sounds like you

have really been dealing with a lot of stress.

How are you looking after yourself? Do you still have a T to talk to? Are you

remembering to take time to nurture your spirit?

Sveta

[Guest guest]

((((Girlscout))))) wow, holy moly, I don't think I've had that much going on in

my life...in all my life!!

I am so, so very sorry about your miscarriage and about your friend that

abandoned you. That must've felt awful.

But I'm so proud of you, of how proactive you are, and how you're moving ahead

despite how hard it is. I can imagine how utterly hard your own business must

be.

I'm really glad your partner has rededicated himself to you and your

relationship.

We've missed you so much, GS!!! Big hugs!!

Love,

Fiona

>

> Hi Group,

> Girlscout is baaaaaaaaack

> For those of you who don't know me, I've been part of the group for 4-5

> years. I took a break most of the fall and winter, life spun out of

> control. I'm the daughter of a witch/queen bpd, grandaughter of a waif, and

> my dad, who was the " sane " influence in my life was a horrible enabler who

> made me the adult while the queen/witch got to be the baby of the family.

> I've been NC with my mother since 2003, 9 years ago, when she lashed out at

> me during my divorce. I went NC with my dad . . .hmmm . . . maybe 4 years

> ago when I discovered I was unable to have a relationship with him without

> him forcing my mother into it at every step. Leaving my dad behind was

> incredibly difficult. Walking away from my mother was incredibly easy. . I

> don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

>

> Anyway, i thought some of my friends here would like an update of the past

> 5 or so months for me. I haven't had time to log on. I think when you see

> what life has had in store you will see why.

> At the end of October 2011, I was laid off from a job I had held

> successfully for 5 years.

> I immediately started my own business, in fact, I new my company wasn't

> doing well and I had most of my business plan and marketing materials done

> before they laid me off.

> I took the GRE for a second time in December, I studied about 15 hours a

> week for four months.

> I increased my score by 40 %

> In December and January, I applied to 6 graduate programs.

> I applied for about 120 jobs.

> I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying on january 21

> I separated from my partner of 7 years on January 3 2012 (i was pregnant

> but did not yet know), he just wasn't doing his part to make our lives

> successful.

> I was incredibly incredibly incredibly sick from january 1 through the end

> of february.

> At the end of February, i found out I was pregnant with mono-amniotic twins

> (2 babies in a single amniotic sac) they were not viable.

> I discovered I was sick beyond all reasonable expectation because I had

> double the amount of pregnancy hormone, due to 2 fetuses, not one.

> I hired a friend to help me run my business, because I was entirely too

> sick to do so alone in early Feb/late jan

> I miscarried on March 3rd and reunited with my partner, who got serious

> about participating in counseling and started taking responsibility for his

> own life, rather than letting me carry all of the burden.

> I was accepted into a graduate program, master's in counseling psychology

> in Mid March

> I continue to be self employed, it is really really really hard and

> stressful,but I'm managing. I hate monday through friday.

> I found a business coach

> I just can't wait for school to start in August so that I can feel like I'm

> part of something again.

> I'm hoping that if my partner can continue to make progress and overcome

> his issues that I will become pregnant again (no thanks to twins)

> I lost a close friend - I had to fire the girl I hired to help me because

> she didn't show up for work or check on me at all (just disappeared) in the

> business days after my miscarriage. i can't imagine a greater betrayal,

> she knew what was going on and didn't even ASK how I was doing. She just

> didn't show up for work - - no work ethic and no friendship commitment

> either.

> I am still directing a dance company, in fact, I performed 2 times while I

> was pregnant. The girls in my company have no idea that I was ever pregnant

> or ill.

> I rented my home (I live with my boyfriend and rent out the home I own on

> the other side of town). I rented it yesterday and it developed into a

> bidding war, i'm struggling because the people who didn't win the war were

> really really pissed off at me and not at all shy about showing their

> feelings. It upset me.

>

> What else? I don't know? It's been a really strange few seasons. While I

> was pregnant I was absolutely terrified that my " parents " would find out. I

> don't know what I would do if they did. I have a very public job and appear

> on TV fairly regularly. If they found out then they would stalk me for the

> rest of my life.

>

> What a long, strange trip its been. Right now I'm trying to run my

> business, deal with the insecurity of being self-employed that leaves me in

> a constant state of panic, and just enjoy having time for myself in the

> interim. I'm trying not to take on too much and just focus on taking care

> of my body and rebuilding my relationship.

>

> Anyway, sorry I haven't been able to log on - with everything going on -

> and basically, a whole new life, i just haven't had the time. I've missed

> you all!

> Girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi FI! I've missed you a lot! I see from the posts that you are continuing

to kick ass at life!!!! For whatever reason, ok, the reason is Nada who

chose to be the child while I was the adult, my middle name is

overachiever. In fact, one of my only two friends who even knew I was

pregnant said, " Twins, huh, of COURSE you couldn't just do one at a time! "

And he left it at that. Perfect response, really. HA HA. I didn't mean to

over do with the pregnancy - its just kind of the card I drew at my birth.

Next time around i will be more than happy with ONE.

GS

> **

>

>

> ((((Girlscout))))) wow, holy moly, I don't think I've had that much going

> on in my life...in all my life!!

>

> I am so, so very sorry about your miscarriage and about your friend that

> abandoned you. That must've felt awful.

>

> But I'm so proud of you, of how proactive you are, and how you're moving

> ahead despite how hard it is. I can imagine how utterly hard your own

> business must be.

>

> I'm really glad your partner has rededicated himself to you and your

> relationship.

>

> We've missed you so much, GS!!! Big hugs!!

>

> Love,

>

> Fiona

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Group,

> > Girlscout is baaaaaaaaack

> > For those of you who don't know me, I've been part of the group for 4-5

> > years. I took a break most of the fall and winter, life spun out of

> > control. I'm the daughter of a witch/queen bpd, grandaughter of a waif,

> and

> > my dad, who was the " sane " influence in my life was a horrible enabler

> who

> > made me the adult while the queen/witch got to be the baby of the family.

> > I've been NC with my mother since 2003, 9 years ago, when she lashed out

> at

> > me during my divorce. I went NC with my dad . . .hmmm . . . maybe 4 years

> > ago when I discovered I was unable to have a relationship with him

> without

> > him forcing my mother into it at every step. Leaving my dad behind was

> > incredibly difficult. Walking away from my mother was incredibly easy. .

> I

> > don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

> >

> > Anyway, i thought some of my friends here would like an update of the

> past

> > 5 or so months for me. I haven't had time to log on. I think when you see

> > what life has had in store you will see why.

> > At the end of October 2011, I was laid off from a job I had held

> > successfully for 5 years.

> > I immediately started my own business, in fact, I new my company wasn't

> > doing well and I had most of my business plan and marketing materials

> done

> > before they laid me off.

> > I took the GRE for a second time in December, I studied about 15 hours a

> > week for four months.

> > I increased my score by 40 %

> > In December and January, I applied to 6 graduate programs.

> > I applied for about 120 jobs.

> > I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying on january 21

> > I separated from my partner of 7 years on January 3 2012 (i was pregnant

> > but did not yet know), he just wasn't doing his part to make our lives

> > successful.

> > I was incredibly incredibly incredibly sick from january 1 through the

> end

> > of february.

> > At the end of February, i found out I was pregnant with mono-amniotic

> twins

> > (2 babies in a single amniotic sac) they were not viable.

> > I discovered I was sick beyond all reasonable expectation because I had

> > double the amount of pregnancy hormone, due to 2 fetuses, not one.

> > I hired a friend to help me run my business, because I was entirely too

> > sick to do so alone in early Feb/late jan

> > I miscarried on March 3rd and reunited with my partner, who got serious

> > about participating in counseling and started taking responsibility for

> his

> > own life, rather than letting me carry all of the burden.

> > I was accepted into a graduate program, master's in counseling psychology

> > in Mid March

> > I continue to be self employed, it is really really really hard and

> > stressful,but I'm managing. I hate monday through friday.

> > I found a business coach

> > I just can't wait for school to start in August so that I can feel like

> I'm

> > part of something again.

> > I'm hoping that if my partner can continue to make progress and overcome

> > his issues that I will become pregnant again (no thanks to twins)

> > I lost a close friend - I had to fire the girl I hired to help me because

> > she didn't show up for work or check on me at all (just disappeared) in

> the

> > business days after my miscarriage. i can't imagine a greater betrayal,

> > she knew what was going on and didn't even ASK how I was doing. She just

> > didn't show up for work - - no work ethic and no friendship commitment

> > either.

> > I am still directing a dance company, in fact, I performed 2 times while

> I

> > was pregnant. The girls in my company have no idea that I was ever

> pregnant

> > or ill.

> > I rented my home (I live with my boyfriend and rent out the home I own on

> > the other side of town). I rented it yesterday and it developed into a

> > bidding war, i'm struggling because the people who didn't win the war

> were

> > really really pissed off at me and not at all shy about showing their

> > feelings. It upset me.

> >

> > What else? I don't know? It's been a really strange few seasons. While I

> > was pregnant I was absolutely terrified that my " parents " would find

> out. I

> > don't know what I would do if they did. I have a very public job and

> appear

> > on TV fairly regularly. If they found out then they would stalk me for

> the

> > rest of my life.

> >

> > What a long, strange trip its been. Right now I'm trying to run my

> > business, deal with the insecurity of being self-employed that leaves me

> in

> > a constant state of panic, and just enjoy having time for myself in the

> > interim. I'm trying not to take on too much and just focus on taking care

> > of my body and rebuilding my relationship.

> >

> > Anyway, sorry I haven't been able to log on - with everything going on -

> > and basically, a whole new life, i just haven't had the time. I've missed

> > you all!

> > Girlscout

> >

> >

> >