My husband wants us to go away for a weekend

[Guest guest]

My husband wants to go away in June for a weekend, just the 2 of us.  

My first thought?  You got it. Nada.

I hate that my 1st thought is how to get around our weekly call on Sundays, and

dealing with her negativity.  And her reaction to us leaving our kids with

friends with kids their age, that we're not leaving them with her. 

I hate that my reaction's not, " yay, I get to spend time with my husband; oh,

and maybe we'll finally have sex! and watch what WE want on tv! "

In nada's book, any mother who is sexual, who shows affection to her husband,

who would leave her kids behind to cavort with her husband, is a not a good

mother.  

So...deeeeep breath.  

When he mentioned it, it triggered all the tension and stress I would feel all

throughout my marriage at feeling the pull between my husband and her crap.  I

hadn't felt that in a good, long while. It was unwelcome and distressful.

I've only recently felt like I was finally breaking free from that, but it's 1

step forward, 2 steps back.

Fiona

[Guest guest]

Then, this will be a really good exercise for you in establishing greater

emotional distance from your nada. As in, " My nada's opinion about what makes a

" good mother " are

ABSURD; they are beyond ridiculous. Its hard for me to not laugh openly at her

when she spouts such nonsense! "

Perhaps, in your mind's eye, try looking down at the top of your nada's head as

she is saying such ridiculous things to you, as though they are coming out of

the mouth of a toddler.

And go have a wonderful weekend with your loving husband; maybe think of this

as giving him a much-deserved treat for putting up with having a momzilla in

law. And think of this as giving your children a treat too: something that they

will enjoy immensely.

Its perfectly OK for SOME things to NOT be all about your nada. Truly, its OK.

Its BIZARRE for your nada to EXPECT that every aspect of your life would be all

about her!!!

I wouldn't even tell her about it until after its over, actually, if you could

manage it. That's a strategy my Sister and I started utilizing back about 10

years before nada's death; we just wouldn't tell nada the truth about when I was

arriving for a visit or departing, so I got to spend nada-free days with my

Sister and my Nephew without worrying about nada working herself up into a fit

of hysteria over being " left out. "

-Annie

>

> My husband wants to go away in June for a weekend, just the 2 of us.  

>

> My first thought?  You got it. Nada.

>

> I hate that my 1st thought is how to get around our weekly call on Sundays,

and dealing with her negativity.  And her reaction to us leaving our kids with

friends with kids their age, that we're not leaving them with her. 

>

> I hate that my reaction's not, " yay, I get to spend time with my husband; oh,

and maybe we'll finally have sex! and watch what WE want on tv! "

>

> In nada's book, any mother who is sexual, who shows affection to her husband,

who would leave her kids behind to cavort with her husband, is a not a good

mother.  

>

> So...deeeeep breath.  

>

> When he mentioned it, it triggered all the tension and stress I would feel all

throughout my marriage at feeling the pull between my husband and her crap.  I

hadn't felt that in a good, long while. It was unwelcome and distressful.

>

> I've only recently felt like I was finally breaking free from that, but it's 1

step forward, 2 steps back.

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

Then, this will be a really good exercise for you in establishing greater

emotional distance from your nada. As in, " My nada's opinion about what makes a

" good mother " are

ABSURD; they are beyond ridiculous. Its hard for me to not laugh openly at her

when she spouts such nonsense! "

Perhaps, in your mind's eye, try looking down at the top of your nada's head as

she is saying such ridiculous things to you, as though they are coming out of

the mouth of a toddler.

And go have a wonderful weekend with your loving husband; maybe think of this

as giving him a much-deserved treat for putting up with having a momzilla in

law. And think of this as giving your children a treat too: something that they

will enjoy immensely.

Its perfectly OK for SOME things to NOT be all about your nada. Truly, its OK.

Its BIZARRE for your nada to EXPECT that every aspect of your life would be all

about her!!!

I wouldn't even tell her about it until after its over, actually, if you could

manage it. That's a strategy my Sister and I started utilizing back about 10

years before nada's death; we just wouldn't tell nada the truth about when I was

arriving for a visit or departing, so I got to spend nada-free days with my

Sister and my Nephew without worrying about nada working herself up into a fit

of hysteria over being " left out. "

-Annie

>

> My husband wants to go away in June for a weekend, just the 2 of us.  

>

> My first thought?  You got it. Nada.

>

> I hate that my 1st thought is how to get around our weekly call on Sundays,

and dealing with her negativity.  And her reaction to us leaving our kids with

friends with kids their age, that we're not leaving them with her. 

>

> I hate that my reaction's not, " yay, I get to spend time with my husband; oh,

and maybe we'll finally have sex! and watch what WE want on tv! "

>

> In nada's book, any mother who is sexual, who shows affection to her husband,

who would leave her kids behind to cavort with her husband, is a not a good

mother.  

>

> So...deeeeep breath.  

>

> When he mentioned it, it triggered all the tension and stress I would feel all

throughout my marriage at feeling the pull between my husband and her crap.  I

hadn't felt that in a good, long while. It was unwelcome and distressful.

>

> I've only recently felt like I was finally breaking free from that, but it's 1

step forward, 2 steps back.

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your mother will find a way to survive without your weekly phone call. The world

will not collapse if you skip one.

It's a matter of convincing yourself of that truth. Will she like it? No. Will

she throw a tantrum about it? Probably.

But it's not your job to take care of her. It's your job to take care of you and

your marriage. Go have a good weekend, turn off your phones and don't tell her

where you're staying. She can call someone else while you're gone.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Fi, You can do it! Just go and don't say a word. Prepare a lie like stomach

flu for when you get back. None of her damned business.

> **

>

>

> Sveta,

>

> I know you're right, completely. I just don't want to deal with her

> " eruption. "

> Sigh. Why????? Why is she such a child, so needy?

>

> I wish I could run away and change all my contact info.

>

>

>

> >

> > Your mother will find a way to survive without your weekly phone call.

> The world will not collapse if you skip one.

> >

> > It's a matter of convincing yourself of that truth. Will she like it?

> No. Will she throw a tantrum about it? Probably.

> >

> > But it's not your job to take care of her. It's your job to take care of

> you and your marriage. Go have a good weekend, turn off your phones and

> don't tell her where you're staying. She can call someone else while you're

> gone.

> >

> > Sveta

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Fi, You can do it! Just go and don't say a word. Prepare a lie like stomach

flu for when you get back. None of her damned business.

> **

>

>

> Sveta,

>

> I know you're right, completely. I just don't want to deal with her

> " eruption. "

> Sigh. Why????? Why is she such a child, so needy?

>

> I wish I could run away and change all my contact info.

>

>

>

> >

> > Your mother will find a way to survive without your weekly phone call.

> The world will not collapse if you skip one.

> >

> > It's a matter of convincing yourself of that truth. Will she like it?

> No. Will she throw a tantrum about it? Probably.

> >

> > But it's not your job to take care of her. It's your job to take care of

> you and your marriage. Go have a good weekend, turn off your phones and

> don't tell her where you're staying. She can call someone else while you're

> gone.

> >

> > Sveta

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Speaking as a husband and dad:

GO.

I get to spend time with my husband; oh, and maybe we'll finally have

sex! and watch what WE want on tv! "

Again, speaking as a husband, The HELL with the TV!

>

> In nada's book, any mother who is sexual, who shows affection to her

husband, who would leave her kids behind to cavort with her husband, is

a not a good mother.

Don t tell Nada Shit. If you want, you can tell her just before you hit

the road, AFTER the kids are deposited, we ll be gone until Monday. Do

NOT answer questions about where the kids will be, or whether you will

be having sex. Although again, speaking as a husband....

> So...deeeeep breath.

Remember, her crap was dumped on you. But you said I DO to him. He is

your choice. Go enjoy being a couple.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Speaking as a husband and dad:

GO.

I get to spend time with my husband; oh, and maybe we'll finally have

sex! and watch what WE want on tv! "

Again, speaking as a husband, The HELL with the TV!

>

> In nada's book, any mother who is sexual, who shows affection to her

husband, who would leave her kids behind to cavort with her husband, is

a not a good mother.

Don t tell Nada Shit. If you want, you can tell her just before you hit

the road, AFTER the kids are deposited, we ll be gone until Monday. Do

NOT answer questions about where the kids will be, or whether you will

be having sex. Although again, speaking as a husband....

> So...deeeeep breath.

Remember, her crap was dumped on you. But you said I DO to him. He is

your choice. Go enjoy being a couple.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Thank you, everyone!! I know I'm letting myself slip into that " what will nada

think?? " pod-like thought process.

I think I'll either not tell her at all OR tell her right before we leave and

that's that.

>

>

> Speaking as a husband and dad:

>

> GO.

>

>

> I get to spend time with my husband; oh, and maybe we'll finally have

> sex! and watch what WE want on tv! "

>

>

>

> Again, speaking as a husband, The HELL with the TV!

>

>

> >

> > In nada's book, any mother who is sexual, who shows affection to her

> husband, who would leave her kids behind to cavort with her husband, is

> a not a good mother.

>

>

> Don t tell Nada Shit. If you want, you can tell her just before you hit

> the road, AFTER the kids are deposited, we ll be gone until Monday. Do

> NOT answer questions about where the kids will be, or whether you will

> be having sex. Although again, speaking as a husband....

>

>

>

>

> > So...deeeeep breath.

>

> Remember, her crap was dumped on you. But you said I DO to him. He is

> your choice. Go enjoy being a couple.

>

> Doug

>