It's a great relief to find this board for unchosen relationships with BPDs

April 22, 2012

Thank you all for your posts. I can relate sooooo much. I've felt like there

may be a lack of literature and/or resources for adult survivors of borderline

and/or NPD caregivers (I think of mine as " scare-givers " ). I've wanted to find a

safe place to vent about some of the behaviors and garbage I put up with over

the years, not knowing any better, being unaware of the disorder and how it

manifests. I've been reading Lawson's " Understanding the Borderline Mother, "

and it's been a long road. I've found it reassuring, rewarding, and also very

difficult - at times frightening - to see " Her Majesty's " (nada) behaviors

described in print, esp. with such detail and accuracy.

Anyway, I am processing a lot in therapy, and I feel - at this time - very angry

at the BPD " scaregivers " that I was exposed to. I can't even call them a

" family. " I felt so unheard in the past when I was looking for

answers....trying to figure out what was wrong, or trying to " fix " the family

since I was a kid. Aaaarrgh!

There have been days when I wonder how I survived to adulthood and to have a

decent career. Right now, I feel almost sick/nauseous about some of the

memories that come back, knowing now that these were NOT normal behaviors -

profligate spending, campaigns of vilification, calls at midnight wanting me to

immediately drive to visit over some claim that " Her Majesty " feels sick (but

she refused an ambulance and wouldn't go to the hospital - attention-seeking,

anyone? LOL). Her " friends " used to blame me for " not helping " her, until they

got so burnt out they couldn't stand to be around her. Then, they'd come and

complain to me about how she wore them out. Puhleeze! LOL. In a paranoid fit,

she tore up one room at an assisted living and EARNED herself an involuntary

commitment a few years ago. And, of course, she blamed me for her commitment.

I have to laugh now. The asstd. living manager was the one who called EMS and

had her sent to the nearest ER for an evaluation. The ER doc committed her -

not me! I live alone, and " Her Majesty " and I have little contact. She's toned

down a bit since I distanced myself. However, on a " happy visit " she only gets

paranoid with that glassy-eyed, glazed over stare once! That's when I get up,

kiss her cheek, tell her I love her and that I have to go home and feed the dog.

April 23, 2012

Welcome to the Group, llhp,

Yes, you have found a bunch of people who truly " get it " and have experienced

really similar behaviors from our own bpd parent(s).

It does feel very validating to discover that its not just you, that your parent

has a genuine, severe mental illness and you didn't cause him or her to be like

that, you didn't deserve to be mistreated by your parent, and you can't cure

their disorder. Very validating.

best wishes,

-Annie

>

> Thank you all for your posts. I can relate sooooo much. I've felt like there