Re : Re: Advice on current situation

[Guest guest]

Hello All,

Dear Operamaestro, Charlotte, Annie, Holly,

Sorry if I forget someone.

I want to thank you all for speaking about this subject together because to read

your posts is really helping me to understand the process of how all this works

with BPD people. Actually I deal with 1) one BPD-Ex (we are on trials together

for about fifteen years. He is according to my french-english dictionary what is

called in english " pettyfogging " ), 2) one of my children BPD, and I have gone 10

months NC with 3) nada. So I have been surrended with BPD all my life.

So I know the heavy staff quite daily and I think whatever you response to their

provocation, then they use it against you. To not give any response gives a lot

of frustration, a lot, but then with time it stops the process.

I am not native English so I won't give a long comment, but I want to say to

Charlotte about what she wrote : " With nada, the only way to win is not to

play. "   => Charlotte, you made my day !!!! I think this sentence is for me the

key ! I think I'm going to write it on a paper and put it somewhere where I can

read it daily !!!!

Dear Maestro, I don't know if it could help you, but I know so much what you

mean. Inside me I have a rage against my nada, because she has done so many

unfair things to me, I would like to throw to her face all what she has done to

me ! But I know she wouldn't listen to me, she would first try to empeach me to

tell, then if she wouldn't manage she would cut me at the middle of my sentence

and deny, or tell lies, or speak about something completely else, accusing me of

something I cannot not respond to, just to make myself change the subject, and

then withdraw from this conversation.

I would like more than all to convince all my family members, aunties, uncles,

cousins, who are all with her and ignore me for years for NO REASON (because of

some nada ugly lies against me), but I would not dare to do it, because I just

think they would not listen to me, or not believe me. 

So I have decided about one year ago, to write my book. Then one day if they

want to know, well they will just read it ! And if they go on ignoring me

anyway, well, as said my doctor one day : " They are the ones loosing != " Their

loss ! " " (I love them so much !).

Yes, definitively, write all what you need to explain. What you need to tell

about her. All your angriness against her. Do it for yourself first. Yes I think

too that it's better to keep your writings for you. Because nadas are not like

us. they turn everything to their advantage and to show how bad children we are

according to them, and it is too unfair and it hurts too much.

Hope this help.

Have all a Beautiful Day !!!!

Thank you for your group, I feel so much that I am not alone now !!!! :-)

Take all very good care of yourselves !!!! You are each unique, beautiful, you

all desserve the best !!!! Treat yourselves as the good mother you expected to

have would do, be your own mummy to yourselves, be kind and gentle with

yourselves !!!!

Natacha

________________________________

De : anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Lundi 23 avril 2012 22h04

Objet : Re: Advice on current situation

 

I agree with these suggestions! Write your letter if you want to, just to get

it all out of your system, bullet-point by bullet-point, but DON'T SEND IT.

Responding to your nada is playing her game by her rules, and it means she wins.

Not responding to her e-mails, and not even reading them, is switching the rules

on her; choosing to ignore her entirely means YOU are in control (of her access

to you) and that is a win for you.

Nada will indeed implode with pure frustration at her inability to get you to

respond to her.

Warning: when she catches on that you are not going to engage with her any

longer, she may escalate her attention-seeking behaviors in some way or another.

She may send Flying Monkeys after you! (cue the flying monkey music...)

I also agree that putting a filter on her e-mail address so that all her e-mail

goes directly into a special folder or into the trashcan, is a good idea.

And you can start humming, " Jimmy Crack Corn, and I don't ca-a-a-are... " now if

you want to!

-Annie

> > >

> > > My Nada, after moving 2000 miles away from my wife and I and our 2 kids

> > has decided that now it is time to attack my wife through emails to me.

> > These emails are big guilt trips about how my wife didn't make her feel

> > welcome here in Georgia (after two years of drama that could rival Liza

> > Minnelli, Scarlett O'Hara, and every character in every Barbara

> > Bradford book ever written - I swear she thinks that she is the main

> > Character in A Woman of Substance. There were suicide threats, times where

> > she showed strange favoritism to my son over my daughter (because my

> > daughter was very nervous around her and didn't bond with her as quickly as

> > she should have). Thus my Son became the special gifted one and my daughter

> > was just " sweet " . I have posted about these things before here.

> > >

> > > When my Nada started to go on the attack and began the process of

> > splitting my wife, I in no uncertain terms informed her that my wife was

> > completely off limits. But, because " I can never take her honesty " she has

> > decided that it is more important to make her point than it is to just let

> > it go. My wife really can't stand Nada, and was as civil as she possibly

> > could be while they lived here.

> > >

> > > My Nada sends me F.O.G. emails that I think would rival the length of

> > Barbara Bradford novels. Her crafty little letters are complete with

> > bulleted points as to why she is right and morally superior to me, with

> > observations from her friends, and now " professional people " including her

> > doctor. I have spent years dealing with the feelings of guilt and

> > unworthiness that her letters give me, and I really refuse to read them

> > anymore. This last one was titled (My last attempt.) If I don't respond, it

> > may be the last letter she will ever send me (WHOO HOO!!!!) She tries to

> > get me to see things on her level by beating me and the people I love down

> > to an inferior position, and yet she truly can't understand why at this

> > point in my life I have really chosen to have nothing to do with her.

> > >

> > > I am the one who started the thread on " Nada's favorite one-liners " that

> > everyone seemed to have fun with. Her letters are full of them. " I refuse

> > to apologize for saying, or for raising you the way I did, or for doing the

> > things I have done for myself, or for my honesty which you have never been

> > able to take " . My 4 year old can walk up to someone in the street and ask

> > them why they are fat. Should that be okay? She was just being honest. My

> > nada uses her honesty like a 4 year old. All of her points are unarguable

> > because she truly does believe everything she writes, and cannot see, after

> > all the guilt manipulation and attacking my wife as she has been doing why

> > in the world I would ignore her.

> > >

> > > I WANT TO TELL HER! I WANT TO WRITE BACK AND TELL HER WHAT I THINK OF

> > HER LETTERS AND WHERE TO CRAM THEM. I WANT TO TELL HER WHERE SHE CAN PUT

> > HER PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE (WHICH IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE LETTERS). I WANT TO

> > TELL HER THAT I THINK SHE IS NUTS AND GIVE HER BULLETED POINTS AS TO WHY,

> > INCLUDING ALL OF HER ONE-LINERS, AND HOW THEY ARE MANIPULATIONS AND

> > TEXTBOOK BPD SAYINGS. I WANT TO TELL HER THAT I THINK SHE IS AN EMOTIONAL

> > ABUSER, AND THAT I THINK MY FATHER IS AN ABUSED HUSBAND. I WANT TO TELL HER

> > THAT MY WIFE IS 10 TIMES THE WOMAN AND MOTHER THAN SHE WILL EVER BE OR

> > COULD DREAM OF BEING. I WANT TO HURT HER BACK!!!!

> > >

> > > I want her to know. Simply not responding feels too easy. It also leaves

> > my Dad with the question of why. Somehow letting this go, and not sending

> > back my own unsolicited honesty seems wrong. I really do want nothing more

> > to do with her, but it seems wrong to leave without an explanation even

> > though I know it will fall on deaf ears.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>