Guest guest Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2012 Report Share Posted April 24, 2012 Hi Pam, I'm so sorry you and your family were subjected to a suicide attempt by your bpd mother. That must have been very, very stressful for all of you. That is one of the criteria for diagnosing bpd, as you probably already know; they tend to self-harm, including suicide threats and attempts, in order to manipulate others or to distract themselves from their own internal emotional chaos and distress. If your bpd mother has been committed for observation, that's actually probably the best thing that could happen. She will be observed and evaluated by professionals who have experience with treating those with bpd. Your mother will receive a diagnosis and a treatment plan; hopefully she will follow through and achieve some measure of personal insight and learn to self-monitor and regulate her disordered emotional state. Its difficult, but those of us who have or had a mother with bpd have to drop the idea that we *cause* our mothers to behave the way they do. That simply isn't true, at all. Nothing you could possibly say or do could have caused your mother to be mentally ill, and nothing you can say or do can cure her. Her emotional state is not your responsibility. Your mother needs psychiatric help, and you're not qualified to be her therapist. (Even if you are a therapist! Professional psychologists and psychiatrists do not treat their own relatives because they would not have the proper professional objectivity.) So, please don't succumb to misplaced and inappropriate feelings of guilt, or responsibility. Your mother's feelings and her behaviors are her own responsibility to carry, not yours or your siblings'. -Annie > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2012 Report Share Posted April 24, 2012 Hi Pam, I'm so sorry you and your family were subjected to a suicide attempt by your bpd mother. That must have been very, very stressful for all of you. That is one of the criteria for diagnosing bpd, as you probably already know; they tend to self-harm, including suicide threats and attempts, in order to manipulate others or to distract themselves from their own internal emotional chaos and distress. If your bpd mother has been committed for observation, that's actually probably the best thing that could happen. She will be observed and evaluated by professionals who have experience with treating those with bpd. Your mother will receive a diagnosis and a treatment plan; hopefully she will follow through and achieve some measure of personal insight and learn to self-monitor and regulate her disordered emotional state. Its difficult, but those of us who have or had a mother with bpd have to drop the idea that we *cause* our mothers to behave the way they do. That simply isn't true, at all. Nothing you could possibly say or do could have caused your mother to be mentally ill, and nothing you can say or do can cure her. Her emotional state is not your responsibility. Your mother needs psychiatric help, and you're not qualified to be her therapist. (Even if you are a therapist! Professional psychologists and psychiatrists do not treat their own relatives because they would not have the proper professional objectivity.) So, please don't succumb to misplaced and inappropriate feelings of guilt, or responsibility. Your mother's feelings and her behaviors are her own responsibility to carry, not yours or your siblings'. -Annie > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2012 Report Share Posted April 24, 2012 Hi Pam, I'm so sorry you and your family were subjected to a suicide attempt by your bpd mother. That must have been very, very stressful for all of you. That is one of the criteria for diagnosing bpd, as you probably already know; they tend to self-harm, including suicide threats and attempts, in order to manipulate others or to distract themselves from their own internal emotional chaos and distress. If your bpd mother has been committed for observation, that's actually probably the best thing that could happen. She will be observed and evaluated by professionals who have experience with treating those with bpd. Your mother will receive a diagnosis and a treatment plan; hopefully she will follow through and achieve some measure of personal insight and learn to self-monitor and regulate her disordered emotional state. Its difficult, but those of us who have or had a mother with bpd have to drop the idea that we *cause* our mothers to behave the way they do. That simply isn't true, at all. Nothing you could possibly say or do could have caused your mother to be mentally ill, and nothing you can say or do can cure her. Her emotional state is not your responsibility. Your mother needs psychiatric help, and you're not qualified to be her therapist. (Even if you are a therapist! Professional psychologists and psychiatrists do not treat their own relatives because they would not have the proper professional objectivity.) So, please don't succumb to misplaced and inappropriate feelings of guilt, or responsibility. Your mother's feelings and her behaviors are her own responsibility to carry, not yours or your siblings'. -Annie > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2012 Report Share Posted April 25, 2012 I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it must be stressful for you. Just remember--you are not responsible for your mother's behavior, healthy or otherwise. You cannot control what she does, and you cannot prevent her from acting out, no matter what you do or don't do. Those choices are hers, and they have nothing to do with you. It's not your job to protect your mother from herself. Your job now is to protect yourself and your own children from her toxic behavior. She has professionals who can help her. It's ok to take a break--either temporary or permanent. Just look after YOU, okay? Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2012 Report Share Posted April 25, 2012 I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it must be stressful for you. Just remember--you are not responsible for your mother's behavior, healthy or otherwise. You cannot control what she does, and you cannot prevent her from acting out, no matter what you do or don't do. Those choices are hers, and they have nothing to do with you. It's not your job to protect your mother from herself. Your job now is to protect yourself and your own children from her toxic behavior. She has professionals who can help her. It's ok to take a break--either temporary or permanent. Just look after YOU, okay? Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2012 Report Share Posted April 25, 2012 I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it must be stressful for you. Just remember--you are not responsible for your mother's behavior, healthy or otherwise. You cannot control what she does, and you cannot prevent her from acting out, no matter what you do or don't do. Those choices are hers, and they have nothing to do with you. It's not your job to protect your mother from herself. Your job now is to protect yourself and your own children from her toxic behavior. She has professionals who can help her. It's ok to take a break--either temporary or permanent. Just look after YOU, okay? Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 I'm coming really late to your question, but yes, I have, and it cut me to the core. My mother made a very determined suicide attempt that landed her in the ER, followed by a long stay in the hospital due to liver damage (weeks and weeks) followed by a short stay in the mental hospital and she was Baker Acted the entire time. She told everyone and anyone who would listen to her that I was the reason she tried to kill herself. She said we " didn't interact enough. " It was my fault. I was the evil daughter. I ignored her. Even though I spoke with her multiple times every day. This was shortly after my husband and I had lived with her for a month while we were between houses and I had said to him during this stay that I had never felt so unwelcome anywhere as in my own mother's home. It was also while I was in extensive rehabilitation for a devastating personal injury and couldn't drive, and could barely walk. It cut the cords between us. I have never felt the same about her. At the time I hated her. Now I pity her. Well, sometimes I hate her for what she's done to people including me. It was as if something was literally just torn, a ripping out of my heart for my mother. I knew she was not right, mentally ill, but I didn't know to what degree and that was the final straw, the proverbial straw and the literal straw. Had she not been old, and now demented because of the way this affected her mind (she is now in a nursing home) it is entirely possible I would never have spoken to her again. So yes, I have, and I am so sorry you are going through this now and I can understand why you would cut her off completely. This isn't something you do to a child YOU LOVE! It's evil. Selfish and evil. > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2012 Report Share Posted May 2, 2012 I feel this all the time! Yes, we go over there way too much ... It's gotten to the point where I don't ever want to sit down, so I pick the chair that's closest to the door. I don't eat anything without asking (which always gets strange looks from her), and sometimes I'll even leave a little money for the water that I've used by going to the bathroom (not to mention the oh-so-precious toilet paper). And to think that I used to call that place " home. " ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, May 2, 2012 12:22 AM Subject: Re: Reached my breaking point I had never felt so unwelcome anywhere as in my own mother's home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2012 Report Share Posted May 2, 2012 I feel this all the time! Yes, we go over there way too much ... It's gotten to the point where I don't ever want to sit down, so I pick the chair that's closest to the door. I don't eat anything without asking (which always gets strange looks from her), and sometimes I'll even leave a little money for the water that I've used by going to the bathroom (not to mention the oh-so-precious toilet paper). And to think that I used to call that place " home. " ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, May 2, 2012 12:22 AM Subject: Re: Reached my breaking point I had never felt so unwelcome anywhere as in my own mother's home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2012 Report Share Posted May 2, 2012 I feel this all the time! Yes, we go over there way too much ... It's gotten to the point where I don't ever want to sit down, so I pick the chair that's closest to the door. I don't eat anything without asking (which always gets strange looks from her), and sometimes I'll even leave a little money for the water that I've used by going to the bathroom (not to mention the oh-so-precious toilet paper). And to think that I used to call that place " home. " ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, May 2, 2012 12:22 AM Subject: Re: Reached my breaking point I had never felt so unwelcome anywhere as in my own mother's home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 I have spoken to my mother after having had 3 therapy sessions myself. Luckily she listens to me more than my siblings. I explained, as non-emotionally as I could, how I felt about her behavior and the hurt I felt on behalf of my siblings. She, of course, couldn't understand my response as it, " had nothing to do with me " . She told me she is going back into long term therapy which I agree is a good idea. I suggested that she ask her therapist about BPD. She did and apparently the therapist agrees with me, win! She is determined to get my sister back and I can tell you that won't go well. I have limited contact to 1 call per week and so far she is respecting that. I feel relieved at having spoken to her even if she didn't process it or accept responsibility as I hoped she would. That's progress I guess... > > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 I have spoken to my mother after having had 3 therapy sessions myself. Luckily she listens to me more than my siblings. I explained, as non-emotionally as I could, how I felt about her behavior and the hurt I felt on behalf of my siblings. She, of course, couldn't understand my response as it, " had nothing to do with me " . She told me she is going back into long term therapy which I agree is a good idea. I suggested that she ask her therapist about BPD. She did and apparently the therapist agrees with me, win! She is determined to get my sister back and I can tell you that won't go well. I have limited contact to 1 call per week and so far she is respecting that. I feel relieved at having spoken to her even if she didn't process it or accept responsibility as I hoped she would. That's progress I guess... > > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 Enjoy the bit of progress you did get.. : ) She gets that it may be BPD ! Sorry for your disappointment. Nada's are tough! M- From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of jacknalecsmom Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2012 8:54 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Reached my breaking point I have spoken to my mother after having had 3 therapy sessions myself. Luckily she listens to me more than my siblings. I explained, as non-emotionally as I could, how I felt about her behavior and the hurt I felt on behalf of my siblings. She, of course, couldn't understand my response as it, " had nothing to do with me " . She told me she is going back into long term therapy which I agree is a good idea. I suggested that she ask her therapist about BPD. She did and apparently the therapist agrees with me, win! She is determined to get my sister back and I can tell you that won't go well. I have limited contact to 1 call per week and so far she is respecting that. I feel relieved at having spoken to her even if she didn't process it or accept responsibility as I hoped she would. That's progress I guess... > > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 Enjoy the bit of progress you did get.. : ) She gets that it may be BPD ! Sorry for your disappointment. Nada's are tough! M- From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of jacknalecsmom Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2012 8:54 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Reached my breaking point I have spoken to my mother after having had 3 therapy sessions myself. Luckily she listens to me more than my siblings. I explained, as non-emotionally as I could, how I felt about her behavior and the hurt I felt on behalf of my siblings. She, of course, couldn't understand my response as it, " had nothing to do with me " . She told me she is going back into long term therapy which I agree is a good idea. I suggested that she ask her therapist about BPD. She did and apparently the therapist agrees with me, win! She is determined to get my sister back and I can tell you that won't go well. I have limited contact to 1 call per week and so far she is respecting that. I feel relieved at having spoken to her even if she didn't process it or accept responsibility as I hoped she would. That's progress I guess... > > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 Enjoy the bit of progress you did get.. : ) She gets that it may be BPD ! Sorry for your disappointment. Nada's are tough! M- From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of jacknalecsmom Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2012 8:54 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Reached my breaking point I have spoken to my mother after having had 3 therapy sessions myself. Luckily she listens to me more than my siblings. I explained, as non-emotionally as I could, how I felt about her behavior and the hurt I felt on behalf of my siblings. She, of course, couldn't understand my response as it, " had nothing to do with me " . She told me she is going back into long term therapy which I agree is a good idea. I suggested that she ask her therapist about BPD. She did and apparently the therapist agrees with me, win! She is determined to get my sister back and I can tell you that won't go well. I have limited contact to 1 call per week and so far she is respecting that. I feel relieved at having spoken to her even if she didn't process it or accept responsibility as I hoped she would. That's progress I guess... > > > My mom just half-heartedly attempted suicide as a test/emotional manipulation of my brother and sister because she was angry at them for having the audacity to call her out on a manipulation. As she was committed she told my stepfather to tell my brother and sister, but not me. Of all the things she has ever done, this was the most appalling to me. I am a mom and to do this to her children was by far the sickest thing she has ever done. I have decided to cut contact with her for my own sanity but I know that this will cause her to act out even more. I feel deeply anxious and fearful of the fallout but I don't know what else to do. I am normally the one who most understands that she is sick, but I find this so disgusting that I don't know that I will ever get over it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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