Are any of you tired of being miserable because of BP nada?

[Guest guest]

I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully. But

somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better job.

When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She complained

constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know some BPD parents

are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused money).

I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk yourself

out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a " flea " ?

AJ

[Guest guest]

Hi AJ!!

I hear you loud and clear! First, congratulations on being a good place in

many or all aspects of your life. Huge accomplishment for KOs!

Good for you!

I too have a perpetually miserable NADA and I have come to the conclusion

that what you are expressing may be self-imposed FOG (fear obligation and

GUIT).

I have struggled with this much in my lifetime as I still actually feel bad

for my Nada. I know she was a terrible Mother and I am often angry at that

situation but not with her personally.

In my mind she did do the best she could given the neglect and abuses she

too was subjected to combined with a limited intellect. It's sad to me.

Which is what leads me often too to feeling helpless for her and feeling

some shame about my good feelings and successes as well (GUILT).

I want to pull her along too, " Common NADA, it's not all bad! See this good "

and that one? "

Best advice I have is to see her as she is, feel your feelings of

helplessness for her and your relationship with her and give it over to your

higher power.

She cannot be changed and would more than likely protest insanely to any

help offered.

It's Darwinism at work. If she were a wild animal she would have been eaten

by now.

Be grateful that you got some tools somewhere to be find some happiness and

contentment and work to let any self-imposed FOG go.

She is what she is, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Good cry's help a lot too : )

XOXO

M-

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of aj91507

Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 9:15 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Are any of you tired of being miserable because

of BP nada?

I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully.

But somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better

job. When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She

complained constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know

some BPD parents are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused

money).

I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk

yourself out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a

" flea " ?

AJ

[Guest guest]

Hi AJ!!

I hear you loud and clear! First, congratulations on being a good place in

many or all aspects of your life. Huge accomplishment for KOs!

Good for you!

I too have a perpetually miserable NADA and I have come to the conclusion

that what you are expressing may be self-imposed FOG (fear obligation and

GUIT).

I have struggled with this much in my lifetime as I still actually feel bad

for my Nada. I know she was a terrible Mother and I am often angry at that

situation but not with her personally.

In my mind she did do the best she could given the neglect and abuses she

too was subjected to combined with a limited intellect. It's sad to me.

Which is what leads me often too to feeling helpless for her and feeling

some shame about my good feelings and successes as well (GUILT).

I want to pull her along too, " Common NADA, it's not all bad! See this good "

and that one? "

Best advice I have is to see her as she is, feel your feelings of

helplessness for her and your relationship with her and give it over to your

higher power.

She cannot be changed and would more than likely protest insanely to any

help offered.

It's Darwinism at work. If she were a wild animal she would have been eaten

by now.

Be grateful that you got some tools somewhere to be find some happiness and

contentment and work to let any self-imposed FOG go.

She is what she is, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Good cry's help a lot too : )

XOXO

M-

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of aj91507

Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 9:15 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Are any of you tired of being miserable because

of BP nada?

I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully.

But somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better

job. When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She

complained constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know

some BPD parents are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused

money).

I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk

yourself out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a

" flea " ?

AJ

[Guest guest]

yes, my mother is always miserable, anxious, phobic, fearful, and angry.

I think the only time I've seen her happy is when my kids were little. And even

then, when they grew old enough to disagree with her, that happiness was over.

I see a therapist and have grown a lot in this area. I had so many fleas when I

zoomed out on my life, esp that " miserable " flea. I blamed others for my

problems and unhappiness and would split people good and bad. It was so freeing

when I realized my blame in things and was proactive in changing it.

That's a big problem of nada's: if she has a problem, it's the job of those

close to her to fix it for her and if they don't, she resents them.

I do have to talk myself out of feeling crappy lots of times. Ugh.

Seeing my therapist has been huge for me. I don't know if you are doing so, or

have considered it, but it has been very helpful for me.

Fiona

>

> I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully. But

somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

>

> I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better job.

When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She complained

constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know some BPD parents

are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused money).

>

> I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk

yourself out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a

" flea " ?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

yes, my mother is always miserable, anxious, phobic, fearful, and angry.

I think the only time I've seen her happy is when my kids were little. And even

then, when they grew old enough to disagree with her, that happiness was over.

I see a therapist and have grown a lot in this area. I had so many fleas when I

zoomed out on my life, esp that " miserable " flea. I blamed others for my

problems and unhappiness and would split people good and bad. It was so freeing

when I realized my blame in things and was proactive in changing it.

That's a big problem of nada's: if she has a problem, it's the job of those

close to her to fix it for her and if they don't, she resents them.

I do have to talk myself out of feeling crappy lots of times. Ugh.

Seeing my therapist has been huge for me. I don't know if you are doing so, or

have considered it, but it has been very helpful for me.

Fiona

>

> I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully. But

somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

>

> I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better job.

When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She complained

constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know some BPD parents

are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused money).

>

> I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk

yourself out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a

" flea " ?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

yes, my mother is always miserable, anxious, phobic, fearful, and angry.

I think the only time I've seen her happy is when my kids were little. And even

then, when they grew old enough to disagree with her, that happiness was over.

I see a therapist and have grown a lot in this area. I had so many fleas when I

zoomed out on my life, esp that " miserable " flea. I blamed others for my

problems and unhappiness and would split people good and bad. It was so freeing

when I realized my blame in things and was proactive in changing it.

That's a big problem of nada's: if she has a problem, it's the job of those

close to her to fix it for her and if they don't, she resents them.

I do have to talk myself out of feeling crappy lots of times. Ugh.

Seeing my therapist has been huge for me. I don't know if you are doing so, or

have considered it, but it has been very helpful for me.

Fiona

>

> I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully. But

somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

>

> I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better job.

When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She complained

constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know some BPD parents

are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused money).

>

> I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk

yourself out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a

" flea " ?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

I do know what you mean. I've found that I can now enjoy the good things in my

life, but I've certainly been there. You can get past this, it just takes work.

It seems so unfair that we had to work so hard just to survive our childhoods,

and now we have to work to create " normal " adulthoods for ourselves. You seem to

be doing well with that though, congrats!!

I also find that when things are going well and I'm happy, I get really nervous.

I feel like there's some kind of price to pay, there's another shoe to drop,

everything is just about to hit the fan. I'm still working on that one, but it

is getting better.

Best of luck to you in this! Just asking the question is a great start to

finding the answers you need. 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 8:14 PM

Subject: Are any of you tired of being miserable because of

BP nada?

 

I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully. But

somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better job.

When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She complained

constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know some BPD parents

are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused money).

I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk yourself

out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a " flea " ?

AJ