New Thread / miserable because of BP nada? - Irene

[Guest guest]

Irene, I had to laugh and gasp while reading your post. It felt like we were

separated at birth.

My nada explodes if the phone rings while she's eating, too. Or if I call her

while she's doing...anything, really, she'll pick up and say " you ALWAYS call me

when I'm in the middle of something! (exasperated sigh) " -- which is a silly

thing to say, because, of COURSE you're going to be in the middle of almost

anything when you get a phone call.

Every week when we talk, she reads off the same, very very same, list of

troubles and issues and repeats the same stories. I try good-naturedly to say,

" yes, you told me about that...how awful! " And then she'll launch into another

repeated story.

I see her about twice a month. I can tell this month, that's not enough for her

b/c she's been calling me more (it's hard, but I don't pick up) and complaining

to her flying monkey, my brother. Of course, he reports it back to me. I say

very little about it and change the subject.

> >

> > I am in a great place in my life right now. I have a great job, making good

money, Freat friends, great husband and his family treats me wonderfully. But

somehow i feel nada's " fleas " ...

> >

> > I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but my nada was ALWAYS

miserable. At her job, she was bitching constantly that she wanted a better job.

When she finally got one, she was bitching about the long hours. She complained

constantly about everything and was horrible with money (I know some BPD parents

are sexually irresponsible or abuse drugs. Mine abused money).

> >

> > I don't want to be her. Ever. Does anyone else have to physically talk

yourself out of feeling like shit when everything is going great? Is this a

" flea " ?

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have mixed feelings here: I'm so glad to know someone else understands and

hears the same stories but I'm not thrilled that anyone should have to cope with

this. The repeated stories I expect because nada is 83. But nasties that come

with it get to me. She absolutely hates kids (explains why I wasn't allowed to

be one) and will complain loudly in a restaurant if there are any nearby. Wait,

I won't go into the long list of complaints but like you, we hear the same

things over and over. I know what to expect and can tune out most of it but it's

like ignoring the dog poop you've just stepped on.

I wish I only saw my nada twice a month. We see her twice a week to help with

shopping, chores, etc. Wed. she told us not to come over on Thurs, one of our

regular days. She said she had too much to do. Then this morning she calls (I

was sound asleep at 6:15), told me she had a heart attack a couple days ago and

(one of the neighbors she hates but will still talk to) told her to call

us. I asked if she was going to the doctor or the hospital. She said hospital.

Normally a healthy parent/child relationship we would insist on coming over

right that minute. All I could say was, " Well, they can do tests there. " She

said she was going to take a shower, feed the dog and then head over. As usual,

I don't sense any urgency except to get my attention. Then she brought up the

will, that she hid it again and can't find it. Oh well.

And so my day starts.

>

> Irene, I had to laugh and gasp while reading your post. It felt like we were

separated at birth.

>

> My nada explodes if the phone rings while she's eating, too. Or if I call her

while she's doing...anything, really, she'll pick up and say " you ALWAYS call me

when I'm in the middle of something! (exasperated sigh) " -- which is a silly

thing to say, because, of COURSE you're going to be in the middle of almost

anything when you get a phone call.

>

> Every week when we talk, she reads off the same, very very same, list of

troubles and issues and repeats the same stories. I try good-naturedly to say,

" yes, you told me about that...how awful! " And then she'll launch into another

repeated story.

>

> I see her about twice a month. I can tell this month, that's not enough for

her b/c she's been calling me more (it's hard, but I don't pick up) and

complaining to her flying monkey, my brother. Of course, he reports it back to

me. I say very little about it and change the subject.

>