Guest guest Posted April 27, 2012 Report Share Posted April 27, 2012 Or maybe not. But I DEFINITELY hate what she does. And how she is. And our relationship, in general! This afternoon, my oldest daughter was asking to go over and see nada - alone. Against my better judgment, I allowed it because she (DD1) wanted to so badly. I just called over there to see what was going on, and nada " tries " to put DD1 on the phone, saying in that sickly sweet singsong voice, " Mommy's on the phone. Do you want to talk to her? " Then I hear DD1 say, " Yuck! " And guess what nada does? She starts laughing and protesting half-heartedly. " Oh, don't say that. Ha ha ha! " Grrr... I just want to go over there and smack her silly. I'm sure she's poisoning DD1's mind against me and DH. I'm sure she is. Isn't that conversation proof of it? Or am I just reading too much into it? I mean, DD1 is only three .... I'm currently trying to calm down before I go over there. Don't wanna slug nada and have her call the cops on me and take my daughter away forever ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 I've read posts here and at other support groups for the adult children of Cluster B parents that indicate that many of the pd grandparents do try to buy the loyalty and affection of their grandchildren, and undermine the child's respect for her actual mother or father. Its called " grooming " behavior, when pedophiles do it. They are carefully, methodically " wooing " the child, gaining the child's trust and literally buying their loyalty. Who can resist it, when someone " love-bombs " you, tells you you are wonderful, that you are the center of their life, and they will give you anything you ask for, just because you're you and are their best beloved? A child has no ability to be discerning or skeptical when a grandparent or other adult that they know and trust begins treating them like a god or goddess. My own nada was in the habit of attempting to undermine my younger Sister's parental authority, in front of Sister's child, which would eventually have made my Sister's boy treat his mother with as much disrespect as our nada did. My Sister had to grow a backbone and make a firm stand with our nada over this issue. Nada criticized and belittled, over and over, until one day when Sister was driving nada back home and nada AGAIN criticized a parenting decision Sister had made, while the child was right there in the back seat, Sister pulled off the highway, over to the side, and told nada that if she couldn't stop criticizing Sister's parenting decisions like that, couldn't remember to speak to Sister privately about her concerns, that nada could get out of the car and walk the rest of the way home. Sister had to go that far, because nada was not respecting Sister as the parent of her own child, and Sister finally had enough. Although nada finally got that point, she continued to treat Sister disrespectfully on other issues. It was a never-ending battle, because basically, the underlying issue was that our nada did not respect either Sister or me as adults. Nada could never accept or relate to us for who we actually were, no matter what our age. So even as adults, Sister and I were considered rather stupid, balky, uncooperative, ungrateful, disappointing minor children by our nada. Pick your battles, and hold your ground on the important issues, such as deciding what is in your child's best interest. -Annie > > Or maybe not. But I DEFINITELY hate what she does. And how she is. And our relationship, in general! > > This afternoon, my oldest daughter was asking to go over and see nada - alone. Against my better judgment, I allowed it because she (DD1) wanted to so badly. I just called over there to see what was going on, and nada " tries " to put DD1 on the phone, saying in that sickly sweet singsong voice, " Mommy's on the phone. Do you want to talk to her? " Then I hear DD1 say, " Yuck! " And guess what nada does? She starts laughing and protesting half-heartedly. " Oh, don't say that. Ha ha ha! " > > Grrr... I just want to go over there and smack her silly. I'm sure she's poisoning DD1's mind against me and DH. I'm sure she is. Isn't that conversation proof of it? Or am I just reading too much into it? I mean, DD1 is only three .... > > I'm currently trying to calm down before I go over there. Don't wanna slug nada and have her call the cops on me and take my daughter away forever ... > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 I've read posts here and at other support groups for the adult children of Cluster B parents that indicate that many of the pd grandparents do try to buy the loyalty and affection of their grandchildren, and undermine the child's respect for her actual mother or father. Its called " grooming " behavior, when pedophiles do it. They are carefully, methodically " wooing " the child, gaining the child's trust and literally buying their loyalty. Who can resist it, when someone " love-bombs " you, tells you you are wonderful, that you are the center of their life, and they will give you anything you ask for, just because you're you and are their best beloved? A child has no ability to be discerning or skeptical when a grandparent or other adult that they know and trust begins treating them like a god or goddess. My own nada was in the habit of attempting to undermine my younger Sister's parental authority, in front of Sister's child, which would eventually have made my Sister's boy treat his mother with as much disrespect as our nada did. My Sister had to grow a backbone and make a firm stand with our nada over this issue. Nada criticized and belittled, over and over, until one day when Sister was driving nada back home and nada AGAIN criticized a parenting decision Sister had made, while the child was right there in the back seat, Sister pulled off the highway, over to the side, and told nada that if she couldn't stop criticizing Sister's parenting decisions like that, couldn't remember to speak to Sister privately about her concerns, that nada could get out of the car and walk the rest of the way home. Sister had to go that far, because nada was not respecting Sister as the parent of her own child, and Sister finally had enough. Although nada finally got that point, she continued to treat Sister disrespectfully on other issues. It was a never-ending battle, because basically, the underlying issue was that our nada did not respect either Sister or me as adults. Nada could never accept or relate to us for who we actually were, no matter what our age. So even as adults, Sister and I were considered rather stupid, balky, uncooperative, ungrateful, disappointing minor children by our nada. Pick your battles, and hold your ground on the important issues, such as deciding what is in your child's best interest. -Annie > > Or maybe not. But I DEFINITELY hate what she does. And how she is. And our relationship, in general! > > This afternoon, my oldest daughter was asking to go over and see nada - alone. Against my better judgment, I allowed it because she (DD1) wanted to so badly. I just called over there to see what was going on, and nada " tries " to put DD1 on the phone, saying in that sickly sweet singsong voice, " Mommy's on the phone. Do you want to talk to her? " Then I hear DD1 say, " Yuck! " And guess what nada does? She starts laughing and protesting half-heartedly. " Oh, don't say that. Ha ha ha! " > > Grrr... I just want to go over there and smack her silly. I'm sure she's poisoning DD1's mind against me and DH. I'm sure she is. Isn't that conversation proof of it? Or am I just reading too much into it? I mean, DD1 is only three .... > > I'm currently trying to calm down before I go over there. Don't wanna slug nada and have her call the cops on me and take my daughter away forever ... > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 I've read posts here and at other support groups for the adult children of Cluster B parents that indicate that many of the pd grandparents do try to buy the loyalty and affection of their grandchildren, and undermine the child's respect for her actual mother or father. Its called " grooming " behavior, when pedophiles do it. They are carefully, methodically " wooing " the child, gaining the child's trust and literally buying their loyalty. Who can resist it, when someone " love-bombs " you, tells you you are wonderful, that you are the center of their life, and they will give you anything you ask for, just because you're you and are their best beloved? A child has no ability to be discerning or skeptical when a grandparent or other adult that they know and trust begins treating them like a god or goddess. My own nada was in the habit of attempting to undermine my younger Sister's parental authority, in front of Sister's child, which would eventually have made my Sister's boy treat his mother with as much disrespect as our nada did. My Sister had to grow a backbone and make a firm stand with our nada over this issue. Nada criticized and belittled, over and over, until one day when Sister was driving nada back home and nada AGAIN criticized a parenting decision Sister had made, while the child was right there in the back seat, Sister pulled off the highway, over to the side, and told nada that if she couldn't stop criticizing Sister's parenting decisions like that, couldn't remember to speak to Sister privately about her concerns, that nada could get out of the car and walk the rest of the way home. Sister had to go that far, because nada was not respecting Sister as the parent of her own child, and Sister finally had enough. Although nada finally got that point, she continued to treat Sister disrespectfully on other issues. It was a never-ending battle, because basically, the underlying issue was that our nada did not respect either Sister or me as adults. Nada could never accept or relate to us for who we actually were, no matter what our age. So even as adults, Sister and I were considered rather stupid, balky, uncooperative, ungrateful, disappointing minor children by our nada. Pick your battles, and hold your ground on the important issues, such as deciding what is in your child's best interest. -Annie > > Or maybe not. But I DEFINITELY hate what she does. And how she is. And our relationship, in general! > > This afternoon, my oldest daughter was asking to go over and see nada - alone. Against my better judgment, I allowed it because she (DD1) wanted to so badly. I just called over there to see what was going on, and nada " tries " to put DD1 on the phone, saying in that sickly sweet singsong voice, " Mommy's on the phone. Do you want to talk to her? " Then I hear DD1 say, " Yuck! " And guess what nada does? She starts laughing and protesting half-heartedly. " Oh, don't say that. Ha ha ha! " > > Grrr... I just want to go over there and smack her silly. I'm sure she's poisoning DD1's mind against me and DH. I'm sure she is. Isn't that conversation proof of it? Or am I just reading too much into it? I mean, DD1 is only three .... > > I'm currently trying to calm down before I go over there. Don't wanna slug nada and have her call the cops on me and take my daughter away forever ... > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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