Understanding the Borderline Mother - Have You Read It? What Do You Think?

[Guest guest]

Big thanks to this group for bringing " Understanding the Borderline Mother " to

my attention. I've ordered it and should have it in a week. It was time for me

to read it. I have taken a long break from therapy, and all the self-repairing

and have just tried to live normal which is working pretty good. But the comment

on this list that said, in effect, if you don't understand your nada, you can't

really understand yourself, has haunted me. I just wasn't ready to " go there, " I

guess. But now I am.

So, I'd like to hear any and all advice on the best way to read it to get the

most out of it.

Thanks!

Flowers in OZ

[Guest guest]

Originally I read the eggshells book, recommended by a counselor. It was a great

overview of BPD, what many of them do and how it affects us. Just recently I

read the Understanding the BP Mother because I had reached a crisis mode again

in dealing with her. I was ready to kill her or kill myself. Things were not all

that happy between me and my husband either.

It's a much more detailed book on nadas which is what I have to handle. And it

breaks them down into more specific categories or BP types. Kind of creepy to

read but fun to figure out where she fits. Then comes the good part about how to

deal with each type of BP games they play.

I can't say it solved all my problems in dealing with her but I felt a lot

stronger after reading it. I have it handy in case I need to " immunize " myself

again.

I don't know about understanding her to understand myself. She is so bizarre and

so different in the way she lives her life and interacts with people. She's

alien to me. I know that much and that she'll never change. It's impossible to

get inside her brain and feel what she feels. I just know that I don't have to

be like her and I don't want to be like her.

>

> Big thanks to this group for bringing " Understanding the Borderline Mother " to

my attention. I've ordered it and should have it in a week. It was time for me

to read it. I have taken a long break from therapy, and all the self-repairing

and have just tried to live normal which is working pretty good. But the comment

on this list that said, in effect, if you don't understand your nada, you can't

really understand yourself, has haunted me. I just wasn't ready to " go there, " I

guess. But now I am.

>

> So, I'd like to hear any and all advice on the best way to read it to get the

most out of it.

>

> Thanks!

>

> Flowers in OZ

>

[Guest guest]

Originally I read the eggshells book, recommended by a counselor. It was a great

overview of BPD, what many of them do and how it affects us. Just recently I

read the Understanding the BP Mother because I had reached a crisis mode again

in dealing with her. I was ready to kill her or kill myself. Things were not all

that happy between me and my husband either.

It's a much more detailed book on nadas which is what I have to handle. And it

breaks them down into more specific categories or BP types. Kind of creepy to

read but fun to figure out where she fits. Then comes the good part about how to

deal with each type of BP games they play.

I can't say it solved all my problems in dealing with her but I felt a lot

stronger after reading it. I have it handy in case I need to " immunize " myself

again.

I don't know about understanding her to understand myself. She is so bizarre and

so different in the way she lives her life and interacts with people. She's

alien to me. I know that much and that she'll never change. It's impossible to

get inside her brain and feel what she feels. I just know that I don't have to

be like her and I don't want to be like her.

>

> Big thanks to this group for bringing " Understanding the Borderline Mother " to

my attention. I've ordered it and should have it in a week. It was time for me

to read it. I have taken a long break from therapy, and all the self-repairing

and have just tried to live normal which is working pretty good. But the comment

on this list that said, in effect, if you don't understand your nada, you can't

really understand yourself, has haunted me. I just wasn't ready to " go there, " I

guess. But now I am.

>

> So, I'd like to hear any and all advice on the best way to read it to get the

most out of it.

>

> Thanks!

>

> Flowers in OZ

>

[Guest guest]

Originally I read the eggshells book, recommended by a counselor. It was a great

overview of BPD, what many of them do and how it affects us. Just recently I

read the Understanding the BP Mother because I had reached a crisis mode again

in dealing with her. I was ready to kill her or kill myself. Things were not all

that happy between me and my husband either.

It's a much more detailed book on nadas which is what I have to handle. And it

breaks them down into more specific categories or BP types. Kind of creepy to

read but fun to figure out where she fits. Then comes the good part about how to

deal with each type of BP games they play.

I can't say it solved all my problems in dealing with her but I felt a lot

stronger after reading it. I have it handy in case I need to " immunize " myself

again.

I don't know about understanding her to understand myself. She is so bizarre and

so different in the way she lives her life and interacts with people. She's

alien to me. I know that much and that she'll never change. It's impossible to

get inside her brain and feel what she feels. I just know that I don't have to

be like her and I don't want to be like her.

>

> Big thanks to this group for bringing " Understanding the Borderline Mother " to

my attention. I've ordered it and should have it in a week. It was time for me

to read it. I have taken a long break from therapy, and all the self-repairing

and have just tried to live normal which is working pretty good. But the comment

on this list that said, in effect, if you don't understand your nada, you can't

really understand yourself, has haunted me. I just wasn't ready to " go there, " I

guess. But now I am.

>

> So, I'd like to hear any and all advice on the best way to read it to get the

most out of it.

>

> Thanks!

>

> Flowers in OZ

>

[Guest guest]

Irene, what you wrote is so uncannily similar to how I felt while reading

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " , and how I felt about my own mother. My

nada's negativism, her envy, her perfectionism, her sense of entitlement to

unleash her rage whenever she felt like it... just everything about my nada's

mindset seemed so...*alien* to me. I could not relate to her easily; it was

really difficult for me to relate to her in any but the most superficial ways.

About the only way I could tolerate being around nada for any length of time was

to take her shopping or take her to some place like Las Vegas where she was

highly distracted and entertained, and let it be " all about nada. "

And yes, " UTBM " was not an easy or quick read for me due to its profound

emotional impact on me. I could only take a few pages at a time before I felt

emotionally overwhelmed, and sometimes even weepy. It was eerily like the

author was writing about me and my nada, personally. So it took a long time to

get through it, but I think it was worth it.

-Annie

>

> Originally I read the eggshells book, recommended by a counselor. It was a

great overview of BPD, what many of them do and how it affects us. Just recently

I read the Understanding the BP Mother because I had reached a crisis mode again

in dealing with her. I was ready to kill her or kill myself. Things were not all

that happy between me and my husband either.

>

> It's a much more detailed book on nadas which is what I have to handle. And it

breaks them down into more specific categories or BP types. Kind of creepy to

read but fun to figure out where she fits. Then comes the good part about how to

deal with each type of BP games they play.

>

> I can't say it solved all my problems in dealing with her but I felt a lot

stronger after reading it. I have it handy in case I need to " immunize " myself

again.

>

> I don't know about understanding her to understand myself. She is so bizarre

and so different in the way she lives her life and interacts with people. She's

alien to me. I know that much and that she'll never change. It's impossible to

get inside her brain and feel what she feels. I just know that I don't have to

be like her and I don't want to be like her.