Re: The idea that we signed up for this

[Guest guest]

I heard this very same thing after I tried to open up to someone about my Dad

(and of course my Mom).

She was able to look me in the eye and say, " you know you chose your parents,

because you needed to go through what you went through " .

Made me think, this is exactly the reason I am a hermit. Emotionally I feel

flayed by my parents, just cannot endure any more wounds, first or secondary.

I have been in this hamster wheel for as long as I can remember. It took me 40

years to realize that none of this was not my fault and the last 4 years trying

to get off the darn wheel and make sense of it all. 44 years gone by, in a blink

of an eye. I did not chose it to go down like the way it did.

Stepping back, I can see individuals who have never walked the path I have and

comment as if they are talking about going on a date, choosing to buy a car or

getting a paper cut.

I have had someone controlling me all my life. Telling me how to feel, how not

to feel. Today I am teaching myself that my feelings about my past (present or

future) are mine to control. I know what happened and I know why it happened.

Echobabe, you took the words out of my weary brain (again -- now I just need

to heal so that I do not end up toxic like my Dad and Mom.

>

> I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer peddles.

>

> It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where they were

going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up the social

network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other people how they

should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they didn't walk in *my*

shoes.

>

> I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my emotional and

physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs to be met.

Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people, to trust people

and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My goal for the next 30

years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this short straw.

>

> And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on top of her

family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with this theory

have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I heard this very same thing after I tried to open up to someone about my Dad

(and of course my Mom).

She was able to look me in the eye and say, " you know you chose your parents,

because you needed to go through what you went through " .

Made me think, this is exactly the reason I am a hermit. Emotionally I feel

flayed by my parents, just cannot endure any more wounds, first or secondary.

I have been in this hamster wheel for as long as I can remember. It took me 40

years to realize that none of this was not my fault and the last 4 years trying

to get off the darn wheel and make sense of it all. 44 years gone by, in a blink

of an eye. I did not chose it to go down like the way it did.

Stepping back, I can see individuals who have never walked the path I have and

comment as if they are talking about going on a date, choosing to buy a car or

getting a paper cut.

I have had someone controlling me all my life. Telling me how to feel, how not

to feel. Today I am teaching myself that my feelings about my past (present or

future) are mine to control. I know what happened and I know why it happened.

Echobabe, you took the words out of my weary brain (again -- now I just need

to heal so that I do not end up toxic like my Dad and Mom.

>

> I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer peddles.

>

> It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where they were

going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up the social

network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other people how they

should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they didn't walk in *my*

shoes.

>

> I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my emotional and

physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs to be met.

Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people, to trust people

and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My goal for the next 30

years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this short straw.

>

> And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on top of her

family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with this theory

have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My father who condoned abuse against would say all the time, " there is no

right or wrong. " This would be his response when I plead for help. So his

new age mumbo jumbo was used to condone abuse all the time. He also blamed

my thinking when I got sick.

On Mon, Apr 30, 2012 at 1:23 AM, eliza92@... <

eliza92@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I just skimmed so far but interesting link, thanks Millicent. I too have

> been frustrated with how the law of attraction is presented and used. I

> will say however there is a level of reality to it that I've seen for

> myself BUT it is not a simple matter of believe it and it will appear. I

> probably believe enough things to make a true skeptic's hair turn purple,

> but I try to always be willing to test and question everything.

>

> This thread has been really interesting to me because it's the first time

> I think I've ever heard of new age spiritual beliefs being used by a nada

> against her kids. Usually it's the Christian " honor thy father and mother " .

> Now they can say we CHOSE them as parents. I guess whatever belief system

> is in the mix they'll find a way to work it.

>

> eliza

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Someone suggested this to me the other day, and it's something I've

> > > heard before; Wayne Dyer has talked about it. It's the idea that

> before we

> > > were born, we decided what family we would be born into and what

> experience

> > > we would have. This would have all been in order to learn to deal with

> > > adversity, to help our souls make spiritual progress.

> > > >

> > > > Wayne Dyer had said that *even if it's not true,* deciding to look

> at it

> > > that way offers us a perspective shift, one which moves us out of the

> > > victim role.

> > > >

> > > > I hope nobody takes offense at this idea. I'm just throwing it out

> > > there. I'm not saying I believe it, but it does offer a different way

> to

> > > look at things. If you think about it, it feels more empowering to

> imagine

> > > that we made this choice because we wanted the opportunity to survive

> and

> > > thrive despite the adversity.

> > > >

> > > > Have any of you ever thought about that idea? What do you think of

> it?

> > > >

> > > > Deanna

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My father who condoned abuse against would say all the time, " there is no

right or wrong. " This would be his response when I plead for help. So his

new age mumbo jumbo was used to condone abuse all the time. He also blamed

my thinking when I got sick.

On Mon, Apr 30, 2012 at 1:23 AM, eliza92@... <

eliza92@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I just skimmed so far but interesting link, thanks Millicent. I too have

> been frustrated with how the law of attraction is presented and used. I

> will say however there is a level of reality to it that I've seen for

> myself BUT it is not a simple matter of believe it and it will appear. I

> probably believe enough things to make a true skeptic's hair turn purple,

> but I try to always be willing to test and question everything.

>

> This thread has been really interesting to me because it's the first time

> I think I've ever heard of new age spiritual beliefs being used by a nada

> against her kids. Usually it's the Christian " honor thy father and mother " .

> Now they can say we CHOSE them as parents. I guess whatever belief system

> is in the mix they'll find a way to work it.

>

> eliza

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Someone suggested this to me the other day, and it's something I've

> > > heard before; Wayne Dyer has talked about it. It's the idea that

> before we

> > > were born, we decided what family we would be born into and what

> experience

> > > we would have. This would have all been in order to learn to deal with

> > > adversity, to help our souls make spiritual progress.

> > > >

> > > > Wayne Dyer had said that *even if it's not true,* deciding to look

> at it

> > > that way offers us a perspective shift, one which moves us out of the

> > > victim role.

> > > >

> > > > I hope nobody takes offense at this idea. I'm just throwing it out

> > > there. I'm not saying I believe it, but it does offer a different way

> to

> > > look at things. If you think about it, it feels more empowering to

> imagine

> > > that we made this choice because we wanted the opportunity to survive

> and

> > > thrive despite the adversity.

> > > >

> > > > Have any of you ever thought about that idea? What do you think of

> it?

> > > >

> > > > Deanna

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My father who condoned abuse against would say all the time, " there is no

right or wrong. " This would be his response when I plead for help. So his

new age mumbo jumbo was used to condone abuse all the time. He also blamed

my thinking when I got sick.

On Mon, Apr 30, 2012 at 1:23 AM, eliza92@... <

eliza92@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I just skimmed so far but interesting link, thanks Millicent. I too have

> been frustrated with how the law of attraction is presented and used. I

> will say however there is a level of reality to it that I've seen for

> myself BUT it is not a simple matter of believe it and it will appear. I

> probably believe enough things to make a true skeptic's hair turn purple,

> but I try to always be willing to test and question everything.

>

> This thread has been really interesting to me because it's the first time

> I think I've ever heard of new age spiritual beliefs being used by a nada

> against her kids. Usually it's the Christian " honor thy father and mother " .

> Now they can say we CHOSE them as parents. I guess whatever belief system

> is in the mix they'll find a way to work it.

>

> eliza

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Someone suggested this to me the other day, and it's something I've

> > > heard before; Wayne Dyer has talked about it. It's the idea that

> before we

> > > were born, we decided what family we would be born into and what

> experience

> > > we would have. This would have all been in order to learn to deal with

> > > adversity, to help our souls make spiritual progress.

> > > >

> > > > Wayne Dyer had said that *even if it's not true,* deciding to look

> at it

> > > that way offers us a perspective shift, one which moves us out of the

> > > victim role.

> > > >

> > > > I hope nobody takes offense at this idea. I'm just throwing it out

> > > there. I'm not saying I believe it, but it does offer a different way

> to

> > > look at things. If you think about it, it feels more empowering to

> imagine

> > > that we made this choice because we wanted the opportunity to survive

> and

> > > thrive despite the adversity.

> > > >

> > > > Have any of you ever thought about that idea? What do you think of

> it?

> > > >

> > > > Deanna

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I think that some pd parents gravitate toward and use *anything* that will

augment their own sense of power and assist with their desire to totally

dominate, control, use or exploit, or punish their own children.

Any source of power will do.

My nada would sometimes threaten to take me to the local orphan's home and leave

me there because I was so bad. Some pd parents threaten to call the police to

" come and get " the child who is being difficult. Other personality-disordered

or sadistic parents tell their child that the child will burn in hell for

eternity for not being good enough or obedient enough. Some use that " YOU CHOSE

to have me as your mother/father " manipulator, and others invoke God: " God

will punish you for that; etc. "

On the other hand, a supremely narcissistic parent invokes his or her own

supreme authority: " I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it! "

Its all just different flavors of really piss-poor-quality, inept parenting by

those who really don't have the emotional maturity or emotional stability to be

parents. Or worse, the adult is actually getting sadistic pleasure out of their

own total power over the child and with a smirk of self-satisfaction will

observe the abject terror that extreme threats induce in the child.

(Again, in my opinion such individuals are not qualified to be caring for a

puppy, let alone a child. Those who lack the capacity to feel affective empathy

for others should not be in a position of power over a child, alone and

unsupervised.)

-Annie

>

> My father who condoned abuse against would say all the time, " there is no

> right or wrong. " This would be his response when I plead for help. So his

> new age mumbo jumbo was used to condone abuse all the time. He also blamed

> my thinking when I got sick.

[Guest guest]

I think that some pd parents gravitate toward and use *anything* that will

augment their own sense of power and assist with their desire to totally

dominate, control, use or exploit, or punish their own children.

Any source of power will do.

My nada would sometimes threaten to take me to the local orphan's home and leave

me there because I was so bad. Some pd parents threaten to call the police to

" come and get " the child who is being difficult. Other personality-disordered

or sadistic parents tell their child that the child will burn in hell for

eternity for not being good enough or obedient enough. Some use that " YOU CHOSE

to have me as your mother/father " manipulator, and others invoke God: " God

will punish you for that; etc. "

On the other hand, a supremely narcissistic parent invokes his or her own

supreme authority: " I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it! "

Its all just different flavors of really piss-poor-quality, inept parenting by

those who really don't have the emotional maturity or emotional stability to be

parents. Or worse, the adult is actually getting sadistic pleasure out of their

own total power over the child and with a smirk of self-satisfaction will

observe the abject terror that extreme threats induce in the child.

(Again, in my opinion such individuals are not qualified to be caring for a

puppy, let alone a child. Those who lack the capacity to feel affective empathy

for others should not be in a position of power over a child, alone and

unsupervised.)

-Annie

>

> My father who condoned abuse against would say all the time, " there is no

> right or wrong. " This would be his response when I plead for help. So his

> new age mumbo jumbo was used to condone abuse all the time. He also blamed

> my thinking when I got sick.

[Guest guest]

I think that some pd parents gravitate toward and use *anything* that will

augment their own sense of power and assist with their desire to totally

dominate, control, use or exploit, or punish their own children.

Any source of power will do.

My nada would sometimes threaten to take me to the local orphan's home and leave

me there because I was so bad. Some pd parents threaten to call the police to

" come and get " the child who is being difficult. Other personality-disordered

or sadistic parents tell their child that the child will burn in hell for

eternity for not being good enough or obedient enough. Some use that " YOU CHOSE

to have me as your mother/father " manipulator, and others invoke God: " God

will punish you for that; etc. "

On the other hand, a supremely narcissistic parent invokes his or her own

supreme authority: " I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it! "

Its all just different flavors of really piss-poor-quality, inept parenting by

those who really don't have the emotional maturity or emotional stability to be

parents. Or worse, the adult is actually getting sadistic pleasure out of their

own total power over the child and with a smirk of self-satisfaction will

observe the abject terror that extreme threats induce in the child.

(Again, in my opinion such individuals are not qualified to be caring for a

puppy, let alone a child. Those who lack the capacity to feel affective empathy

for others should not be in a position of power over a child, alone and

unsupervised.)

-Annie

>

> My father who condoned abuse against would say all the time, " there is no

> right or wrong. " This would be his response when I plead for help. So his

> new age mumbo jumbo was used to condone abuse all the time. He also blamed

> my thinking when I got sick.

[Guest guest]

" It's a convenient and, apparently, lucrative thing to assert for the authors of

pop-psychology self-help books. I walk into the local bookstore and see the

shelves loaded with the latest " groovy self-help and self-actualization " authors

spouting the same old generalities and platitudes, recycling them over, and

over, and over....I consider that " magical thinking fluff " as just band-aids

that sell hope....holding out the promise of some golden day of magical/total

healing that will never come. But, if I buy the next book that comes out

......maybe I'll get that magical healing, if not, there'll always be another

book, and another, and another...to keep the game going of, IMO, denying and

repressing one's pain and memories of the reality that was experienced. "

And what is one of the hallmarks of the immature young child's thinking?

(And/or that of the BPD nada?) Magical thinking...just like this.

Thanks, y'all.

I read and believed all these books for like 10 years and the ideas in them

really screwed up my life. If I hadn't been reading these books I might have

been able to publish a novel by now.

--

[Guest guest]

" It's a convenient and, apparently, lucrative thing to assert for the authors of

pop-psychology self-help books. I walk into the local bookstore and see the

shelves loaded with the latest " groovy self-help and self-actualization " authors

spouting the same old generalities and platitudes, recycling them over, and

over, and over....I consider that " magical thinking fluff " as just band-aids

that sell hope....holding out the promise of some golden day of magical/total

healing that will never come. But, if I buy the next book that comes out

......maybe I'll get that magical healing, if not, there'll always be another

book, and another, and another...to keep the game going of, IMO, denying and

repressing one's pain and memories of the reality that was experienced. "

And what is one of the hallmarks of the immature young child's thinking?

(And/or that of the BPD nada?) Magical thinking...just like this.

Thanks, y'all.

I read and believed all these books for like 10 years and the ideas in them

really screwed up my life. If I hadn't been reading these books I might have

been able to publish a novel by now.

--

[Guest guest]

" It's a convenient and, apparently, lucrative thing to assert for the authors of

pop-psychology self-help books. I walk into the local bookstore and see the

shelves loaded with the latest " groovy self-help and self-actualization " authors

spouting the same old generalities and platitudes, recycling them over, and

over, and over....I consider that " magical thinking fluff " as just band-aids

that sell hope....holding out the promise of some golden day of magical/total

healing that will never come. But, if I buy the next book that comes out

......maybe I'll get that magical healing, if not, there'll always be another

book, and another, and another...to keep the game going of, IMO, denying and

repressing one's pain and memories of the reality that was experienced. "

And what is one of the hallmarks of the immature young child's thinking?

(And/or that of the BPD nada?) Magical thinking...just like this.

Thanks, y'all.

I read and believed all these books for like 10 years and the ideas in them

really screwed up my life. If I hadn't been reading these books I might have

been able to publish a novel by now.

--

[Guest guest]

my Nada loves this one. she also has a similar line she feeds us ALL THE TIME.

it was in a letter to me just a couple weeks ago. it is " I am so grateful God

trusted me enough to give all of you (me and my siblings) to me. " she usually

adds something along the lines of " I know I'm not perfect " or as in the last

letter " in spite of my foibles "

this statement really bugs me. I just don't think God works like that. the facts

are that people are born into terrible situations all the time. if it were

really up to God tons of the people who give birth would not. this is the

argument nobility use to defend their right to rule that God chooses who will be

rich, and poor. it was also used to justify slavery.

I think that what God does is give us the strength and help to forgive. he has

ways to help us make something of our lives in spite of all of this, but that is

not to say it was his (or our) idea.

I think the big flaw in this line of thinking is that it ignores the idea of

free will. we choose how we will live our lives. and so do Nadas/Fadas. and the

pain others inflict on us is the result of them poorly exercising (consciously

or unconsciously) poorly.

often in our struggles we become dependent on others and God, and that is

important to our happiness.

Meikjn

> > > > >

> > > > > Someone suggested this to me the other day, and it's something I've

> > > > heard before; Wayne Dyer has talked about it. It's the idea that

> > before we

> > > > were born, we decided what family we would be born into and what

> > experience

> > > > we would have. This would have all been in order to learn to deal with

> > > > adversity, to help our souls make spiritual progress.

> > > > >

> > > > > Wayne Dyer had said that *even if it's not true,* deciding to look

> > at it

> > > > that way offers us a perspective shift, one which moves us out of the

> > > > victim role.

> > > > >

> > > > > I hope nobody takes offense at this idea. I'm just throwing it out

> > > > there. I'm not saying I believe it, but it does offer a different way

> > to

> > > > look at things. If you think about it, it feels more empowering to

> > imagine

> > > > that we made this choice because we wanted the opportunity to survive

> > and

> > > > thrive despite the adversity.

> > > > >

> > > > > Have any of you ever thought about that idea? What do you think of

> > it?

> > > > >

> > > > > Deanna

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

my Nada loves this one. she also has a similar line she feeds us ALL THE TIME.

it was in a letter to me just a couple weeks ago. it is " I am so grateful God

trusted me enough to give all of you (me and my siblings) to me. " she usually

adds something along the lines of " I know I'm not perfect " or as in the last

letter " in spite of my foibles "

this statement really bugs me. I just don't think God works like that. the facts

are that people are born into terrible situations all the time. if it were

really up to God tons of the people who give birth would not. this is the

argument nobility use to defend their right to rule that God chooses who will be

rich, and poor. it was also used to justify slavery.

I think that what God does is give us the strength and help to forgive. he has

ways to help us make something of our lives in spite of all of this, but that is

not to say it was his (or our) idea.

I think the big flaw in this line of thinking is that it ignores the idea of

free will. we choose how we will live our lives. and so do Nadas/Fadas. and the

pain others inflict on us is the result of them poorly exercising (consciously

or unconsciously) poorly.

often in our struggles we become dependent on others and God, and that is

important to our happiness.

Meikjn

> > > > >

> > > > > Someone suggested this to me the other day, and it's something I've

> > > > heard before; Wayne Dyer has talked about it. It's the idea that

> > before we

> > > > were born, we decided what family we would be born into and what

> > experience

> > > > we would have. This would have all been in order to learn to deal with

> > > > adversity, to help our souls make spiritual progress.

> > > > >

> > > > > Wayne Dyer had said that *even if it's not true,* deciding to look

> > at it

> > > > that way offers us a perspective shift, one which moves us out of the

> > > > victim role.

> > > > >

> > > > > I hope nobody takes offense at this idea. I'm just throwing it out

> > > > there. I'm not saying I believe it, but it does offer a different way

> > to

> > > > look at things. If you think about it, it feels more empowering to

> > imagine

> > > > that we made this choice because we wanted the opportunity to survive

> > and

> > > > thrive despite the adversity.

> > > > >

> > > > > Have any of you ever thought about that idea? What do you think of

> > it?

> > > > >

> > > > > Deanna

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Millicent,

I'm just so sorry you had no one to go to. There is a right or wrong. It's

wrong to harm others. It's wrong to hurt children. What both of your parents

did to you was wrong. It was wrong for your father to fail to protect you. It

was wrong for your mother to be someone you needed protection from.

It's hard to fathom your father's way of thinking.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

Millicent,

I'm just so sorry you had no one to go to. There is a right or wrong. It's

wrong to harm others. It's wrong to hurt children. What both of your parents

did to you was wrong. It was wrong for your father to fail to protect you. It

was wrong for your mother to be someone you needed protection from.

It's hard to fathom your father's way of thinking.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

Millicent,

I'm just so sorry you had no one to go to. There is a right or wrong. It's

wrong to harm others. It's wrong to hurt children. What both of your parents

did to you was wrong. It was wrong for your father to fail to protect you. It

was wrong for your mother to be someone you needed protection from.

It's hard to fathom your father's way of thinking.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU!!!!!

> **

>

>

> Millicent,

>

> I'm just so sorry you had no one to go to. There is a right or wrong. It's

> wrong to harm others. It's wrong to hurt children. What both of your

> parents did to you was wrong. It was wrong for your father to fail to

> protect you. It was wrong for your mother to be someone you needed

> protection from.

>

> It's hard to fathom your father's way of thinking.

>

> Take care,

> Ashana

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU!!!!!

> **

>

>

> Millicent,

>

> I'm just so sorry you had no one to go to. There is a right or wrong. It's

> wrong to harm others. It's wrong to hurt children. What both of your

> parents did to you was wrong. It was wrong for your father to fail to

> protect you. It was wrong for your mother to be someone you needed

> protection from.

>

> It's hard to fathom your father's way of thinking.

>

> Take care,

> Ashana

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I felt the same way. When I talked about being molested, I have had similar yet

equally bruising nuggets hurled at me. Just makes me want to stay in my shell,

but that just makes me stay angry, scared, hurt, lonely and did I say angry

already...

> > >

> > > I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer peddles.

> > >

> > > It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where they

> > were going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up the

> > social network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other people

> > how they should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they didn't

> > walk in *my* shoes.

> > >

> > > I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my emotional

> > and physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs to be

> > met. Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people, to

> > trust people and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My goal

> > for the next 30 years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this

> > short straw.

> > >

> > > And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

> > either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on top of

> > her family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with this

> > theory have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I felt the same way. When I talked about being molested, I have had similar yet

equally bruising nuggets hurled at me. Just makes me want to stay in my shell,

but that just makes me stay angry, scared, hurt, lonely and did I say angry

already...

> > >

> > > I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer peddles.

> > >

> > > It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where they

> > were going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up the

> > social network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other people

> > how they should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they didn't

> > walk in *my* shoes.

> > >

> > > I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my emotional

> > and physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs to be

> > met. Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people, to

> > trust people and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My goal

> > for the next 30 years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this

> > short straw.

> > >

> > > And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

> > either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on top of

> > her family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with this

> > theory have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I felt the same way. When I talked about being molested, I have had similar yet

equally bruising nuggets hurled at me. Just makes me want to stay in my shell,

but that just makes me stay angry, scared, hurt, lonely and did I say angry

already...

> > >

> > > I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer peddles.

> > >

> > > It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where they

> > were going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up the

> > social network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other people

> > how they should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they didn't

> > walk in *my* shoes.

> > >

> > > I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my emotional

> > and physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs to be

> > met. Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people, to

> > trust people and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My goal

> > for the next 30 years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this

> > short straw.

> > >

> > > And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

> > either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on top of

> > her family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with this

> > theory have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear you were molested. No one should ever go through that!

> **

>

>

> I felt the same way. When I talked about being molested, I have had

> similar yet equally bruising nuggets hurled at me. Just makes me want to

> stay in my shell, but that just makes me stay angry, scared, hurt, lonely

> and did I say angry already...

> t

>

> > > >

> > > > I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer

> peddles.

> > > >

> > > > It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where

> they

> > > were going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up

> the

> > > social network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other

> people

> > > how they should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they

> didn't

> > > walk in *my* shoes.

> > > >

> > > > I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my

> emotional

> > > and physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs

> to be

> > > met. Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people,

> to

> > > trust people and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My

> goal

> > > for the next 30 years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this

> > > short straw.

> > > >

> > > > And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

> > > either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on

> top of

> > > her family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with

> this

> > > theory have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear you were molested. No one should ever go through that!

> **

>

>

> I felt the same way. When I talked about being molested, I have had

> similar yet equally bruising nuggets hurled at me. Just makes me want to

> stay in my shell, but that just makes me stay angry, scared, hurt, lonely

> and did I say angry already...

> t

>

> > > >

> > > > I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer

> peddles.

> > > >

> > > > It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where

> they

> > > were going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up

> the

> > > social network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other

> people

> > > how they should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they

> didn't

> > > walk in *my* shoes.

> > > >

> > > > I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my

> emotional

> > > and physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs

> to be

> > > met. Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people,

> to

> > > trust people and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My

> goal

> > > for the next 30 years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this

> > > short straw.

> > > >

> > > > And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

> > > either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on

> top of

> > > her family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with

> this

> > > theory have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear you were molested. No one should ever go through that!

> **

>

>

> I felt the same way. When I talked about being molested, I have had

> similar yet equally bruising nuggets hurled at me. Just makes me want to

> stay in my shell, but that just makes me stay angry, scared, hurt, lonely

> and did I say angry already...

> t

>

> > > >

> > > > I think its a load of horse pucky! As is most of the stuff Dyer

> peddles.

> > > >

> > > > It's very easy for people who had the tools at age 20 to know where

> they

> > > were going in life, got themselves an education, moved themselves up

> the

> > > social network to a level of prominence they then used to tell other

> people

> > > how they should think and feel. Seriously, good for them. But they

> didn't

> > > walk in *my* shoes.

> > > >

> > > > I, on the other hand, spent my first 30 years suppressing my

> emotional

> > > and physical needs because I had no safe place to ask for those needs

> to be

> > > met. Almost another 20 years trying to relearn to engage with people,

> to

> > > trust people and myself. So instead, I have a life *half* lived. My

> goal

> > > for the next 30 years is to be happy and not bitter about drawing this

> > > short straw.

> > > >

> > > > And no, I don't think my nada 'chose' the life she wanted to be in

> > > either--full of fear and rage, panic and misery, struggling to be on

> top of

> > > her family as if they were mortal enemies. Yes, Dyer and the rest with

> this

> > > theory have their heads far up their own butt, IMHO.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I think of it like this - if it gives you back the feeling of control, then it's

a helpful thought. If it makes you angry - well throw it in the dustbin with all

the other crazy things people say.

And it can be used both ways. It can make you feel like it's your fault, more

victim-hood. But you can also make the lesson be anything you want. The lesson

could be that you need to learn to live with the abuse, but more likely, the

lesson is how to stand up for yourself and say no to the most powerful

archtype/person in anyone's life, the MOTHER. The lesson you came here to learn

is how to take care of yourself. I think that's the best work anyone can do,

finding their own inner peace, it's the only way we will be truly kind and

compassionate to others.

At least that's one way to hear that saying. But I also agree, that many people

use (hopefully unintentionally) it to make you feel worse. And that's not

useful.