Re: BPD Children/The idea that we signed up for [BPD] parents.

[Guest guest]

Hi Alice;

My biological daughter does have full-blown BPD. She can be physically dangerous

(and was dangerous as a child but was smaller, and easier to handle). I don't

see myself going NC with her but I totally understand the need to make sure I'm

safe and in safe situations with her when I do see her.

Because of my nada (who is dead), I am pretty good about knowing when things are

going to get rough and use theraputic " words " and never ever defend myself or

try to argue with my daughter. But I haven't lived with my daughter for about

five years and unless something really drastic happens to change her behavior

(NOT expecting that), have no intention of every living with her again. I love

her but I know BPD too well to put myself at risk. There is always a lock (and

several miles) between me and her when I do visit the town she lives in.

Fortunately, again due to experience with nada, this group, therapy and books,

my daughter (grown but young) and I do have a decent email relationship and

enjoy small bits of time in person and on the phone (sometimes video chat),

though it is rocky at times. The emphasis is on " small " amounts of time spent.

Flowers

-----Original Message-----

>

>I can't help wondering if the mother would have felt the same way if they had

been her biological children. I'm just asking because my youngest girl reminds

me a lot of nada sometimes  (and she's just over one), and my three-year-old

displays the behaviors too (but nada acts like a three-year-old, so these may

just be perfectly normal behaviors). I'm not too worried about them yet, but

it's always in the back of my mind ...

>

>I wonder what I would do if my children, both of whom I carried inside me every

day for eight-nine months, actually did exhibit full-blown BPD or whatever when

they get older. I don't think I could go NC with them. Then again, I can't bring

myself to go NC with nada (for the some biological body bond reason?). But I

don't necessarily think I'd feel differently even if they were adopted children

because I'm the type who gets extremely attached to people (and animals) very

easily. 

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Alice;

My biological daughter does have full-blown BPD. She can be physically dangerous

(and was dangerous as a child but was smaller, and easier to handle). I don't

see myself going NC with her but I totally understand the need to make sure I'm

safe and in safe situations with her when I do see her.

Because of my nada (who is dead), I am pretty good about knowing when things are

going to get rough and use theraputic " words " and never ever defend myself or

try to argue with my daughter. But I haven't lived with my daughter for about

five years and unless something really drastic happens to change her behavior

(NOT expecting that), have no intention of every living with her again. I love

her but I know BPD too well to put myself at risk. There is always a lock (and

several miles) between me and her when I do visit the town she lives in.

Fortunately, again due to experience with nada, this group, therapy and books,

my daughter (grown but young) and I do have a decent email relationship and

enjoy small bits of time in person and on the phone (sometimes video chat),

though it is rocky at times. The emphasis is on " small " amounts of time spent.

Flowers

-----Original Message-----

>

>I can't help wondering if the mother would have felt the same way if they had

been her biological children. I'm just asking because my youngest girl reminds

me a lot of nada sometimes  (and she's just over one), and my three-year-old

displays the behaviors too (but nada acts like a three-year-old, so these may

just be perfectly normal behaviors). I'm not too worried about them yet, but

it's always in the back of my mind ...

>

>I wonder what I would do if my children, both of whom I carried inside me every

day for eight-nine months, actually did exhibit full-blown BPD or whatever when

they get older. I don't think I could go NC with them. Then again, I can't bring

myself to go NC with nada (for the some biological body bond reason?). But I

don't necessarily think I'd feel differently even if they were adopted children

because I'm the type who gets extremely attached to people (and animals) very

easily. 

>

>

[Guest guest]

Flowers,

when was your daughter diagnosed and what were the behaviors that led to that,

if you don't mind sharing? My son is twelve and it really worries me how much he

seems to blame every one else for his problems and how he seems to interpret the

facts of what is happening around him. I think the thing that alarms me the most

is that he seems to " forget " bits of what happens during an upset which remind

me of nada and then yells at me and accuses me of lying about what actually

happened. C

>

> Hi Alice;

>

> My biological daughter does have full-blown BPD. She can be physically

dangerous (and was dangerous as a child but was smaller, and easier to handle).

I don't see myself going NC with her but I totally understand the need to make

sure I'm safe and in safe situations with her when I do see her.

>

> Because of my nada (who is dead), I am pretty good about knowing when things

are going to get rough and use theraputic " words " and never ever defend myself

or try to argue with my daughter. But I haven't lived with my daughter for about

five years and unless something really drastic happens to change her behavior

(NOT expecting that), have no intention of every living with her again. I love

her but I know BPD too well to put myself at risk. There is always a lock (and

several miles) between me and her when I do visit the town she lives in.

>

> Fortunately, again due to experience with nada, this group, therapy and books,

my daughter (grown but young) and I do have a decent email relationship and

enjoy small bits of time in person and on the phone (sometimes video chat),

though it is rocky at times. The emphasis is on " small " amounts of time spent.

>

>

> Flowers

>

> -----Original Message-----

> >From: Alice Spiedon

>

> >I can't help wondering if the mother would have felt the same way if they had

been her biological children. I'm just asking because my youngest girl reminds

me a lot of nada sometimes  (and she's just over one), and my three-year-old

displays the behaviors too (but nada acts like a three-year-old, so these may

just be perfectly normal behaviors). I'm not too worried about them yet, but

it's always in the back of my mind ...

> >

> >I wonder what I would do if my children, both of whom I carried inside me

every day for eight-nine months, actually did exhibit full-blown BPD or whatever

when they get older. I don't think I could go NC with them. Then again, I can't

bring myself to go NC with nada (for the some biological body bond reason?). But

I don't necessarily think I'd feel differently even if they were adopted

children because I'm the type who gets extremely attached to people (and

animals) very easily. 

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Flowers,

when was your daughter diagnosed and what were the behaviors that led to that,

if you don't mind sharing? My son is twelve and it really worries me how much he

seems to blame every one else for his problems and how he seems to interpret the

facts of what is happening around him. I think the thing that alarms me the most

is that he seems to " forget " bits of what happens during an upset which remind

me of nada and then yells at me and accuses me of lying about what actually

happened. C

>

> Hi Alice;

>

> My biological daughter does have full-blown BPD. She can be physically

dangerous (and was dangerous as a child but was smaller, and easier to handle).

I don't see myself going NC with her but I totally understand the need to make

sure I'm safe and in safe situations with her when I do see her.

>

> Because of my nada (who is dead), I am pretty good about knowing when things

are going to get rough and use theraputic " words " and never ever defend myself

or try to argue with my daughter. But I haven't lived with my daughter for about

five years and unless something really drastic happens to change her behavior

(NOT expecting that), have no intention of every living with her again. I love

her but I know BPD too well to put myself at risk. There is always a lock (and

several miles) between me and her when I do visit the town she lives in.

>

> Fortunately, again due to experience with nada, this group, therapy and books,

my daughter (grown but young) and I do have a decent email relationship and

enjoy small bits of time in person and on the phone (sometimes video chat),

though it is rocky at times. The emphasis is on " small " amounts of time spent.

>

>

> Flowers

>

> -----Original Message-----

> >From: Alice Spiedon

>

> >I can't help wondering if the mother would have felt the same way if they had

been her biological children. I'm just asking because my youngest girl reminds

me a lot of nada sometimes  (and she's just over one), and my three-year-old

displays the behaviors too (but nada acts like a three-year-old, so these may

just be perfectly normal behaviors). I'm not too worried about them yet, but

it's always in the back of my mind ...

> >

> >I wonder what I would do if my children, both of whom I carried inside me

every day for eight-nine months, actually did exhibit full-blown BPD or whatever

when they get older. I don't think I could go NC with them. Then again, I can't

bring myself to go NC with nada (for the some biological body bond reason?). But

I don't necessarily think I'd feel differently even if they were adopted

children because I'm the type who gets extremely attached to people (and

animals) very easily. 

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Flowers,

when was your daughter diagnosed and what were the behaviors that led to that,

if you don't mind sharing? My son is twelve and it really worries me how much he

seems to blame every one else for his problems and how he seems to interpret the

facts of what is happening around him. I think the thing that alarms me the most

is that he seems to " forget " bits of what happens during an upset which remind

me of nada and then yells at me and accuses me of lying about what actually

happened. C

>

> Hi Alice;

>

> My biological daughter does have full-blown BPD. She can be physically

dangerous (and was dangerous as a child but was smaller, and easier to handle).

I don't see myself going NC with her but I totally understand the need to make

sure I'm safe and in safe situations with her when I do see her.

>

> Because of my nada (who is dead), I am pretty good about knowing when things

are going to get rough and use theraputic " words " and never ever defend myself

or try to argue with my daughter. But I haven't lived with my daughter for about

five years and unless something really drastic happens to change her behavior

(NOT expecting that), have no intention of every living with her again. I love

her but I know BPD too well to put myself at risk. There is always a lock (and

several miles) between me and her when I do visit the town she lives in.

>

> Fortunately, again due to experience with nada, this group, therapy and books,

my daughter (grown but young) and I do have a decent email relationship and

enjoy small bits of time in person and on the phone (sometimes video chat),

though it is rocky at times. The emphasis is on " small " amounts of time spent.

>

>

> Flowers

>

> -----Original Message-----

> >From: Alice Spiedon

>

> >I can't help wondering if the mother would have felt the same way if they had

been her biological children. I'm just asking because my youngest girl reminds

me a lot of nada sometimes  (and she's just over one), and my three-year-old

displays the behaviors too (but nada acts like a three-year-old, so these may

just be perfectly normal behaviors). I'm not too worried about them yet, but

it's always in the back of my mind ...

> >

> >I wonder what I would do if my children, both of whom I carried inside me

every day for eight-nine months, actually did exhibit full-blown BPD or whatever

when they get older. I don't think I could go NC with them. Then again, I can't

bring myself to go NC with nada (for the some biological body bond reason?). But

I don't necessarily think I'd feel differently even if they were adopted

children because I'm the type who gets extremely attached to people (and

animals) very easily. 

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Flowers,

Thanks for the response, I can imagine that it is very difficult to have to

think about your child in this manner. I think much of my son's issues stem

partly from food allergies and sadley from fleas too.Throw in on top of that, we

lost his dad/my husband to cancer just over five months ago and starting to

enter puberty and you have the emotional issues jackpot.

I don't think he has ever acted like I was his possession. He was always a very

loving child and is still physicly affectionate in private, but he is twelve and

hugging mom, just isn't cool ya know! He loves and is very affectionate with our

dogs. He sleeps with the two little ones. I definitely figured out that he

CANNOT have soy milk, it gives him these horrible emotional meltdowns like you

wouldn't believe. Too much phyto estrogen properties. Not good for boys at all.

I do think he needs therapy. Aside from losing his dad, he has always seemed to

have issues with lying. He lies VERY convincingly and this, more than anything

led to my questioning you about your experience with your daughter. I hate that

I feel like I can't believe what he is telling me at least half of the time when

it is a confrontational situation. I want to trust him, but he lies about things

constantly. The other part that concerns me is that he really does seem to do

that loss of memory thing that many PD's do during high stress situations where

he doesn't seem to remember what was said and done by himself and others in the

middle of an upset.

I have a neighbor that has a 14 year old step daughter that has been diagnosed

with BPD so I know some of what you have gone thru with her. I am sooo very

sorry. That has to be a very rough situation. Thank you again for sharing some

of your experience.

C

> >>

> >> Hi Alice;

> >>

> >> My biological daughter does have full-blown BPD. She can be physically

dangerous (and was dangerous as a child but was smaller, and easier to handle).

I don't see myself going NC with her but I totally understand the need to make

sure I'm safe and in safe situations with her when I do see her.

> >>

>