Re: struggling lately (long)

[Guest guest]

Wow, Eliza. Sorry you have to go through this. It sucks to be sick around nada

and (in your case) nadaunt. I've said it before. No matter how sick you are,

they're always sicker (or they have the exact same problem, even when they

don't). My own " mother " has diabetes, asthma, thyroid problems, and partial

blindness, and she LOVES to constantly throw all of these things in all our

faces. Even though, relatively speaking, all her conditions are under pretty

good control.

I hope the other treatment works for you so they don't have to do a

thyroidectomy. I can see how that would be a major source of anxiety. Still, you

said there's only a small chance of it causing psychosis. So focus on that word

" small " instead of the word " psychosis. "  

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, April 30, 2012 6:23 AM

Subject: struggling lately (long)

 

So I haven't been on as often, I'm up and down emotionally and physically with

this thyroid journey. And of course it is too big to hide and will go on too

long so I had to tell my nada and nadaunt. I had to cancel a trip to see them

over it. And now it is even harder to deal with them. They have a special

brand of how they act when they believe acting " supportive " is called for. But

it's like saccharine, nothing is really in it, and often it quickly turns to be

all about them. My aunt is now terrified that she has the disease I've been

diagnosed with. I swear I spend more time talking with her about her symptoms

and thinking she has it than it is about me. But I don't want to talk about me

with her anyway because she's all negative and catastrophizing. For example,

if I have a thyroidectomy there's a small chance that the dramatic shift in

thyroid hormones could literally make me psychotic. I told her I was scared

about this and she says

yeah with our family's sensitivity to medical stuff that would probably happen

to *us*. As if she and I are both up for a thyroidectomy? And what the hell

kind of support is that saying yeah you probably would have a psychotic break.

Thanks. My mother had/has this damn disease herself, she's the one who gave it

to me but I've yet to hear an apology. Maybe it's silly to want an apology for

inheriting an awful disease from a parent, but I still want one.

My mother in the meantime has been bizarrely cheerful and chipper ever since she

found out. She also changes the subject plenty but even when she doesn't it

feel like she doesn't give a shit. Like she's just reading lines from a book

entitled " How to Appear Supportive " and once she says her lines she abruptly

changes the subject to herself totally unaffected.

And I know...I know...I hear you all now saying WHY did you have to tell them?

I am on medications which dramatically affect how alert I sound and my mood,

they would notice the change over the phone. Also as my thyroid hormones

fluctuate it dramatically effects me as well. It will still be many weeks till

I have hope of getting stabilized. It was just too big to hide even

long-distance. I don't have anyone else in my real life - they are my next of

kin. It is terrifying. I just try to keep talking myself down off the mental

ledge that things might not get that bad and hopefully won't have to do surgery.

Still...feeling physically compromised makes me feel psychologically

compromised, weaker somehow in dealing with them and I don't like it.

Ah well, guess that was a long enough rant thanks for reading, any and all

support appreciated.

Eliza

[Guest guest]

(((((Eliza)))))

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this scary and unpleasant condition

and procedures, but it sounds hopeful that you will stabilize and won't need the

thyroidectomy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, for a rapid

stabilization.

I think your bpd-aunt is something of a narcissist and craves attention. Or she

has a touch of Munchausen's, perhaps: she is actually envious of your medical

condition because *she* would use having such a condition as a means of wringing

attention and sympathy out of those around her. How tiresome to be around

someone like that when you are the one who is actually suffering.

If being on the phone with this aunt upsets or drains you, I hope you will give

yourself permission to just politely cut the call short. (For myself, anyway,

I'd prefer no conversation at all to an irritating, draining, upsetting

conversation; the irritation would feel worse to me than the loneliness.)

My guess is that your nada has slipped into denial out of guilt and fear. I'm

speculating that your nada is afraid that she will develop the symptoms too, and

she does feel guilty that you inherited this condition from her. She cant

handle feeling scared for you, scared for herself, and feeling like the cause

(even if it wasn't deliberate) of your suffering, so she has flipped a switch in

her consciousness that has almost completely shut off her awareness of all this.

My nada would do that " bizarrely chipper and cheerful " thing sometimes right

after she'd beaten the crap out of my little Sister or me. We'd be on the floor

shaking from shock, and nada would be acting like nothing horrific had just

happened. Very Twilight-Zone-esque. So it seemed to me at the time that my own

mother actually *enjoyed* beating me

with the damned belt; it made her happy. But now, I think instead she'd slid

down the chute into total denial that she'd let herself batter her child, again.

(Another peg on the " bpd people shouldn't be left alone with children " side of

the board.)

-Annie

>

> So I haven't been on as often, I'm up and down emotionally and physically with

this thyroid journey. And of course it is too big to hide and will go on too

long so I had to tell my nada and nadaunt. I had to cancel a trip to see them

over it. And now it is even harder to deal with them. They have a special

brand of how they act when they believe acting " supportive " is called for. But

it's like saccharine, nothing is really in it, and often it quickly turns to be

all about them. My aunt is now terrified that she has the disease I've been

diagnosed with. I swear I spend more time talking with her about her symptoms

and thinking she has it than it is about me. But I don't want to talk about me

with her anyway because she's all negative and catastrophizing. For example,

if I have a thyroidectomy there's a small chance that the dramatic shift in

thyroid hormones could literally make me psychotic. I told her I was scared

about this and she says yeah with our family's sensitivity to medical stuff that

would probably happen to *us*. As if she and I are both up for a

thyroidectomy? And what the hell kind of support is that saying yeah you

probably would have a psychotic break. Thanks. My mother had/has this damn

disease herself, she's the one who gave it to me but I've yet to hear an

apology. Maybe it's silly to want an apology for inheriting an awful disease

from a parent, but I still want one.

>

> My mother in the meantime has been bizarrely cheerful and chipper ever since

she found out. She also changes the subject plenty but even when she doesn't

it feel like she doesn't give a shit. Like she's just reading lines from a book

entitled " How to Appear Supportive " and once she says her lines she abruptly

changes the subject to herself totally unaffected.

>

> And I know...I know...I hear you all now saying WHY did you have to tell them?

I am on medications which dramatically affect how alert I sound and my mood,

they would notice the change over the phone. Also as my thyroid hormones

fluctuate it dramatically effects me as well. It will still be many weeks till

I have hope of getting stabilized. It was just too big to hide even

long-distance. I don't have anyone else in my real life - they are my next of

kin. It is terrifying. I just try to keep talking myself down off the mental

ledge that things might not get that bad and hopefully won't have to do surgery.

Still...feeling physically compromised makes me feel psychologically

compromised, weaker somehow in dealing with them and I don't like it.

>

> Ah well, guess that was a long enough rant thanks for reading, any and all

support appreciated.

>

> Eliza

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Alic, thanks and yep they have to be the sickest. It's like they can't

stand it to actually let someone else's needs come first. In my family this

creates great inner conflict in them because they also have a lot invested in

the appearance of being a perfect family. So I get these weird flip flops from

them of massive narcissism and then fake concern and if I were to call them on

any of it then the bpd side would come out.

But yes all the really horrible outcomes have *small* chances and I'll try to

stay focused on that word!

Eliza

>

> Wow, Eliza. Sorry you have to go through this. It sucks to be sick around nada

and (in your case) nadaunt. I've said it before. No matter how sick you are,

they're always sicker (or they have the exact same problem, even when they

don't). My own " mother " has diabetes, asthma, thyroid problems, and partial

blindness, and she LOVES to constantly throw all of these things in all our

faces. Even though, relatively speaking, all her conditions are under pretty

good control.

>

> I hope the other treatment works for you so they don't have to do a

thyroidectomy. I can see how that would be a major source of anxiety. Still, you

said there's only a small chance of it causing psychosis. So focus on that word

" small " instead of the word " psychosis. "  

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie, thank for the hugs. Interesting take on it that my aunt has a

Munchausen's thing going on - could be. It's like she's trying to get that

extra sympathy from even the mere possibility she has it. There is a massive

genetic component though, my grandmother had it as well - the cause is something

like 80% genetic, 20% environment. My mother's symptoms will never return as

her thyroid was removed. She's sure sublimating her guilt well if she feels

it....I don't think I've seen her this happy in years, literally. Maybe like

with your mother it's some kind of break with reality. And you are right about

the phone. I've been thinking a lot on what to do about the phone - definitely

gotta come up with some strategies to change what is happening there subject

changes, hanging up, excuses.

Eliza

>

> (((((Eliza)))))

> I'm so sorry you are having to go through this scary and unpleasant condition

and procedures, but it sounds hopeful that you will stabilize and won't need the

thyroidectomy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, for a rapid

stabilization.

>

> I think your bpd-aunt is something of a narcissist and craves attention. Or

she has a touch of Munchausen's, perhaps: she is actually envious of your

medical condition because *she* would use having such a condition as a means of

wringing attention and sympathy out of those around her. How tiresome to be

around someone like that when you are the one who is actually suffering.

>

> If being on the phone with this aunt upsets or drains you, I hope you will

give yourself permission to just politely cut the call short. (For myself,

anyway, I'd prefer no conversation at all to an irritating, draining, upsetting

conversation; the irritation would feel worse to me than the loneliness.)

>

> My guess is that your nada has slipped into denial out of guilt and fear. I'm

speculating that your nada is afraid that she will develop the symptoms too, and

she does feel guilty that you inherited this condition from her. She cant

handle feeling scared for you, scared for herself, and feeling like the cause

(even if it wasn't deliberate) of your suffering, so she has flipped a switch in

her consciousness that has almost completely shut off her awareness of all this.

>

> My nada would do that " bizarrely chipper and cheerful " thing sometimes right

after she'd beaten the crap out of my little Sister or me. We'd be on the floor

shaking from shock, and nada would be acting like nothing horrific had just

happened. Very Twilight-Zone-esque. So it seemed to me at the time that my own

mother actually *enjoyed* beating me

> with the damned belt; it made her happy. But now, I think instead she'd slid

down the chute into total denial that she'd let herself batter her child, again.

>

> (Another peg on the " bpd people shouldn't be left alone with children " side of

the board.)

>

> -Annie