Re: Fear of repeating history

[Guest guest]

Yes I totally understand you. Personally speaking, the outburst of anger is

probably because I have suppressed everything remotely similar to emotions,

oppressed my voice, locked my inner child in a dark deep well in order to keep

her silent. Just so I could cope and survive my Dad.

I am mortified of turning into my Dad. We are actually quite similar, similar

body types, temperament (minus the BPD) and have similar allergies (foods,

clothing etc.), which complicates things a bit.

I know I am not like him, but also know that I have learned behavior that I need

to sort out. I was reading the Five Love Languages and noticed the part dealing

with anger -- I took especial note to the part that said that if as adults we

cannot deal with our anger, we cannot teach our child how to deal with his/hers,

robbing her from a fulfilled life.

I know how this feels, my Dad was a lousy parent with regular ups and dOOOOwns

(he would get so mad at me, he would yell for it seemed like an eternity, then

he would hit himself in order not to hurt me, I would always stand there frozen

and quite embarrassing, but would pee because I was mortified) -- but perhaps a

perfect example for me. I have caught myself doing the very same thing, yelling

at my 4 year old just like he did on several occasions and I felt sick to my

core. I ran into the bathroom and cried in disgust. I knew then I had to figure

out what was going on with me...

Knowing is half the battle, trying to understand + allowing to evolve comes

shortly after.

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Yes I totally understand you. Personally speaking, the outburst of anger is

probably because I have suppressed everything remotely similar to emotions,

oppressed my voice, locked my inner child in a dark deep well in order to keep

her silent. Just so I could cope and survive my Dad.

I am mortified of turning into my Dad. We are actually quite similar, similar

body types, temperament (minus the BPD) and have similar allergies (foods,

clothing etc.), which complicates things a bit.

I know I am not like him, but also know that I have learned behavior that I need

to sort out. I was reading the Five Love Languages and noticed the part dealing

with anger -- I took especial note to the part that said that if as adults we

cannot deal with our anger, we cannot teach our child how to deal with his/hers,

robbing her from a fulfilled life.

I know how this feels, my Dad was a lousy parent with regular ups and dOOOOwns

(he would get so mad at me, he would yell for it seemed like an eternity, then

he would hit himself in order not to hurt me, I would always stand there frozen

and quite embarrassing, but would pee because I was mortified) -- but perhaps a

perfect example for me. I have caught myself doing the very same thing, yelling

at my 4 year old just like he did on several occasions and I felt sick to my

core. I ran into the bathroom and cried in disgust. I knew then I had to figure

out what was going on with me...

Knowing is half the battle, trying to understand + allowing to evolve comes

shortly after.

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Yes I totally understand you. Personally speaking, the outburst of anger is

probably because I have suppressed everything remotely similar to emotions,

oppressed my voice, locked my inner child in a dark deep well in order to keep

her silent. Just so I could cope and survive my Dad.

I am mortified of turning into my Dad. We are actually quite similar, similar

body types, temperament (minus the BPD) and have similar allergies (foods,

clothing etc.), which complicates things a bit.

I know I am not like him, but also know that I have learned behavior that I need

to sort out. I was reading the Five Love Languages and noticed the part dealing

with anger -- I took especial note to the part that said that if as adults we

cannot deal with our anger, we cannot teach our child how to deal with his/hers,

robbing her from a fulfilled life.

I know how this feels, my Dad was a lousy parent with regular ups and dOOOOwns

(he would get so mad at me, he would yell for it seemed like an eternity, then

he would hit himself in order not to hurt me, I would always stand there frozen

and quite embarrassing, but would pee because I was mortified) -- but perhaps a

perfect example for me. I have caught myself doing the very same thing, yelling

at my 4 year old just like he did on several occasions and I felt sick to my

core. I ran into the bathroom and cried in disgust. I knew then I had to figure

out what was going on with me...

Knowing is half the battle, trying to understand + allowing to evolve comes

shortly after.

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Those of us raised by bpd parents tend to acquire bpd-like behaviors (or

" fleas " ) because these dysfunctional behaviors were modeled to us as " normal "

and OK " by our parents. Children absorb their native language and their culture

and their beliefs and their family dynamic, because that is what they are

exposed to every day.

The good news is that if you are *aware* that your reactions to your emotions

are perhaps extreme or inappropriate, and not very much under your control, and

you are aware that your behaviors are not desirable because they are hurting

your children or yourself or your spouse or other relationships (or all of the

above) then that means *you have the capacity to learn how to self-monitor and

self-regulate* the way you respond to your emotions.

Our brains are not mis-wired like the brains of those with personality disorder.

We non-pd individuals can actually *perceive* when we do or say something that

is counterproductive, inappropriate and/or harmful. We can *accept personal

responsibility* for our acts and words, and we can feel guilt when we do things

that hurt others, because we have the characteristics or qualities of empathy

and remorse and a conscience.

So, yes: even if you sometimes display bpd-like behaviors or " bpd fleas " , the

fact that this distresses you is a good thing. It means you have the potential

to change the things you don't like.

Those with bpd never question themselves, they feel perfectly entitled and

justified to think and feel and behave however they feel like; nothing is ever

their own fault, its always someone else or some event outside their control

that causes all their problems. The person with pd is always the innocent

victim.

Such individuals rarely if ever seek therapy because they don't desire to

change.

" Why should I go to a therapist? There's nothing wrong with me! YOU are the

one who needs therapy! " is the way someone with personality disorder thinks.

(This is called an " ego syntonic " state: the person's behaviors and thoughts are

not distressing to them.)

So, take heart. It is not very likely that you have a personality disorder, and

so you have the capacity to improve whatever parts of your behaviors that you

want to.

-Annie

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>

[Guest guest]

You are awesome Annie! Thankyou.

Sent from my iPhone which makes me very cool and gives me the appearance of

being important and technologically savvy.

> Those of us raised by bpd parents tend to acquire bpd-like behaviors (or

" fleas " ) because these dysfunctional behaviors were modeled to us as " normal "

and OK " by our parents. Children absorb their native language and their culture

and their beliefs and their family dynamic, because that is what they are

exposed to every day.

>

> The good news is that if you are *aware* that your reactions to your emotions

are perhaps extreme or inappropriate, and not very much under your control, and

you are aware that your behaviors are not desirable because they are hurting

your children or yourself or your spouse or other relationships (or all of the

above) then that means *you have the capacity to learn how to self-monitor and

self-regulate* the way you respond to your emotions.

>

> Our brains are not mis-wired like the brains of those with personality

disorder. We non-pd individuals can actually *perceive* when we do or say

something that is counterproductive, inappropriate and/or harmful. We can

*accept personal responsibility* for our acts and words, and we can feel guilt

when we do things that hurt others, because we have the characteristics or

qualities of empathy and remorse and a conscience.

>

> So, yes: even if you sometimes display bpd-like behaviors or " bpd fleas " , the

fact that this distresses you is a good thing. It means you have the potential

to change the things you don't like.

>

> Those with bpd never question themselves, they feel perfectly entitled and

justified to think and feel and behave however they feel like; nothing is ever

their own fault, its always someone else or some event outside their control

that causes all their problems. The person with pd is always the innocent

victim.

>

> Such individuals rarely if ever seek therapy because they don't desire to

change.

> " Why should I go to a therapist? There's nothing wrong with me! YOU are the

one who needs therapy! " is the way someone with personality disorder thinks.

(This is called an " ego syntonic " state: the person's behaviors and thoughts are

not distressing to them.)

>

> So, take heart. It is not very likely that you have a personality disorder,

and so you have the capacity to improve whatever parts of your behaviors that

you want to.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her mother

and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list. I have

a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late, having

come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost patience

with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I might be

repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens of friends,

and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years in just a

couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that is

completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she still

has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions. GRRR!!!

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are awesome Annie! Thankyou.

Sent from my iPhone which makes me very cool and gives me the appearance of

being important and technologically savvy.

> Those of us raised by bpd parents tend to acquire bpd-like behaviors (or

" fleas " ) because these dysfunctional behaviors were modeled to us as " normal "

and OK " by our parents. Children absorb their native language and their culture

and their beliefs and their family dynamic, because that is what they are

exposed to every day.

>

> The good news is that if you are *aware* that your reactions to your emotions

are perhaps extreme or inappropriate, and not very much under your control, and

you are aware that your behaviors are not desirable because they are hurting

your children or yourself or your spouse or other relationships (or all of the

above) then that means *you have the capacity to learn how to self-monitor and

self-regulate* the way you respond to your emotions.

>

> Our brains are not mis-wired like the brains of those with personality

disorder. We non-pd individuals can actually *perceive* when we do or say

something that is counterproductive, inappropriate and/or harmful. We can

*accept personal responsibility* for our acts and words, and we can feel guilt

when we do things that hurt others, because we have the characteristics or

qualities of empathy and remorse and a conscience.

>

> So, yes: even if you sometimes display bpd-like behaviors or " bpd fleas " , the

fact that this distresses you is a good thing. It means you have the potential

to change the things you don't like.

>

> Those with bpd never question themselves, they feel perfectly entitled and

justified to think and feel and behave however they feel like; nothing is ever

their own fault, its always someone else or some event outside their control

that causes all their problems. The person with pd is always the innocent

victim.

>

> Such individuals rarely if ever seek therapy because they don't desire to

change.

> " Why should I go to a therapist? There's nothing wrong with me! YOU are the

one who needs therapy! " is the way someone with personality disorder thinks.

(This is called an " ego syntonic " state: the person's behaviors and thoughts are

not distressing to them.)

>

> So, take heart. It is not very likely that you have a personality disorder,

and so you have the capacity to improve whatever parts of your behaviors that

you want to.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her mother

and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list. I have

a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late, having

come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost patience

with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I might be

repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens of friends,

and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years in just a

couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that is

completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she still

has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions. GRRR!!!

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are awesome Annie! Thankyou.

Sent from my iPhone which makes me very cool and gives me the appearance of

being important and technologically savvy.

> Those of us raised by bpd parents tend to acquire bpd-like behaviors (or

" fleas " ) because these dysfunctional behaviors were modeled to us as " normal "

and OK " by our parents. Children absorb their native language and their culture

and their beliefs and their family dynamic, because that is what they are

exposed to every day.

>

> The good news is that if you are *aware* that your reactions to your emotions

are perhaps extreme or inappropriate, and not very much under your control, and

you are aware that your behaviors are not desirable because they are hurting

your children or yourself or your spouse or other relationships (or all of the

above) then that means *you have the capacity to learn how to self-monitor and

self-regulate* the way you respond to your emotions.

>

> Our brains are not mis-wired like the brains of those with personality

disorder. We non-pd individuals can actually *perceive* when we do or say

something that is counterproductive, inappropriate and/or harmful. We can

*accept personal responsibility* for our acts and words, and we can feel guilt

when we do things that hurt others, because we have the characteristics or

qualities of empathy and remorse and a conscience.

>

> So, yes: even if you sometimes display bpd-like behaviors or " bpd fleas " , the

fact that this distresses you is a good thing. It means you have the potential

to change the things you don't like.

>

> Those with bpd never question themselves, they feel perfectly entitled and

justified to think and feel and behave however they feel like; nothing is ever

their own fault, its always someone else or some event outside their control

that causes all their problems. The person with pd is always the innocent

victim.

>

> Such individuals rarely if ever seek therapy because they don't desire to

change.

> " Why should I go to a therapist? There's nothing wrong with me! YOU are the

one who needs therapy! " is the way someone with personality disorder thinks.

(This is called an " ego syntonic " state: the person's behaviors and thoughts are

not distressing to them.)

>

> So, take heart. It is not very likely that you have a personality disorder,

and so you have the capacity to improve whatever parts of your behaviors that

you want to.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her mother

and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list. I have

a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late, having

come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost patience

with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I might be

repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens of friends,

and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years in just a

couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that is

completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she still

has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions. GRRR!!!

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do. 

________________________________

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do. 

________________________________

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do. 

________________________________

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

[Guest guest]

All of us do this, because we were all questioned, and told we were defective as

children. It is a hard job to rewire. We are not electricians. Even as a

therapist that helps others, I still find myself using the old automatic

thoughts, and have to re-program. Some days I get it right, and some days

nada's messages are louder. I hate those days. They put me in my cave, and my

cave is dark and lonely!

Bill Hade

billfunnyman@...

Re: Re: Fear of repeating history

I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do.

________________________________

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

[Guest guest]

All of us do this, because we were all questioned, and told we were defective as

children. It is a hard job to rewire. We are not electricians. Even as a

therapist that helps others, I still find myself using the old automatic

thoughts, and have to re-program. Some days I get it right, and some days

nada's messages are louder. I hate those days. They put me in my cave, and my

cave is dark and lonely!

Bill Hade

billfunnyman@...

Re: Re: Fear of repeating history

I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do.

________________________________

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

[Guest guest]

All of us do this, because we were all questioned, and told we were defective as

children. It is a hard job to rewire. We are not electricians. Even as a

therapist that helps others, I still find myself using the old automatic

thoughts, and have to re-program. Some days I get it right, and some days

nada's messages are louder. I hate those days. They put me in my cave, and my

cave is dark and lonely!

Bill Hade

billfunnyman@...

Re: Re: Fear of repeating history

I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do.

________________________________

I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever catch

yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to change, I

should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be stronger, why am

I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that I was

tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do at

times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

One day at a time...

[Guest guest]

It was most definitely to anyone listening :-)

The light went on last year when a friend said that I was always putting myself

down, saying I messed up about everything that happens. She said something about

the little girl in me....and I started to cry. I could just see me as a little

girl, so scared and conflicted and confused.

Now when I get mat at myself, I visualize me as a little girl, sitting curled up

trying to console my little self. Breaks my heart and I want to hug her and tell

her that I am there to protect her....even from me.

>

> I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do. 

>

> ________________________________

>

>

>

> I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever

catch yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to

change, I should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be

stronger, why am I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that

I was tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do

at times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

>

> One day at a time...

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It was most definitely to anyone listening :-)

The light went on last year when a friend said that I was always putting myself

down, saying I messed up about everything that happens. She said something about

the little girl in me....and I started to cry. I could just see me as a little

girl, so scared and conflicted and confused.

Now when I get mat at myself, I visualize me as a little girl, sitting curled up

trying to console my little self. Breaks my heart and I want to hug her and tell

her that I am there to protect her....even from me.

>

> I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do. 

>

> ________________________________

>

>

>

> I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever

catch yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to

change, I should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be

stronger, why am I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that

I was tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do

at times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

>

> One day at a time...

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It was most definitely to anyone listening :-)

The light went on last year when a friend said that I was always putting myself

down, saying I messed up about everything that happens. She said something about

the little girl in me....and I started to cry. I could just see me as a little

girl, so scared and conflicted and confused.

Now when I get mat at myself, I visualize me as a little girl, sitting curled up

trying to console my little self. Breaks my heart and I want to hug her and tell

her that I am there to protect her....even from me.

>

> I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES! I

do. 

>

> ________________________________

>

>

>

> I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever

catch yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to

change, I should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be

stronger, why am I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that

I was tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do

at times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

>

> One day at a time...

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Take a look at this book:

*It's never too late to be happy : reparenting yourself for happiness.*

by , Muriel.

> **

>

>

> It was most definitely to anyone listening :-)

>

> The light went on last year when a friend said that I was always putting

> myself down, saying I messed up about everything that happens. She said

> something about the little girl in me....and I started to cry. I could just

> see me as a little girl, so scared and conflicted and confused.

>

> Now when I get mat at myself, I visualize me as a little girl, sitting

> curled up trying to console my little self. Breaks my heart and I want to

> hug her and tell her that I am there to protect her....even from me.

>

>

> >

> > I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG

> -YES! I do.Â

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> >

> >

> > I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you

> ever catch yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I

> have to change, I should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I

> should be stronger, why am I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever

> met told me that I was tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for

> falling and still do at times, but getting better at recognizing the

> pattern.

> >

> > One day at a time...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Take a look at this book:

*It's never too late to be happy : reparenting yourself for happiness.*

by , Muriel.

> **

>

>

> It was most definitely to anyone listening :-)

>

> The light went on last year when a friend said that I was always putting

> myself down, saying I messed up about everything that happens. She said

> something about the little girl in me....and I started to cry. I could just

> see me as a little girl, so scared and conflicted and confused.

>

> Now when I get mat at myself, I visualize me as a little girl, sitting

> curled up trying to console my little self. Breaks my heart and I want to

> hug her and tell her that I am there to protect her....even from me.

>

>

> >

> > I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG

> -YES! I do.Â

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> >

> >

> > I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you

> ever catch yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I

> have to change, I should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I

> should be stronger, why am I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever

> met told me that I was tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for

> falling and still do at times, but getting better at recognizing the

> pattern.

> >

> > One day at a time...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I used to have the " flea " of perfectionistic behavior. I was very hard on

myself, similar to what you have described RE your behaviors toward yourself.

I'm willing to bet that I absorbed this behavior from my bpd mother, who also

had obsessive-compulsive personality disorder behaviors: rigid rules,

controlling, unable to delegate, perfectionism. It took me decades to get over

most of the perfectionism. I think I was only able to do it because I stopped

having frequent contact with my parents. But I kind of compartmentalized it;

I've kept something of the perfectionism in my work. I work alone, though, so

I'm not inflicting it on other people.

So, in a way being extremely self-critical was like obligingly beating myself up

for my nada, in her absence, and probably seeking her approval. She wasn't

right there putting me down in person, so I did it for her. I don't do this

nearly as much as I used to, and really only involving my work situation. Maybe

part of this mellowing out is just due to getting older? I don't have much

objectivity, so I can't say for sure.

I've heard that specific behaviors like the rumination and self-castigating that

you described, respond well to therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy,

which gives you tools to redirect your thinking into more positive channels.

-Annie

> >

> > I'm not sure if you asking this in general or just to the OP, but OMG -YES!

I do. 

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> >

> >

> > I have to ask, are you particularly hard on yourself? Meaning, do you ever

catch yourself saying things like, why did I do this, I messed up, I have to

change, I should not have done this, I will have to fix this, I should be

stronger, why am I so weak? I ask, because everyone I have ever met told me that

I was tremendously hard on myself. I'd beat myself up for falling and still do

at times, but getting better at recognizing the pattern.

> >

> > One day at a time...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

We all have fleas that we have unintentionally inherited from our BPD's. It

doesn't suprise me that you come from a " lone lineage of BPD " since your

ancestors just taught what they were taught. But bravo to you and to all of us

that are making the conscience decision to break the cycle of abnormal behavior

and mental illness....

I actually had a " flea " arise the other day when I got into a confontation with

a friend of mine. We were drinking alcohol and of course that sometimes leads to

regrettable behavior.... My friend snapped at me and I immediately burst out in

tears. But I haven't been able to forgive her for it even though she has called

numerous times to apologize. I was talking to my therapist about it when she

says to me " everyone makes mistakes and if this is not a 'dealbreaker' for you

and you want to continue the friendship then you need to accept the apology and

move on. If you cut everyone out of your life who makes a mistake, you are going

to be very lonely. "

That is when it hit me....

I am reacting on a " flea " .... All of us never had a definition of normal handed

to us so unfortunately we have to establish our own sense of normal.

Its a great step that you are aware of the abnormal behavior. It lies in all of

us so don't be frightened.... That fact that you are reaching out and realizing

that its not good is a good thing.

AJ

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>

[Guest guest]

We all have fleas that we have unintentionally inherited from our BPD's. It

doesn't suprise me that you come from a " lone lineage of BPD " since your

ancestors just taught what they were taught. But bravo to you and to all of us

that are making the conscience decision to break the cycle of abnormal behavior

and mental illness....

I actually had a " flea " arise the other day when I got into a confontation with

a friend of mine. We were drinking alcohol and of course that sometimes leads to

regrettable behavior.... My friend snapped at me and I immediately burst out in

tears. But I haven't been able to forgive her for it even though she has called

numerous times to apologize. I was talking to my therapist about it when she

says to me " everyone makes mistakes and if this is not a 'dealbreaker' for you

and you want to continue the friendship then you need to accept the apology and

move on. If you cut everyone out of your life who makes a mistake, you are going

to be very lonely. "

That is when it hit me....

I am reacting on a " flea " .... All of us never had a definition of normal handed

to us so unfortunately we have to establish our own sense of normal.

Its a great step that you are aware of the abnormal behavior. It lies in all of

us so don't be frightened.... That fact that you are reaching out and realizing

that its not good is a good thing.

AJ

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>

[Guest guest]

We all have fleas that we have unintentionally inherited from our BPD's. It

doesn't suprise me that you come from a " lone lineage of BPD " since your

ancestors just taught what they were taught. But bravo to you and to all of us

that are making the conscience decision to break the cycle of abnormal behavior

and mental illness....

I actually had a " flea " arise the other day when I got into a confontation with

a friend of mine. We were drinking alcohol and of course that sometimes leads to

regrettable behavior.... My friend snapped at me and I immediately burst out in

tears. But I haven't been able to forgive her for it even though she has called

numerous times to apologize. I was talking to my therapist about it when she

says to me " everyone makes mistakes and if this is not a 'dealbreaker' for you

and you want to continue the friendship then you need to accept the apology and

move on. If you cut everyone out of your life who makes a mistake, you are going

to be very lonely. "

That is when it hit me....

I am reacting on a " flea " .... All of us never had a definition of normal handed

to us so unfortunately we have to establish our own sense of normal.

Its a great step that you are aware of the abnormal behavior. It lies in all of

us so don't be frightened.... That fact that you are reaching out and realizing

that its not good is a good thing.

AJ

>

> Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

>