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Fear of repeating history

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Hi group. I come from a long lineage of BPD. Both my Grandmother and great

Grandmother had it. My Nada, who is a product of an environment where her

mother and grandmother lived together for many years is the third in this list.

I have a great fear of falling into this cycle of mental illness. As of late,

having come to terms with my own Nada's mental illness, any time I have lost

patience with my 3 & 4 year old children I have gotten a wave of fear that I

might be repeating the cycle. AM I BPD? I know it's not true. I have dozens

of friends, and have been married to a wonderful woman for what will be 10 years

in just a couple of weeks. We have had a very calm, nurturing relationship that

is completely opposite what I have witnessed between my own family for years. I

have no problems fostering and nurturing relationships, and I never use guilt as

a weapon. Do any of you have this same phobia? Do you question yourself every

time you lose your temper even in the slightest? Do you question yourself if

something bad happens that might depress you? It is amazing to me that she

still has this control over my emotions to where I question my emotions.

GRRR!!!

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