Let the moneygrubbing begin!

May 1, 2012

Hello my friends. I'm visting today to let all of you know that, as it turns

out, I was not the moneygrubbing thief my Nada has claimed me to be. No, all

these years while I have been caring for my rapidly aging mother (soon to be 90

years old), and all these years while I have been attacked by her rages, accused

of stealing, taken all my vacation time and gone into unpaid leave to care for

her, received several bloody lips from getting headbutted when I have tried to

give her a kiss on the forehead…I have never taken a penny. In fact I've gone

to great extremes to protect her financial situation to make sure she is able to

stay in her own home while receiving the absolute best care available. Still,

when she changed the locks on her house and gave the only extra key to my

sister, I continued to be accused of coming into her home and stealing. When I

threw my hands up and walked away, the checkbook was never balanced again, but

money was withdrawn and new accounts were set up for reasons unknown to me. All

of these accusations led me to feel like a criminal to do do things like hold my

urine when I visited Nada so I didn't go to the bathroom down the hall and

subject myself to being accused of taking something while I was unattended near

her bedroom. My reputation within my family is in ruins because of what my Nada

has said about me.

Regarding Nada's will - I have maintained a policy that what is in it is her

business and her business alone. And in case I didn't make this clear – Nada is

alive. So why am I bringing up the will? Well –that's because my sister is

very interested in what is in it and has begun to hypothetically try to

calculate what she will get when Nada passes away. Some of these maneuverings

are being done because my sister is trying to plan her retirement and may try to

stay with Nada a few nights a week to help care for her, but you will have to

excuse my skepticism about her motives. My sister has been the only one

discussing the will over the years, she has taken my mom to the attorney's

office several times. What changes have been made, I have no idea. Now, I'm

being told the will has disappeared from the file cabinet for about the third

time and I'm thinking it's all another ploy to have a revision. Over the years

I have removed myself from discussions where Nada has tried to discuss her final

affairs because I knew it was just a way for her to create unrest in the thread

of a relationship I have with my sister. I have skirted questions regarding who

gets what, been accused of stealing precious momentos that belonged to my Dad

only to find out they had been given away to others as Christmas gifts. I have

had my heart broken over the sentimental value of material things and never felt

I could say anything because of my reputation as a thief. I have seen my Mom's

house start to look a " little lighter " in terms of what is on display in the

china cabinet and wondered where things have gone, but I could never say a word

because I am the moneygrubbing daughter.

Now comes my sister with renewed interest in asking questions about what's in

the will, how much money Nada has, what will happen to stuff when she dies. She

has now asked me to take her to the bank to add her name to accounts she is not

on. I feel vindicated and horrified at the same time. I also feel so alone.

Here and there I feel angry and disappointed in myself as a human because I want

people to know what my sister is doing. I want to say " look at the two of us –

I'm the one who was the good kid after all. " Why is it so hard to stop caring

what other people think?

I'm stopping here because I'm too emotional and I'm rambling as it is, but I

just want it in writing that I was not the thief and the moneygrubber. It was

never me – never.

Tag

May 1, 2012

Hi Tag,

(((((((Tag)))))))

Yes, it really hurts; it cuts to the bone to be accused by someone you love and

care for, of doing something horrible to them, when you are entirely innocent.

One of the main reasons I went No Contact with my nada a few years before she

died was that nada had begun accusing Sister and me (and even Sister's son) of

only wanting to contact her when we wanted something from her. That cut us to

the quick, and felt like a punch in the stomach to me. That accusation had to

feel even worse to my Sister, who, like yourself, had been giving our nada SO

much of her free time for so many years, (Sister took nada shopping, helped nada

sell her house and move twice, did her yearly taxes, took her to appointments,

etc.) acting as an unpaid part-time caregiver and chauffeur. And yet, nada

apparently felt entitled to ALL of Sister's free time, and complained of neglect

no matter how often Sister came over. And then accused Sister (and me) of just

wanting her money!!! In retrospect, I think that my nada was beginning to

evidence the more extreme paranoia and delusional thinking of senile

dementia/Alzheimer's, even as far back as 7 or 8 years before her death. I

just thought it was her regular bpd delusional thinking and paranoia on

steroids.

I'm not good with money myself, but I have a feeling that if there is any

financial wrongdoing going on RE your nada's money, an examination of the actual

books and the signed checks and the records of the withdrawals will show that it

wasn't you. You will be vindicated.

Weddings and financial issues seem to bring out the very worst aspects and

behaviors of those with personality disorders. I hope your sister doesn't turn

out to be a bad guy and doesn't totally exploit your nada and you and leach off

all your nada's financial resources.

I feel for you, and wish the best for you.

-Annie

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> Hello my friends. I'm visting today to let all of you know that, as it turns